Yea just before we split up we were making plans about what to do on our 1st year anniversary.

Tomorrow would have been a year since our first date and I'm just feeling so much pain right now, I know she won't even text or do anything regarding it.

Its amazing how fast life can change around.

Hello again, zoo:

Dude! Are you still sniviling over your lost girl?? You need to get yourself laid.

excon

Yea just before we split up we were making plans about what to do on our 1st year anniversary.

So make plans to do something with yourself and celebrate you. I can't believe your doing this to yourself over a girl that you didn't even date for a year. I'm not saying you shouldn't feel the hurt or pain but at some point you have to accept this wasn't a lifetime you spent with her. A year from now you'll look back and wonder what the big deal was. Five years from now you realize that this relationship was fine for this period in your life but would never have lasted. Ten years from now you won't even remember these anniversaries or dates as being important.

Look I'm not saying break ups don't suck, especially the first ones but other then beat yourself up, what exactly have you done to make something of this break up and the relationship? Have you learned anything? Have you looked back and thought about some of the things you said or did and the reactions they got? Have you been able to pick up some valuable social tools that you can use in the future? That makes this worth while, other wise you'll just end up repeated the pattern over and over.


Tomorrow would have been a year since our first date and im just feeling so much pain right now, i know she wont even text or do anything regarding it.

With all due respect, why would she? She didn't see this as even being remotely close to what you saw this as. She doesn't owe you a conversation on a date that means nothing to her and should mean nothing to you.

But that's what you keep doing. You keep punishing yourself by feeding your jealousy, which by the way is an emotion you choose to accept at some point in your life because you thought it would help you or give your control, and it has done neither. But you punish yourself with these dates, what she did before you met her, what the church says, what her parents think and anything else. And again, and I feel like a f*ucking parrot here but again I ask you WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOU? You are the most important person in your life and you don't do one thing for yourself as far as helping out your emoitonal and mental health.


Its amazing how fast life can change around.

Yes it is. Life is constantly changing. People will come and people will go. I'm only 30 and I've had friends, ex's, and even my own family come and go through out my life. Change is constant, how you deal with it is permanent.

Hay zoopp you have to realise although it was hard this relationship did not go for very long. It was never going to work out you need to be going out for a bit longer than this to be so upset. I know you are and obviously but no one who wenters your life for this short period can be worth the pain. I had my ex for 3 1/2 years and she left you just had a few casual months. Also don't think aboutn how 1 year anniversary is coming up think hopw lucky you are that this happened now and not in years time...
Yes its amazing how fast life can change that's how it is you are born you blink your eyes your gone... Life waits for no man and don't let it pass you by... Don't rush out and do anything just take a month and stop thinking about this try and be happy with no one and realise one day tere may be someone else in your life... As hard as it is to do that's how it is. Its been 3 monthd for e and I'm stilol not over it. My situation did not even involve any other people like yours so iwould have felt better knowing she left for someone else or some drama but all I got was I need to be by myself and grow. Now that's hard couldn even get angry at that... Now that's pain... Think about it your girl was off with someone else who woud want a girl like that she's not worth it you don't need a girl like that in your life. Idont even get to say ell anything was crap how do you think I'm handling it well this I what I say...

SHE LOST ME>>>> That's RIGHT WE HAD A GREAT RELATIONSHIP AND SHE LEFT, I wish I could be angry but she didn't even get me angry just confused and she has all my presents and gift after all this time, you think I don't feel crap with her walking away with everything I gave her and leaving me and telling me she did what as best for her...

You at least have a good reason to just forget her she had someone else that's when you say she wasn't worth it mate

Hello again, zoo:

Dude! Are you still sniviling over your lost girl???? You need to get yourself laid.

excon
Ah sh!t, I meant to dissagree

You're only 22, you'll get over it. The next time you break up with someone you'll find it easier because of getting over this one. Life is about experience, the more you gain your ability to deal with life's little obstacles are greatly improved.

However, you did make me laugh with your storm reaches the shore bit. It's funny how all the soppy songs, and crap romantic movies come out when you've just broken up with someone! 99% of the time you think it's rubbish.

I agree it wasn't a very long time and sometimes I feel like an idiot when I see others on here that have lost their girls/boys after a 3 or 4 year relationship but she was my first love, she was the only girl that I trully give myself too emotionally and out relatationship was very intense.

Like I said before if I hadn't texted her by noon she would get worried and constantly text me and friends to make sure I was OK.

We spent all our time together and I know this isn't healthy but it was both of our choices to do this.

Sadly as some point she didn't want it anymore, I think her friends had something to do with it, we had an argument over the text and we started talking, I joked about how her friends must want her to dump me and she said they did. Next thing I know she's dumping me 4 days later. I just wish she had of gave me the chance to show her how much she means to me.

i agree it wasnt a very long time and sometimes i feel like an idiot when i see others on here that have lost their girls/boys after a 3 or 4 year relationship but she was my first love, she was the only girl that i trully give myself too emotionally and out relatationship was very intense.

It funny you mention that. My first true love was a relationship that lasted 3 years. After she dumped me I was confused just like you. I had no warning and didn't see it coming at all. But that's because I had no experience, looking back the warning signs were there and if I knew what I was to look for I could have seen it months in advance and not been blindsided by it. It took several more being blindsided by break ups to catch the signs. Don't be that guy and start learning now, not ten years from now.

