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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
    Ultra Member
     
    #21

    Feb 1, 2007, 04:00 PM
    Quite frankly I doubt he goes.
    rarebird62's Avatar
    rarebird62 Posts: 4, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #22

    Mar 18, 2007, 05:28 AM
    Hi, apheliona, I too, am in a similar situation. It is good that you are both getting counseling. However, I understand how hard it is to leave. But, you are not alone. Sometimes we have to exhaust every possibility to make it work in a marriage in order to leave so that we can live with ourselves. You are questioning whether you should leave. That's a start. You know in your gut that you don't deserve this abuse. NO ONE DOES. You are NOT at fault for his reaction to you. Don't take the blame for his actions. (I have a real problem with blaming myself that I'm working on). Get clarity through counseling and help through your local Woman helping Battered Woman's group. They are really great. They will not pressure you, but can answer questions for you and support your decisions. Remember the most important thing is to stay SAFE. They can help you with a safety plan for yourself. There are many many reasons woman stay in these types of situations. Do a search on the internet on Domestic Abuse and READ... educate yourself and learn about this. Get strong. And most of all PRAY.
    The future is a scary thing. The unknown. But, if you do leave, and meet someone else, you can learn to see warning signs of potential abusers. There is hope, and always, ALWAYS remember you are NOT alone. Best of luck.
    LovesAnimals's Avatar
    LovesAnimals Posts: 54, Reputation: 6
    Junior Member
     
    #23

    Apr 13, 2010, 02:37 PM
    Hi... I just got done going through a long horrible ordeal trying to make a marriage work after domestic violence. I realized that not only had I been subjected to physical there was far more emotional abuse...

    I really really wanted my marriage to work. I put up with occational throwing and breaking things and when I finally stood up for myself then the physical began. Tell, me after the first physical outburst how quickly did the other three occur? Once they've reached that level it's so hard to turn back...

    We tried counseling and we jumped from counselor to counselor until he found one that didn't deal with the abuse part. Shoot I didn't even think I was abused at first just that he got angry sometimes and couldn't control it.

    I started a thread on here Feb of last year and I'm been through so much since then. We were married for almost 8 years. If you are in an abuse relationship you probably have codependency issued, I know I do... and that's why you are afraid of the unknown. Isn't it better to be alone and love yourself than be with someone who doesn't treat you right. I used to not think so but now I do...

    I think if you both truly are trying and want to make the marriage work you should work on yourselves separately and without contact. Only time will show if there is any change. From experience the abuser doesn't have patience for that.

    I bet you fear just another bad relationship because he's put that in your head. My husband did that, saying that might as well fix ours because there will be something wrong with any relationship and at least he doesn't cheat. He said the next guy will probably cheat and who knows what else. I finally told him it's not his concern and I will never stay with someone that doesn't treat me right.

    Don't be afraid of what's out there and don't be afraid to love again. Yeah there is a chance to get hurt again (emotionally or otherwise) by putting yourself out there but there is also the chance to find happiness and enjoyment too!

    It took me a while to get it but we are in charge of our own lives and what we want out of them. Take a long look at everything... Don't spend 8 years trying to figure it out... life is short.

    Well, that's just my take on things...
    LovesAnimals
    mountainpinelake's Avatar
    mountainpinelake Posts: 25, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #24

    Jul 11, 2010, 04:58 AM
    Comment on apheliona's post
    Wow - empathy even 3 year later when you have probably changed things. How is it going now?
    mountainpinelake's Avatar
    mountainpinelake Posts: 25, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #25

    Jul 11, 2010, 05:00 AM
    Comment on apheliona's post
    Someone else will be taking a risk with him and most likely end up leaving too.

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