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-   -   Older guy flirting? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=143460)

  • Oct 22, 2007, 06:08 AM
    teskometric
    Older guy flirting?
    There's a man at my work that's a lot older than me, and I
    Believe has a girlfriend. I can't tell if he's flirting with me or
    Not. But every time he sees me, he'll lock eyes with me
    For a very long time. And he'll always comes around and
    Tease me about something. And sometimes he'll grab my side.
    Most of the time it seems like he's joking around with me,
    But is he flirting with me?
  • Oct 22, 2007, 08:30 AM
    tchalien
    Yes, he is flirting, he may not realize it, but he is flirting.
  • Oct 22, 2007, 01:23 PM
    victoria_mitchell
    He is intentionally flirting with you, and may I say that he is doing it in a VERY inappropriate and unprofessional way.

    Do you like this guy?
  • Oct 22, 2007, 01:29 PM
    SDRAWKCAB-SDRAWROF
    I would say that he is indeed behaving unprofessionally, this behaviour shouldn't be condoned in a workplace, no matter if the flirting is wanted or not.
  • Oct 22, 2007, 05:26 PM
    teskometric
    I don't know if I like him.
    I heard he had a girlfriend, but
    I don't know now by the way he acts.
  • Oct 24, 2007, 12:48 PM
    victoria_mitchell
    Honestly you should report him... That behavior can only lead to bad things for him. You know that that is considered sexual harassment right?
  • Oct 24, 2007, 01:01 PM
    peggyhill
    I work in sales, and there was recently an older customer who kept flirting with me. I got so tired of it, but I didn't want to be rude, so one day when he came in, I told him " You know, I just can't get over how much you remind me of my dad. He is about the same age and dresses so much like you. It's like you guys are twins!." He never hit on me again. I think he realized that the age difference was just way too much and that I obviously didn't return his feelings. Also, if this man is a co-worker, you might mention it to your boss. Personally, I would draw the line at anyone touching me. Joking around with a co-worker is fine (as long as his jokes aren't sexual or perverted), but touching is inappropriate. The next time he does this you could just say "Please don't touch me in the future. It makes me uncomfortable." You could also tell him "Please don't talk to me more than the other employees. People might think you are flirting and we both know that would be totally out of line because of our age difference. I mean, can you imagine?" That way he will know how you stand on the issue, but you aren't yelling at him. Personally, I think you should address this issue with your supervisor. Whether you are bothered by this, many other people would be. This guy needs to learn right now that it is inappropriate. I would think if he is older he should have learned that by now. If you are under 18, this is absolutely inappropriate and you should tell your parents or legal guardian right away. Also, I would steer clear of a relationship with this guy, if that ever comes up, he clearly seems to have some problems recognizing boundaries. People are expected to act differently at work than out of work. It's part of being professional. Hope this helps.
  • Oct 24, 2007, 01:06 PM
    Foxy459459
    How much older is he to you?
  • Oct 25, 2007, 06:06 AM
    teskometric
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by peggyhill
    I work in sales, and there was recently an older customer who kept flirting with me. I got so tired of it, but I didn't want to be rude, so one day when he came in, I told him " You know, I just can't get over how much you remind me of my dad. He is about the same age and dresses so much like you. It's like you guys are twins!." He never hit on me again. I think he realized that the age difference was just way too much and that I obviously didn't return his feelings. Also, if this man is a co-worker, you might mention it to your boss. Personally, I would draw the line at anyone touching me. Joking around with a co-worker is fine (as long as his jokes aren't sexual or perverted), but touching is inappropriate. The next time he does this you could just say "Please don't touch me in the future. It makes me uncomfortable." You could also tell him "Please don't talk to me more than the other employees. People might think you are flirting and we both know that would be totally out of line because of our age difference. I mean, can you imagine?" That way he will know how you stand on the issue, but you aren't yelling at him. Personally, I think you should address this issue with your supervisor. Whether or not you are bothered by this, many other people would be. This guy needs to learn right now that it is inappropriate. I would think if he is older he should have learned that by now. If you are under 18, this is absolutely inappropriate and you should tell your parents or legal guardian right away. Also, I would steer clear of a relationship with this guy, if that ever comes up, he clearly seems to have some problems recognizing boundaries. People are expected to act differently at work than out of work. It's part of being professional. Hope this helps.

