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    Can I go to Africa and marry my boyfriend I haven't met?

    Asked Oct 4, 2012, 05:58 AM ó 35 Answers
    I met my Nigerian boyfriend on line and although it was just chatting at first in February this year, we grow closer and ended up falling in love. We want to marry but the laws have changed. We donít know how or what to do about arrangements and what arrangements we need to do. I am not working and am in fact on disability.

    I have read all the negative things and all the positive things that has been said on the net about Nigerians wanting to marry white woman for a visa, but to be honest with you, my boyfriend has not asked for anything like that from me and although I never thought it was possible to fall for anyone on the net. I have and we just keep hitting one brick wall after another.

    I know we both want to be together but donít know how to or what to do, is it possible for me to go to Dakar, Senegal so that we can be together? Would I be able to go to Africa to marry my boyfriend?

    Last edited by talaniman; Oct 5, 2012 at 08:26 PM.
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    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 80,482, Reputation: 7606
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    #21

    Oct 5, 2012, 03:42 AM


    First there is no such thing as one type of Nigerian man, some are quiet, some lound, some bossy, some not. You have to know what your person is like, have to talk over all sorts of what ifs in marriage, what they believe and so on.

    I know 100's of Nigerian men and women, and Ghanan and more of African nationality.
    Many are forceful and believe they run the family, and that they control the women, but others do not, You have to find out what your person is like, there is no one type
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    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,703, Reputation: 2581
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    #22

    Oct 5, 2012, 11:42 AM
    You are looking for people to tell you it is OK for you to marru this men you don't know, have never met. No reason to start another guestion.

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...ry-706818.html

    You need to know this man. You don't
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,623, Reputation: 10723
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    #23

    Oct 5, 2012, 09:31 PM
    how many successful marriages between a Nigerian man and a white English woman?

    I don't care what your races or finances are about, if you think you will have a successful marriage without the benefit of a getting to interact in person for a reasonable period you are sadly mistaken. I don't know what drives your desires, nor will I assume, but the fact he asked for nothing means nothing, nor do any agreements you have had simply because you have not been able to solve the basic problem of meeting up and sharing time in person.

    Only then can you really know each others characters, AND flaws, and true natures and the real reality of working together and building a life. I know you are so in love and determined and he says he feels the same, but there are no tests and challenges over the net, only in REAL LIFE, and so far you have not solved the FIRST obstacle of distance to even see for yourself up front and personal, if this is real, or just a fantasy built from circumstance.

    You seem ready for the risk, and I hope you are, but rushing into a life changing commitment like marriage is a crap shoot for couples in person without the pressure of distance. Add to that cultural differences and living challenges, your chances are slim to none,but of course you think your Internet love can conquer all.

    Solve the riddle of meeting first, and then see what happens. Marriage is NOT the step to take in experimenting and exploring what you are both about for each other, nor as a means to get together to find out if this is the real deal or NOT!

    That what dating is about, having fun getting to know each other in person to see if marriage is a good idea or not. That's the crucial step in the process you would well be advised not to skip with an Internet romance, no matter your color, or compassion.
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    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 80,482, Reputation: 7606
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    #24

    Oct 6, 2012, 02:23 AM


    I agree, you travel there and meet, spend the time you can there together, If things go good, come back and continue relationion on Skype. ** I assume you are using video skype, so you see and talk to each other in real time. It is basically free and easy to use.

    Then you can make plans for the marriage. Allow things to take its time.
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    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 20,174, Reputation: 2788
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    #25

    Oct 6, 2012, 02:33 AM
    AGAIN!! I doubt this man plans to marry this woman, since he has faked calls to get her very identity on paper.

    If I am wrong you can shoot me, hate me, whatever you want. Nigeria is home to countless internet scams for a good reason - the government educated young people for jobs they cannot get because they don't exist.
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    lorraineiwuji's Avatar
    lorraineiwuji Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #26

    Oct 6, 2012, 04:27 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    I agree, you travel there and meet, spend the time you can there together, If things go good, come back and continue relationion on Skype. ** I assume you are using video skype, so you see and talk to each other in real time. It is basicly free and easy to use.

    Then you can make plans for the marriage. Allow things to take its time.
    Yes we talk a lot on skype and Yahoo messenger... we get on well most of the time and I know we have to get to know each other in person properly that goes without saying, although we have been in touch every day since 7th feb,, it hasn't been plain sailing and we both have ended our relationship a couple of times only to continue to be friends,, but always end up getting back together as a couple... thanks for your advice... sometimes we have to take chances in this life because we would never really know the outcome if we never took the plunge,,

    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    AGAIN!!!! I doubt this man plans to marry this woman, since he has faked calls to get her very identity on paper.

