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    My 5 year old daughter masturbates ALL THE TIME

    Asked Jan 28, 2008, 12:18 PM 36 Answers
    My 5 year old has been doing this for about a year now. It use to be only at home, but now it's at school. She is in kindergarten and I have been called in to talk about the situation and have had several other phone calls from school saying that now she will not do her class work because she wants to finish! I just don't know what to do?? I have tried explaining to her that this is a private thing and if she must do it she needs to do so when she is alone. She is very rebellious though and it seems the more her teachers and I ask her not to the more she does it anyway. Any suggestions

    Last edited by rowletta1; Jan 28, 2008 at 12:59 PM.
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    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,541, Reputation: 5999
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    #21

    Jan 30, 2008, 10:34 AM


    Whoa, I just decided to peek in here and can't believe some of the intolerance and ignorance displayed.

    1) A child can certainly learn this by themselves, especially a girl. When they bathe they are taught to wash that area which can stimulate them. They can learn to like the sensation (as the daughter said, tickle in the tummy). So to believe this is unnatural is ridiculous.

    2) On the other hand, this girl's behavior seems to have gone over the bounds of natural exploration and borders on obsession.

    3) She is obviously too young for the full "birds and bees" talk, but there are ways to broach the issue for kids her age. I would discuss it with your local librarian to see if there are any books that will help you.

    4) You DO NOT want to traumatize her by putting a negative spin on sexual activity. What you DO need to do is teach her what sexual activity is appropriate and when. You need to approach this with the tack that there is a time and a place for everything. That she needs to learn what is appropriate for when. Use non sexual examples of things that she knows she shouldn't do at certain times.

    Because the behavior seems obsessive, I think counseling may be in order. Not because of what she is doing, but because she is being obsessive about it. The problem is not masturbation, but her obsessive need to do it.
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    CSW6314's Avatar
    CSW6314 Posts: 34, Reputation: 0
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    #22

    Feb 13, 2008, 08:19 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by rowletta1
    It tickles her tummy and makes her feel good. I've been told NOT to tell her it's a bad thing! I've been told to ignore her, punish her, I have done all these things and nothing matters to her. She still continues to do it.
    I just don't understand how she learned how to do this. Are you sure she is masterbating and not just doing/saying things for attention? I've never heard anyone say masturbating tickles their tummy. I think as a parent you need to put a stop to this before child services does
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    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,541, Reputation: 5999
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    #23

    Feb 13, 2008, 10:05 AM


    Quote Originally Posted by CSW6314
    i just dont understand how she learned how to do this. are you sure she is masterbating and not just doing/saying things for attention? ive never heard anyone say masturbating tickles their tummy. i think as a parent you need to put a stop to this befor child services does
    Are you a parent? Children are taught to wipe themselves after going to the potty, for girls this process generally means touching themselves in a stimulating way. So its easier for girls to learn what feels good then boys. Maybe you've never heard it described asa tickling one's tummy, but I've heard it referred to similarly.

    As several of us have pointed out, this is not unnatural and children's services is highly unlikely to get involved in this.
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    CSW6314's Avatar
    CSW6314 Posts: 34, Reputation: 0
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    #24

    Feb 13, 2008, 10:39 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ScottGem
    Are you a parent? Children are taught to wipe themselves after going to the potty, for girls this process generally means touching themselves in a stimulating way. So its easier for girls to learn what feels good then boys. Maybe you've never heard it described asa tickling one's tummy, but I've heard it referred to similarly.

    As several of us have pointed out, this is not unnatural and children's services is highly unlikely to get involved in this.

    I'm not a parent but I am raisng children ans I don't know how your can get masturbation from wiping your privates. This is the first child I have ever heard of masterbating at all an then being allowed to do it! It just not right
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    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,541, Reputation: 5999
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    #25

    Feb 13, 2008, 11:51 AM


    It's a natural process. If this is the first you have heard of it, then you need to become aware of parenting facts. As to allowing it, what do you propose? Shaming the kid into believing that sex is totally wrong? Sorry, but you need to get your head out of the sand.
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    danielnoahsmommy's Avatar
    danielnoahsmommy Posts: 2,506, Reputation: 297
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    #26

    Feb 13, 2008, 12:13 PM
    Scottgem is absolutely correct on all counts this child is exploring herself and this is normal. She needs to have boundaries set when this behaviour is appropriate or not. I doubt any abuse has taken place. With bathroom habits a child can discover themselves and that touch feels good. They just need to be taught that this is private and should not be done in view of others.
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    Nicole4784's Avatar
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    #27

