I am so sorry for your loss. I know how devastating it is. It's been five months now since my boyfriend has been gone and sometimes it doesn't seem like it's been that long. I can say that just taking one step at a time helps you to get through. Cry when you need to and don't beat yourself up when you don't. Your loved one would only want the very best for you and they would want you to get through this and LIVE, not just exist. I believe that those who loved us would only want our lives to continue and to be full of love and happiness. I know it seems impossible, but time helps a little and allowing yourself to feel the pain and loss of your love does too.

Wishing you peace and comfort during this difficult time and praying you find the strength and courage to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Hugs,
Bette

I'm so sorry darling... you need to get professional help. If you don't have anyone to talk to parents, friends, or can not afford a professional, research places you can go online, if you can't do that go to a local AA alcohol anonymous meeting and ask the person in charge for their opinion on a free place to get help. This is something you more than likely can not deal with or should have to deal with on your own.. You need a professional. Please try if you can get out of bed to exercise a little... this will release natural endorphins that will help out a little... remember... one day at a time... time heals wounds.. Only time

I am so sorry for your loss,. I lost my husband four years ago in an auto accident... please listen to the advice that these people give... and reach out to those around you... and yes, find a counselor or therapist. (A lot of us have... because it really does help!)
A small hug, a touch of another person's hand, or even a few words of kindness will make a lot of difference... Make sure you don't close yourself off to those who can offer support and be there for you to help... let them help you.
I wish you strength and courage, peace and faith... and know that you're in my prayers.

You cope. You try to live with it. You ask yourself that question everyday until you finally find your answer. It will hurt like nothing you will ever experienced or will experience again. It will tear you apart from the inside out. Your mind will rarely stray from it. It will depress you, discourage you, and belittle you in ways you cannot describe. It is sheer torment and you'll feel like you're already going through Hell. You'll feel like there is no escape, despite how many friends are there for you and how many will tell you it will be okay. The fact is, it will not. It will be with you for the rest of your life, however long or short it may be. Every time you think of it you'll lose a piece of yourself. You'll want to talk but feel no one is around who knows your pain, so you end up keeping it inside, and slowly dying. I speak from experience, as my fiancé committed suicide in April. It's completely changed who I am, making me basically a shadow of my former self. There is some good to be had. In time, you'll learn to remember them for how they made you feel. You may even manage a smile amidst the tears. I try to, so believe me when I say I know it is hard. You'll learn to take no one's love for granted as you might have in the past. You'll cherish all the time you can spend with people. You'll try to help everyone else around you, sacrificing yourself in the process, believing you are trying to find yourself. You'll do anything and everything to keep your mind off it. Doing something to keep your mind off it is all you can do to try to keep your sanity. At night, you'll try to sleep. You'll toss and turn, wishing, praying, willing to give anything for one more night beside your loved one. I know this because I am still doing it and it's nearly been a year. It is a rough thing to go through, but you will smile again. Your pain will be less noticeable as time goes on. It'll still stay as sharp as ever, the only thing that changes is you growing numb to the feeling, as you get used to it with each passing day. Even though it has been over a year since yours has died, I know you are still suffering a tremendous amount. If you want to talk about things, send me a personal message on here, provided this site allows it (this being my first visit and subsequent post to this site, I am not sure what is allowed here). If you'll allow me, I will try to help you myself. If you accept, I guarantee I'll try my best to get you to smile and mean it. Until then, take care.

From the US to the UK
Armando

I know exactly what you are going through. It hasnt yet been 4 months, but I have lost my fiance as well. He died November 12th, even though technically when we took him off life support, it was the 13th.
He's the love of my life & as much as I'd like to talk to his family about what Im going through, It feels like no one understands.

Id really like to talk to you & see how you survived. I know a year has past and Im sure you are so much stronger now, than you were before.
Im still mourning and I'd love someone to talk to who understands my pain.

*Ericka* aka ~Jasper's Wife~

My personal information is posted in my profile on here. Feel free to get in touch with me, Ericka.

