Yorgo-I realise the spot your in, and hope you take the opinions here to help you solve your problem, I wish you all the best in that. I've shown you anger as well as others, not to put you down but make you think. The people here are good caring people who wish you the best and will support your efforts on doing the right thing. Hope you will not be turned off by us trying to give you the tough love we think you may need and stick around. Keep us updated please and Good Luck!

I really appreciate the advise. This is exactly what I've needed for a long time. I'm feeling good. Been thinking about this all day here at work. I have butterflies in my stomach just thinking of what's ahead of me. I will keep you all updated on what happens.

Good luck! Just remember, your kids will thank you for it. (Whether they say it or not.) Children need their fathers. You don't want to have to explain to your kids, someday, that the reason you weren't in their lives was because your wife wouldn't "let you." I don't think they'll accept that as a good reason for being absent.

Hi Yorgo
Apologies for my strong post, it was a little cutting to say the least. I lost my temper when I wrote it. Childhood neglect or perceived abandonment is a personal sore spot for me, and I feel the scars of which take a LONG time to heal in all children.
I always shout from the child's point of view, without considering that yes, your confidence has been taking bashing, that you are dealing with a partner's mental illness.
So, I am sorry for any upset I may have caused you. My comments were definite, and charged.
At the same time, you are not responsible for your wife's illness, and if like you say she is having three bad weeks out of every four, this is quite severe. I hope you can convince her and her doctor to look into altering her treatment so that she is feeling more in control. Because it's not fair on you either.
Your kids are at the age when daddy is superman. So if you are having doubts in yourself, at least realise that. And keep in mind you can't replace those days when they have grown up, so try to see all of them while you can. I wish you the best with everything.

Lay down the law with your current wife. She knew you had children when she married you and you have a right to see them and spend time with them. Child #3 is yours as well, regardless of the timing and she should accept that. I'm sure she expects you to fully accept her child, right? Tit for tat. Tell her, matter-of-factly, that if she has a problem with your children then she can go and be willing to let her. (Don't worry, I doubt that she will.)

Reiterate your rights as the father of your children and insist that she get immediate medical attention for her bipolar. If she refuses, then you kick her out of the house and don't pay another cent towards her expenses.

Yorgo, you sound like a very strong person. You have been able to put up with her crap for far too long. It sounds like you want to do the right thing, and just needed some support. Take care of yourself and your kids.

First of-your children should aways come first. If she can't accept all 3 of your children then maybe you should rethink your relationship. I feel really strongly on this. Your children are a part of who you are, and she should accept that.

Ok this is it - I've been thinking this over since I started posting on this site. With the advise you have all given me I am now ready to do this. I've already arranged for my mom to pick up my kids. She offered. I talked to her about my plan to have all 3 kids so she will be driving them back next Saturday. I spoke to my ex about this. She was concerned about what would happen to my 3rd child but I reassured her that he would be with me from now on along with the other 2 kids. MY heart has been pounding all day as I know this weekend is my last chance to get this going. My wife has been in a relatively good mood for the last few weeks, not sure why, but I going to talk to her about this tonight if all goes well. If it doesn't happen tonight it will have to be tomorrow night but either way this weekend all hell breaks loose. Wish me good luck.

Yorgo, you have to do it tonight. You can't put it off, if you put it off tonight, you can put it off tomorrow, and so on and so on. You see where I am going right?

I am glad you are going through with this. Your children will be your children forever. You have a good plan going here. Keep it up. Stop letting her wear the pants in the family since it is your family you are concerned with. YOU make the decisions for the children and if she does not like it then SHE can go somewhere else.

I wish you good luck Yorgo, Don't let any one come between you and your kids.

Ok it's done. This did not go well at all, actually worse then I thought. Maybe my timing was bad but after all that planning to talk about it this weekend I put it off 1 day too long. J_9 I should have taken your advise and brought it up on Saturday. Well, knowing how she reacts I didn't want to talk about it face to face, she gets violent and would have hit me with something. She confirmed this during our phone yelling sessions. So this is how it went -

She called me at work today close to lunch time. After telling me how bad her day was going with the baby I told her there was something I needed to tell her. So, I laid it down and said I wanted to have a relationship with not only my first 2 kids but also my 3rd. That I'm planning on having all 3 down during the holidays. The yelling started immediately. "how could you do this to me?" I made a huge mistake brining this up today. You see, today is the 6th anniversary of her fathers death. This made things that much worse. After a while she hung up on me and I went back to work. She called later to tell me that it was all over. That she was bagging all my stuff and putting it outside at the front door. I should just pick it up and move out. I ended up yelling back at her that I was going nowhere and she has to put all my stuff back. This went on for a good 30 minutes or so. She told me I was the worst mistake she had ever made and she regretted every having a child with me. She was trying to find a locksmith to change the locks before I got home. This was the worst day of her life. Well after a few more phone calls and letting me know a thousand times that she could not stand the site of me that I could stay in the house this week and move my stuff out over the next few weeks. She said that it was fine that I wanted to be with my kids when they're in town next week but they are not welcomed in our house. I would have to stay with them at my mothers house 20 miles away. Anyhow I got home from work, she didn't say anything just disappeared into the room with the phone. The baby was happy to see me and we played for a little while. I noticed all the pictures that were on the wall had been taken down. These were all pictures of our wedding and anything that had me and her in it. Pictures of my kids were also taken down. She came out of the room after a while and said she was going out, so I said fine. I reminded her that I love her and only want to do the right thing. So she took off. I called her cell phone a little later, she finally answered and told me she went to the liquor store and was on her way to her friends house to get drunk and forget about what was happening to her. Says she doesn't want to see my face when she gets home, that I disgust her.