    he's bestfriends with my boss =/. I think I might just tell him to stop touching me, because he does it every chance he gets.
  • Oct 25, 2007, 06:07 AM
    teskometric
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Foxy459459
    How much older is he to you?

    He's about 15-20 yrs older than me.
  • Oct 25, 2007, 06:10 AM
    S SID
    If you like him then tell him if you don't then tell him to stop or you WILL take matters further.
  • Oct 25, 2007, 06:29 AM
    Stringer
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by teskometric
    he's bestfriends with my boss =/. i think i might just tell him to stop touching me, because he does it every chance he gets.

    I think the advice that Peggyhill gave you about telling him that he reminds you of your Dad is great.. gets to the point and it won't offend him.
  • Oct 25, 2007, 06:33 AM
    BMI
    You said you don't know if you like him?? He's 15-20 years older than you!!

    Also, if you like him why does his flirting bother you? Maybe you like the attention and are flirting back with him, u just don't know it?

    Not to be rude or anything, but you say you may like him, if I like someone than their advances are welcomed NO? Think on that!
  • Oct 25, 2007, 11:45 AM
    peggyhill
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by teskometric
    he's bestfriends with my boss =/. i think i might just tell him to stop touching me, because he does it every chance he gets.

    Sounds like a good plan. Don't be afraid to say it to him. Chances are, he already knows he is out of line, and as soon as you say it he will leave you alone. If you still have problems with him and your boss won't do anything, then you have every right to report it. If you go down to the local unemployment office, then can give you some information about sexual harassment, hostile workplace environments, and what you're rights are. Good luck!:)
  • Oct 25, 2007, 06:55 PM
    teskometric
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by BMI
    You said you don't know if you like him???????????? He's 15-20 years older than you!!!!

    Also, if you like him why does his flirting bother you? Maybe you like the attention and are flirting back with him, u just don't know it?

    Not to be rude or anything, but you say you may like him, if I like someone than their advances are welcomed NO? Think on that!

    Yeah I still don't know, because he's a nice guy and all, but he just started
    Making me feel uncomfortable. I don't want to get him in trouble, or be rude
    You know?
  • Oct 25, 2007, 07:00 PM
    Stringer
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by teskometric
    yeah i still don't know, because he's a nice guy and all, but he just started
    making me feel uncomfortable. i don't want to get him in trouble, or be rude
    you know?

    I understand that, but I believe that you should draw a line in the sand here so he understands.
  • Oct 25, 2007, 08:19 PM
    Homegirl 50
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by teskometric
    he's about 15-20 yrs older than me.

    He is definitely out of line and should be reported immediately. How old are you?
  • Oct 25, 2007, 08:23 PM
    Homegirl 50
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by teskometric
    yeah i still don't know, because he's a nice guy and all, but he just started
    making me feel uncomfortable. i don't want to get him in trouble, or be rude
    you know?

    When someone mkes you feel uncomfortable, you can't worry about being rude. HE is being rude. You need to put him in his place. I mean how far does he have to go before you are more concerned about yourself than his comfort.
  • Oct 26, 2007, 07:17 AM
    BMI
    IF he makes you uncomfortable than I doubt you like him. I think what your trying to say is you like him as a person and don't want him to get in trouble for his behaviour, but you do NOT like him in a way that is sexual. Am I correct in this assumption?
  • Oct 27, 2007, 08:15 PM
    teskometric
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
    He is definately out of line and should be reported immediately. How old are you?

    I'm 18.

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