Ask Me Help Desk - Dating online

You are right… Momma! I didn’t read your name enough carefully. Or you could say Momma, like a man says he is single… :rolleyes: But anyway it is neither very nice nor positive to say: he does that when he is bored. And try to find someone closer. Do you believe I am so stupid? Actually you don’t know, and didn’t try to find out, asking for more info like the others! I tried where I live, and for reasons I will not put here, it is not possible.

On the other hand, I know what he said is true, he called too many times until midnight and later, webcam, pictures etc… so I know he is not married. Yes, I still trust him on that. What I wonder is… about what he didn’t say! :( He always talks about honesty. Well…. THAT can be anything. He asked me several times to go see him. He even said he was preparing his house for me, which I found too much. He even found some flights for me. He also offered to meet midway. I wanted him to come first… He says he has too much work. Maybe… Maybe I will try to go. Even it is for nothing (his side), I can have a useful weekend. We will see… For sure, he is on AOL, I just downloaded it, he doesn't know, and he has appeared offline for about 10 days, that is not to hide from me.

If I didn’t post more it is because I still have no news. It has been 2 ½ weeks with solid silence. I tried to call him at home, nobody answered, then it was close to Valentine, so I waited… he didn’t contact me. Meanwhile I re-re-re-read Why men love es, and Men are from Mars… so maybe he went to his cave and didn’t go out yet. :) Or he was angry (he sounded that way in one of our last contacts) about my doubting his honesty, precisely. I also know (of course some persons will doubt) he has been sick and to the hospital around NY.

I have started to prepare an email, funny and light, I will see if he reacts. I have not sent it yet. If he has met another one, I want him to see how nuts she is :D . And miss me. But at my age, we are much more patient and tolerant. I have waited 28 years since my divorce, I can wait some more. :cool: Which doesn’t mean I will accept everything. If he doesn’t react, I will draw the conclusions. I am going back to some sites. But there are not a lot I am interested in. There is always something they say that pulls me away. It is not that difficult to read between lines.

In any case, ChihuahuaMomma, you are neither nice nor helpful. But aggressive like your dog (my daughter had one, the older he got, the more he barked at everyone) sorry to say that. It is sad to see someone calling a person asking for help an idiot.

With the info you have given you can't expect everyone to read your mind, or agree with what you say, we call that bad attitude, and your entitled to it. Since you have not specified boundaries, for whatever reason, why is he the focus of your attentions, and not some other of the many, out there, as this is the interenet, and it doesn't matter where you meet someone. If you have invested a few months, and have no plans to meet, then one of you is BS'ing, plain and simple. Instead of assuming what he is doing, just ask and tell him to come meet you. That simple. That you haven't and he hasn't proposed a meeting is telling. Since you aren't forthcoming with more info, for whatever reason, that's as good as I can get. Good luck!

I didn't call you an idiot for asking for help, just for your naivety. By the way, my greenie was supposed to be a reddie..

Quote:

Originally Posted by luv_wriitez_a_faiirytale

I don't think you should be dating online. Thinking about someone who you've never meet before like this can send you into a depression spiral. Trust me, i've been there and my life is ruined. it has taken me a long time to get over it and, even though it's been a year since, i still cannot let go of everything i went through. you should stop now and concentrate on life because that is more important, not him. and technology is becoming moer advanced... how do you know if it really is him... even if you have seen him on the internaet, how are you sure? are you really 100% sure that he is who he says he is? think about it

I don't necessarily think this is true. She has seen him on webcam, so she knows that it's him. Dating online isn't so bad, I just think that the distance and his mysterious disappearances are the things that will make this not work.

It seems you deviated from my question, or I was not clear enough.

I never asked you to ASSUME about his private life, or give judgemental and negative opinion, but what is the BEST strategy to get him back. There are tons of books about that, giving advice on how to get him back, but for "normal" relationships (or dating), but not for long distance. That's what I am interested in.

And what about Luv, who spent 1 year (only one?? ) to get over a situation and generalize. I spent many years to get over my divorce, and recently 6 years over my last relationship (none of them where neither online nor long distance).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nat221

Hi,

I "met" a man on a dating site a few months ago. We are a bit far from each other so we have not met yet. We are not kids anymore :)

At the beginning he was too fast for me, sending tons of emails every day, then we started to communicate on the phone and webcam. But he disappeared several times, reappering as if nothing happened. When he does, he calls me every night... He even asked me if I wanted to get married again etc... He talked about a trip to meet, but not anymore.

I can see he sends silent signals, but if I have read a lot of litterature and advice about "normal" dating, I see nothing about online. I have no idea if he sees other women and what he is doing when he disappears.

He is a nice guy, intelligent, full of humor, and I would like to get his attention back. I am not really interested in anyone else. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you very much

Do not take this man seriously. I know his attention is nice when he is around , but a lot of
Men do this as a hobby. He will never really meet you and most likely talks to many other women online.
If I had a dime for every online proposal I have gotten I would be rich.
If you would like to talk to him for fun, fine. Two words of caution though. Do not give him your heart and be careful that he is not dangerous. You don't really know him .
It is safer to take time and meet someone offline.

Quote:

giving advice on how to get him back, but for "normal" relationships (or dating), but not for long distance. That's what I am interested in.

You cannot get some one back, unless they are willing, or want to comeback. Far as I can tell you never had him in the first place. Unless you have a long term solid commitment, long distance relationship hardly ever work, and dating should be done with those close and available. Read some of the threads that have been posted here and you would see that you have been given good advice already, its just you are not wanting to hear it. Sorry for your loss, but maybe its time for a more proactive approach to your own happiness.

He is on chat lines talking with other girls that is why he disappears. Because he is backing off I would say he has found somebody he is more interested in. If he isn't showing interest then he was probably into something that he didn't feel you were into such as talking dirty or wanting to swing or who knows what. Most likely he isn't the guy he made himself out to be or he would be still showing you more interest.
What he didn't say speaks volumes.
I tried talking to guys on the chat lines for a very brief time and they mostly were looking for someone they could have a fling with. I am sure not all guys in the chat rooms are like that but if he wanted to be with you he would.