After the break up, I also remember thinking to myself "Will the pain ever just go away?" I thought that all the time. So guess what I got. More pain. One of the problems I had that you have is I constantly focused on it. Your going to get what you focus on. You focus on the pain and you will get it. That's allowing your brain to control you, and not you controlling your brain.

Tell your brain that you would like 50 minutes of focus on something else, it doesn't matter what you focus on even if it's just television. Then give yourself 10 minutes to feel the pain at the end of every hour. Is it going to work 100% of the time? No. But it will at least give your brain a direction and permission to feel the pain. The thing is once you start concentrating on something else your brain will follow.


Like i said before if i hadnt texted her by noon she would get worried and constantly text me and friends to make sure i was ok.

Yeah that's one explanation.

Here's mine. She was so insecure about herself that she wanted to keep a short leech because you were desirable by other women and she knew she wasn't good enough for you.

You choose to believe the one you want but mine's the one that's going to build you up and help you overcome this situation. It's also probably the truth.


We spent all our time together and i know this isnt healthy but it was both of our choices to do this.

Two things.

1. You know this wasn't healthy. So you are learning something from the pain. That's good news for you. Accept it and hold onto to it and give yourself credit for doing something positive by learning this lesson.

2. You said it was both your choices, well perhaps because of her insecurity, which recognized above, she choose to constantly be around you so that once again you could not be available to others. She monopoliesd your time out of her own insecurity so that others could not get near you.


Sadly as some point she didnt want it anymore, i think her friends had something to do with it, we had an arguement over the text and we started talkin, i joked about how her friends must want her to dump me and she said they did. Next thing i know shes dumping me 4 days later. i just wish she had of gave me the chance to show her how much she means to me.

She gave you enough time. If she was really into you her friends opinions wouldn't mean a thing. It was her decision and because your so blinded by her and her lies you try to blame everybody around her without actually blaming her. While it's time. It's time to place the blame exactly where it goes, and that is one her feet because she is the one, and only one that deserves it. She's not the lady you try to give her credit for and quite honestly she's not good enough for you. But it's time you start getting good enough for yourself because you didn't do anything to deserve this self punishment, so quit doing it and accept that you got dumped, just like I have been.. more then once, just like 99% of all other guys on the planet. It sucks that is for sure, but punishing yourself for her own insecurity, lies, and down right studpity doesn't help you at all. Plus it's not an accurate description of who she is and what the relationship was. I hope in the coming months, say 6 months from now you will look back and read these posts and see without the emotions you have raging at this point just how lucky you were to get this person out of your life.

Will be a year tomorrow and it's still hurting and hoping to hear from her? Sad... very sad... ur life got stuck in the past and all this while you never actually existed... can u imagine that?

will be a year tomorrow and it's still hurting and hoping to hear from her? Sad...very sad...ur life got stuck in the past and all this while you never actually existed...can u imagine that?

No what I meant was it was a year today since our first date that's all, its only been 8 weeks since we split although when I think about it that's a 5th of how long the entire relationship lasted!

Hello again, zoo:
Dude! Are you still sniviling over your lost girl???? You need to get yourself laid.
Excon


rockerchick_682 agrees: you've obviously never been in love, lust isn't love idiot. It takes a while to move on sometimes


ah sh!t, I meant to disagree


excon disagrees: Like this?????

Now that's funny.

Now that’s funny.
I'm glad my stupidness is amusing

:confused:

but she was my first love, she was the only girl that I trully give myself too emotionally and out relatationship was very intense.

Part of your problem is that you have no other experience to draw from, as how to handle this situation. Your point of view is that you gave it all, and she repaid you with leaving, but the truth is you fell deeper than she did, so you hurt more and unless you accept this is over, you will akways be stuck getting over this. As chuff and others have pointed out, time will heal and if you learned anything here, you will handle the next relationship a little differently.

I'm glad my stupidness is amusing

You aren't stupid, but quick to hand out those reddies aren't you??

Get up tomorrow allow yourself to be sad for a moment, shed a tear or two... then go do something that makes you happy (that doesn't involve moping over her) surrond yourself with people that want to be with you. Let yourself preservation kick in. You'll make it, and be a stronger guy for the experience.

Part of your problem is that you have no other experience to draw from, as how to handle this situation.

A big part of the problem + she was less emotionally invested than you thought she was in this relationship as tal has pointed out.

This is all part of life, living and learning and you will do just that.

Thanks guys, the day is almost over and its only now at 8.42pm that I decided to cry, id been holding it in all day.

I did what you guys told me, I focused on getting my car cleaned up and worked on that for a good part of the day.

I have to say though that it wasn't a one sided relationship, I know it sounds like that but then again you are only getting the one side of the story. She was so sweet to me and knew how to make me happy. We were good together and it was her that was first to say she loved me.

Im coming to terms that it is over, its hard to know that the girl who once felt so much now wants to be with someone else, be it today or tomorrow that's the fact of the matter.

