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-   -   Legal relationship age difference (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=118751)

  • Aug 11, 2007, 11:45 PM
    AzNBaBiiSoFLY
    Legal relationship age difference
    I'm really wondering what is the legal age to go into a relationship with for a 16 year old?

    Back at school, in health class, I was told that you can not date anyone more than 3 years older than u... if you date anyone more than 3 years older than u.. The person would go to jail for it. But I'm still not sure.

    I'm 16 years old... and I wonder if it would be legal if I were to have a boyfriend that is 20 years old. (that would be a 4 year difference). But to be real honest, I really love this guy. And he really respects me. My opinion on age difference is that... as long as we love each other.. there shouldn't be any problems...

    So... is it legal? :(
  • Aug 12, 2007, 01:51 AM
    Clough
    I think that you already know the answer to your question because of what your teacher or teachers have been teaching you in Health Class.

    I would think that your teacher or teachers know the law because they are teaching it to you. Since it is presumed that your teacher or teachers are telling the truth, then I don't know why you would want to risk putting the 20 year old in jeopardy of going to jail because of having a relationship with you. "Love" doesn't matter in the eyes of the law. This is only a partial answer, because I am hopeful that discussion concerning your situation will ensue beyond what I have written. It is only the beginning...

    There are a few people on this site who have very definite opinions as well as very insightful advice concerning your situation that will go beyond the knowledge and insight of the answer that I have given.

    But, my opinion as to my not knowing why you would want to put the 20 year old in jeopardy of going to jail because of having a relationship with you stands. I think that you need to look at why you think that doing such a thing would be okay.

    There may be no way out for you in this situation, if a relationship with this guy is going to be legal. It would seem that you will just have to wait a couple of years for a relationship with him in order for everything to be okay.
  • Aug 12, 2007, 06:18 AM
    Fr_Chuck
    Yes many states have the 3 year rule, so since your teacherrs have stated that, then this must be the rule in your state.

    But I would have to wonder why a man who should be graduted from high school and either be in college or working, would want to date a 16 year old.
  • Aug 12, 2007, 10:36 AM
    excon
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by AzNBaBiiSoFLY
    I'm really wondering what is the legal age to go into a relationship with for a 16 year old? So, is it legal? :(

    Hello Az:

    You know, in the law we don't pussyfoot around with words, and I'm not going to either.

    There is NO law that prevents you from having a RELATIONSHIP with anybody!! There is a law, however, preventing you from SCREWING somebody more than 3 years older than you.

    Are you clear now?

    excon
  • Aug 12, 2007, 12:57 PM
    CaptainForest
    Az:

    Where do you live?
  • Aug 16, 2007, 11:58 AM
    xx pretty girl xx
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by AzNBaBiiSoFLY
    I'm really wondering what is the legal age to go into a relationship with for a 16 year old?

    Back at school, in health class, i was told that you can not date anyone more than 3 years older than u... if you date anyone more than 3 years older than u.. the person would go to jail for it. But I'm still not sure.

    I'm 16 years old... and i wonder if it would be legal if i were to have a boyfriend that is 20 years old. (that would be a 4 year difference). But to be real honest, i really love this guy. And he really respects me. My opinion on age difference is that... as long as we love each other.. there shouldn't be any problems...

    So... is it legal? :(

    I know how you feel trust me but its not legal. Your still considered a minor and he's over the age of 18 which makes him an adult. And if the law finds out about it he would be charged for stachatory rape even if he didn't do anything so even if you love him maybe you should end the relationship or keep it on the DL as much as possible
  • Aug 16, 2007, 12:04 PM
    BMI
    What is with all these guys entertaining younger girls?? I'm new here but I have read numerous posts about 16 and 20, or 17 and 25, etc, etc. AGE makes a HUGE difference, I think younger girls fall for older guys and older guys feel good about that. Also, the word love gets bounced around a lot among people around your age, I met a guy, we shared a coke, I love him, too fast too soon... sorry, but I'm being honest, it will not work and it is more likely he will be able to get over it a lot more quick than you because he is an adult, although him dating a girl your agemakes me question that.
  • Aug 16, 2007, 12:41 PM
    ScottGem
    There are other, similar threads here that have links to the age of consent in various parts of the world. They vary. But as excon said, there is nothing illegal about dating a 20 year old, but there may be something illegal about having sex with him.

    But one has to wonder what attraction (other than sexual) a 16 yr old would have for a 20 yr old.
  • Aug 16, 2007, 12:44 PM
    Megg
    I dated my fiancé when he was underage and had a sexual relationship I was legal but personally I don't care what the laws are. There shouldn't be any to tell you the truth. You like who you like. Now so no one gets up in my face, ill say if you are more then 4 yrs apart that can get a bit werid. If you know right from wrong then you have the right to date, if you don't know what's right and wrong then play games, study and wait until you figure it all out.
  • Aug 16, 2007, 09:41 PM
    s_cianci
    In all of your statements you need to substitute the words "have sex with" in place of "date." Don't confuse the two. The law governs ages of consensual sex ; it doesn't govern dating ages.
  • Aug 17, 2007, 06:24 AM
    AzNBaBiiSoFLY
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ScottGem
    There are other, similar threads here that have links to the age of consent in various parts of the world. They vary. But as excon said, ther is nothing illegal about dating a 20 year old, but there may be something illegal about having sex with him.

