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    wedgewood grey's Avatar
    wedgewood grey Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 29, 2008, 07:39 PM
    Adult children who criticize their parents
    I have two adult children 37 and 30 who are my worst critics. I have been in theraphy for an anxiety disorder and not myself for the past year. The critics have been getting worse and worse. What have I done and what can I do. They do not seem to respect me anymore and accuse me of making trouble and being selfish.

    Our past relationship had been quite good.

    Please help.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #2

    Nov 29, 2008, 07:41 PM

    You can politely tell them that if they have a problem with you you would appreciate if they discuss it with you in an adult manner instead of taking pot shots at you.
    ashey23ole's Avatar
    ashey23ole Posts: 69, Reputation: 5
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    #3

    Dec 4, 2008, 04:38 PM

    You have to help yourself before you can help the relationship you share with them.

    If therapy is working and you feel less anxious your kids will see it too.

    Just let them know that your trying to get help and would appreciate their support.
    yorkiemama's Avatar
    yorkiemama Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    May 9, 2011, 10:38 AM
    Schedule a time with them, in a 'safe' place, to tell you everything that is currently an issue in your relationship with them. Then listen quietly, without judgment and without getting defensive, and whatever you do, do not get angry. After they are finished, respond in a quiet voice from a place of heart-integrity. Then let them know that you love them, but that after today you, as the parent, will never again allow them to criticize you. Let them know you tried your best, and probably failed (as we all do from time to time), but that you would never knowingly hurt them, and that you love them. I hope you will end up feeling some closure, a renewed closeness and forgiveness for one another. Best of luck - healing is a journey you will have to go through together!
    Invicta's Avatar
    Invicta Posts: 7, Reputation: 2
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    #5

    May 15, 2011, 09:49 PM

    You may want to bring your children into a therapeutic setting with a therapist to arbitrate for the discussion with them that yorkiemama suggests. Otherwise they may not be able to maintain control or gentility with you. Another option is to write them each a loving letter expressing your regret, concerns, and hope for reconciliation along with your present need for calm interactions due to your condition and your need for their support.
    These options provide an added measure of safety for you
    Good luck!
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