It just gets me how she couldn't dump a guy that really treated her bad many times, he dumped her. I make a mistake that I repeatidly tell her I regret and sorry for and she kicks me to the kerb. She even grew more and more distant and never once give me a reason for the coldness.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is, if you really loved someone then surly deep down you would try and do anything to keep that person in your life.

Im just amazed how someone can go from being to nice to being so cold as to ignore me at a junction when I waved, I mean why would someone act like that for no real reason, I just wish she would give me an answer for that and then I could move on.

It hurts not knowing why.

It just gets me how she couldnt dump a guy that really treated her bad many times, he dumped her. I make a mistake that i repeatidly tell her i regret and sorry for and she kicks me to the kerb. She even grew more and more distant and never once give me a reason for the coldness.

The answers are already there for you.

Its simple and I hate to bring reality home but she did not/does not love you.


.Im coming to terms that it is over, its hard to know that the girl who once felt so much now wants to be with someone else, be it today or tomorrow thats the fact of the matter.

She does not love you.


Im just amazed how someone can go from being to nice to being so cold as to ignore me at a junction when i waved, i mean why would someone act like that for no real reason, i just wish she would give me an answer for that and then i could move on.

She does not love you.


It hurts not knowing why.

You do know why.

The answers are already there for you.

Its simple and I hate to bring reality home but she did not/does not not love you.



She does not love you.



She does not love you.

Well, I had to spread it but Geoff is 100%, dead on correct. The answers are there and quite honestly it's clear as day to the rest of us who have no emotional attachment. She did not love you. She did not care for you. She did not like you. You can hold onto all the good times that you perceive and what she told you but she did not care one damn bit. And again, the answers are already there.

Yes I am trying to tell you something because you need a reality check. I can understand the hurt your feeling but this is all a new beginning for you. Ask yourself this question though.

What have you really lost?

Someone who never really loved you, not truly anyway.

What have you gained?

A lot... or at least, you will have gained a lot once you accept and let go, you will be much wiser and would have learned a great deal from all this.

You are in a much better position than you think you are but it will take a bit of time to realise that.

True, I'm sure most here will know that even during the relationship there was one big topic that was buggin me. Maybe this was for the best and I ca start afresh with someone that will make me happy and appreciate the love I may feel for them.

Many thanks to everyone on this topic.

Its prob to late but ask her to go out for launch notthing more just friends

its prob to late but ask her to go out for launch notthing more just freinds

Ahhh here's the thing, when we first split she said she wanted to be friends, not at that point I was a mess, I didn't want friendship I wanted love. I said maybe one day but right now I want you back.

Anyhoo a week passes and I ask if she still wants to be friends, she says yes but not until she finishes her exams, I thought that's a bit weird that you can't start a friendship with someone you already know, like it's a big deal. So I say OK.

Then she asks me to leave her alone until her exams are over, I again say OK.

Then She says in the distant future maybe we could be friends. Now all this time she wanted to be friends is out the window for some reason. She even blanked me, how can you make a friendship out of that.

She said she never wants me out of her life but now that's all she seems to want.

Its weird how she changed like that and went from wanting friendship to wanting nothing.

its prob to late but ask her to go out for launch notthing more just freinds

God no. He's struggling enough as is. He doesn't need to see her. Plus that will only confirm to her he still needs her in his life.

Yes very true, but if she still cares about him, one year anniversy is special or any year aniversy is, if he knows how to control himself, and not show any! Affection it would not be a bad idea at all, but if she's giving him stupid excuses that means she wants the space, and you need to give her that space.

yes very true, but if she still cares about him, one year anniversy is special or any year aniversy is, if he knows how to control him self, and not show any! affection it would not be a bad idea at all, but if shes giving him stupid excuses that means she wants the space, and you need to give her that space.

She never really mentioned space, she said she wanted to be friends and then proceeded to tell me how she couldn't be friends with me.

Ahhh heres the thing, when we first split she said she wanted to be friends, not at that point i was a mess, i didnt want friendship i wanted love. I said maybe one day but right now i want you back.

Anyhoo a week passes and i ask if she still wants to be friends, she says yes but not until she finishes her exams, i thought thats a bit weird that you can't start a friendship with someone you already know, like its a big deal. So i say ok.

Then she asks me to leave her alone until her exams are over, i again say ok.

Then She says in the distant future maybe we could be friends. Now all this time she wanted to be friends is out the window for some reason. She even blanked me, how can you make a friendship out of that.

She said she never wants me out of her life but now thats all she seems to want.

Its wierd how she changed like that and went from wanting friendship to wanting nothing.


This sounds identical to a situation I had with an ex... ironically enough of about 1 year. Turned out she was seeing someone else towards the end and then when her exams came she asked for time to study. What she really wanted was time to date this other guy and if he didn't work out use the Chuffster as a back up plan if that didn't work out.

Much like you, I was confused, I thought no way would Ann (real name, no need to protect the guilty) lie to me, or not give me a chance, or throw away the past year. But guess who was really lying? Me. To myself. The clues were all there. I see them plain as day looking at it now. It was obvious then as it is now, I just was blinded by my devotion and love that I gave her but never came back to me.

