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    this8384's Avatar
    this8384 Posts: 4,565, Reputation: 485
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    #21

    Feb 24, 2011, 12:52 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Delow84 View Post
    Just an update on the situation. I have found an old gmail conversation she had with another guy (less then a year and a half ago) of her talking about smoking weed everyday, doing shrooms, and ectasy(sp?). She has also told me she use to do cocaine, and would over medicate on perscription drugs.
    Here's the problem with that: I assume she had the conversation on her account, which you have no legal right to access. If you try to use that in court, they're going to ask how you obtained access to it.

    She still believes drugs are OK, and has told me she wouldn't care if she caught our son doing them. I have emails of her demanding I give her money, or my phone, or I can't see my son. The marriage counselor we had gone to (and didn't go again because she didn't want to, she wanted to see a psychiatrist because they perscribe meds) well he has since made it known he is willing to break confidence because he felt very concerned by some of the things she had said.
    If the law is being broken or there is a valid threat, counselors will break confidence for a court hearing. I'd subpoena him immediately.

    I have legitimate concerns about her ability to care for our son in the long term. She is living with her grandparents at the moment, who are very controlling and even her mother(my soon to be ex wife's mother) has said that she does not want them having anything to do with taking care of our son.
    She has no job, as far as I know, and is generally a very trashy person. She will wear the same clothes for a week straight. She will blow her money on self indulgent items. And refuse me getting anything for our son.
    While this might make her a not-so-nice person, the court will not view this as bad parenting.

    I have conversations with her, with her telling me that her whole family thinks she is crazy and needs to see a psychiatrist. And her saying that maybe she does etc.
    She has now resorted to lies to keep me from seeing my son, or being able to take him over night.
    1) my parents smoke around the baby. Which is not now, or ever true.
    2) if the above is dispelled, then my friends will do drugs around him. Which again is not true, and I have told the 2 friends I have that might do drugs, if I ever smell it, or feel they are on anything, they will not be allowed over
    And 3) she is afraid I'm going to take him, and run. My lawyer thinks that is BS, because if it were true, she wouldn't let me see him at all. (this last week before court I get to see him 2hrs at a neutral place 4 times.) But that was set up by the lawyers.
    Welcome to Family Court! My husband has been accused of being an alcoholic, physically abusive towards the children and I, a deadbeat father, uninvolved with his children, a cheating husband, etc. It doesn't stop.

    I believe her lawyer is the reason I have seen my son at all.

    Also, her lawyer has only been practicing in Texas for 2 years, mine 26 years. So I am hoping experience helps.
    You're probably right about the visitation. Her lawyer is telling her that concealing the child from you is going to hurt her case.

    You mentioned he's been practicing in Texas for 2 years - is that how long he's been out of law school, or merely in Texas?

    Also I have chats with her, of her describing how her mom abused her (mostly emotionally) and how she has since done the same to me, telling me constantly that she wishes my mother would die, and my friends are all child molestors. (all of my friends are parents, with visitation or custody, and have never had such a complaint) \
    Again, this is hearsay. You can't testify to this; her attorney will get it stopped immediately.

    also, I can see her "recent uploads" on photo bucket, and in the last 50 pictures, maybe 10 are of our son, while the rest are of herself(presumably to send to her new bf) and the new boyfriend. Just today there is a naked picture (from chest up without showing nipple)
    Again - this is her personal life. Her taking a picture of herself doesn't mean she's a bad parent. You're going to need something better than a picture you don't approve of.

    sigh... it feels like she is digging a hole, but it just does not feel like that hole is big enough yet.
    What does your attorney say to all of this?
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    #22

    Feb 24, 2011, 01:38 PM

    OK as for the conversation she had with her friend, yes it was on her account and normally I may not be able to use it. But I also have emails (conversations through gmail between me and her with her giving me permission to go into her email accounts at the time.)
    As for the things she has told me being hearsay, they aren't. If I try and use what her mom or ex boyfriend or any other family member has told me, THAT is hearsay or so says my lawyer. I can use anything she has said to me because she and I are apart of the case I guess. I don't remember his terminology. Same thing with the recordings I have of all of our phone conversations, or visits. As long as she is talking to me, or I am apart of the conversation, from what I have read on Texas law, that is OK. My lawyer has not advised against recording, and has said he will listen to the tapes.

    My lawyer has/or will be talking to that counselor and will let me know what he thinks after he has.