I too lost my fiancé a month and a half ago (march 18). I'd like to know how you are coping because your words over a year ago echo my thoughts EXACTLY. I am LOST without him. He was my reason for getting out of bed in the morning, for being who I was, for breathing! And to make matters worse, he died so tragically and I'm having issues with his family (they are making things a competition between our love for him - his sister mainly). Please contact me. I need to know from someone who went through what I am currently going through.

AntMaria, please get in contact with me. I will try my best to help you out. My personal information is in my profile.

Luscarion, I looked up your info in your profile but didn't see any contact info. Have you gone through something like this? We were supposed to get married 2 months from today...

That's odd, my contact information is deleted. My AIM is xmiliardox, my MSN is luscarion @ hotmail, and my Yahoo is luscarion. You can reach me at any of those. And yes, I lost my fiancé a bit more than a year ago.

I'm very sorry for your loss. My husband, the love of my life after years of destructive relationships (yes, the prince who finally came along) is dying of brain cancer after 12.5 wonderful years of marriage and togetherness.

Even though I'm a grief counselor and have a full life, I grieve the pending loss every single day. I know how "lost without you" feels as he's been here but not really here the past 8 months. We both struggled before we met, doing our best without the support of our families, raising children alone. We came together and found a true partner and friend and lover. Fantastic.

Just as our youngest is getting ready for college and we had so many plans when we were FINALLY child-free (my oldest is 30 and our youngest is 15), he fell ill. I feel as if I have been so robbed. So very robbed. While at the same time I am grateful to have had the love of such a special person.

My suggestions to you are the same I'd give anyone, including myself. See if you can find a grief or bereavement group. Read The Grief Recovery Handbook and work through the loss with someone else who has had a loss. Read "Grieving: How To Go On Living After Someone You Love Has Died" by Therese Rando
The Centering Corporation also has good literature. I have a link to it on my blog about Michael's illness: RopeBurns as well as other resources.

There are so many hopes and dreams to be grieved along with the person. It's a shattering loss but I believe that you can and will heal and go on. Difficult to imagine now but those who face their grief come out on the other side.

Wishing you peace in your heart.

Susan

Hi, I just found this post. I was looking for something that might help me. My fiancé was killed 3 weeks ago and I am having a really difficult time with it. I was just wondering if I could talk to someone that has been through this.

Thank you

I understand how you feel, 7 weeks ago I woke up to go to the bathroom around 4am of a Saturday and realize that my fiancée ( we lived together for more than 3 years and were going to get merry in 2 week after his death) wasn't on bed.. I started calling him but he did not answer me, so I went downstairs looking for him and found him dead on our kitchen. I was in shock I could not believe that life could just flip like that! I said to myself "wake up! this isn't real you guys just got this house a year ago, wake up , this isn't real you are 6 weeks pregnant! oH my god he is dead!. . .

I still stay on the same house where all that happend, if i were to try to sell the house I will end up owning the bank... i can't run, there's no where to run, if god put me thru this he will get me out!, I just can't see how but i believe that no more than ever we are just a dash in a paragraph, i never had control of life so i won't have it now. All I can do at this moment is keep breathing, keep waking up and just see live minute by minute but having very clear that I will not leave this life unless god call me over, and hopefully one day i get to see my angel again.

the pain is so big that somethimes it feels like burning alive but all i can do is make it thru one day at the time. i say to myself "just today I won't see him, just for today".

I miss him a lot, it feels like braking inside, alrefy broke, but as long as I keep brething I may be able to see him one day...

Its just today without him

I'm so so sorry for your pain, that is an awful thing to happen to anyone.:(

You really need to start a new thread, or post a question or statement so people can respond.
The one you posted on is old and you might not get the support you need.

