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-   -   I can't stand living at my dads house. (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=772035)

  • Oct 20, 2013, 03:41 PM
    Habsgirl3
    I can't stand living at my dads house.
    My parents are recently divorced, about six months now. My mom was always the one who cleaned the house when they were married and now my dads house is a pig sty. Its dirty and disorganized and I can't stand it. He always blames the mess on me and my brother even though on the weeks we aren't there, its still disgusting. He makes us help him clean up everything when 95% of the mess is his. I love him and love seeing him but I can't stand living in a dirty house. What should I do? If I say anything to him he will freak out at me. He didn't learn how to clean in the 20 years he was married to my mom and I don't think he ever will. Please help!
  • Oct 20, 2013, 03:56 PM
    ScottGem
    Have you ever thought how being messy may be a symptom of the divorce. Maybe he needs some help coping. Maybe you and your brother should go there prepared to clean up.

    Divorce can be hard on all the parties maybe you talk to mom and see what can be done to help your dad. But you do need to cut him some slack.
  • Oct 20, 2013, 04:02 PM
    Habsgirl3
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ScottGem View Post
    Have you ever thought how being messy may be a symptom of the divorce. Maybe he needs some help coping. Maybe you and your brother should go there prepared to clean up.

    Divorce cab be hard on all the parties maybe you talk to mom and see what can be done to help your dad. But you do need to cut him some slack.

    His messyness isn't because of the divorce. He has always been this messy my mom just used to clean all his stuff up. I can't cut him any slack because he cuts himself all the damn slack in the world by blaming it on me and my brother and ignoring the fact that's it 95% him!
  • Oct 20, 2013, 04:55 PM
    Alty
    Quote:

    I love him and love seeing him but I can't stand living in a dirty house
    This is really a simple solution. If you love him, and love seeing him, but don't like the mess, then clean it up! It's really not that hard. If it's you and your brother, that's two people cleaning. Your mother cleaned up the house for years, with 4 people in it. If she can do it, you and your brother can.

    Sounds to me like you want someone to take care of the mess, even if you may be responsible for it. If it doesn't bother your father, but it bothers you, then you're the one that has to do something about it, or stop loving him as much as you claim to, and stop seeing him. It would be easier to just clean, if it's really bothering you that much.

    Do you clean at moms house? Be honest. Something tells me that mom does all the cleaning. At dads house you actually have to work to keep a clean house, which is not something you're used to doing. Time to grow up. Houses don't magically clean themselves, someone actually has to put in the work. That's speaking from experience. I have a messy husband, and two messy kids. If I didn't clean, this house would be condemned within 2 weeks.
  • Oct 20, 2013, 04:58 PM
    Habsgirl3
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Alty View Post
    This is really a simple solution. If you love him, and love seeing him, but don't like the mess, then clean it up! It's really not that hard. If it's you and your brother, that's two people cleaning. Your mother cleaned up the house for years, with 4 people in it. If she can do it, you and your brother can.

    Sounds to me like you want someone to take care of the mess, even if you may be responsible for it. If it doesn't bother your father, but it bothers you, then you're the one that has to do something about it, or stop loving him as much as you claim to, and stop seeing him. It would be easier to just clean, if it's really bothering you that much.

    Do you clean at moms house? Be honest. Something tells me that mom does all the cleaning. At dads house you actually have to work to keep a clean house, which is not something you're used to doing. Time to grow up. Houses don't magically clean themselves, someone actually has to put in the work. That's speaking from experience. I have a messy husband, and two messy kids. If I didn't clean, this house would be condemned within 2 weeks.

    please
  • Oct 20, 2013, 05:05 PM
    Alty
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Habsgirl3 View Post
    please

    Please what?
  • Oct 20, 2013, 05:28 PM
    Jake2008
    Alty is right.

    I grew up doing all the housework, with my sisters, because my mom worked, and dad was gone to points unknown. We didn't complain, and when we did, we were told cleaning is part of living here, just like any other chore.

    Do you really expect a lot of sympathy? Most kids have chores. Yours can only be as bad as the next kid's opinion of how bad he's got it.

    Suck it up. Before you head to your dad's place, you and your brother should by now, be prepared to know what you face. Divide up the work, and get it done. It's not rocket science. The quicker you get it done, the more time you'll have to spend with your dad. And maybe he will appreciate the work so much, it might rub off on him, and the house will be tidier the next time you visit.

    And p.s.- maybe give your mom a hand with chores too?
  • Oct 20, 2013, 05:35 PM
    joypulv
    You are in 9th grade now?
    Time to do real work. I and my siblings were 'slave labor' (we called it anyway at that age), because my parents bought a big old fixer upper after living in a modern house.
    It was a lot of work. I must have scraped miles of peeling paint around countless windows. We had so much lawn to mow in the summer, it took all day for each of us in turn, each week.
    Clean his house and then sit down and draw a chore chart for you and your brother, and add the things dad has to do for himself. Remember, he is working to pay for everything you do, own, eat, have over your head.
  • Oct 20, 2013, 06:30 PM
    talaniman
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    You are in 9th grade now?
    Time to do real work. I and my siblings were 'slave labor' (we called it anyway at that age), because my parents bought a big old fixer upper after living in a modern house.
    It was a lot of work. I must have scraped miles of peeling paint around countless windows. We had so much lawn to mow in the summer, it took all day for each of us in turn, each week.
    Clean his house and then sit down and draw a chore chart for you and your brother, and add the things dad has to do for himself. Remember, he is working to pay for everything you do, own, eat, have over your head.

    ... and the roof over your moms head too. If you love him, cut him some slack. Part of love is understanding.

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