    And from what I read, it looks bad to be "dating" before the divorce is even final. So the pictures, which I am sure can be proven were sent to him would make her look bad. (although not an unfit mother) And the photobucket account is a public domain, I search her user name and the pictures are there, no password guessing, or hacking or anything of the sort. So what I am hoping, since I do believe she will turn back to drugs, is she will post those pictures on there as well.
    She has taken xanax, (not her perscription) and drank since we have had our son.
    Problem with that is she gave me some of her hydrocodone when I had a horrible toothache and no more tylenol.
    So hair folicle test would show that in me.
    During our relationship, a friend and I witnessed her drink and take xanax. I had to have him leave and put her to bed because she got so loopy.
    I will be requesting a "social study" or what not to interview us and determine who is in the best interest of our son.
    And while her general lifestyle is not showing her as a bad mother, I believe were she on her own, it would be a different story. Grandparents are definitely going to try and coach her on the right things to do.
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    #23

    Feb 24, 2011, 01:55 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Delow84 View Post
    OK as for the conversation she had with her friend, yes it was on her account and normally I may not be able to use it. But I also have emails (conversations through gmail between me and her with her giving me permission to go into her email accounts at the time.)
    As for the things she has told me being hearsay, they aren't. If I try and use what her mom or ex boyfriend or any other family member has told me, THAT is hearsay or so says my lawyer. I can use anything she has said to me because she and I are apart of the case I guess. I don't remember his terminology. Same thing with the recordings I have of all of our phone conversations, or visits. As long as she is talking to me, or I am apart of the conversation, from what I have read on Texas law, that is OK. My lawyer has not advised against recording, and has said he will listen to the tapes.
    Okay, so you tell the judge she said it - she denies saying it. Now what?

    and from what I read, it looks bad to be "dating" before the divorce is even final. So the pictures, which I am sure can be proven were sent to him would make her look bad. (although not an unfit mother) And the photobucket account is a public domain, I search her user name and the pictures are there, no password guessing, or hacking or anything of the sort. So what I am hoping, since I do believe she will turn back to drugs, is she will post those pictures on there as well.
    Depends on the judge. One may find it irresponsible/immoral for her to date prior to the divorce being finalized, the next may not give a hoot. Technically, the court is not allowed to take 3rd party relationships into consideration unless there is proof that said relationship could be harmful to the child(ren).

    she has taken xanax, (not her perscription) and drank since we have had our son.
    Problem with that is she gave me some of her hydrocodone when I had a horrible toothache and no more tylenol.
    So hair folicle test would show that in me.
    During our relationship, a friend and I witnessed her drink and take xanax. I had to have him leave and put her to bed because she got so loopy.
    How long ago did you take the hydrocodone? And yes, that was very foolish of you if you knew this was coming but not much you can do about it now.

    I will be requesting a "social study" or what not to interview us and determine who is in the best interest of our son.
    And while her general lifestyle is not showing her as a bad mother, I believe were she on her own, it would be a different story. Grandparents are definitely going to try and coach her on the right things to do.
    Of course they are; that's what parents do. My husband's ex-inlaws cater to their daughter's every need - both before, during and after their divorce. She's spoiled and irresponsible because of it.

    The issue here is that she is NOT on her own. The court is not going to grant custody based on, "Well, IF this changed, then the child would be better with Parent A. Otherwise we'll just leave them with Parent B." That leaves too many options open. They look at long-term.
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    #24

    Feb 24, 2011, 02:11 PM

    When it comes to "he said, she said" I have proof in recordings and conversations through text/email to prove most of the things.
    When I took the hydrocodone things had not deteriorated THAT much. It was shortly after our baby was born, a week or so. That I took a few.

    With the long term, she can't support herself and conor without the grandparents help. But in return the grandparents have and use their control over her. She is 22 but they can take her phone away like if she was a 15 yr old. Take her internet or house phone away.
    And her whole family believes, she is no longer talking to this guy, that they all know about and are in agreement about him being a negative influence and her living in a fantasy with him.
    If it weren't for the fact I don't want to show all my cards. (like my ability to see her recent uploads)
    I would go and throw it in their faces. But the chances of winning her mom back on my side, aren't worth the risk.
    I am trying to keep a record of everything hoping it will be of help. She is immature and narcasistic(sp?) all she cares about is herself. She treats our son as a possession, a status symbol "hey im a mom"

    Her general outlook on life is its bad, friends are only good for what you get from them, and she wasn't even sure about HAVING our son and bringing him into this "****ty" world. With one abortion, and the suicide comment/hallucinations/delusions. Its all pretty frightening.
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    #25

    Mar 3, 2011, 07:33 PM
    OK so a little update.
    Had court today, before we had our hearing, her lawyer wanted to negotiate or whatever with mine.
    They came back with a crap offer. "no over night, see him on my weekends (rotating schedule at work" blaming my friends doing drugs, my family smoking. (and apparently her lawyer thought it was just a temp visitation hearing, and my lawyer informed her, no it is for custody and I have my witnesses ready)

    So I let my lawyer know what I wanted.

    Anyway my ex waived her right as primary conservator, and so we are joint. I get him on MY weekends. The first 3 weeks I get him 7am-7pm no overnight, after that it goes to overnight. (she tried to say I had never taken care of conor by myself. Where in truth, I have probably spent more time taking care of him alone then her) She agreed to a Social study, which I do not believe she will come out on top with.

