I have a 3 almost 4 year old daughter. Her father was in the military while he was getting her every other weekend for visitation. He has now moved back home to California, and wants her every other summer. She hasn't seen him in almost a year and from what I think she doesn't remember him. I don't want to send her 3000miles away seeing as I'm in NEw York to a person that she doesn't remember.

He keeps threatening to either take my to court for full custody or signing his rights over cause I don't want her to go out there. I want him to sign his rights over but some people tell me that if he does, I'll stop receiving childsupport from him, in which I can't do that cause that is what helps me support her seeing as I'm a single mom.

Just wondering if anyone knows if he does sign his rights over will I loose my child support or not?

Thanks

You can't have your cake and eat it too
BUT neither can he sign over his rights.
You have to be remarried and your husband willing to adopt.
IF he did sign his rights over there would be no more child support.
Considering the distance and that your daughter has been with you primarily I do not see any Judge giving him full custody.
He can file and the Judge will likely grant him partical custody but with that many miles away its not like he would be getting some every other weekend visitation, especially once she starts school. He might get her something like a few weeks to a couple months in the summer and maybe Christmas vacation but I don't see him getting much more with that many miles between you

I'm just looking for peoples opinions because I've heard all different answers to this...

He can not just sign his rights over, does not work like that. Some couples do it unofficial and once in a blue moon if there is cause a judge may allow it. He is just talking trying to get you to stop collecting child support,

So unofficially if you stop getting any money, he may stop asking for visits.

Officially you both need to go back to court and get visits scheduled, the court may require some supervised visits first or counseling for the child.

But yes it is very very possible you wll be sending the child to see their father, even once a year for part of the summer

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Originally Posted by snowangel930

I'm just looking for peoples opinions becuase i've heard all different answers to this...

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This may come off harsh, but this is not an opinion, this is a legal fact: he cannot sign over his rights unless you have remarried and your husband is going to adopt the child. IF the child is adopted, then and only then will the support end.

This is not open to debate - it is a legal fact. There are cases where his rights might be involuntarily terminated but they don't seem to apply here.

As for him getting full custody - that is highly unlikely. He may, however, get summer visitation ordered.

So your telling me that after going a year with out seeing her father a judge is going to make me send my 4 year old 3000 miles away for a month or so... that's crazy... personally I don't think that's right seeing as her father hardly ever makes any attempts to call her and even talk to her...

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Originally Posted by snowangel930

So your telling me that after going a year with out seeing her father a judge is gonna make me send my 4 year old 3000 miles away for a month or so..... that's crazy... personally i don't think thats right seeing as her father hardly ever makes any attempts to call her and even talk to her...

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These are points that need to be brought up if he files for visitation. There are those that argue that you not wanting the child to know its father crazy...

Its all about perspective and what is best for the child. Which is why the court rarely considers what the parent thinks is right or crazy.

It is possible.
He would have to go file for joint custody first though and you would have to tell the Judge why you feel he shouldn't, that he moved to California, hasn't seen her in a year, etc...

I don't know if it would be better for you to file for full custody first or let him go file. He may not even bother.

He wouldn't be granted full custody no matter who files what custody forms though.

Millions may disagree, but I think that he should see his daughter.

You said that he pays regular support for her, and with the exception of this past year, had her for regular visits every other weekend for the first three years of her life. I think there is a good chance that she does remember him.

It is a fact of life that when you have children, and divorce, that also ends the involvement of the (usual) father's contact with his children. How many generations of broken homes do we need, with children missing out on the love of their fathers.

Here you have a father willing to nurture a relationship with his daughter, and you want to completely sever ties between them, yet you want the support money too. As has been said, you can't have it both ways.

Why punish him, and your daughter for the rest of their lives when you could instead do as many other divorced parents do, and accommodate each other for the sake of the children's well being.

If you find the distance is too great, or the time he wants is too long, or you are concerned for her in any way, then go back to court, and hash out what is in her best interests. Not yours.

But don't punish the child by denying her access to her father.

Just my opinion.

Well the thing is that he wasn't in her life until she was almost 2 yrs old so I doubt she remembers him and I don't feel comfortable sending her 3000 miles away to be with him for a month or however long he wants her

That is why he has to get a court order saying you have to send her and what days he gets.
Its not about however long he wants.
The court order will determine that not him.

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Originally Posted by snowangel930

well the thing is that he wasn't in her life til she was almost 2 yrs old so i doubt she remembers him and i don't feel comfortable sending her 3000 miles away to be with him for a month or however long he wants her

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Again, while we understand that you don't feel comfortable, but ultimately its not a decision you get to make. He IS the child's father and he is entitled to as much right as you are.

Its harsh, but its probably best that you start getting used to it.

Maybe it will depend on what happens when and if this goes to court.

You said she hadn't seen him for about a year, and she's nearly 4, and he pays regular child support. He can't be all bad.

Maybe he is willing to compromise, and instead of a few months, it can be a few weeks in the summer and every other Christmas sort of thing.

Many do have to make arrangements to satisfy what is in the best interest of the child.

It is in her best interest to have a relationship with her father isn't it? I cannot see a judge denying a father his child, while he pays support for her, and wants to establish a relationship. I'm no law expert, but I would expect that there would have to be some compromise on both your parts to allow that to happen.

That would be in the best interest of the child, right?

Her father had 4 children and only sees 2 of them. He lost his parental rights to his first child... if he would make an effort to call her or anything maybe I'd be more reasonable. She starts school in September cause she has speech issues and he wants me to pull her out of school to go there. I don't see how that is in the best interest of the child

That is why you need a court order so he isn't making unreasonable demands

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Originally Posted by snowangel930

I'm just looking for peoples opinions becuase i've heard all different answers to this...

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No you don't want opinions, you want legal facts! What people think or feel about your situation is mostly irrelevant. What matters is what the laws allow.
That's why I moved this here from the Children forum. If you had read the Read First sticky at the top of that forum, you would posted here originally.

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Originally Posted by snowangel930

So your telling me that after going a year with out seeing her father a judge is gonna make me send my 4 year old 3000 miles away for a month or so..... that's crazy... personally i don't think thats right seeing as her father hardly ever makes any attempts to call her and even talk to her...

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No, I'm not telling you that. I think a judge is unlikely to order a 4 year old to get on a plane by herself. But I think the judge is very likely to order that he ease into her life, starting with phone calls, maybe video chats, shorter visits etc. But, again, its not what YOU or anyone else thinks is right, its what the law says. And the law says that he has rights to see his child.

However, I'm suspecting this all may be a ploy to get you to agree to him giving up his rights so the child support stops. Unfortunately for him and fortunately for you, the law has a say about that too. No court is going to allow a termination of rights to let the non custodial parent out of paying support. So that ain't going to happen. When he finds that he can't get a TPR, he may back off his requests for custody and visitation.