Well maybe some one will help.

What should I do if I have found my wife for 11 years is GAY and wants to be a man in a relationship. We have a 7 year old son and she has an 18 year old daughter. I have 2 children of my own that no longer lives with us for the reason of they heard a conversation with myself and the wife.

I have tried to discuss the problem with the wife but she insists that is was she wants so what to do.

I found out 2 years ago that she had this feeling and now it has came to where she will go out and get a hotel with her girlfriend and spend the night.

I don't want to tear my 7 year olds life apart and my 18 year old step daughter I have had for years. My step daughter knows about her mom and wants me to leave and her and my son go with me I thought that would look odd and every one else would too. My step daughter takes care of the house cause her mom will work 3 nights a week and in class during the day(married a want to be school girl for ever) and when she is not in class she is a sleep she don't do anything as far as house work or anything like that she just barely will fix hot dogs for our son when I'm not there and my step daughter is not there. SO SOME ONE GIVE ME SOME ADVISE?? :(

Time for someone to leave, as she has already ended things with you.

Tell her get her butt out!!

It's over. First, she is finally being honest about her sexual orientation and she wants to be with a woman, not a man. Second, she cheated on you! Separating and moving on with your lives will make a much healthier/happier life for your son then if he grows up in a loveless, cheating household.

You are worried about what will look odd? Things are already odd.

Do you have a full time job? How old is your step daughter?

Well we have came to a decision and we figure that if we act like there is nothing wrong then we will keep our son happy but I know one day he will find the truth out but it would destroy him because his life is dad and mom. If this is a good thing I don't know cause it is driving me in sane but keeping him happy.

No I am self employed and she is 18.

I will return in a couple hours

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by fmucikeked

Well we have came to a decision and we figure that if we act like there is nothing wrong then we will keep our son happy but i know one day he will find the truth out but it would destroy him because his life is dad and mom. If this is a good thing i dont know cause it is driving me in sane but keeping him happy.

---

Bad answer... no... wrong...

Staying together for the kids is not healthy.

It is better for your son to learn that parents don't always stay together but that they can still love him just the same than to grow up watching such a dysfunctional relationship. Don't do that to him. Life is full of surprises, gay people, disappointments, and divorce. I would rather learn that lesson than be lied to by my parents my entire childhood... very destructive.

What are you going to do when the kid is old enough to know better? "Sorry we couldn't keep the lie going longer, son..."

Bad answer... no... wrong...

Kids are not stupid. They pick up on what is going on in the house. Down the road, he will resent you for lying to him. Also, what kind of parents will you be if you are so unhappy?

Let me just add that I have an 11 yr old with a now gay woman... my ex-wife.

We split up about a year before she realized that she was gay.

She has been with her girlfriend for about 6 years now and my daughter loves all 3 of us. She now knows the relationship between her mom and her mom's girlfriend and is totally fine with it.

Kids grow up fast these days. They know and understand more than you may realize.

How do you break something like that to a child and how in hell would I explain that his whole world has got to change because his father can't take the stuff that is going on in his life. And I have chosen my happiness over his, when I first found out I left for a couple of days and my step daughter called me crying cause my son was crying because daddy was gone and that daddy left because he was un happy. So I really don't know I grew up with out my mom or dad in my life my grandparents raised me and for a long time I felt like I had done something to make my parents hate me and now my father he lives with me and my mother don't call just to say hi or happy birthday so I know how I felt not know mom and dad so I don't know about telling him cause its hard to deal with I know both would be hard but I think by me leaving will hurt him worse and of coarse where I am at if I walk out then it is called abandonment and of coarse I will be in court and no foot to stand on and may loose my son for ever.

Splitting up with your wife, doesn't mean abandoning your son. Think about it. If you stay in his life, and give love, that's what matters, not leaving him in a dysfunctional, unhappy home.

Your willing to sacrifice is commendable, but your logic is flawed. Bet he would want a happy, healthy, parent, than an insane one.

You can separate from your wife without laying all this on your son. You don't need to tell him everything, just that the family needs to make some changes, mommy and daddy will be living in separate houses, and he'll be spending time with both mommy and daddy separately in the future. End of story. Tell him you both love him and his sisters do to and he'll continue to see all of you. Then try to stay calm and arrange a financial situation that's good for both you and your wife, so there's not constant stress for your son. Try to calm down if you can. This too shall pass and you will find yourself happier on the other side.

It's apparent that your wife has been trying to spend as little time as possible at home, a sign that she's been deeply unhappy for a long time. Since you work at home you should be able to be there for your son when he's with you. If your step daughter wants to live with you she can, but at 18 it may be time for her to go to college or similar. Don't try to make her replace her mother and be the boy's mother. That's unfair to her. She should have her own life.

You know I do agree with all and of coarse this has came to the point to where I don't understand myself. As talaniman said yes I completely understand where you are coming from and I have tried and tried to make myself understand that. But my wife is unwilling to go along with a separation and live in different homes she threatens to never let me see him and threatens to go and get a restraining order because she says that's all she has to do is say that I have hit her and threatened her life and trust when I say where I live they are pro woman I have spoken to several lawyers and they have told me the real only way out is to get proof of her affair and I have to do it while she knows because if I record or take pictures with out her consent the judge won't hear of it and try to turn it around if I could get her to confess as she is aware of her being recorded then there would not be a legal situation. But the courts would find me in abandonment not myself but I would still feel bad because of my son also if I could get her to confess of her lesbian acts then I would be able to take custody of my son and like I said that would destroy him. But I am getting closer and closer of figuring out exactly what to do.

Asking
I would never put that on my daughter and yes I call her my daughter. But I don't work at home I am a contractor and do telecommunication work in the field. So while I am gone some one has to take charge and my daughter did that long a go when my wife stopped doing for the house and son. She never had my daugter until we got together and I made her go and take care of her responsibility as a mother and my daughters father has been in prison for the last 12 years. My daughter and I spend a lot of time together hell she even shops for the food for the house and cooks when I'm not there and I have tried to make her stop but it like goig against a bull. LOL

I'm in sort of the reverse situation: I'm gay and my to-be-ex wife is taking it pretty hard. I'd say you are holding up amazingly well based on what I've heard.

There seems to be a bit of a double-standard here. If the wife is the one who says she's gay no one seems to make much of it other than to tell you that it's over between you and that you should move on down the line. If the guy is the one who is gay (like me) everyone calls you every dirty name in the book and tells you you owe the wife apologies the rest of your life.

It's the toughest of situations for the both of you and I agree, you have to move on. Best of luck with it all.

So how did your wife deal with the sit. I do you have children that is involved.

I think your wife is very selfish. She wants the benefits of being marry but wants to have her own lifestyle. Using your son as a pawn is wrong and threating to file false claims against you is more wrong. She knows how much you value family and she is using that against you, I hope you record everything that she say. Walk around with a voice recorder so you can have proof.

Your son might not fully understand what is going on and like you said he think you left because you was unhappy and you never know what his mother is filling his head with. As he gets older he will understand and counseling might be needed for him too. Stay in his life and show him love and show your other kids that too.

Maybe it time to hire a PI, they are expensive, but I wouldn't trust your wife especially with all the threats she has already made. It's good to hear how much you care about your kids including her and it's sad that after 11years it has to come to this. This lady only care about herself and her needs so be watch yourself.