    Her own mother has not seen her grandson, and didn't even know she had court this morning. Her grandfather (which was the only person with her was trying to tell the lawyer what to do to the point the lawyer had to put him in his place, as most demands were probably his)

    So now we wait for the social study to be completed, then the lawyers begin discovery.
    My lawyer let me know that what we got is probably the best case scenario had we gone to court (unless by some miracle I got full custody which isn't likely at this point)
    I got to pick my son up at 130. Arrived early, and knocked at 125. She tells me "you still have 5 minutes" and shuts door. She then gives him to me and won't let me step right inside to put him in car seat, makes me do it on her porch. Offers nothing in way of blanket or what not (I had my own though)
    When I dropped him off, again I was early. I knocked at 655. I let her know, he will prob be hungry when he wakes up because he fell asleep while I was feeding him and we had to leave. I offered her the bottle since it was already ready. She declined. So he started to wake up and I get him out of car seat, he starts crying because he is hungry. I again offer the bottle, she declines, so I hand him over to her so she can get him fed.
    I lean in to give him a kiss goodnight/goodbye and as I do her grandfather slams the door in my face. Barely missing my head but catching some of my arm.
    (does this violate a love and caring order?) and does it help to show that living with the grandparents would be innappropriate for my son?

    Whew long winded sorry
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    #26

    Mar 4, 2011, 07:13 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Delow84 View Post
    ok so a little update.
    Had court today, before we had our hearing, her lawyer wanted to negotiate or whatever with mine.
    They came back with a crap offer. "no over night, see him on my weekends (rotating schedule at work" blaming my friends doing drugs, my family smoking. (and apparently her lawyer thought it was just a temp visitation hearing, and my lawyer informed her, no it is for custody and i have my witnesses ready)

    So i let my lawyer know what I wanted.

    anyways my ex waived her right as primary conservator, and so we are joint. I get him on MY weekends. The first 3 weeks I get him 7am-7pm no overnight, after that it goes to overnight. (she tried to say I had never taken care of conor by myself. Where in truth, I have probably spent more time taking care of him alone then her) She agreed to a Social study, which I do not believe she will come out on top with.

    Her own mother has not seen her grandson, and didnt even know she had court this morning. Her grandfather (which was the only person with her was trying to tell the lawyer what to do to the point the lawyer had to put him in his place, as most demands were probably his)

    So now we wait for the social study to be completed, then the lawyers begin discovery.
    My lawyer let me know that what we got is probably the best case scenario had we gone to court (unless by some miracle I got full custody which isnt likely at this point)
    I got to pick my son up at 130. Arrived early, and knocked at 125. she tells me "you still have 5 minutes" and shuts door. She then gives him to me and wont let me step right inside to put him in car seat, makes me do it on her porch. Offers nothing in way of blanket or what not (i had my own though)
    When I dropped him off, again I was early. I knocked at 655. I let her know, he will prob be hungry when he wakes up because he fell asleep while I was feeding him and we had to leave. I offered her the bottle since it was already ready. she declined. So he started to wake up and I get him out of car seat, he starts crying because he is hungry. I again offer the bottle, she declines, so I hand him over to her so she can get him fed.
    I lean in to give him a kiss goodnight/goodbye and as I do her grandfather slams the door in my face. barely missing my head but catching some of my arm.
    (does this violate a love and caring order?) and does it help to show that living with the grandparents would be innappropriate for my son?

    whew long winded sorry
    I don't know what you mean by a "love and caring order" - I haven't heard that term in the past.

    Is it crappy behavior on their part? Yes. Grounds for anything? No. You can't MAKE them take a bottle; you can't MAKE them let you step inside their house. Next time, kiss your child BEFORE you hand him over - it's stupid, but you have to always think worst case scenario. She's not happy and as a result, she's going to interfere with your relationship with your son just because she can.
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    #27

    Mar 4, 2011, 07:53 PM
    The love and caring order states that neither parent can I guess be deragatory to the other parent around our son. And it strongly urges us as parents to not let our families do the same.
    So for example if I have our son, I can't sit there talking with a friend "oh his mother is sooo horrible etc etc." or if she is around, talk down to her or be mean or anything. It's so our son won't feel like he is ever caught in the middle of our fight, or ever feels bad about his feelings for either parent.

    So I believe the grandfather is violating this and has. I have yet to talk with my lawyer, and have to wait till Monday.

    And yes I should have kissed him goodnight before handing him over, but I didn't want to delay him getting a bottle overly long and didn't realize she would grab him and immediately turn away.

