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    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,870, Reputation: 5429
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    #1

    Aug 20, 2010, 11:04 AM
    Puns for Educated Minds
    1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

    3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

    4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of maths disruption.

    5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

    13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the grass.'

    15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    17. A backward poet writes inverse.

    18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

    19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

    20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine.

    21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

    22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

    23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

    25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
    Unknown008's Avatar
    Unknown008 Posts: 8,076, Reputation: 723
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    #2

    Aug 20, 2010, 01:13 PM

    Those are really good ones you found WG! I found them funny! :p
    Just Dahlia's Avatar
    Just Dahlia Posts: 2,155, Reputation: 445
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    #3

    Aug 21, 2010, 07:48 PM

    I laughed out loud at 98% of them! :D and groaned at the other 2%Loved it!
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,286, Reputation: 5645
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    #4

    Aug 21, 2010, 08:06 PM

    Loved them!!
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #5

    Aug 27, 2010, 03:23 AM

    Those are great.

    And reminds me of the doctor who went into a bar every night after work and had an unusual drink. An almond daquori that the bar tender always had ready for him.
    One day just before the doctor was due in the bartender discovered he was out of almonds.
    All he had were some hickory nuts, so when the doctor came in , he made the drink using the hickory nuts.

    The doctor took a sip, looked at the bartender and said ,"this is not my usual drink."
    The bartender , chagrined, said ,"No... that's a hickory daquori doc.

    Sorry.
    Just_Another_Lemming's Avatar
    Just_Another_Lemming Posts: 437, Reputation: 211
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    #6

    Aug 27, 2010, 04:46 AM

    LOL! I am sorry I didn't see these sooner! Thanks for bringing the thread back to the top Martinizing. Yes, I groaned at yours!

    WG, those were fantastic puns! The best I have heard in years. My fave is #9. LOL!
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #7

    Aug 27, 2010, 08:09 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Just_Another_Lemming View Post
    LOL! I am sorry I didn't see these sooner! Thanks for bringing the thread back to the top Martinizing. Yes, I groaned at yours!

    WG, those were fantastic puns! The best I have heard in years. My fave is #9. LOL!
    I might not have seen it if I hadn't been on the new skin. I didn't notice it on v2.

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