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    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #41

    Jul 25, 2008, 10:16 AM
    People make rash statements they do not mean all the time especially when they feel they are not getting anywhere in an argument. Just because she said she is leaving the baby with you never meant she ever intended to follow up on it. If she said she was taking the baby and leaving to Colorado right after that it sounds to me like she is trying to push your buttons just to get a reaction of what do you want.
    She most likely felt 'safe' saying she was going to leave the baby with you because she assumed you would not want it since you were pushing her for an abortion.

    I am getting the feeling that she actually wants to be with you and work things out but feels you are through with her so she doesn't have that as an option.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #42

    Jul 25, 2008, 10:16 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Pharmacy27
    lol the word attacked is very harsh. i shot down both of your negative responses. it was really clear that i was specifically asking for help/POSITIVE ADVICE. thats all but lol attacked... lol

    This is a legal board - there aren't two categories, positive advice and negative advice (a/k/a "advice you don't want to hear").

    It's either the law or it isn't.

    (And I think calling somebody an idiot is a personal attack - )
    MsMewiththat's Avatar
    MsMewiththat Posts: 854, Reputation: 136
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    #43

    Jul 25, 2008, 02:17 PM
    Perhaps the girl is just playing games for attention. None of this sounds like rational normal behavior. Tell me this... haven't we all heard these stories before of girls that claim to be pregnant and really aren't. Young women and girls that are really pregnant are generally not riding the crazy train going back and forth back and forth, scared or not. Is he the only man she is involved with, could it be someone else's child and she can't decide who's it is. Has he actually seen her pregnant? Let's advise him appropriately... My advise would be.. wait it out. Time will tell. If this girl has a baby within nine months of the last time you were intimate with her, get a blood test, if it's yours go from there. My guess it won't get that far. Good Luck, perhaps find a more stable girl to involve yourself with and then wear a condom.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #44

    Jul 25, 2008, 02:22 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by MsMewiththat
    perhaps the girl is just playing games for attention. None of this sounds like rational normal behavior. Tell me this... how would she know the baby is a girl already? Come on people... we have all heard these stories before of girls that claim to be pregnant and really aren't. Young women and girls that are really preganant are generally not riding the crazy train going back and forth back and forth, scared or not. Let's advise him appropriately... My advise would be..wait it out. Time will tell. If this girl has a baby within nine months of the last time you were intimate with her, get a blood test, if it's yours go from there. My guess it won't get that far. Good Luck, perhaps find a more stable girl to involve yourself with and then wear a condom.


    I don't know why you think the advice given so far is inappropriate and, therefore, "we" should give appropriate advice from here on - ?

    The question was can he get full custody and it's been answered and answered and answered according to the law.
    MsMewiththat's Avatar
    MsMewiththat Posts: 854, Reputation: 136
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    #45

    Jul 25, 2008, 02:41 PM
    It's not so much that I think it's inappropriate as much as just riddles. This girl is pulling his chain for a reason and who knows what it is. I thought it important to get him thinking in other directions or at least asking some additional questions. No offense toward any previous posts. Further more, full custody isn't going to be denied on the fact that at a young age he suggested abortion. It would be decided on the more stable, able to provide a good home parent. Not saying that it would be him or her, but she isn't exactly looking balanced at the moment.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #46

    Jul 25, 2008, 02:43 PM
    I did bring all that up throughout the post.
    Some of it was answered some was not but he has gotten the general idea now... I hope.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #47

    Jul 25, 2008, 02:47 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by N0help4u
    I did bring all that up throughout the post.
    Some of it was answered some was not but he has gotten the general idea now....I hope.


    Why do I doubt that? :D
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,970, Reputation: 6056
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    #48

    Jul 25, 2008, 03:11 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by MsMewiththat
    It's not so much that I think it's inappropriate as much as just riddles. This girl is pulling his chain for a reason and who knows what it is.
    I disagree. I don't think you really read the other responses. What we have done is provide accurate answers according to the law. In addition, we have provided advice according to our interpretion of the situation.


    I don't know if this girl is pulling his chain or reacting to the pressure he's laying on her. We may never know.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #49

    Jul 25, 2008, 03:14 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ScottGem
    I disagree. I don't think you really read the other responses. What we have done is provide accurate answers according to the law. In addition, we have provided advice according to our interpretion of the situation.