    If I am wrong you can shoot me, hate me, whatever you want. Nigeria is home to countless internet scams for a good reason - the government educated young people for jobs they cannot get because they don't exist.
    Again thanks for the concern but hate is a strong word so I could never hate u, you are entitled to your opinion same as anyone... but I have not sent anything I was not sopose to,to him if you want to check what people need to send to someone for them to come over,, look it up for yourself... thanks
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    NeedKarma's Avatar
    NeedKarma Posts: 10,584, Reputation: 1704
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    #27

    Oct 6, 2012, 04:46 AM
    As a grand theme: online romances are not real romances until you eventually physically spend time together and share some experiences. It is way too easy to put on a persona online that is not the real person's personality.
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    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 20,174, Reputation: 2788
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    #28

    Oct 6, 2012, 04:56 AM
    OK, good luck, brush up on your French, find out what Muslim laws you might have to obey, and have a safe trip. I hope you will both have enough money to live on, without the benefits you are used to, or that you can keep some of them even if you leave the country.
    I see that there is a new president, the senate was abolished less than a month ago, unemployment is high, but I see no news of war or other such dangers. Dakar is a huge city, so I assume that like any big city there are nice places and slums.
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    lorraineiwuji's Avatar
    lorraineiwuji Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #29

    Oct 6, 2012, 05:25 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    OK, good luck, brush up on your French, find out what Muslim laws you might have to obey, and have a safe trip. I hope you will both have enough money to live on, without the benefits you are used to, or that you can keep some of them even if you leave the country.
    I see that there is a new president, the senate was abolished less than a month ago, unemployment is high, but I see no news of war or other such dangers. Dakar is a huge city, so I assume that like any big city there are nice places and slums.
    Thank you for that joypulv I have seen were he lives also seen his friends on video cam while I have been speaking to him he don't look like he's from a slumy area,, also he is saving money up I will get moneys from my family also for when I decide to go,, I have said to him that I will only be going over there for a months holiday 1st just so that we can meet in person see if we feel the same way after that, then make it more permanent when we are sure... wen I gave him documents he needed he also had to send me his passport id too you know so for me to put on who's coming over and his passport number hun thanks once again...

    Quote Originally Posted by NeedKarma View Post
    As a grand theme: online romances are not real romances until you eventually physically spend time together and share some experiences. It is way too easy to put on a persona online that is not the real person's personality.
    I understand what you are saying and I'm going to go to senegal for a months holiday after christmas,that way we can get to see each other in person and get to know one another better... and after that if we still feel the same then we will plan our wedding maybe for the following year,, thanks for your advice...
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    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,703, Reputation: 2581
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    #30

    Oct 6, 2012, 08:27 AM
    ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

    I think you have your mind made up and no matter what anyone says you are going to do this.
    This all sounds immature and desperate. I hope you know what you're doing.
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    lorraineiwuji's Avatar
    lorraineiwuji Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #31

    Oct 6, 2012, 09:04 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

    I think you have your mind made up and no matter what anyone says you are going to do this.
    This all sounds immature and desperate. I hope you know what you're doing.
    I'm sorry if I have given you the impression that I am desperate but you are far from the truth there...
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,623, Reputation: 10723
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    #32

    Oct 6, 2012, 10:04 AM
    Is it fair to say that the warm glow of love may have you looking to far forward too soon? Or you may be a bit over eager to meet and get to the next level?

    When will he have enough to visit you? I hope you can overcome the obstacles before you, and find happiness.
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    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 36,877, Reputation: 5325
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    #33

    Oct 6, 2012, 10:08 AM
    How did you know those phone calls were from the embassy or from your council?
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    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 7,912, Reputation: 3656
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    #34

    Oct 6, 2012, 10:20 AM


    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    AGAIN!!!! I doubt this man plans to marry this woman, since he has faked calls to get her very identity on paper.
    After reading this site: http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/visas-immigration/visiting/ , he may not have faked calls. Depending on the type of visa he was applying for the government may have requested certain documentation from her. It appears that nearly all types other than general tourist need documentation from the person being visited.

    lorraine, I don't think you are desperate, but I hope you are being realistic about your expectations.

    I am glad that you are going to visit him, make certain that you take all precautions you can including having your own place to stay that is not dependent on him. It is a caution for anyone traveling to meet someone face to face for the first time.

    I fully agree with Tal. Get to know more about him before you set any wedding plans in motion.

    One other thing about a successful marriage, look at where you plan to live and the culture/tradition differences. Be aware of the major changes and stress that moving to a new country will bring. Communicate and compromise.

    Good luck.
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    lorraineiwuji's Avatar
    lorraineiwuji Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #35

    Oct 7, 2012, 01:03 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Cat1864 View Post
    After reading this site: http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/visas-immigration/visiting/ , he may not have faked calls. Depending on the type of visa he was applying for the government may have requested certain documentation from her. It appears that nearly all types other than general tourist need documentation from the person being visited.

    lorraine, I don't think you are desperate, but I hope you are being realistic about your expectations.

    I am glad that you are going to visit him, make certain that you take all precautions you can including having your own place to stay that is not dependant on him. It is a caution for anyone traveling to meet someone face to face for the first time.
    I fully agree with Tal. Get to know more about him before you set any wedding plans in motion.

    One other thing about a successful marriage, look at where you plan to live and the culture/tradition differences. Be aware of the major changes and stress that moving to a new country will bring. Communicate and compromise.

    Good luck.
    Thank you for your advice I appriciate it,
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    lorraineiwuji's Avatar
    lorraineiwuji Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #36

    Oct 7, 2012, 01:11 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    Is it fair to say that the warm glow of love may have you looking to far forward too soon? Or you may be a bit over eager to meet and get to the next level?

    When will he have enough to visit you? I hope you can overcome the obstacles before you, and find happiness.
    I have been on line and skype with him for 8 months now and we want to actually meet in person,, I am going over to meet him in January so that we can get to know each other better,, he has enough money now to come over to me, but with the english laws just changing, because we have to have met before he comes over to marry I decided to go to him.
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