I am in a similar situation. My daughter was such an easy teenager through high school. She was very studious, showed little rebellion, and we were, I thought, very close. But she came back after a year at college with a very rude and disrespectful attitude. I told her I wasn't going to accept that, well actually I did get angry and yell, and she told me she was leaving. She has not been back.

She is 19 now and stays at college, which is only about an hour from my home. She takes weeks to answer my e-mails and phone calls. Then she says her phone is not working properly and she's been busy. I offer to help with a new phone for her and she tells me, quite curtly, "That is not your responsibility."

When she talks to me she is always very curt and distant. She makes plans to see her little sister (age 9) when her sister is with my ex-husband so she doesn't have to see me. She treats me with distain and disrespect.

I have beat myself up over and over again because of this. Sometimes I blame myself, sometimes I blame her, and sometimes I chalk it up to immaturity. But whatever the reason, it hurts.

But I have been reading a lot of posts tonight, on this and other sites, about other mom's in similar situations. It comforts me somewhat to know I am not alone, and this is at least somewhat typical.

And I understand that probably the only thing I can do about the situation is to protect myself from her rude and disrespectful behavior, just like I would protect myself from this treatment with any other human being. Because she is my daughter, I want to fix it and make it better, but I can't. I can only protect myself.

So I am going to try to draw boundaries and keep my distance until she is ready to come to me. Please pray for me, as I will need the help! And prayers back to all of you, too.

One more thing. I cannot consider a man's opinion on this subject valid or credible. I think it is impossible for a man to relate and/or understand the complexities of a mother/daughter relationship, as he has never been either one.

She is not going to act like an adult until you TREAT her like an adult.

Also remember the situation she recently got out of. Of course she is angry and stressed and yes going to be snippy and crabby. Its hard to spend however long with a lover/husband and then leave them due to abuse. No matter how bad the guy is or how much you love him, nothing makes it any easier. Espcially with her children. She has been living out of your home, with adult responsibilitys, and then moved back in with you due to an emergency situation. Its hard.

Cut her some slack, treat her like a grown woman and you yourself take some time away to relax.

Good luck hon. I have been through this but from the other side, and its hard for everyone, not just you, and not just her. You both need to work together.

Joe... the reality is that sometimes it is the fault of both, the immaturity and disregard of one or the influences or habits of the parties involved. Many young girls/young women begin to challenge the direction and authority of their parent(s)... specifically the mother but very seldom the father. Sexual contact CHANGES the behavior of ALL young girls and unfortunately many young adults believe that stating what they feel, around anyone in any tone demonstrates that they are an adult and that they can say whatever they "feel"... (not know). There is never a justification for disrespect to a parent. If a young person believes that they are an adult, then adult-like behavior should be reflected in their actions. A part of adulthood and respective maturity is how one handles conflict. It does not show growth when a young adult displays disrespectful and outlandish outbursts to others. That's a sign of social and emotional dysfunction. These levels of dysfunction are not always a product of the home environment but are often what is "absorbed" via their external social settings. A young girl/woman can have a brilliant academic mind and have limited "common sense". An expert does not immediately determine fault based on a select number of sentences (stated in frustration) but receives a more definitive account of the events and takes into consideration the various underlying causes. Charles Stanley stated in one of his readings... you can teach your child the best lessons and principles in life but it's up to them what they pack up, put in that suitcase and take with them. Sadly, many of the best reared children forget to pack the respect that their parents are entitled to, however, if young adults do not learn to display respect in their homes and to others - the world will definitely teach them how it feels to be disrespected by those who have no vested interests in their future and it will be a rude and harmful awakening.