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-   -   Husband won't work (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=30311)

  • Jul 27, 2006, 03:58 AM
    60326044
    My husband won't work right now either. He used to make a good salary. He has decided he is going to be a real estate agent. He has been one for 10 months and has contributed 4,000.00 to our expenses this year. We have financial responsibilities like two mortgages, cars, insurance, etc. and I have had to make all payments myself out of my business. At the end of the year when it comes time to pay my taxes I am not going to have any. Does anyone know if you can file anything in court to make the other spouse pay their end of the financial obligations? My credit is very important to me so I have been paying all of our bills for that reason only. The mortgage company isn't going to let me pay just my half obviously, so I have to pay everything just to keep our credit good. We have our house on the market, but things are moving out there right now.

    Fed up
  • Jul 27, 2006, 07:51 AM
    Wildcat21
    Well... first STEP is communication... you have to talk with him - and do it NICELY... I suspect you're a pretty stubborn person and not easy top talk to - right?

    Real Estate agents DO NOT make good money over night - eventually they make GREAT money - you don't see the forrest through the trees here at all. It's truly unbelivable career, but the first couple years can be difficult.

    BUT, you shouldn't be here, you should be sitting down talking with him - BUT, I suspect you get all upset immediately - by the tone of your post you seem more concerned about business than your husaband, relationship, loving, etc.

    Somethimng is very wrong in your relationship if can't talk about basic stuff like this. Sounds like your credit is more important than him.
  • Jul 27, 2006, 09:28 AM
    valinors_sorrow
    It sounds like one person's established business is being jeopardised by another's new business, without much in the way of any guidelines or even a plan. And to back it up, there is a personal relationship, a marriage even, that doesn't seem to have developed much balance in the "me, you and us" departments. This won't solve by playing each person for themselves even though that may be your instinct and I can appreciate that too. The reality is that you are both in this together so now is the time to develop some really good communication and negotiating skills and like Wildcat said, get busy talking and talking and talking some more. If the talking proves to be too difficult, then do as my husband and I did --seek help from a professional. You have a lot at stake here -- marriage, two careers and both your personal finances -- and so its worth giving it your best shot.
  • Jul 27, 2006, 09:53 AM
    Dr D
    It is true that Real Estate can be an unbelievable career with great earning potential. Unfortunately, I think it has been proven that 10% of the Realtors make 90% of the money. Too many new agents think that they can just sit by the phone at the office, and money will pour in. A person needs the self discipline to spend hours doing mundane tasks to generate business. It is so easy to take long lunches, and revel in the freedom that comes with that job. Unless a person has back up savings or adequate other income, I would never advise anyone to quit a good paying job to jump into Real Estate full time. It might be time for the husband and wife to sit down and have a heart to heart reality check. By the way, I sold Real Estate for about six years, and have been doing mortgages for the past 23 years. I hope that you resolve the situation before it is too late. Good luck.
  • Jul 27, 2006, 03:30 PM
    Skell
    You have received GREAT advice so far. You really need to look at the relationship here as well as the money issue.
    I would suggest though that you try and keep it out of the courts. Do you really think it would be healthy taking your husband to court?
    WOW. I wouldn't even think of doing that to someone I loved unless it was the last option and it sounds as though you aren't at your last optioin yet!
    Talk to him about this and try and formulate a plan.
  • Jul 30, 2006, 07:25 PM
    s_cianci
    Unfortunately when a married couple has joint debts and obligations they have to be paid one way or another and nobody is going to care who contributes the most, just as long as they get paid. Getting a court order would be futile as the judge would only say that the bills have to be paid, period. Unfortunately you are the one carrying the great majority of the load. Of course that might not be bad in and of itself but if your husband's earning power only amounts to $4,000 in 10 months then you and he need to scale down your standard of living as you obviously can't afford two mortgages. Your husband either needs to find a new line of work or stay at home and be a househusband while you provide for the financial needs for your family. You say he used to make a good salary so maybe he should return to his former line of work. It doesn't sound like real estate's working out out very well for him.
  • Jul 30, 2006, 09:56 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    The legal paper is called a divorce decree, where you divorce a non working spouse and file for child support or he goes to jail.

    He needs to go back to working a paycheck job and working real estate part time.

    He is not doing his repsonbiltiy, I would basically have a long talk withhim and then another and another until he goes back to work
  • Jul 31, 2006, 05:31 AM
    talaniman
    Restructuring your budget is a must, even life style changes are in order, but you both should have already talked about it and made plans to get through as his business grows. We all have the right to better ourselves man or woman so start talking and MAKE this work. Do it together!
  • Jul 31, 2006, 05:39 AM
    fredg
    HI,
    The first step is to see a Marriage Counselor, both together at the same time.
    If you can't talk him into it, then talk with a Lawyer.
    Don't wait until you have to declare bankruptsy. Your husband either doesn't know anything about what he's doing to the finances, or he just doesn't care.
    You also didn't mention how long you have been married.
    I am 64, divorced after my 1st. 7 yrs of marriage, now remarried for 29 yrs.
    Again, if your husband doesn't want to go with you and talk about this with a Counselor, then see a Lawyer. Get started on Separation Papers, and take the lawyer's advice. It's already obvious that your husband doesn't want to make any changes with his income, and you can't make it for both of you by yourself.
    I do wish you the best, and good luck.

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