    Today during morning visit, she made me wait 1 minute until 7am. Because her phone said 659 and mine said 7. I just think its childish on her part. As soon as she handed him over, she shut the door. I had to yell through the door that I had questions to ask real quick, and when she didn't answer I said "do you want your money" because I had the child support payment. She opened door and stuck out her hand.
    She told me we don't need to talk about anything and tried to just shut the door again.

    So I asked anyway, when his last meal was, when he was changed, and when his next doc app is. (which she has to let me know this stuff, so says the visitation order and us being join conservators I believe)

    When I dropped him off, again a few minutes early. She told me my father who drove us there, doesn't have to be out of the car for this. (he was just standing by car, just to be a witness in case gpa did anything else)
    So I told her that her gpa doesn't need to slam the door on my arm. (which again I have all communications recorded, including the door being slammed on me.)

    Then I left.

    I don't think she is thinking about our sons best interest right now, she is being immature. So I worry about what might be being said around our son by her and her grandfather.

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    #28

    Mar 4, 2011, 07:58 PM
    Comment on Delow84's post
    Just wanted to mention, wasn't trying to force her to take bottle, or go inside. Just thought I was being helpful and that it was best for our son to be out of wind while I strapped him in and made sure he was fit right.
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    #29

    Mar 7, 2011, 07:20 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Delow84 View Post
    The love and caring order states that neither parent can i guess be deragatory to the other parent around our son. And it strongly urges us as parents to not let our families do the same.
    So for example if I have our son, I can't sit there talking with a friend "oh his mother is sooo horrible etc etc." or if she is around, talk down to her or be mean or anything. It's so our son wont feel like he is ever caught in the middle of our fight, or ever feels bad about his feelings for either parent.

    So I believe the grandfather is violating this and has. I have yet to talk with my lawyer, and have to wait till monday.

    And yes I shoulda kissed him goodnight before handing him over, but i didnt want to delay him getting a bottle overly long and didnt realize she would grab him and immediately turn away.

    Today during morning visit, she made me wait 1 minute until 7am. because her phone said 659 and mine said 7. I just think its childish on her part. as soon as she handed him over, she shut the door. I had to yell through the door that i had questions to ask real quick, and when she didnt answer I said "do you want your money" because I had the child support payment. She opened door and stuck out her hand.
    She told me we dont need to talk about anything and tried to just shut the door again.

    So I asked anyways, when his last meal was, when he was changed, and when his next doc app is. (which she has to let me know this stuff, so says the visitation order and us being join conservators I believe)

    When I dropped him off, again a few minutes early. She told me my father who drove us there, doesnt have to be out of the car for this. (he was just standing by car, just to be a witness in case gpa did anything else)
    So I told her that her gpa doesnt need to slam the door on my arm. (which again I have all communications recorded, including the door being slammed on me.)

    Then I left.

    I dont think she is thinking about our sons best interest right now, she is being immature. So I worry about what might be being said around our son by her and her grandfather.
    Welcome to Family Court - this is typical behavior. The order is always the same, both parents should "behave" yet usually at least one doesn't.

    My stepkids are almost 11 and 9; their mother has been doing it since she and their father split up six years ago. Her parents and siblings all join in. Our son was convinced last year that we were going to get a divorce - not because my husband and I having issues, but because of what he heard at her house.
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    #30

    May 2, 2011, 12:45 PM

    So, she ended up taking me back to court accusing me of several things. Taking my son to a bar, returning him to her with untended scratches on his legs. Etc etc. I took him to a non alcoholic restaurant which doesn't allow smoking inside. And took pictures of the scratches 2 hours after picking him up, and they looked old then. (and showed a doctor and some nurses I work with)
    She wanted to change the custody agreement after firing her first lawyer. And instead of what we had, I would get 4 hours supervised visitation with my son on the weekend, no overnights.

    She lost that court fight. The only thing changed, or rather added, was co parenting classes. Which I had wanted and expected to begin with.

    She tried that following week the whole "lets work things out" which failed. I think it was a ploy to get me to submit to not going for full custody.

    Now we are at the point where my lawyer is having to file a motion to compel her and her lawyer to get started with the social study because her lawyer has not responded at all to mine. Me and her tried a few times to talk and maybe come to an agreement. But she is adamant on not giving me any more overnights, and she does not want the "no unrelated members of the opposite sex around the child at night" to stay permanent.

    She has already gone against the agreement, and my lawyer plans on using that against her, in which she will be held in contempt I guess.

    She has also refused me first right of refusal. She goes into work early am, and gets out around 430 now, 2 after her training ends. I don't go into work until 2. So she is refusing letting me watch our son while she is at work or needs a babysitter.

