I have been living with my boyfriend for six months. At the beginning he was fine with my 10 year friendship with a man. My friend and I had to stop seeing each other for lunch, because of my boyfriend. We still talk on the phone. My boyfriend hadn’t said anything until last night. He had a couple of beers and we argued about something, my friends name came up, I mentioned him. So, my boyfriend responded that he wished my friend were dead and that he would kill him or beat him up if he could. He accused me of having a sexual relationship with my friend. I felt so sad, since I have been faithful. I’m very religious and I know that if I cheat on him, I’m doing it to God. My boyfriend is a cop. He scared me, because he once said he could send someone to beat up his ex-wife for cheating on him. He was also drunk. Is it the anger and alcohol talking? I tell him to seek help, he denies any wrong. I pray for him. I always talk about God and he laughs. Give me advice. I love this man. He is kind to children, he is loyal. He had all the qualities I had ask God for. I was the happiest person alive, until last night that he said those things. He is angry with God and the whole world because his parents died 5 years ago. Nothing I say seems to help him. I know he is depressed, but he does not want to accept it. Also, my brother says things like that when he gets angry, but he is a chicken and too nice to act. Is it too much stress from working 80hrs a week, or just progesterone? Is it the classic macho Mexican man? We are Mexican Americans.

You have a lot of underneath the skin issues here. First, your male friend of ten years. You should not have to give up a friend to please your boyfriend or partner or future husband. Right there that is a control mechanism and a potential for abuse. Someone who is that insecure and needs that much say in who you talk to or who you have lunch with, is a problem waiting to explode.

You say you pray for him and he laughs. Get out of that relationship now. You two are incompatible in a very important way here. You say you are religious and it sounds as if he makes fun of that in you. Do not stay with someone who does not respect what you hold dear - your faith.

He drinks and gets drunk and then argues and threatens. Think about that - he verbally threatened to kill this friend of yours. He said he could get one of his friends to kill his ex-wife. He most likely could too. Do you want to live like that for the rest of your life? In fear that someday he will say he has had enough and it is easier to kill you than it is to deal with the breakup?

I hate to see behavior blamed on some stereotype of a culture. That is an excuse for indecent behavior and should not be tolerated or accepted. You would be furious if someone said that about you. Do not allow yourself to accept your bf's behavior because of some "macho" stereotype.

It may help you to go and talk to your priest or pastor. Tell the truth, don't hide facts in order to protect your bf's anger and behavior. Find out your options and then act on what is healthiest for you.

I was in the same situation as you two years ago and I got out. I found out later after I left that he was cheating on me with some other chic he knew five years ago. I know you care about him and love him, but you have to think about yourself. The guy I was with laughed at me too whenever I brought up God. I know those same anger issues. I couldn't talk or even look at someone without him flipping out. It took God to help me get through my hurt and pain. Just get in your Bible and seek God's help and seek other christians to help you as well. It doesn't get any better, it gets worse. Keep your chin up and let God lead you in the way that you should go. Hope this helped some.

I am an atheist and have been in a relationship with my very conservative and religious girlfriend for almost 1.5 years. I would NEVER laugh in her face about her beliefs, because I love and respect her. This man obviously does not respect you. Also, the drinking is cause for concern especially as he exhibits signs of being an angry drunk. I would also be concerned with anyone making threats such that he's made, especially considering his job and proximity to weapons. I do not claim to know you or this man well enough to tell you exactly what to do, but you should probably talk to someone about this and as shygrneyzs says, a religious leader may be the one for you. Good Luck.

Yesterday, he said he respects my religious beliefs, and he agreed to go to church with me next Sunday. When I said laugh, I mean like a sarcastic smile, which amounts to the same. I'm not going to justify his actions. I asked God to guide me. I'm going to try to help him. He is very alone in this world, with only one brother and two nephews. Distant family is far away. He said it was fine for me to talk to my friend once in a while, but not 5 times a day. My friend has a tendency of calling obsessively if I don't answer. I'm still with him, in love, but I am on the look for more red flags and have given him one last chance. I'm not too sensitive or afraid of being alone. Leaving him will not be a big deal for me. I will get over it. I really enjoy my solitude because I am always with friends or doing something, reading, poetry, art, music... sports... so much.. I wish sometimes for more time with me. I hardly see him, he works 80 hrs/wk. He needs help and he needs to take the first step, he has agreed to do so. He didn't choose to be depressed and I feel I can't just tell him to get lost. He is kind to people and animals and children. My sisters and friends love him. But, I will stay away if one more thing happens. Anyhow, thanks to all for your wise advise and concern for me. I'm happy to have found this site. Thanks so much, I truly appreciate it.