A friend of mine was diagnosed with MS shortly after she was married and had a child. She is receiving disability income but works 3 days per week. She is able to drive herself to work and to take care of her daughter when her husband isn't home. Money isn't the issue here, but nonetheless, due to her condition, she still does require some assistance from him.

I've noticed that within the last few months, her husband has become more and more abusive toward her. At first, it was teasing her about how she walked but now he yells and calls her a cripple. He resents that she can't do all the things he wants to do and leaves her at home while he socializes with friends alone. When he is home,

Last night, they went out and they both had several glasses of beer. While walking toward the house, she slipped on the ice and fell to sidewalk. He told her that she was just a drunk and should get up. She agreed that she had too much to drink, but needed his help since her legs simply weren't cooperating. He ignored her, went into the house, closed the door, got yet another beer and sat in the window laughing at her while she struggled to get up. After 45 minutes, he finally came out of the house and physically dragged her inside. I'm not condoning the drinking, but leaving your spouse in below freezing weather for 45 minutes and laughing at her sure doesn't seem right!

Today, she says she's had enough and wants to hire an attorney and file for divorce. There will definitely be child custody issues as well since he has told her that because she was a cripple, he was going to get full custody. What a mess!

Is there a special branch of family law that deals with this type of situation or should she just hire a family law attorney from the phone book? Since she is disabled, isn't there some law that affords her protection from this type of abuse? She lives in Wisconsin.

Thank you to anyone who can offer advice.

Dondea

I am not aware of any special rights she may have being disabled. She needs to consult with a good divorce attorney as soon as possible. His actions were cruel. She was drunk though so you can't place all the blame on him. She needs to file once she gets her ducks in a row and get away from such a horrid individual like that.

If she is shopping for a lawyer then she needs to interview as many as she is comfortable with until she finds the right one. She can call the local Barr assc and they usually have a list of names she can pick from. There is no speciality other then that of practicing family law.

She has no special rights in divorce and family law court for being disabled. As long as she is able to care for herself the disablity will not effect any of this.

She can either get full or at least joint custody. If her health really is a issue to caring for the child, then it could effect, If he brings it up, she will need to address it with medical documents from professionals.

Also I do have to ask, with her condition and the medication I will assume she takes, what was she doing "drinking"

I too am sickened at the thought of him leaving her there for such a length of time. However, it is true that she was drunk, her decision. She needs to find a good divorce attorney. No, there aren't any special laws to protect her being disabled that I know of. She first needs to get a divorce and fight for custody. When it comes to custody the judge has to rule in the best interest of the child. MS does not just go away and there will come a time that she won't be able to care for her child. How old is the child now?

Thank you all for your opinions.

I did not know for sure whether she was protected with her disability, but a good divorce attorney is definitely a must.

I too was quite upset to find out about the drinking. She is on medication and while alcohol is not prohibited while she takes it, it actually does intensify the effect. She exercised poor judgment... that's for sure! However, her poor judgment does not excuse the cruel way she was treated. I know I wouldn't leave a stranger who had fallen on the sidewalk, much less a spouse. It's amazing how cruel people can be.

She does a wonderful job of caring for her child, but it is difficult at times. Her child is 2 yrs. Old now and she fears that he will take the child and move far away. Yes... she is aware that the day may come that she may not be able to care for the child, but she does have an excellent support system that is ready to step in and help in any way they can.

Thank you all so much. You have confirmed what I already knew. I really do appreciate all the responses.

Dondea

If there is anything else please come back... even to let us know that she made it through the divorce.

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Originally Posted by stinawords

If ther is anything else please come back... even to let us know that she made it through the divorce.

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I sense that she is apprehensive about divorce. Having been through the divorce wars myself, I can understand. If anything changes, or she digs deep enough to follow through, I'll be back to post the result.

Thanks again.