Please keep the faith, it can get better!:)

I too loose my fiancé this year Jan 20th. He was murdered by someone. The day I heard a call from his fren, my life was totally lost. It was the most terrible thing that happened in my life. I loved my fiancé so much. I loved him crazily actually. I can't stay even 1 day without talking to him. Everyday I will hang with him on the phone. Since he was working outstation, I hardly see him. Ours was a long distance relationship. Although ours was a long distance relationship we loved each other so much. Ayappan loved me so much. We were actually planning for our wedding. Whenever he's down here for holidays, I spend good times with him. I can never forget those intimate time with him. We were so close to each other & loving. He was a perfect gentleman for me. I can't imagine my life without him. I also tried to suicide but didn't work out. My mum saved me. But my life is meaningless now. For what must I live? Why do I have to see my fiancé? Why did I loose him after 7 years? I love him so much but why did he have to go this way? God knows I love him so much.

I thought the same thing after a few days, I want to see my fiancé again. I will wait for him no matter how long it takes. Im praying to God so that I will see him one day. If I have to wait this whole life for him, I will definitely wait for him. I only want to see him again. I don't want anything else in my life. Once I get my fiancé back, everything will be back to normal. I'll be the most happiest person. Im willing to sacrifice anything for my fiancé. I only want my fiancé back. I know its impossible but if God wants he can create miracles in my life. I want a miracle in my life. I want to see my fiancé again. Im missing him so much. I truly love him a lot. As long as I'm alive, I will alwiz love him.

Im missing you so much my dear!! We will definitely meet again soon!! I believe God will unite us. God knows we love each other very much. God will unite us soon!! I love you so much darling!!

For everyone who has lost a partner (whether married or not) here... there is a great website called young widow's bulletin board. It's ywbb.org and it has been a lifesaver for me. Check it out. You can post about anything and the people are super supportive and helpful. Many posters lost a fiancé as opposed to a spouse, and there are special feelings and issues regarding that. Also there is a special posting area for Survivors of Suicide. I am also a widow (my hubby died 3 + years ago in an accidental whitewater kayak drowning, leaving me with a 23 month old boy and a 5 month old girl to raise alone) and still find it helpful. Best wishes for your pain to ease. Be easy on yourself and get the help you need.

Hey,I feel for you so much... im now 36 and don't talk about this a lot but when I was 18 my fiancé died in a car accident he was 18 as well... id been with him over 2 years he was and still is till this day the love of my life... he was on his way home from seeing me that night and fell asleep at the wheel... he left me that night smileing the next morning I was told he was gone... I was pregnant at the time and give birth to our daughter 2 weeks later, I have never felt so alone in my life,going threw the birth and knowing he would never see our child he would never even know he had a daughter... its now 17 years and I have never got over him.everyone tells me I need counselling... and I know they are right... I have wanted to give up so many times... I hate life but the best advice I can give you is to get counselling I know that had I got it years ago I wouldn't be the way I am today... god bless xx

I find it kind of ironic that I am posting on here nearly two years after her death, but I've just suffered through a relapse in thought. I let my mind wander and I started thinking about Jena again and it damn near brought me to my knees. Here I was thinking I was finally starting to become numb to the pain when, in reality, it only seemed to have opened up a new sense to feel it with. I deeply miss her and I wish above all else she were around with me. I got to say, the road does feel so cold and lonely, and I'm not even sure where I am going anymore. I'm sure I'll regain myself in a few days or so and continue to try to forget, but right now I can't seem to shake the pain. I'm thinking I might need to find a local support group or something...

If you feel you need help, seek out help for yourself.

It's a healing process and there is no "right" way to recover from grief. What you are experiencing is not alien to me - my life has gone on but there are still days when the grief comes back, certainly not as strong as it once was, but it does come back.

I lost my fiancée cole sept 18 2006 things won't be easy it wasent for me the most important thing is don't stay in your own head too much I know it's a lot easier said than done but if you do your just setting yourself up for bad thoughts and talk to family and friends there's no easy way to get through something like this and suicide is not the answer eventually you will want to live life again just give it time