    I am wondering if, with all she has done, and what I have on her at the moment. If I have a good chance when we go back to court to get FRoR. I miss my son terribly, and I believe her only reason not to let me see him, is because she is afraid if she agrees to that, that it will make it more likely for the courts final decision to be in my favor.
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    #31

    May 2, 2011, 02:54 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Delow84 View Post
    So, she ended up taking me back to court accusing me of several things. Taking my son to a bar, returning him to her with untended scratches on his legs. Etc etc. I took him to a non alcoholic restaurant which doesn't allow smoking inside. And took pictures of the scratches 2 hours after picking him up, and they looked old then. (and showed a doctor and some nurses I work with)
    She wanted to change the custody agreement after firing her first lawyer. And instead of what we had, I would get 4 hours supervised visitation with my son on the weekend, no overnights.

    She lost that court fight. The only thing changed, or rather added, was co parenting classes. Which I had wanted and expected to begin with.
    As I said, this is normal for Family Court. I'm not the least bit surprised by any of her actions or by the court's decision.

    She tried that following week the whole "lets work things out" which failed. I think it was a ploy to get me to submit to not going for full custody.
    Probably - vindictive ex's are usually veeeery nice when they want something.

    Now we are at the point where my lawyer is having to file a motion to compel her and her lawyer to get started with the social study because her lawyer has not responded at all to mine. Me and her tried a few times to talk and maybe come to an agreement. But she is adamant on not giving me any more overnights, and she does not want the "no unrelated members of the opposite sex around the child at night" to stay permanent.
    I'm not following - if the court ordered the social study, then your lawyer doesn't have to compel anyone to do anything. They have to do it, or they're in contempt. Unless the study was an agreement which she's now trying to back out of - which again, wouldn't be uncommon.

    She has already gone against the agreement, and my lawyer plans on using that against her, in which she will be held in contempt I guess.
    It's only contempt if it was court-ordered and she's refusing to abide by it. If it was an outside agreement, you can't force her to do it.

    She has also refused me first right of refusal. She goes into work early am, and gets out around 430 now, 2 after her training ends. I don't go into work until 2. So she is refusing letting me watch our son while she is at work or needs a babysitter.
    If she's been given custody at those times, she isn't required to let you have the child during those times - that's her prerogative as the primary custodial parent. Sure, it might be more ideal for the child but if it's not a court order, then she doesn't have to do it.

    I am wondering if, with all she has done, and what I have on her at the moment. If I have a good chance when we go back to court to get FRoR. I miss my son terribly, and I believe her only reason not to let me see him, is because she is afraid if she agrees to that, that it will make it more likely for the courts final decision to be in my favor.
    I'm slightly confused - what is FRoR?

    People have different reasons for the things they do but when it comes to Family Court, it almost always boils down to selfishness on at least one party's part, if not both. The only thing you need to concern yourself with is proving to the court that you are the best place for the child - that you can give him the most stability and most structure. Stop worrying about everything she's saying and doing and stick to the facts - what she's said, what she's done and, most importantly, what you can prove. If you can't prove it, you're essentially wasting the court's time.
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    #32

    May 2, 2011, 04:00 PM

    None of our agreements are outside the court. Everything is court ordered. So, her having our son around unrelated members of the opposite sex... is against what the court has ordered us to do.
    She had also agreed in the beginning court agreement for temp custody during trial to waive primary conservator. So we are both joint with no primary. So while it is her prerogative to do what she wishes during her time, while she is at work with me willing to watch him, would make sense to let me. FRoR is first right of refusal, sorry lol.

    And the social study is something they HAVE to do. But thus far have not done anything. My lawyer has repeatedly tried contacting hers, to no avail.
    I keep detailed records, recordings, and save all texts/emails from basically the day we met.
    I believe whole heartedly that what's best for our son, is to be with me. But this is Texas, so I am fighting an uphill battle.
    But receiving the first right to refusal would be a big step. Because then I would be seeing my son everyday, because unless its an emergency, I will not turn down the chance to spend time with him. It would also balance out the amount of time he is with me, as opposed to her.

    To me, the most important thing to her is being able to bring bf's around or stay the night etc.

    Which I know her dating is an inevitable part of divorce, and does not bother me. It's the bringing people in and out of our sons life like that that I don't like. (and it works both ways, as I cannot have woman around at night, or over night etc) And I am fine with that because I want what's best for him.

    I am just hoping I can get the fror, because the social study can take up to 3 months. And we will not get a final decision on custody until after that. So the more time I get to spend with my son the better. As most likely, worst case scenario in the final decision, is they will keep everything however it is/was in the time leading up to court.

    And I can prove almost everything I would say or use against her. No hearsay. (and I KNOW the only reason she won't let me have fror is because of my above mentioned reason... saved in a text.)