Much like what happened to me, your ex doesn't need your friendship anymore. She's got someone new to keep her occupied. That's a real world lesson in how women work and that's why you never give more then 50% in a relationship. You gave 90% or more and she took 90% or more from you. That's why on reason she has no effects from the break up and your still coping with the loss. You gave so much of yourself that you have little left and you have a bigger void to fill then she does.

Hmm interesting, I have asked her if there was another guy, she said no she wants to be single but she has lied so many times that I just don't know anymore.

Her having another guy is kind of like my worst nightmare right now.

If I may ask, what caused you two to split up?

I sent her a text saying I wasn't going to her birthday party, to see what she would say.

Turns out her ex didn't show up at her party once and she thought I was turning into him. That's the only reason I know off. She never explained to me.

i sent her a text saying i wasnt goin to her birthday party, jus to see what she would say.

Turns out her ex didnt show up at her party once and she thought i was turning into him. Thats the only reason i know off. She never explained to me.

Aren't you interested in knowing and making things clear? Would you really let some stupid nonsense reason keep you apart?

Maybe you two should have a serious talk and clear things up. Otherwise, I don't see how you two can move on.

What do you think?

Aren't you interested in knowing and making things clear between you? Would you really let some stupid nonsense reason keep you apart?

Maybe you two should have a serious talk and clear things up. Otherwise, I don't see how you two can move on.

Trust me when I say I have been trying, she doesn't want to know, I have asked and asked and even pleaded for an explanation and she wouldn't give it, all she ever said was that she had to build her trust and respect in me again.

I would love to sit down and find out why but she won't give me the chance.

Well now, it's already more clear: she doesn't trust you anymore.

What did you do?

What because I sent a text?

I never cheated or lied, I told her how sorry I was and she was fine, we even went out that weekend and she was fine, then I get the text on Sunday saying it was over.

Girls especiαlly ones thαt know whαt they αre doing won't give you the time of dαy once they αre through with you- I'm one of them. I don't wαnt to be so hαrsh but : get over it-- your mαulling over it while she's with somebody else or hαving fun with friends...

You αsking her over αnd over is probαbly reαlly creepy to her αnd she probαbly mαkes fun of you for thαt (hence the no respect pαrt)

wαlk αwαy before you lose your dignity

You mαy hαve loved her once but who knows if she ever did. Love unresponded is though but its α sign thαt you should move on.. like I sαid in the other posts : "move on its not worth wαiting for-- it could be yeαrs, months, weeks.. αre you willing to wαit thαt long? lαter on αfter if she does love you bαck you'll see you don't love her-- love unresponded is intended for α reαson"

It sounds like she's hiding something. Only she knows.

Maybe she cheated on you and she feels guilty. Maybe she was too afraid you'd find out...

I don't know what else to say...

Orr it could be she just wαnted to be single!

Look she dumped me, her choice no matter what I understand and respect her decision.

What hurts is how she has handled the aftermath. She didn't have to be so cold, she didn't have to leave me hangin with no explanation.

I feel hurt but also anger with her, I gave her everything and this is how she repays me, I'm sorry but no girl has the right to treat someone like that.

Perhaps she didn't realize the way she was treating you.

Or maybe she was treating you the way she thought you deserved to be treated.

Yet, you say you're innocent.

TRY HARD TO MOVE ON!

There's nothing else you can really do. Don't worry about her anymore. Don't waste your time on someone who's not worth it anymore.

Try not to see her or talk to her. Just stay away from her. Out of sight, out of mind! Seriously!

I am trying but every time I get somewhere I end up seeing her in her car, or her parents drive past my house, little things like that that light the spark up again.

You know what day today was, well my so called mate decided to tell me that my ex had texted him and that he was surprised that she hadn't texted me. This got me a little angry, why would she text him and not me, then he told me he was joking and that this was his way off getting his own back because he was sick of me talking about it.

You see the only real place I can talk about this to peeps that care or want to hear is here, I don't have those types of mates, my ex does and that is probably helping her but I feel like I'm going through this by myself.

That first love break up is so tough on men, as well as females, but its necessary to teach you a few life lessons. For example you don't just jump in, and throw your heart into a stranger, and you don't put so much importance on anyone at the expense of your own life, that makes you happy without her. And forget the guilt thing as she had enough baggage (over the ex) to go around the world. Yes its hard as we are so blinded by love(?) we never see the moods, or small hints we should have seen, because you would have known she had another on her mind, and you were basically a rebound, to get over the ex, which failed. You can only assume you made her happy, and she felt the same as you, but the truth is she wasn't, but of course your bruised ego won't let you see that. You will learn though, that the sooner you leave her alone, and throw yourself into something else, and don't look back, the sooner you get on with your life. It takes two to have a relationship, and one who wants it can't have it without the other, so forget her and learn, as your young life will be filled with these set backs with females, and you may as well know how to deal with your own emotions, and learn to move on. Much Luck.

Zoor I want to add Just be glad that she is not playing mind games with you and going back and forth! It's over regradless of why and how, just face it and move on the more quick the better.

How are you feeling now?

A lot better, the day has come and gone.

I realised as soon as midnight came and I heard no word that it was trully over, I have accepted that now and I'm going to start moving on.

It hurts to think that she couldn't even text but then I think why would I want to be with someone who is so cold and distant.