    I dont know if this girl is pulling his chain or reacting to the pressure he's laying on her. We may never know.


    Nor, as I keep whispering to myself in my corner of the room, does it much matter -

    He asked, we answered - a lot of the rest of this belongs on the relationship board.
    Pharmacy27's Avatar
    Pharmacy27 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #50

    Jul 25, 2008, 09:33 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by smokedetector
    Granted, children should never be used like pawns. But there's a difference between her giving you the kid and leaving and you taking the child from her. I still don't understand your reasoning for that. It's all well and good that you want to do right by your kid, but what is your reason for trying to get full custody? In your original post, you said, "now she is telling me that she doesn't want me to be a part of the little girls life." That doesn't sound like she is wanting you to have the kid so she can bolt.

    From my perspective, this all looks like (and correct me if I'm wrong) you got her pregnant, you decided to have an abortion (and either you suggested it and offered to pay and she thought that would make you happy so she agreed, or you bullied her into it, or something in between, which I think is closer to reality), and she had been going back and forth on whether or not she is pregnant, now you assume (rightfully so, since she hasn't been giving any straight answers apparently) that she is indeed pregnant and you are about to have a daughter. I hope what I have said thus far is accurate, because from there I think we are not in agreement.

    Now, she is wanting you out of her life and her daughters, you are hurt that she lied to you, she has not proven to be an unfit mother, but because she's lied to you you want to hurt her back and taking the baby would be the best way to do that. You don't want your daughter growing up without a father, but growing up without a mother is ok. Now you say she says she is going to dump the baby on you and leave (which is not in line with what she has done so far, what with nixing the abortion to keep it and trying to make you believe there is no baby, presumably so you won't have anything to do with the child), and you want full custody because of that.

    Let me make this simpler:
    She has acted in a way that makes me think that she wants to keep the baby. She didn't go through with the abortion, and in what I assume to be an effort to keep you from the baby, has told you that she had a miscarriage, and later her conscious got to her and she came clean.
    You have acted in a way that makes me think you are just trying to get back at her. You wanted her to go through with the abortion, then found out she didn't and instead had a miscarriage which she blamed on you, making you feel horrible. Now, you found out that she didn't have a miscarriage either. You are hurt that she didn't go through with the abortion, not necessarily because now you're having a baby, but because she didn't include you in the decision she ultimately made. You are hurt that she lied to you about the miscarriage and it being your fault. She made you feel horrible about it and it wasn't true. You are perhaps hurt that she doesn't want you in her life anymore. So now you want to get back at her.

    I have a few questions:
    1) Did you break up before or after you found out you were pregnant, and if after, at what point?
    2) What would you say to the judge to prove that she is an unfit mother and you deserve full custody of the baby? Is there something besides what you have told us that makes her unfit to parent?
    3) If you got joint custody, would that be acceptable, or would it have to be all or nothing?
    4) You said you are 19 and she is 22. How do you expect to care for the child? She lives with family who can help her out. Do you have a job, money, stable home?

    Please try to help me understand. I want to believe you only want what is best, but all I am seeing is you are hurt that she didn't listen to you and lied to you, and then you suddenly go from not wanting the baby to wanting only you to have the baby. You see how this looks, right?
    Well... the whole she wants to dump the baby on me yeah she said that about 4 days ago I think...

    1) Did you break up before or after you found out you were pregnant, and if after, at what point?

    - um... I never did but she use to play little games and brake up with me every other day, pretty much

    2) What would you say to the judge to prove that she is an unfit mother and you deserve full custody of the baby? Is there something besides what you have told us that makes her unfit to parent?

    - she has no family willing to help her with this child nor does she have a vehicle or money to support this child as well.

    3) If you got joint custody, would that be acceptable, or would it have to be all or nothing?

    - If that were to happen I would want to be the primary parent, or what ever it is called..

    4) You said you are 19 and she is 22. How do you expect to care for the child? She lives with family who can help her out. Do you have a job, money, stable home?