I put the baby down to bed a little while ago and came out here to let you guys know what's happening and to have a cigarette. I really don't know what is going to happen but all I know is that I want everyone to be happy. I love her and my kids. Why is this so difficult? She doesn't want her 11 year old or our 2 year old to interact, see, spend time with or have any type of contact with my 3 kids that will be visiting next week. My clothes are in trash bags by the front door and my wife is out getting drunk at a friends house. Why me?

Well something had to happen sooner or later, so now you know. Put everything out of your mind, and make sure all your kids have a good holiday. Just so you know, her demands about YOUR kids are unreasonable, and way out the box, as well as selfish, and immature. She would have blown up and acted the fool whenever you told her about your plans. Let me ask you this, what kind of person takes their anger or hatred out on innocent children? You stood up for yourself and your kids, that's what men do.

That's probably not in the cards, at least not soon, but if somebody has to be unhappy she deserves it more than your kids do. Stand your ground.

If she is out getting drunk as you say, be aware that alcohol is a depressant, and she may be in no frame of mind to think or act logically, or rationally for a while. It might be better to let the dust settle, and take care of the kids for now. I would recommend some type of family counselling, when things cool off some as she has a real issue, she needs to deal with concerning the children and what's best for them period.

Have you decided how to deal with this yet? Seems like a very bad precedent to let her kick you and your kids out of your own home. You've made a really good start by not being cowed by her ranting over the fact that they're coming. I know it's tempting to try to shield the kids from her, but I think you set a far better example and show them that you really care by insisting that they are welcome in your home and if she can't handle it, she's the one who needs to find someplace else to stay.

As I remember she has children as well. Where are they during all this, you did mention you were watching the infant.

Well here's the deal with "her" house. She purchased the house originally with her first husband. After 1 year of living there he was also "kicked out". To purchase the house she had put her fathers life insurance money as the down-payment for the house and this is why it is her house. My name is not on the dead and she makes it very clear that it is HER house and not mine.

She has an 11 year old son from her previous marriage and a 2 yo from our marriage. She works a seasonal job right now weeknights and all day during the weekends. I take care of the baby - feed him, bathe him, put him to bed every night. This will end once the new year comes around when her job ends.

Now, the 11 year old stays with me most of the time. I help with his homework, feed him and play with him. It's been this way for the last 4 years. He is used to me being around. I love him as if he were one of my own kids. She doesn't see that.

My wife, now, does not want her kids (11 year old from prev marriabe and our 2 year old) to interact in any way, shape, or form with my 3 kids. She doesn't want the 11 year old to know about my 3rd child. She doesn't want the 2 year old to ever see or spend time with my 3rd child either. So her plan is for me to pack up and move to my mothers house where I can spend time with my 3 kids and she will find a baby sitter or day-care that will watch the 2 yo while she works. The 11 yo will go to his grandmothers house(her ex's mother the whole week).

I told her I want all the kids to be together. I'll take care of the 11 yo, the 2yo, and my 3 kids this coming week. I have no problem with that. I would love that to happen. She says she will do everything in her power to prevent that from happening.

My 3 kids are not welcomed in her(our) house anymore.

Also, she does not want to suffer the embarrassment of explaining my 3rd child to friends and family. She's always told everyone, including her own brother, that I only have 2 kids from my prev marriage. I knew this would cause problems from the start. Also, she thinks that her 11 yo will be confused and mentally screwed up if he finds out he has 3 step brothers and sisters instead of 2. She says he's already screwed up and its my fault. The 11 yo is confused about family, marriage, and kids because of her divorce NOT because of anything I've done.

Last night she came home from her friends house around midnight, took a shower, yanked her pillow from the bed and slept in her 11 yo's bed. He's with his grandmother this week also so the bed is empty.

I just don't see a light at the end of this tunnel. I'll give her some time to calm down but as hard-headed as she is and after spending a few hours drinking with her best friend its just going to get worse. Her friends always push bad advise on her. They tell her she shouldn't put up with me and I don't can't understand why. I've been working 2 jobs for the last 3 years so we can afford nice things. She hasn't had to work since the baby was born and just started part-time at a local dept store for the holidays. She doesn't need to work but I thought it would be good for her to talk with other adults and have some time for herself. It kinds of gives her a life outside of just taking care of the baby all day.

Regardless of what she says I do help around the house. I do yard work. I maintain the cars, etc.. Still even though she tells me she's still attracted to me and that I am a good father she claims Im a terrible husband. I just don't understand what she means and she can't give me an example.

There's so much in my head. I'm sorry for writing so much but Im just putting down my thoughts right now.

Yorgo, sounds to me as if you need marriage counseling. Sounds like you have found yourself a cold one, this time. You are trying to do the right thing by your children and you are probably a good dad. Your kids and your feelings are important and your wife should respect those feelings. After all, they are your children. You can always get a new wife, but your children will always be your children. And someday, the invisible child will want to know why you never cared. And I hope you can look him in the eye at that time and tell him why.

Her 11 yo son is staying at his grandmothers house this week since he is out of school for the holidays. The baby stays with my wife at home during the day. When I get home in the evening she goes to work until 10pm or so. All the yelling and screaming yesterday happened while the baby took his nap.

Looks pretty bleak right now as her lies are coming back to bite her in the azz. Say strong for the kids sake. She will go through a lot of upheaval as she now has to backtrack and explain the truth to EVERYONE, not a task to be envied but hey, all the fits or drinking or b***hing in the world will change the fact that dad takes care of his children, will it? Keep doing what your doing, she may be open to counseling later, for now batton the hatches down a storm is brewing.You can handle it!