It helps if I think that the girl I love is dead, this is true in so far as the emotion, that part of her died and now I have to accept it and move on.

There are parts of me that want her back but I have to listen to my head, its telling me to forget her and find someone else, lifes too short to waste it on someone that doesn't care.

How are you holding up emo?

I want to be happy, but I can't right now. Only been 2 months... I'm sure recovery is around the corner. I'm sorry you didn't get a text. Believe me I know how the great times roll in our heads. They haunt us... The cute little faces they made, the nicknames only we called each other, the thinking about you comments and the I can't wait to be with you times... The lets get ready to go out moments and all just get to you. All the fun moments you had together and hugging and great sex... How could it all end? Something we desire so much and loved? HOW COULD IT ALL END!! YOU SAID FOREVER!!

Yes yes yes, I agree.

She's the one that said I love you, she's the one that wanted to be with me forever, she's the one that said she wouls never leave.

But

She's the one that said she didn't love me, she's the one that said she doesn't want to be with me, she's the one that left.

Like I keep saying how can someone change to become the one person you dread seeing and talking to because it causes nothing but pain and misery.

This was my first relationship and I gave it all, I tried to be the perfect boyfriend and it got me no where, in fact she treats me worse that someone she hates, why, why why??

Nice guys finish last my friend, I'm never going to give that much of my heart again, its not worth it.

I know what you mean... I will do the opposite... I will give my all again because the next girl shouldn't pay for the ex girl did. Surely I will take my time, but what is that? There is no time. When we fall in love our actions and mind takes over. We do what we only know. You can't tell yourself I won't surprise her again because my ex thought it was smothering... Yet this person may like that. If you don't she will say you don't show enough interest. Love as you know to love because if it's meant to be, it will be! As Taking Back Sunday says, "To hell with you and all your friends"!

Maybe I was being a little harsh when I said that.

What I mean is that when the next girl comes along I'm not going to jump in head first, I've picked up a little experience and I'm going to use it.

Im going to try and learn from my mistakes.

I have to say that Chuff, you and the others have really helped me get my head sorted this far, its going to take a little more time but without this site I would be a mess, so thanks to everyone.

Im looking forward to the day my friend when we can talk about our new relationships and how good they are, keep that in mind, that day will come.

Oh Man, I sure hope so... I see that impossible right now, but who knows... I have a question... Do u see your ex as the most beautiful girl... And everyone else as a lot less prettier than her? Or is that just me?

You know here's the funny thing and I mite sound awful saying this.

When we first met I didn't think she was that pretty, but I got talking to her and loved her personalilty, then after a while looks were never a part of it although I did start to find her very attractive.

Now I look at pics and realise that yes she was and is the most beautiful girl in the world, I look at other girls and some are pretty but I can't help but think that my ex was prettier.

I think this is built into us and we have to try and reprogram our brains, some other dude is going to get that pretty girl of mine and I have to accept it.

I also can't help thinking that no one will else will make me as happy as her.

Hey zooropa,

You've changed that signature of yours. I liked those "quotes" you had? What were they? :p

Thanks :)

Hey zooropa,

You've changed that signature of yours. I liked those "quotes" you had? What were they?? :p

Thanks :)


The "through the storm we reach the shore, you give it all but i want more, and ill wait without you" one was from With or Without you by u2.

And

"yesterday she was in your head, today she is in your heart, tomorrow she will be in your memories" one was just something I made up.

Thanks for taking an interest though.

Pretty cool and simple and... true.

THANKS!

I'm going to create one post from several of yours. But just from reading everything it seems like your doing much better today then you were just this past Saturday. So congratulate yourself, give yourself some credit, and by that I mean really stop and think about the fact that you've made strides in the last 2 days.


You know what day today was, well my so called mate decided to tell me that my ex had texted him and that he was surprised that she hadnt texted me. This got me a little angry, why would she text him and not me, then he told me he was joking and that this was his way off gettin his own back because he was sick of me talkin about it.

You see the only real place i can talk about this to peeps that care or wanna hear is here, i dont have those types of mates, my ex does and tht is probly helpin her but i feel like im goin through this by myself.

You know what's interesting about guys breaking up is that we have nobody to turn to. If a woman gets dumped she can turn to her family, her friends, even strangers will stop and help a woman crying or looking upset. But a guy gets dumped and he's got no outreach. As men and I hate to admit this but I'm guilty of this myself, we tease other guys for being upset or acting hurt over being dumped by a woman. Yet every guys felt that sting, and that loss of being dumped. Suicides are much higher for men that are going through a divorce then women, and I think this is one reason why. Men are taught or don't know how to communicate that their hurting on the inside, and worse yet, if they can communicate it other guys generally don't want to hear it. Along those same lines some guys don't mind helping out there other guy friends in need but they can't communicate back how to help. Women in that regard are much better then men, they can communicate their emotions and other women understand exactly what they mean.


a lot better, the day has come and gone.

I realised as soon as midnight came and i heard no word that it was trully over, i have accepted that now and im gonna start moving on.

Progress. That was the next step you needed to take, and you took it. So once again, I say congratulate yourself and give yourself some credit.


it hurts to think that she couldnt even text but then i think why would i want to be with someone who is so cold and distant.