    -.. to be honest... I just got kicked out of my house I don't have a job YET. But I'm pulling some strings, but money I have nothing to worry about and I have a mother who is more than willing to help me. As well as my sister.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #51

    Jul 25, 2008, 09:36 PM
    To get full custody you would have to actually prove she is a seriously unfit mother.
    For the Judge to grant you even primary custody you would have to have a stable home and steady income.
    Pharmacy27's Avatar
    Pharmacy27 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #52

    Jul 25, 2008, 09:40 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by N0help4u
    to get full custody you would have to actually prove she is a seriously unfit mother.
    For the Judge to grant you even primary custody you would have to have a stable home and steady income.
    That is already completed
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #53

    Jul 26, 2008, 06:38 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by N0help4u
    to get full custody you would have to actually prove she is a seriously unfit mother.
    For the Judge to grant you even primary custody you would have to have a stable home and steady income.

    To say nothing of a mother who is dangerous to the child and a custodial parent who has made acceptable arrangements for child care when he/she is working as well as a supportive family.

    And here's a problem. OP also said:

    [QUOTE:Pharmacy27] "she has no family willing to help her with this child nor does she have a vehicle or money to support this child as well."[QUOTE][/B]

    Having a vehicle has nothing to do with custody and the child will (at least partially) be supported by the OP.

    [B][QUOTE:Pharmacy27] ".. to be honest... i just got kicked out of my house i dont have a job YET. but im pulling some strings, but money i have nothing to worry about and i have a mother who is more than willing to help me. as well as my sister.

    So he's either working or he's not. I don't see any Court reviewing this situation and determing this is in the best interest of the child. Court will also wonder what the user name means, just what profession the OP is in, as well as what "pulling strings" means.

    Hopefully the OP will come back after the baby is born and update us.
    smokedetector's Avatar
    smokedetector Posts: 368, Reputation: 56
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    #54

    Jul 26, 2008, 07:04 AM
    You don't get to buy your way to full custody or even primary parenthood. It's not really about who has more money here. It's about who would the child be better with. For example, if you're a millionaire who does drugs and parties all the time and she's barely getting by but has support of family and is maybe going to school or something, the court will put the baby with the mother, no doubt.

    "She is 22 and lives with her mom and dad and two sisters who are older than her and brother."
    "she has no family willing to help her with this child nor does she have a vehicle or money to support this child as well."
    I don't understand, you mean to say she lives with her parents and three other siblings and they refuse to help her when the baby comes?

    As far as your custody thing, it all comes down to the situation. If you have money because you sell drugs, then it doesn't necessarily work in your favor now does it? I don't think we're getting the full, unbiased story here, nor do we even know her side, like the judge will, so the best I can tell you is with what you told us, you probably will at best get joint custody. I personally am betting on the mother at least getting primary and you get visitation and child support. Sorry. I wish the baby luck. And the judge.
    ANB428's Avatar
    ANB428 Posts: 450, Reputation: 42
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    #55

    Jul 28, 2008, 07:30 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Pharmacy27
    well... the whole she wants to dump the baby on me yeah she said that about 4 days ago i think...

    1) Did you break up before or after you found out you were pregnant, and if after, at what point?

    - um... i never did but she use to play little games and brake up with me every other day, pretty much

    2) What would you say to the judge to prove that she is an unfit mother and you deserve full custody of the baby? Is there something besides what you have told us that makes her unfit to parent?

    - she has no family willing to help her with this child nor does she have a vehicle or money to support this child as well.

    3) If you got joint custody, would that be acceptable, or would it have to be all or nothing?

    - If that were to happen i would want to be the primary parent, or what ever it is called..

    4) You said you are 19 and she is 22. How do you expect to care for the child? She lives with family who can help her out. Do you have a job, money, stable home?

    -.. to be honest... i just got kicked out of my house i dont have a job YET. but im pulling some strings, but money i have nothing to worry about and i have a mother who is more than willing to help me. as well as my sister.

    Just to let you know, you have to have a job and a stable home if you are trying to get custody of this kid, even joint custody. Having a child is very expensive. I pay $540 a month for daycare and my daughter is now 3. It is more expensive the younger they are. So keep that in mind. You may think that all of this is going to be easy. Instead of you two fighting over who is going to get custody, you need to be fighting about neither one of you having a job. You need to be fighting about your child's future. You don't need to be fighting with each other!!
    ANB428's Avatar
    ANB428 Posts: 450, Reputation: 42
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    #56

    Jul 28, 2008, 07:32 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Pharmacy27
    that is already completed
    How is already completed? Because you say she is a nutjob? It goes on the proof that you have. If you have no job or home and she does (even if it is her parents) then you will look like the unfit parent, not her. I am not trying to put you down or discourage you, I am just letting you know the facts.

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