Its been 2 years since the last confirmed time but for almost all of the first 2 years of our relationship he cheated on me and lied to my face about even when I had proof. He's really persuasive and ended up making me feel bad about invading his privacy even though I pretty much knew what he was doing. He's sorry now for making me feel bad and all. Its just that it was several times and EVERY time but one(he told me about it after he realized how much he loved me and didn't want to lose me so he told me everything, mostly) I knew about before he told me and every time he would say he was sorry and that he would never do it again.

He only cheated once after we got married but every time I get that same feeling I completely revert back to when he was doing it ALL the time. He lets me go through his texts and he'd give me his email passwords if I asked (which I don't anymore so a little progress) but sometimes I feel like its all just a charade and that he's just got that good at lying to me and covering things up. Which, by the way is next to impossible.

He lets me in to every part of his life, he pretty much has no privacy. Sometimes though things just don't add up and it's that same shady feeling. I have no way to confirm whether my doubts are true in these situations. I just think that if its been two years since the last confirmed time AND he's doing everything he can why can't I seem to trust him again? I know he's getting tired of having to prove himself but I don't know how to trust him again. Please someone give me some advice, I love this man and I don't want to live without him but I know I can't keep living like this and I know he's getting tired and I'm afraid I'm starting to make him resent me.

Personally, it was his fault, not yours.
So, you shouldn't have to apologize for anything.
He cheated multiple times, and thought that he could get away with it.
He's taking advantage of the fact that he knows you'll forgive him after each affair.

If this ever happens again, tell him it's the final straw.
No woman should have to have put up with a man like that.
If he was having feelings of cheating, he should have confronted you about it
Instead of making the decision to go and cheat.

Seeing how he hasn't done anything since the last encounter shows that he is trying to make things better, but there are issues within yourself that you have to work on in order to fully trust your husband again.

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope everything goes well.
But remember, work on yourself and your personal issues as well.

It takes a long time to get trust back once its been broken so many times and you may need the right help to guide you, but don't expect it to happen soon, as it could be years of him being on good behavior.

In any case, he shouldn't be resentful, nor should you feel guilty about what he has done to break the trust, or the way you react, and deal with it.

You need a lot of time, and he needs to understand it. He should be grateful you are still there, if he is NOT..!

I know the feeling, I feel bad for you because I know every emotion you are having right now. It's the hardest thing. I hope you find the peace that you deserve. Just know there are women out there feel the same feelings you do, you are not alone.

I can totally relate to what your feeling right now, same thing is happening to me and my hubby. Even if how many times they apologize and try to gain our trust still there is a big question mark if this is real or not.

Though one thing I realize, I stop thinking of any negative thoughts and focus more on myself. I went to salon, have a massage, go out with friends, in short beautify thyself... it's a great feeling afterwards.