EXACTLY!! Why would someone as giving, caring, open, compassionate, friendly, loving, and honest like YOU want to be with that piece of garbage. Leave the sewer rats in the sewer.


Shes the one that said i love you, shes the one that wanted to be with me forever, shes the one that said she wouls never leave.

but

Shes the one that said she didnt love me, shes the one that said she doesnt want to be with me, shes the one that left.

So from that we can derive that she'd lied. I think we both know you can do better then a lying sewer rat.


Like i keep saying how can someone change to become the one person you dread seeing and talkin to because it causes nothing but pain and misery.

When this is all said in done, like in 6 months from now, as I said I hope that you will re-read these posts. I think you will get a true life lesson then, that you can't really get right now. The reason I say that is because she did not change. She was always like that. You were blinded by love. You made excuses for her behavior instead of accepting it for what it was. Geoff pointed this out, and he was dead on. She was always like this, and quite honestly, most of us can see it plain as day. Now we are speaking from experience which you did not have, and we are speaking without the emotional attachment which you did have.

But the thing is women and I tell you this as an someone from a different country and culture that women the world over have behavior patterns that are similar. If you take out the emotions and just look at the traits as human beings their actions are very similar. In this case she saw that you were so into her she didn't have to do much and used your own emotions against you. And women are a 1000 times better at understanding, observing, and manipulating emotions then men. Your ex did what women all over the planet do. She used your emotions for her own gain.

Now I say that not to discourage you from dating them or being bitter about it. I say that so that you can use this as a lesson in what to look for next time and not to dive so far in that you give her everything and she gives you nothing in return. That's lesson number one.


This was my first relationship and i gave it all, i tried to be the perfect boyfriend and it got me no where, in fact she treats me worse that somone she hates, why, why why????

Good you're ready for lesson number two. In a relationship, you NEVER give it your all. You give no more then half. Remember when I said women understand emotions better then us. Well she sees someone who gives it his all as weak. Women want strong men, not weak babies. And women judge strength one way by emotional strength. When women see you give everything they see that as someone who is not in control and doesn't care enough about himself to protect him from emotional pain….. even if it's from them.

But if you give her everything then what's left to give? She treats you worse then someone she hates because even those she hates give her nothing, which in a woman's mind is creates a challenge or drama, both of which women love.


nice guys finish last my friend, im never gonna give that much of my heart again, its not worth it.

Nice guys to finish last, Good guys finish first. Nice guys give everything and get nothing back. Good guys give just as much as they get. If she starts pulling back then nice guys go in further while good guys pull back further. If she starts using you nice guys let it happen while good guy put there foot down. You don't want to become a angry, abusive prick, you just want to become a man with a backbone.


What i mean is that when the next girl comes along im not going to jump in head first, ive picked up a little experiance and im goin to use it.

YES! That is exactly what you need to do. You learn a lesson and it makes the pain all worth it. You can not grow emotionally in life without pain, but if you don't learn anything from it, then it was all a useless waste. If you in pain but learning it will all be worth it in the end.


Im gonna try and learn from my mistakes.

That's all anybody can do. If you take away just one thing your better off then she is.


I have to say that Chuff, you and the others have really helped me get my head sorted this far,

Thank you.


you know heres the funny thing and i mite sound awful saying this.

When we first met i didnt think she was that pretty, but i got talkin to her and loved her personalilty, then after a while looks were never a part of it although i did start to find her very attractive.

Now i look at pics and realise that yes she was and is the most beautiful girl in the world, i look at other girls and some are pretty but i can't help but think that my ex was prettier.

I think this is built into us and we have to try and reprogram our brains, some other dude is gonna get that pretty girl of mine and i have to accept it.

I also can't help thinking that no one will else will make me as happy as her.

And lesson number three and your final lesson for the day. I can tell you exactly what happened over the last year. Remember I said women, no matter the country or culture follow patterns while this one is NO different. Here's what happened. She liked you but you didn't give her much attention but you didn't blow her off entirely either. So in her mind you became a challenge.

At some point you let your guard down and bam she hits you the best way a woman knows how. With emotions. She hits you with these thoughts of love and care. Every story she told you was emotionally based, not based in reality or intellect but emotion. She gets you to start thinking emotionally instead of logically and you start reacting to everything emotionally as well. You begin to fall into her trap and at some point you give so much of yourself that she gets bored because the challenge is gone. At you first you seemed distant and mysterious by the end you couldn't give enough of yourself to her. For her, the game is over.

Lesson learned, women like challenge, once it's gone so are you.

So chuff how long does this challenge continue for??

Yea how long must you keep that challenge? When can you stop playing and really love the girl the way you want to?

So chuff how long does this challenge continue for??

Yea how long must you keep that challenge? When can you stop playing and really love the girl the way you want to?

When you find one who loves you the way you love her. Neither of you has that.

Ok I feel like I'm ready to move onto the next phase.

Im meeting this girl I recently met next Friday, she is away for now but is coming back on Wednesday and wants us to go out for drinks. Up until the weekend there I had been having doubts about meeting her because I thought that maybe just maybe my ex would come back, now I have accepted its over.

