My 8 yr old grand daughter masturbates openly and won't stop even though she's been told often that it's a private thing... not wrong, just not what we do in front of others.
Her teacher last year seemed to have a way of controlling her, but now it's holidays, and she's quite defiant, telling me it feels nice, so why shouldn't she do it? She is a very forceful child, and can be rude and cheeky to adults, but she can also be very caring and sweet. Her Mum and Dad split up when she was 1, and she idolises him, though he left for Gran Canaria 6 years ago and returns sporadically. She has an older sister, 11, and a baby half sister, 10 months. She's been doing this for at least 5 years!

It sounds like she is also a disrespectful and disobedient child. Have you consulted with a professional about her attention-getting behavior, perhaps a Physician or Therapist?

I would say that this is purely for the attention. This is not cheeky - this is open defiant behavior.

I'm sure her family situation and unhappiness have a lot to do with it.

Let me see no games, no TV, no computer, no internet unless she obeys rules would be a start

** no a few good swats is a good start, then the other and she only gains back things if she follows the rules.

This should have been stopped a long time ago. Not only is it innapproriate, it is wrong for you to allow. I agree with Fr_Chuck,
A few swats on the backside wouldn't hurt. That's not child abuse.

While I agree with the others, it's going to take some couth to address. One one hand you don't want her to feel ashamed for doing this, but on the other hand you need her to understand this is something she needs to be doing in private.

Kids her age are exploitative of their bodies, and the more you don't address this situation, the more likely she is to explore in other inappropriate ways.

Does she ever complain that it's itchy? A simple solution could be a change in soaps.

How is this being handled now? Is she being sent to her room? Is she being punished? Is she being ignored? Has she been exposed to any other sexual behavior?

Another area of concern is whether the child is acting in a sexually provocative manner.

While in sometimes this indicates sexual abuse it's not always the case. It could be that a parent may not understand that their television viewing and own sexual behavior in front of the child is also noticed by the child.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

While I agree with the others, it's going to take some couth to address. One one hand you don't want her to feel ashamed for doing this, but on the other hand you need her to understand this is something she needs to be doing in private.

Kids her age are exploitative of their bodies, and the more you don't address this situation, the more likely she is to explore in other inappropriate ways.

Does she ever complain that it's itchy? A simple solution could be a change in soaps.

How is this being handled now? Is she being sent to her room? Is she being punished? Is she being ignored? Has she been exposed to any other sexual behavior?

Another area of concern is whether the child is acting in a sexually provocative manner.

While in sometimes this indicates sexual abuse it's not always the case. It could be that a parent may not understand that their television viewing and own sexual behavior in front of the child is also noticed by the child.

---

I agree about the TV, there's stuff on there I wouldn't feel comfortable watching. I think the parents should have taken her to see a child psycologist a long time ago. Even the kid shows have these little girls
And boys acting like teenagers.

Oh I agree Kit, I think both the parents and the child should seek professional help with this situation.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

Oh i agree Kit, I think both the parents and the child should seek professional help with this situation.

---

I can't believe they haven't sought help. As you said.. this could be indicative of sexual abuse. I hope not. Just an opinion

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

this indicates sexual abuse

---

This was the first thought that popped into my head when I was reading the post. If this has been going on for 5 YEARS and the child is only 8 years old, I strongly suspect sexual abuse. The behavior she is exhibiting, to the extent she is exhibiting it, is abnormal.

Grandma, it is time to have a VERY serious talk with Mom and get that child into counseling to find out what is going on with her.

I wonder about why the adults in her life didn't stop this behaviour, or get help to stop this behaviour, a year ago, or three years ago, or when it started five years ago.

This could also be upping the ante. If she has done this for five years, what else has she done to get attention. Swing from the rafters, play with knives?

I'm not so quick to judge sexual abuse as being a cause of all of this, without knowing any history.

I find it hard to believe that a stubborn and defiant child who is obviously smart enough to get adults so upset, has had past behaviours that were also not addressed.

An assessment- yes, of course. Assess the parenting skills of the parents. Advise them on how to discipline a child, instead of ignoring bad behaviour and giving up and posting on online forums for an answer.

I can tell you that if one of mine were to have started such behaviour, there would have been consequences. Appropriate to the age.

"If you choose to play with yourself anywhere other than the privacy of your own room, the consequence will be, no trip to the park tomorrow, and 20 minutes in a time out chair"

Easy? No. She's hound the hel* out of the one stepping up to discipline her, not only because the behaviour has been allowed to go on for YEARS, but obviously discipline has been missing in other behaviours as well. Not as shocking perhaps, but if she gets away with this, I'd not be surprised if she has a nice repertoire of language and behaviour to get anything she wants.

Much more work has to begin to eliminate other problems that may be contributing to this. Discipline introduced at age 5, is like trying to housetrain a wild monkey.

But sexual abuse? I'm not going to go there, it is all to easy to think that, as long as the family, the child, and the behaviour within the family is not addressed.

Not saying it isnt'- maybe the adults, or an adult, is not seeking help, because this is going on, who knows. But, as a mother, surely she needs to figure this out- starting with an assessment.

Why do you care if she openly masturbates? It's a normal human function. If I was in the room as a guest and she masturbated to orgasm, I would be amused by it, not offended by it. I think you should check YOUR hangups at the door and just go with the flow, let her do it to her heart's content.

Masturbation, in the open or in private is a GREAT thing, for both sexes.

My 2 cents.

It's really not appropriate for an 8 year old to masturbate until orgasm in front of company, and if you were amused by it, maybe YOU should check your hang ups.

Wow that is wildly inappropriate jojo. There is nothing wrong with a child masturbating IN PRIVACY. But to allow it in public, and get amusement from it, is just wrong.

This post is VERY old, but I would like to add, that it sounds like OPs child could use a spanking for the behavior (not the masturbation)