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    farkhanda's Avatar
    farkhanda Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Sep 18, 2010, 06:54 AM
    I have over possessive husband.what should I do?
    Soon after nuptial, the very day my husband left for states leaving me hind.. we have a healthy relationship since then.we talk over phones and occasionally web cam.. he is coming back after a month for a proper wedding and I shall live with him after that.. as the days are coming closer , he's is reating bit over possesive about me, he keep on saying that I am his wife and I shall do and perform according to him.. he doesn't let me go out alone and gets offended if I go for shopping or coffee somewhere.he insists I should always take friends or family.. I find this absurd.. n the reason he gives me that he loves me and he can't trust people .I am litrally hating it.I just fought with him and told him I don't care.. its my life and I am like this.. since then he's not talking to me.. I miss him... what should I do and how can I make up with him:(
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #2

    Sep 18, 2010, 08:16 AM

    Was he fine with you going out on your own before he left? Is it a cultural norm for him to be more concerned once he is married to you?

    If it is the norm in your culture to become more possesive once married, that can be a reason for his change in behaviour.

    Could something have happened with anyone he knows... perhaps he heard of someone's wife having an affair or knows of a man who has had an affair and it caused him to worry. Could other people be telling him that he needs to be more controlling of you?

    While he says he can't trust people, he should be able to trust you! He should trust that you are going to make proper decisions that are respectful to your marriage.

    If he loves you and trusts you, he shouldn't suddenly become controlling. I would ask him why he has had this change... what is the reason for it if he was OK you going out before.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Sep 18, 2010, 10:26 AM

    Stick to your guns, and he will either come around, or keep acting like an insecure male, or treat you with the dignity, and respect that you deserve. If you give in, then expect more behavior like you are getting now. I know you miss him, but he has to miss you also, and respect who you are.
    Allie602's Avatar
    Allie602 Posts: 62, Reputation: 18
    Junior Member
    		  
    #4

    Sep 18, 2010, 07:04 PM
    If it is the norm for your culture then the problem may be deep seated. Is he expected to control his wife according to your culture? If he does not, will he may lose face and respect in your community. Did you two discuss how your relationship would deviate from your cultural norm before marriage and come to an agreement? Can you provide more information to get useful assistance?
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