    Apr 7, 2008, 09:31 PM
    I think it is very ignorant for parents to compare their kids to others.. all children are different. Just because some do things different does not mean they are or will be perfect! Be careful! That will backfire. My cousin's mother in law always compared her daughter's child with her son's kids. Talking about how she was 4 and reading at 4th grade level.. blah blah.. well she failed to mention how the child has been expelled from daycares, school.. and poor girl has a terrible behavior. I know I discovered the whole feeling good down there when I was 7 or 8. I remember I wiped and it felt funny so I realize woah. Time went by I still did it every now and then. Mom caught me and forget it. Forever I thought it was horrible.. that I was the only one who did it and that I was a sick person. Ok it is OK to bring up our children with moral and spiritual guidance (like religion).. but we have to be realistic... too.. just because certain things like masturbation is a sin.. its actually very natural.. and you can't create a negative impression on a child so young.. and much less be judgmental. I am now 24 and I am married--with children.. and have only had one sexual partner and he has now been my husband for almost 2 years and I have been with him for 8 years. So by no means EVER assume---they masturbated young--they are going to be promiscuous. There are plenty of people out there.. who do not discover that and end up being promiscuous.. or God knows what else... and vice versa. Children are constantly discovering their bodies.. I know my daughter squeezes her legs and its soooo annoying! And I feel embarrassed because I know if she happen to do it in front of someone who is ignorant--forget it! Luckily, I have only seen this right before going to bed... One thing I do tell her is that although it feels good, her private parts are private... and if she touches them she will get her boo boo in her pee. She does have a reflux problem where her urine drains up to the kidney. Perfect reason to tell her you need to keep that area clean and dry.. never touched.. whether it feels good or not.. especially.. for no one else to touch.. because it is private and to tell me...

    So parents, this behavior doesn't make your child any better or worse than any one else. There are other behaviors that might signal a problem in the future--and for parents to be judgmental and compare their children to others and make them high and mighty.. *beware*.. those are the one who surprise you the most... we can only teach our children.. but in the end.. they will grow and become their own.. and we do not know what they will become.. I had my first child at 18.. grew up in a great home.. great morals etc... but things happen for a reason... those that compared me to their saint of kids... well, their kids ended up either being known for sleeping around.. some got pregnant at a younger age and didn't do anything better with themselves. I became a young mother... but I got my education.. I am a great mom.. and happily married to their father... so seriously... open your eyes...

    Oh and by the way.. things are not so different than back in the days... the difference is... people before covered things up.. like early marriages.. and never talked about it... nowadays, people are more open.. but sex... nothing new.. WE are the ones w the bad minds... children are innocent...

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    svatnsdal's Avatar
    svatnsdal Posts: 183, Reputation: 20
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    #28

    Apr 7, 2008, 09:42 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by aggie4life08
    What I want to know is how she knows how to do this? I have never heard of such a thing. If she is being so disobedient than you need to take action immediately and discipline her. Let her know that she is being punished if she continues to do this. You need to be firm! Take away her toys, put her in time out, don't let her have any fun! Starting something like this at such a young age is very alarming... you may have her see a councilor.
    Absolutely not! There is nothing wrong with discovering our bodies so young, the good is, she is discovering it! Never punish your child for something good. What you should be doing is talking to a doctor or councillor about it. Do not take away your child's toys for discovering her body!
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    justcurious55's Avatar
    justcurious55 Posts: 4,360, Reputation: 790
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    #29

    Apr 7, 2008, 11:31 PM
    Oops. I meant to disagree. While I agree that your daughter should not be doing this in public I don't think you should be firm and discipline her the way some users are describing. For example, if you take away TV, what's she going to do? Probably go to her room and masturbate, right? So that won't fix anything and you risk having her grow up thinking that's its something bad even though it's totally natural. I agree with the users that said its likely a phase and to teach her about "being a lady."

    Does she have an older sister or any older cousins? I learned about "being a lady" from my sister and my cousins. Anything they did or didn't do, I did or didn't do. Maybe if there's an older girl she looks up to let her hang out with them more. When I was little (like 4 or something) my mom would tell me not to pick my nose but I would ignore her. Then I started playing with my cousins more and they would say it was gross so I stopped because I wanted to be like them. Maybe it would work with your daughter. I don't know
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    #30

    Apr 8, 2008, 06:42 PM
    Hi,

    I just finished researched on the topic of early masturbation for my senior thesis. This si completely normal; and her "finishing" it is also completely normal. However, I can understand how this may bring on problems in the public, especially at school. If you are not getting through to her, maybe there is someone else she really respects such as a pediatrician, or a friend of yours, aunt, etc. Sometimes, another person besides "mommy" can help with getting through to her. By all means do not STOP her from doing this. I am doing research on the topic because I remember exactly when I was told and threatned to stop doing this "horrible thing". It was detrimental.

