I wish you the best.

One more FYI
With joint custody so you do not have to deal with her when exchanging for your time you can have a designated public place like the Park, McDonalds, the Police station, etc...
And you can even request that a family member do the drop off and pick up.

One thing you might consider is keeping an eye on how your spending your money. Often times if your not careful you can get sucked into legal wranglings and cost thousands when there are better ways to do things. If she is lying so much and you have played an active role in your child's life. Regardless of the outcome of the restraining order ask for a parental evaluation. Its far cheaper and much more effective then a legal tug of war in a courtroom. Also if its available in your area ask for an order from the courts to attend a program called " kids turn ". It should help both of you adjust to your new lives.

A Guide To The Parenting Evaluation Process

KIDS' TURN www.kidsturn.org

Someone else suggested that to me and obviously she doesn't want to talk to me. I just can't believe that she's being so imature. Someone also told me that if I have to have supervised visits that it doesn't have to be with a social worker but could be with a third party. Will we have to agree on who the third party would be. I can't imagine that she would want our son to have to go to some strange place to visit me. Also does the supervisor of the visits come to my house?

I only hired a lawyer because of the restraining order. I would have just assumed worked it out between us. All this money I'm spending could have gone towards buying things for our son. I also want to point out that I am not trying in anyway to take him from his mother. I want him to be able to spend just as much time with her as with me. I hope this attitude will help things to be resolved concerning what is best for our son.

You need to stop worrying so much. Try to find something to take your mind off the mess. You have a lawyer. As far as what I had suggested they are done under court order so she can't argue her way out of them. Most likely your not going to get supervised visitation unless there is a true history of DV or drugs etc.

She has to prove you would harm or neglect your son or that you live a really unsavory lifestyle to expose to a kid.
She has nothing on you for the most part.

Thanks califdad. She accused me of being an alcoholic but then again she used to drink with me when we did drink. I have been clean and sober since my son was born and I attend meetings weekly at a christ centered recovery program at my church. I did get in some trouble with the law about ten years ago for possession and spent some time in prison in Nevada. I hope this won't have too much affect on my case but I have to accept the things that I've done in the past. I've made an honest effort to change my life and I will continue to due so for myself and my son.

See you have a lot going for you that you can prove in court. I think the Judge will see her for what she is.
They can't use what you did 10 yrs ago against you at least what I am aware of.

They can go back as far as they want to prove a pattern but if no pattern exists its worthless to do so. Be willing to take tests if needed to prove yourself is all.

Yes exactly
I was referring more to her actions in court
She may exhibit some of her attitude for the Judge to pick up on.
If the thing 10 years pertains to domestic violence then yes they can go back and use it if there is still a pattern,

I haven't been I any trouble for over 5 years. I'm trying to be as honest as I can about who I am and what I do with my life. I am very active at my church and I don't drink or use drugs so I'm not worried about and testing. I was kind of concerned about how I would provide a place to live for my son but hopefully I will be allowed to move back into the house. If not I've rented a room from some friends so I have a room for my son to live in when he is with me. How much concern should I have for her trying to object about where my son will be when he is with me.

The concern can come when there is a destructive environment for your child. Lets say you moved into a crack house then there is a right to have concern. If there has been a lot of police activity to the home there can be concern. If the house isn't clean.. again a concern. But a place of transition when your trying to get back on your feet and a decent clean place to sleep... no concern at all.

My only point credibility. If she acts up in court and OP remains calm and sticks to the facts and proof the Judge could see she is lying to make it look like he is the bad guy. Then the Judge will know that he can't go by her word about his being abusive.

In all the back and forth going on on this thread I've really never located a question from you. What exactly do you want to know? The hearing on the TRO (not "TPO") is next week. The court may decide the case right then and there or set it for a long cause evidentiary hearing, probably necessary if both sides have witnesses.

I think you should have filed a TRO against her, immediately, based upon her history of DV. You could still do it now, but the hearing on her TRO is right around the corner.

Frankly, I think there should be mutual orders, from what you've said, but if I were hearing the case I'd limit them to maybe 6 months duration. I get the feeling once things calm down between you two, this stuff won't happen again.

Put up a good fight to avoid the TRO being issued long-term. Because if you don't you'll end up with a presumption against you having either sole or joint custody (legal or physical) of your son (take a look at Cal. Fam. Code section 3044). In other words, if you lose on the TRO, mom should wind up with sole legal and sole physical custody.

When you started the thread was your question, "will I win?" Still not sure what you wanted to know.

Basically I just wanted to know if she was going to be able to get a permanent restraining order. I realize that she was abusive as well but I thought getting a restraining order against her would just look like retaliation since she already filed for one. I'm hoping that the hearing will go to another hearing to present witnesses and such so that I can state my case in more detail. I really don't care about the restraining order I just don't want it to affect my ability to get joint custody of our son.

That's kind of what I thought you were asking.

You'll probably get a hearing for one hour or more if you need it to present testimony. That shouldn't be a problem.Whether you will win or not is hard to say. That's why your own TRO against her would have been smart (not that you weren't entitled to one). It would have put you both on a bit more even footing before the court (the judge would have consolidated the two cases for trial, in all liklihood).

If you wind up with a restraining order against you then you should keep in mind the problem of having joint custody of your son.

Do you think it would be a good idea to still file for a restraining order against her or is it too late. I didn't really think of that because the incident where she claims I abused her took place about 2 months ago. She was acting like things were fine for the time in between now and then. It seems like a bunch of garbage that who ever files first gets the upper hand. If the judge issues a mutual restraining order will that still affect my chances for custody.

You said she is acting like things have been fine? Does that mean that she has been talking and communicating with you? Are you separated and living away from her?

Lets not make the OP too nervous. He will still have options either way it goes and the restraining order can't be used against him if the evidence shows otherwise.

( quote from link )

The section 3044 presumption, however, does not change the best interest test, nor supplant other Family Code provisions governing custody proceedings. This presumption may be overcome by a preponderance of the evidence showing that it is in the child's best interest to grant joint or sole custody to the offending parent. (§ 3044, subd. (b)(1).) Nor does the statute establish a presumption for or against joint custody; again, the paramount factor is the child's health, safety and welfare. (§§ 3020, subd. (a); 3040, subd. (b).) And where the section 3044 presumption has been rebutted, there is no statutory bar against an award of joint or sole custody to a parent who was the subject of the order.

( end quote )


Reference link:


http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/opinions...ts/G041642.DOC

If she's done the things you claim, you should file a TRO against her (the judge may or may not grant it). It certainly wouldn't hurt to try.

Talk to your lawyer about it and see what he or she thinks.