    But one has to wonder what attraction (other than sexual) a 16 yr old would have for a 20 yr old.


    Hey i like your comment on one of the users that answered my question! Your so right, i never asked about sex, i asked about relationship. :cool: Although your answer was short, but ur answer was the only one i really like. :)

    errmm... really, i never been in a relationship with this guy. He's actually someone i call brother, no he's not my real brother. I'm the only child. But one day this guy step into my life and changed it completely, i respect him so much like a brother. He's always by myside no matter what situation. He helps me out wen i needed him the most. Like seriously, i promise he treats me like a real sister, not a friend or a lover. Nah.. he never touched me like pplz may have thought. Of course he knows whats right and whats wrong. And i know he will never go out with a minor like me. One of the reasons why i asked the question. At first i liked him. And then he honestly told me straight up that i shouldn't waste my time with this feeling i have. Back then, my feelings weren't as strong. So i told him, alright bro, itx coo... we can't be together... loving you like a bro is coo with me. lol. I didn't think much back then. And thought that the feeling wouldn't be so hard to fade away. But as days go on.. and i get to know him more and we were closer, i figured i can't lie to myself no more, i really love him. To me.. i love him more and more each day as a *lover love*, but to him.. i'm like a sister. But itx hard for me to stop. He's a smart guy, he can tell, and he knows i love him. And he tells me that we can't be together, because its not right. Of course i know the law, but i keep on lying to myself, because i love him.

    Really though, he loves me like a sister and he will always do. But I told him.. I promise that no matter what.. I'm not going to give up. No matter if it takes 5 more years or even more than that. I wonder if wenever I turn 18, I can finally change his mind? But I doubt it. I got to be honest, I love him.

    I used to be in love with this other guy. This other guy was my first boyfriend and first love. It was painful. I love him all my heart. At that time, I was very young you can say. I was 12 and he was 16. Your like thinking... WOW! Huh? Yeah... We were close and I thought he love me too. But while we were together, I didn't know that he was with this other girl.. off and on, lying to me. Even when I found out, he kept on lying to me and I somewhat believe.. and somewhat knew it wasn't true.. but kept on lying to myself about it. At the end.. he brought up the subject about the age difference. Back then when I was 12, I didn't know anything about this law. But he knew all along, but he never told me. But when he doesn't want me anymore, he brought up this subject and sayd, he can't even touch me and blahs, he can't even hang out with me cause of my age. And it hurts me, because he knew that all along, but chose to tell me after I start to love him so much, now its so hard to erase that feeling. During this whole time, the guy a called brother was always here for me to talk to me... about this ex boyfriend of mine. He keeps telling me that my boyfriend will keep on doing the same thing to me, but I never listened to my brother, but it turned out to be true, whatever my brother tried to warn me. Well day after day... I cried non stop, it hurt so much, my chest actually hurts. I totally got to admit that I was depressed. But my brother was always there to talk to me... after awhile... I learned to finally forget that guy.

    Good news and bad news... the good is that, I learned to love the right type of guy, the bad news is, I love the guy that I can't be with. All because he is 4 years older than me, if only he was one year younger.. then it'd be OK.

    But I guess it'd still be the same solution, because my god brother doesn't love me like that. He loves me like a sister. And in his hear, he likes this other girl. And I know my brother is the kind of guy who.. when he likes or love someone, he stays true to one. I know him well and understand him most.

    For the past 3 days, I been thinking... should I let him go or not? Or should I say.. should I stop trying to get what I can't get? Its not my brother's fault a feel this way. And I know it truly. Itx his right to love whoever, and its true that he can't be with me. And I know that I'm not the type of girl he'd want as a gurlfriend. So for the past 3 days, I been thinking that maybe I should finally decide to quit trying.

    I guess I believe in destiny. We're not legal. And if one day I'm legal, and I still can't be with him... then I guess itx destiny. And that maybe he's jux not the guy I'm meant to be with, maybe he's jux meant to be my god brother.

    I still love him though, but at the same time.. I'm trying to fight the feelings. And learn to love him more like a brother than a lover. Isn't that right?

    Love is all about sacrifices. If you love the person, you want them to be happy, even though yourself is feeling pain. That is love. I can't be selfish.

    Ahh... sorry itx such a long message. But I really thank you for your time. Usually.. my brother is the only one I turn to whenever I have any problems of any kind. But I can't talk to him about this, I don't want him to know about this. But if I ever need anyone to talk to, I can talk to you... right?

    What's your name? My name is Lina.

    Thankx! :)
  • Aug 17, 2007, 07:13 AM
    ScottGem
    Keep up your relationship with him but don't force yourself on him. Let him know that you understand, because of the age difference, he is leery about looking at you as a romantic relationship. Let him know you are willing to wait until you turn 18 and then don't mention it anymore.

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