    The only way she said she would do that, is if I were to end the whole custody fight all together.
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    #33

    May 3, 2011, 06:33 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Delow84 View Post
    None of our agreements are outside the court. Everything is court ordered. So, her having our son around unrelated members of the opposite sex... is against what the court has ordered us to do.
    She had also agreed in the beginning court agreement for temp custody during trial to waive primary conservator. So we are both joint with no primary. So while it is her prerogative to do what she wishes during her time, while she is at work with me willing to watch him, would make sense to let me. FRoR is first right of refusal, sorry lol.
    So there you have it - if she wants to leave him with a sitter on "her" time, she can do that. You cannot force her to surrender the child to you during the time she has been granted placement. Yes, it makes more sense for you to have him... but she doesn't have to do it.

    And the social study is something they HAVE to do. But thus far have not done anything. My lawyer has repeatedly tried contacting hers, to no avail.
    I keep detailed records, recordings, and save all texts/emails from basically the day we met.
    I believe whole heartedly that what's best for our son, is to be with me. But this is Texas, so I am fighting an uphill battle.
    But receiving the first right to refusal would be a big step. Because then I would be seeing my son everyday, because unless its an emergency, I will not turn down the chance to spend time with him. It would also balance out the amount of time he is with me, as opposed to her.
    So the court ordered the social study? Who was appointed to do the study - a therapist, a guardian ad litem? Who's not doing their job? It sounds like you keep blaming her and her attorney, when they're not the ones in charge of the study.

    To me, the most important thing to her is being able to bring bf's around or stay the night etc.

    Which I know her dating is an inevitable part of divorce, and does not bother me. It's the bringing people in and out of our sons life like that that I don't like. (and it works both ways, as I cannot have woman around at night, or over night etc) And I am fine with that because I want what's best for him.
    You're right, it's not good for the child to be around "partner of the week" but parents do it all the time - nobody's perfect. It doesn't mean your child will grow up to be a degenerate just because his mother dated while he was young.

    I am just hoping I can get the fror, because the social study can take up to 3 months. And we will not get a final decision on custody until after that. So the more time I get to spend with my son the better. As most likely, worst case scenario in the final decision, is they will keep everything however it is/was in the time leading up to court.

    And I can prove almost everything I would say or use against her. No hearsay. (and I KNOW the only reason she won't let me have fror is because of my above mentioned reason... saved in a text.)

    The only way she said she would do that, is if I were to end the whole custody fight all together.
    You have saved text messages but is her attorney aware of them? You need to realize that there's a chance they won't be allowed as evidence. I've seen family cases where police reports - which outlined physical abuse, alcoholism, illegal activity, etc - weren't allowed as evidence on the grounds that the guilty(for lack of a better term) party's attorney "couldn't cross-examine a report." So just having something in your possession doesn't mean it's going to make it into the courtroom.

    The other downfall is that you have no proof she sent the messages. Yes, they came from her phone - that's not proof that she sent them; she could have lost her phone or one of her friends could have been playing with it.

    I'm not trying to dishearten you, I just want you to go into this realistically. It comes down to proof but it also needs to be admissible on the judge's terms.
    Delow84's Avatar
    Delow84 Posts: 309, Reputation: 45
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    #34

    May 3, 2011, 11:30 AM
    I am not meaning to blame her specifically. Although I do know she feels the longer this goes on, the more it will hurt me. During our first visit to court, the lawyers did their thing and negotiated etc. we came to the agreement we had, which was then signed by the judge. So she agreed to the social study, and the lawyers had to discuss who they wanted to use. Her lawyer has not returned any phone calls, or letters from mine since. I know at one point when me and her were talking that her lawyer wasn't responding to her. I can only hope its because he realizes that maybe she has the short end of the stick.

    And I understand she can do as she wishes on her time. It's just frustrating that I am more then willing to take care of him while she is at work instead of him being left with great grandparents. And honestly feel it would be better for him. She is "willing" to do it, but she won't because I won't drop the rest of the custody issues, and it feels just to hurt me. She has shown a history of using him against me.

    And I know conor will be around both guys and girls that we date. As of right now it is in our temp custody agreement that it not be at night. I would like to keep that permanent. We would need to get married to someone for that person to be able to stay the night, or be around at night. I don't want it just to be vindictive towards her, because it works both ways.

    During discovery, which won't happen until after social study which can take up to 3 months, her lawyer is welcome to ask for copies of the texts, as I can print them out, and her phone bill could corraborate them. She 'could' try and claim someone else used her phone. But I really doubt she will try that. Most of the texts can be pretty obvious that they were her.

    With all the stuff I am gathering on her, I keep my lawyer informed. I am trusting he will tell me not to do something, or to do something else. But thus far the few things I have on her, like her going against custody agreement, in which she doesn't know I know. He sounds optimistic about what I have.