    Don't pay any attention to the ignorant people who tell you to Stop your child from doing this. It is crazy.

    Take care

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    didntdoit40's Avatar
    didntdoit40 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #31

    Feb 28, 2009, 03:06 PM

    I know this is an old post, but does your child still have this behavior? My daughter started this 'tickling' behavior last year in Kindergarten (a private school) and a year an a half later after loads of therapy, doctors, psychiatrists, and ADHD meds, we have finally learned that she has a rare form of OCD that involves mastrubation. We did all the don't do it and only in your room talks, rewards, threats, no stress, yada, yada, yada... and sometimes it shows a child absolutely has zero control of an action due to the brain triggering a behavior. She is highly intellegent academically and very creative but this behavior disrupted her life daily. She cried about it and didn't know how to stop. We also found out there is a genetic link as she has 2 other cousins in another state (far away) that had the same behavior but they started at 6 months. And continued (ing) and one is 9 yrs old! Parents get your child properly checked out by a good children's hospital!
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    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
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    #32

    Mar 2, 2009, 11:04 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by CSW6314 View Post
    ive never heard anyone say masturbating tickles their tummy.
    Everyone describes orgasm differently; no two people have the same experience. Given her age, she probably doesn't know how else to phrase it.
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    lilebonygirl's Avatar
    lilebonygirl Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #33

    Mar 3, 2009, 10:43 PM

    I didn't bother to read the pages of posts. But I will say I am 19 and I had kids who did this all the time grades 1-3 and I told my mom about it she told me they could have been sexually molested or raped.. but honestly I tried it for like 2secs when I was like 7 after I saw the girl in the nxt seat and thought it was cool because her face turned red.. so maybe she picked it up from someone in school..
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    lilebonygirl Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #34

    Mar 3, 2009, 10:50 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by didntdoit40 View Post
    I know this is an old post, but does your child still have this behavior? My daughter started this 'tickling' behavior last year in Kindergarten (a private school) and a year an a half later after loads of therapy, doctors, psychiatrists, and ADHD meds, we have finally learned that she has a rare form of OCD that involves mastrubation. We did all the don't do it and only in your room talks, rewards, threats, no stress, yada, yada, yada...and sometimes it shows a child absolutely has zero control of an action due to the brain triggering a behavior. She is highly intellegent academically and very creative but this behavior disrupted her life daily. She cried about it and didn't know how to stop. We also found out there is a genetic link as she has 2 other cousins in another state (far away) that had the same behavior but they started at 6 mos. and continued (ing) and one is 9 yrs old! Parents get your child properly checked out by a good children's hospital!

    They have a "rare form" of everything nowadays... anything to get money..!
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    YvonnaXoxBabe1's Avatar
    YvonnaXoxBabe1 Posts: 1, Reputation: -1
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    #35

    Mar 4, 2009, 01:45 PM

    Umm do you still live with her Father because the only way she would know how to do this is if someone RUBBED her in that area so id watch what he's doing at NIGHT!!
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    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,541, Reputation: 5999
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    #36

    Mar 4, 2009, 02:01 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by YvonnaXoxBabe1 View Post
    Umm do you still live with her Father because the only way she would know how to do this is if someone RUBBED her in that area so id watch wat hes doing at NIGHT !!!!!
    So you would want to destroy a family with this false and incorrect advice.

    Both sexes learn to masterbate mostly from self exploration. This is actually more true of girls than boys, because the act of cleaning themselves after going to the bathroom can often involve this type of stimulation. Please keep such medieval notions to yourself.
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    didntdoit40's Avatar
    didntdoit40 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #37

    Mar 7, 2009, 03:47 AM
    In some unfortunate cases the child has witnessed or been molested. My daughter has not. She has went to 'play' therapy and the doctors of course look for this. All 5 physicians in the past concur that my daughter was not molested or seen this in any form. She claims she did not learn this from anyone. We don't live in a neighborhood with kids everywhere and the kids in her class don't have this issue. And my husband and I have tirelessly worked on getting her proper help and paid thousands in doctor bills to "fix' this issue. The teachers were asked to track the number of this behavior per day and most days she was mastrubating up to 30 times daily. An update, as I've said her newest physician said she is suffering from OCD which tells the brain to do something repeatedly and my daughter started a low dose of OCD meds. Her behavior dropped 20-30x to ZERO times a day in a weeks time at school (after 1 1/2 years! ) and she said her brain is not telling her to mastrubate anymore. So, it goes to show how disruptive and unwanted this can be and there was an awnser finally. Her brain triggered it. Don't rule that out!
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