She is 26, lol yes an older woman, but t be honest I wouldn't want to go back with such a young girl again, I realise that although I am a guy I was more emotionally mature than her.

Im guess what I want to ask is should I go, is it too soon? Its not like I'm getting married but the way I see it is m ex is probably out having a great time and not giving a stuff about what I'm doing so why shouldn't I have a little fun?

Me and this girl seem to get on well, we talk every night on msn and phone, it reminds me of what me and my ex were like, is that a bad thing?

It's a great thing. Even if things don't go well with this new girl, friends wouldn't be so bad at this point anyway. I have a few girl friends right now, but none that I really like and I'm sure that will take a while. Definitely take your chances with others in the meantime! Godd luck and I hope you have a blast. Be cool especially now that you have a lot more experience. You might as well be 26... lol... Later my brother!

Hey emo, well here's yet another update, saw my ex again with her friend, guess what... yep blanked again.

I don't look at her with love or hurt anymore, every time I see her I feel anger, is this OK? I just want to have it out with her about how much of a b!tch she has been.

What friend? Girl or boy? If it's a boy, do you think anything is going on?

No noooo girl, lol if it hada been a guy I would have walked right up to them and punched the dude.

It was her friend from school but it hurts because she's doing what I should be doing, having fun with friends, I've really seen a side to her that I never knew existed.

Here's the funny thing, about a month into the relationship I was going to dump her but couldn't do it because she seemed so into me, boy have I learned my lesson.

I can't wait till next Friday for you! Apparently I have to wait till August before my date returns from Florida. Everything happens for a reason they say. They also say out of sight, out of mind. They also say don't do drugs! I have no idea what I just said... lol Take care my friend!

Yea me too, I'm actually looking forward to it, been a tough couple of months but it would have been a lot worse without all you guys, seriously sincere thanks to all of you, its amazing that complete strangers on the internet can really really help, I feel like I've even made an online friend or two.

They do say everything happens for a reason and maybe we do have a certain path we have to follow, I never believed that before but it makes sense when thing like this happen.

Im confused at the moment about how I'm feeling, I'm not in love with her, I don't find her attractive anymore but there is still a little spark in there that has yet to go out, it only ignites when I see her or someone I know connected to her.

Like I said before emo, I'm looking forward to the day that we can give advice and be happy at the same time, things can only get better my friend, we deserve some happiness.

Forgive and move on.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

Pay no attention to the faults of others,
Things done or left undone by others.
Consider only what by oneself is done or left undone.

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.

no noooo girl, lol if it hada been a guy i woulda walked right up to them and punched the dude.


Let me get this straight. If your ex lying, using, manipulative girlfriend was walking down the street with a guy you'd walk up to them and punch HIM?

How and what exactly would that do for you? What exactly would that guy have done to deserve that? She dumped you, so why don't you face that fact before any others. It's not any other guys fault. It's not the guy she admitted to having a one night stand with, fault. It's not her parents fault. It's not God's fault. It's her fault. So let's quit trying to protect her once and for all and start seeing her for who she was and who she is.

That's the kind of jealous behavior that got you dumped in the first place. That's the kind of behavior that a woman looks at and thinks "He's not all there in the head, stay clear." That is the kind of stuff that turns women away from you. You have to fix that before you date again. A woman wants a man that will defend himself if he has to, not go pick fights because he's a bully who can't control his emotions.

Furthermore, what if a guy was walking down the street with you ex because they both work together and were on lunchbreak? Are you going to assume that just because a guy stands next to her that he must be after her?

OK well first off I said that as a joke.

And secondly chances are if she was with another dude then she probably got to know hi while with me, meaning he knew fair well that she was with me, I have this rule, if a girl is taken, no matter what that girl is off limits.

Zoo That is a very admirable quality "if a girl is taken, no matter what that girl is off limits." :)

ok well first off i said that as a joke.

and secondly chances are if she was with another dude then she probly got to know hi while with me, meaning he knew fair well that she was with me, i have this rule, if a girl is taken, no matter what that girl is off limits.

Just because you can't be with her, doesn't mean nobody else can no matter how you meet. Your jealousy is not his problem, or hers.

You are right but I'm not really that jealous, ju annoyed right now that I'm the one that is suffering and she is fine.

It was my own stupidity to think that she would be hurting also and that I meant something to her.

Next week is my first big date in over a year, will seem weird at first being with another girl but its what I need. Im not using her as a rebound, I'm just going to take it slow and easy and see what happens.

Leave your ex behind... do not judge this girl by the last one. Have a good time :)

You are right but im not really that jealous, ju annoyed right now that im the one that is suffering and she is fine.

It was my own stupidity to think that she would be hurting also and that i meant something to her.

Next week is my first big date in over a year, will seem wierd at first being with another girl but its what i need. Im not using her as a rebound, im just gonna take it slow and easy and see what happens.

By the way, it's OK to be jealous!

