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    jennybean0928's Avatar
    jennybean0928 Posts: 1, Reputation: 3
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    #21

    Apr 29, 2010, 11:28 AM
    I am getting married in 3 weeks. We moved to California a few years ago and 95% of our guests are coming from the other side of the country. It's a smallish wedding on the beach. We could have flown back to Chicago and had our wedding there, but this is our home now and like a few other people mentioned, it really cuts back on the people who are attending. Those who are our closest will be there and those that couldn't afford it, we totally understand. I didn't have a shower, I'm not having a bachlorette party (fiance not having a bachlor party either) and aren't registering anywhere and expect absolutely nothing from our guests. It's enough that they're all making the effort to attend and support us on our special day... I haven't seen most of these people in 2 years, so them being there is gift enough. I've even told all of our guests this. I know though that if I were attending a wedding across the country or anywhere for that matter I would still bring a gift, or give cash. But that's just me... Some of our guests will probably feel the same and if people give us gifts or cash, it will be greatly appreciated and they will definitely receive a big thanks. But it's definitely not expected and if I'm not getting mad at people (my own father and sister can't make it) for not attending, why on Earth would I get upset or offended if someone who is attending doesn't give a gift? Kind of seems childish and materialistic if you ask me...

    An idea for those attending a destination wedding who still want to give a gift, but can't really afford it... Make a donation to a charity that you know the bride and groom support... It doesn't even have to be big and most places will send the couple a little thing that says a donation has been made in their name, and it doesn't usually say how much. I would think it was great if any of my guests did this. I'm actually doing this in lieu of favors at my wedding because who really remembers or keeps the favors anyway? A donation to a local charity, and an announcement at the reception (cuz again, it'll probably get tossed and printing individual cards with this information wouldn't be very eco-friendly) is a lot more satisfying to us then wasting money on cheesy favors.

    :D
    ddd1515's Avatar
    ddd1515 Posts: 1, Reputation: 2
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    #22

    May 28, 2010, 03:47 PM
    I am going to a destination wedding shortly and I do agree that there is quite an expense to going. Even though we can afford to go, it is not a vacation as some have mentioned. Rather, it is a commitment to the friendship we have with the brid and groom. I decided to buy some small but romantic items - 2 antique champagne glasses, a lovely set of "monsieur and mandame" napkin rings, etc. Some sweet, special items that are memorable but not too expensive. Hard call.
    Catsmine's Avatar
    Catsmine Posts: 3,827, Reputation: 739
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    #23

    May 29, 2010, 05:21 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ddd1515 View Post
    I am going to a destination wedding shortly and I do agree that there is quite an expense to going. Even though we can afford to go, it is not a vacation as some have mentioned. Rather, it is a commitment to the friendship we have with the brid and groom. I decided to buy some small but romantic items - 2 antique champagne glasses, a lovely set of "monsieur and mandame" napkin rings, etc. Some sweet, special items that are memorable but not too expensive. Hard call.
    If it doesn't pose a hardship, that's very sweet. We were discussing the bride & groom expecting gifts in addition to guests travelling to the wedding as being rude. I love the champagne glasses idea.
    cozyk's Avatar
    cozyk Posts: 802, Reputation: 125
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    #24

    Jun 26, 2010, 11:44 AM

    I just know that if I needed to have a destination wedding, due to relatives living in different parts of the country or world, I would do this. Only "expect" our immediate families to attend and anyone else that was important to me would have an open invitation, with an EASY out clause for attending. In weddings I've attended, I believe that most of the people there, know the parents in some way, work with a parent and are playing office politics, distant relatives that you really aren't that close with, or a bunch of co-workers just there out of "seeing the show" or partying afterward at the reception. But what percentage of the guest are TRUE heartfelt loved ones and not just there to fulfill an obligation or fill a seat. Big wedding means big deal over you. It is a circus. I say get over yourself and celebrate your love and your union with those that truly love you and truly care.
    Catsmine's Avatar
    Catsmine Posts: 3,827, Reputation: 739
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    #25

    Jun 26, 2010, 02:08 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by cozyk View Post
    I just know that if i needed to have a destination wedding, due to relatives living in different parts of the country or world, I would do this. Only "expect" our immediate families to attend and anyone else that was important to me would have an open invitation, with an EASY out clause for attending. In weddings I've attended, i believe that most of the people there, know the parents in some way, work with a parent and are playing office politics, distant relatives that you really aren't that close with, or a bunch of co-workers just there out of "seeing the show" or partying afterward at the reception. But what percentage of the guest are TRUE heartfelt loved ones and not just there to fulfill an obligation or fill a seat. Big wedding means big deal over you. It is a circus. I say get over yourself and celebrate your love and your union with those that truly love you and truly care.
    Cozyk, this thread has been open for nearly two years. I'm going to ask that it be closed to make room for new questions.

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