Dondea

I know this post is older but being a woman with MS and having just gone through a divorce, I feel compelled. For starters, you do NOT have to be drunk to fall from MS and have difficulty getting up. I used to walk and appear drunk ALL the time when I'd had NOTHING to drink so that point is completely mute. This man is sadistic and probably like the man I was married to whom I consider a total sociopath... He demonstrated NO empathy for my struggles with this illness and once it started to progress he became more abusive in his emotional cruely, emotional isolation and verbal abuses... I was married just after my diagnosis to the plan was to put him through grad school in case I couldn't work someday... We put off having children against doctors orders so HE could get his law degree without interference of children. He used emotional blackmail in my marriage constantly due to my illness and

[QUOTE=Jackie127;3236878]I know this post is older but being a woman with MS and having just gone through a divorce, I feel compelled. For starters, you do NOT have to be drunk to fall from MS and have difficulty getting up. I used to walk and appear drunk ALL the time when I'd had NOTHING to drink so that point is completely mute. This man is sadistic and probably like the man I was married to whom I consider a total sociopath... He demonstrated NO empathy for my struggles with this illness and once it started to progress he became more abusive in his emotional cruely, emotional isolation and verbal abuses... I was married just after my diagnosis to the plan was to put him through grad school in case I couldn't work someday... We put off having children against doctors orders so HE could get his law degree without interference of children. He used emotional blackmail in our marriage constantly due to my illness and tried to make me believe I was crazy and if I didn't do what he wanted or believe what he believed he'd have me locked up. I was living in an emotional prison from hell for TOO many years. He also threatened to take my kids away from me. Well, somehow I found the strength to get out AND I got out with SOLE CUSTODY... I lost my legs in the 2 1/2 year process in the courts as he fought everything right down to trying to say my MS had no bearing on my life though he was there through the decades and saw my struggles w fatigue and increasing physical disabilities and the fact that twice I was ordered by a doctor to quit working FT in 97 and 00... Screw that bastard who would do what is described above to a woman w such a hard illness like MS... I hope your friend got out and that A-hole pays the karmic price for doing what he did. My ex was a control freak but his behind his fraud mask of being a nice guy to others. It was a horrible marriage and horrible divorce which HE chose to make that way. My life is certainly more challenging now than its EVER been due to physical disabilities but I have my kids and I no longer have to live with someone that treated me poorly for 20 yrs...

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Originally Posted by Jackie127

[, somehow I found the strength to get out AND I got out with SOLE CUSTODY... I lost my legs in the 2 1/2 year process in the courts as he fought everything right down to trying to say my MS had no bearing on my life though he was there thru the decades and saw my struggles w fatigue and increasing physical disabilities and the fact that twice I was ordered by a doctor to quit working FT in 97 and 00... Screw that bastard who would do what is described above to a woman w such a hard illness like MS... I hope your friend got out and that A-hole pays the karmic price for doing what he did. My ex was a control freak but his behind his fraud mask of being a nice guy to others. It was a horrible marriage and horrible divorce which HE chose to make that way. My life is certainly more challenging now than its EVER been due to physical disabilities but I have my kids and I no longer have to live with someone that treated me poorly for 20 yrs...

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Just as a side note because this is a legal board you got full custody and he has no visitation... and he's an Attorney? Did you physically lose your legs?

In NY you would own part of his license to practice law - did that happen in your State?

I also have MS and find myself in an emotionally abusive marriage. My husband has left me so many times... at Applebee's, at our previous home where I had to finish packing and cleaning alone, lying on my in-laws' bathroom floor in my own excrement, at international customs, etc. We are attending a Compassion Power boot camp as a last resort, and if unsuccessful I am ready for separation. Please know that MS affects everyone differently. Having MS DOES NOT MEAN you eventually won't be able to care for your children. My children would be lost without me. He is beginning to treat them as he treats me.

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Originally Posted by lordgangluff

I also have MS and find myself in an emotionally abusive marriage. My husband has left me so many times ... at Applebee's, at our previous home where I had to finish packing and cleaning alone, lying on my in-laws' bathroom floor in my own excrement, at international customs, etc. We are attending a Compassion Power boot camp as a last resort, and if unsuccessful I am ready for separation. Please know that MS affects everyone differently. Having MS DOES NOT MEAN you eventually won't be able to care for your children. My children would be lost without me. He is beginning to treat them as he treats me.

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