It's not your stupidity. We all hope that they are hurting just as well. But honestly it's better to know they are not hurting because it can help us move on more quick and no false hope arises... Same thing happened with me. Even till now it hurts a bit knowing it's almost 2 weeks since the good time together and still no contact. She signed on the other day and nothing. But I don't care anymore. I'm so used to this behavior. But yes, I'm sure all this bad stuff is helping you out in way. I hope so. I just hope to see my ex like in 3 months from now. Not now. I'm like 2 feet of being totally over it, and if I see her, I don't want thoughts to come back. Maybe after 2 more months it would be great to show up with another girl and show her how good I am without her!! I sooo can't wait!! Only because that will be the day that I know I'm happy again. And it will be amazing for myself to know that I got through a break up and I was the one who was dumped. That's hard and to know I got through it, I will be darn proud of myself. I'm proud a little for how far I've gone so quickly that I went for a $500 shopping spree over the weekend. This week I'm focusing on my abs for a six pack... Wanna join me?

Yea ill join you but it'll probably take a year or so to get anywere near a six pack lol

Ive learnt another lesson in life too I just realised. Before I got met my ex I used to hook up with different girls and then just dump them, I know that doesn't sound like much but some of these girls were kind of into me, point being I realise now some of the hurt I may have caused.

I also know that if I ever did dump someone I would be respectful enough to meet with them and explain why, not just say your dumped and then never hear again.

Im moving on, some days are worse than others, sadly I live close to my ex and a lot of things remind me of her, a lot of things. But my good man I still have my date on Friday so I've been focused on that.

Maybe I'm not in the right place to start anything new right now or maybe I am, only time will tell but I promised myself not to mess this girl around, she deserves more, she has been like a rock to me without knowing it.

Thanks again to all you guys, wish I could buy ya's all a beer and maybe a hooker-just the one mind, I'm not made of money lol

Yea today I feel thoughts have creeped in... Like missing a few things, but I have to stay strong. Life is hard but I'm sure it will be worth it in the end. A piece of advice... You may not want to look at porn because crazy thoughts play in your mind. Like someone else doing things to your girl and stuff. I stay away from that.

Dude I got to be honest, I used to have those thoughts when we were together lol, now though its hit me that she could be with someone else right now and there's nothng I can do to change that.

Just weird, its like that u2 song:

Whose going to ride your wild horses
Whose going to drown in your blue sea
Whose going to ride your wild horses
Whose going to take the place of me

That's what hurts the most, knowing that one day someone else will get what I love dearly.

BUT

I'm going to be strong and deal with it like a man, I'm looking forward to Friday and just getting out and having fun for the first time in 9 weeks.

The more fun you have the better. Laugh, enjoy life. Go out and drive around with loud music and singing + windows down - that is key :)

Spend a day with nature - this is proven to help promote the destruction of stress + is very relaxing and calming.

Plan some trips and fun things to look forward to!

Update:

Well its time to tell you guys about the date.

We met up and I showed her a few places she hadn't been before (not those kind of places lol) It was actually really good, we talked and I think we clicked, still early to tell of course but I was comfortable with her.

We went for a meal and again just talked about stuff in general, then we went to a bar and had a few drinks.

It was good and I hadn't talked like that to a girl since me ex, however at the very end when I saw her off I had this real sense of sadness rush over me. Like all of a sudden I realised that I would never be on another date with my ex, it was weird but I felt very sad for an hour afterwards.

Luckily she texted me to say we should do it again so she must have liked me lol

It was weird being on a date with a different girl, can't describe it in detail but weird would be a word.

Sounds like good news... for you! :p

I'm sure it wasn't weird, but maybe a bit too good to be true?

Maybe, don't get me wrong I had a great time with her but in the back of my mind I had this sense that I was cheating, weird I know.

I really don't know how to put it in words but at the end it just felt like a chapter of my life had closed and now I was starting a new one, it was kind of sad and a little scary.

maybe, dont get me wrong i had a great time with her but in the back of my mind i had this sense that i was cheating, weird i know.

I really dont know how to put it in words but at the end it just felt like a chapter of my life had closed and now i was starting a new one, it was kinda sad and a little scary.

Well, that's OK.
But don't keep on looking at the chapter that closes and be happy to look ahead and enjoy what's to come. Guess what? It might be a whole lot better that what used to be.

Ain't it great to hear good news, way to go Zooman, have fun and let us know.

Update!

Lol there is no update

Not yet anyway my man

I think this is very sad, I pity you, and not in a good way, ever think you should move on instead of mopping after her. No wonder she dumped you, I would have, getting on like 90210 here. Just sad.

Lots of people have been through worse than you have so stop crying. Cry cry cry 10 months..big deal, I have had spots longer than 10 months.
I see that you are new here, so welcome. Maybe you do not understand what this board is for. People that want advice on a situation come on here and post their problems. We are here to offer them solutions and advice as we see it. Most of us try to be as constructive as possible. Grant it, what he may consider traumatic you may see as nothing. He was not asking for anyone to riducle him, because he was upset over this girl. I think that your comments are hurtful and uncalled for.

Lol wow I've just looked back at this thread after almost 2 and a half years and I can only say this... man was I messed up.

I can't believe how much my life has turned around, I'm now in a great relationship that has outlasted the one mentioned here, she is amazing.

I hope that anyone out there who is feeling the way I did looks at this and realises that what they are going through, no matter how hard it seems, is only really a small speed bump in your lifes journey.

Good!
Enjoy your happiness.
All the best.