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    this8384 Posts: 4,565, Reputation: 485
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    #35

    May 3, 2011, 11:44 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Delow84 View Post
    I am not meaning to blame her specifically. Although I do know she feels the longer this goes on, the more it will hurt me. During our first visit to court, the lawyers did their thing and negotiated etc. we came to the agreement we had, which was then signed by the judge. So she agreed to the social study, and the lawyers had to discuss who they wanted to use. Her lawyer has not returned any phone calls, or letters from mine since. I know at one point when me and her were talking that her lawyer wasn't responding to her. I can only hope its because he realizes that maybe she has the short end of the stick.
    Or it could be that she hasn't paid him, so he's not doing anymore work for her. Your attorney should be contacting the court about this, not just sending letters to a non-responsive attorney.

    And I understand she can do as she wishes on her time. It's just frustrating that I am more then willing to take care of him while she is at work instead of him being left with great grandparents. And honestly feel it would be better for him. She is "willing" to do it, but she won't because I won't drop the rest of the custody issues, and it feels just to hurt me. She has shown a history of using him against me.
    Again, Family Court. Not at all out of the ordinary for her to act this way. I could tell you some stories that would leave you scratching your head because some people act with absolutely no logic but the court has deemed it "their" time and they're allowed to do what they want with it.

    And I know conor will be around both guys and girls that we date. As of right now it is in our temp custody agreement that it not be at night. I would like to keep that permanent. We would need to get married to someone for that person to be able to stay the night, or be around at night. I don't want it just to be vindictive towards her, because it works both ways.
    Legally, you can't do that. The two of you can agree to it but the court cannot tell you OR her who is allowed in your home and at what times - unless that person is a danger to the child, at which point it would be ordered that the child is not allowed contact with said person.

    During discovery, which won't happen until after social study which can take up to 3 months, her lawyer is welcome to ask for copies of the texts, as I can print them out, and her phone bill could corraborate them. She 'could' try and claim someone else used her phone. But I really doubt she will try that. Most of the texts can be pretty obvious that they were her.
    It doesn't matter how "obvious" it is or not. It can still be thrown out. Like I said, I've seen police reports dismissed in family cases - reports that were written by the responding officer relating to the facts and incidents which took place with one parent. Clearly, the officer didn't write the report biased toward one parent or the other, yet the report wasn't allowed because it couldn't be cross-examined - the officer had to be subpoenaed to testify. You don't have that benefit when it comes to text messages.

    With all the stuff I am gathering on her, I keep my lawyer informed. I am trusting he will tell me not to do something, or to do something else. But thus far the few things I have on her, like her going against custody agreement, in which she doesn't know I know. He sounds optimistic about what I have.
    If she violated the custody agreement, you have to be able to prove it. Just saying you heard about it or learned about it isn't going to be enough.

    Just keep documenting everything, write down dates and times, try to weed out the unimportant(her not taking a bottle) from the important(her violating the order). Keep your head up and I'll keep you in my prayers.
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    Delow84 Posts: 309, Reputation: 45
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    #36

    May 3, 2011, 11:53 AM
    Or it could be that she hasn't paid him, so he's not doing anymore work for her. Your attorney should be contacting the court about this, not just sending letters to a non-responsive attorney.
    He is preparing a motion to "compel" them to get this moving. He is also going to ask for FRoR. I have about a 50/50 shot from what I understand. The court would want to see that the time id have with him would be enough to justify him being picked up and dropped off. (7-8 hours every day)

    Right now it was a mutual agreement between her and i (in first custody agreement) that no unrelated members of opposite sex be around at night. She doesn't like that so much now, so I am not sure that it will stay permanent.

    I appreciate all your advice and will do my best to keep my head up and document everything. Thank you ^_^
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    Delow84 Posts: 309, Reputation: 45
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    #37

    Jun 24, 2011, 01:23 PM
    So an update, and a question.

    Things have been up and down, going to co parenting has helped because the counsilor seemed to be on my side. She got my ex to agree to me being able to watch our son while she is at work, and dropping him off before work, and also a 2nd overnight. There were problems here and there but mostly it's been my ex having to yield.

    Last week though, the stragest turn of events. My ex dropped him off before work, and had bags packed in her car. She told me basically if she can't have him 100% for me to take him and just tell him that she is dead. She lost her job (by not calling or showing up) moved in with her boyfriend (who she has admitted sleepign with our son right there, and having our son around him several nights against court order) and gave her car back to her grandparents.
    So after consulting with my lawyer, I dropped off our son like normal. So again my ex sent me a text saying "take him and tell him im dead" somy lawyer said to pick him up. I did. This was June 15th. The next day she continued with "thats what is best, tell him im dead" She finally came to my house Friday to see him and when he focused more on me, she again sent a text to me telling me this. We went to our counsilor who wrote up an agreement that we all 3 signed and she said is legally binding until lawyers can either fight it or put it in a divorce decree.
    We are joint managing conservators and I have exclusive right to designate primary residence. We have equal rights to information. I have the exclusive right to make any major decisions, I just need to inform my ex before hand. And no set visitation, its as mutually agreed upon. My ex, the counsilor and I all signed it. So basically my ex will only get supervised visitation until she is on depression meds, and starts to see a psychiatrist. I have not tried to limit how often she can see him, but she has only seen him that Friday, and then today 1 week later.
    My question is, we faxed all this to lawyers, and my lawyer is trying to contact hers but he is again not being easy to get ahold of. We have a court date on the 30th for emergency temporary custody that my lawyer filed at the beginning of all this.
    Will the lawyers have enough time to do what they need to do, if they don't talk until monday-weds of next week (one day before court date?)
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    Delow84 Posts: 309, Reputation: 45
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    #38

    Jun 24, 2011, 01:50 PM
    Comment on Delow84's post
    Oh, and if her or her lawyer don't try and fight it, or she doesn't change her mind, what would happen at this court hearing and could everything be finalized then?
    this8384's Avatar
    this8384 Posts: 4,565, Reputation: 485
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    #39

    Jun 24, 2011, 02:04 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Delow84 View Post
    Things have been up and down, going to co parenting has helped because the counsilor seemed to be on my side. She got my ex to agree to me being able to watch our son while she is at work, and dropping him off before work, and also a 2nd overnight. There were problems here and there but mostly it's been my ex having to yield.
    That's good to hear. It sounds like you're being reasonable which is why the counselor is "on your side," so to speak. Ultimately they want what's best for the child(ren) so if they're agreeing with you, it means you're doing the right thing :)

    Last week though, the stragest turn of events. My ex dropped him off before work, and had bags packed in her car. She told me basically if she can't have him 100% for me to take him and just tell him that she is dead. She lost her job (by not calling or showing up) moved in with her boyfriend (who she has admitted sleepign with our son right there, and having our son around him several nights against court order) and gave her car back to her grandparents.
    So after consulting with my lawyer, I dropped off our son like normal. So again my ex sent me a text saying "take him and tell him im dead" somy lawyer said to pick him up. I did. This was June 15th. The next day she continued with "thats what is best, tell him im dead" She finally came to my house Friday to see him and when he focused more on me, she again sent a text to me telling me this. We went to our counsilor who wrote up an agreement that we all 3 signed and she said is legally binding until lawyers can either fight it or put it in a divorce decree.
    We are joint managing conservators and I have exclusive right to designate primary residence. We have equal rights to information. I have the exclusive right to make any major decisions, I just need to inform my ex before hand. And no set visitation, its as mutually agreed upon. My ex, the counsilor and I all signed it. So basically my ex will only get supervised visitation until she is on depression meds, and starts to see a psychiatrist. I have not tried to limit how often she can see him, but she has only seen him that Friday, and then today 1 week later.
    My question is, we faxed all this to lawyers, and my lawyer is trying to contact hers but he is again not being easy to get ahold of. We have a court date on the 30th for emergency temporary custody that my lawyer filed at the beginning of all this.
    Will the lawyers have enough time to do what they need to do, if they don't talk until monday-weds of next week (one day before court date?)
    They'll have enough time as long as everyone agrees to the terms. Her lawyer may convince her to fight it. She's starting to show a disinterest in the child; however, that can change very quickly if the courts order her to pay child support - suddenly she'll want to be the best mother in the world and not want you "taking" her child away from her.

    I'm sure you're aware, but the document that the three of you signed isn't a valid order unless the court approves it. Your lawyer should also request supervised visitation because what you explained here leaves visitation "open" - you need to clarify to the court what it is that you're requesting.

    In the event she doesn't fight it and everyone agrees, odds are that the court will approve your agreement and you'll be all set. I'll keep you in my prayers :)
    Delow84's Avatar
    Delow84 Posts: 309, Reputation: 45
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    #40

    Jun 24, 2011, 02:13 PM
    From what she said today, her lawyers response to her email and the faxed copy of what we signed, was "Ok thanks" so I am not sure if she is lying, or if it doesn't seem like they will fight it. Child support has already been brought up during co parenting, so I am not sure that will spook her into changing her mind.
    Our counsilor said what we signed was "legally binding" but wouldn't stand as a final custody agreement or anything and we would need the lawyers and court for that. But it's basically so she can't say "he's kept him the last two weeks and our court order says he only gets him on his days off"
    Which again I don't think she will try and use much against me, because now with her defeated attitude she has been open about a lot of things she has done against court order that's in place.
    And I explained to my lawyer how I wanted the visitation to work. Supervised until she is on depression meds and sees a psychiatrist, then after awhile unsupervised, (with her boyfriend not to be around our son) and then finally overnights again.

    And I'm hoping with all she has done since last week, and I'm pretty confident, that either way I will end up with primary custody. The only changes I would think could happen is they give her a set visitation like standard or something. Which I would think is doubtful as well, because her living with boyfriend, she couldn't have our son over night because we have the "no unrelated members of opposite sex around child at night" so I don't know

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