My girlfriend of two years (whom I love very much) is a bartender. She has been for about a year and a half. I have come a long way in accepting her job and setting boundaries for what I consider appropriate. I have had a couple friends who have had girlfriends that were bartenders. I still have those friends but they don't still have those girlfriends.

I have met a few people at the bar who are amazed that we have been able to make it work as long as we have and have said that they could never do it.

I was just curious if anyone else in this situation or ever has been. I am always interested in how others deal with it. Do you stay away from the bar or do you stay AT the bar. Do you draw a line with customers or not? If so, where is that line? Do you let her do whatever she wants to make more tips or do you draw a line there, too?

I am usually with her a couple hours every shift... especially night shifts. Im always there the last couple hours of her night shifts when she closes because there are a lot more drunken idiots and I don't want her leaving the bar by herself. I keep to myself and my friends while Im there without trying to make it too known that I am her boyfriend but I am always keeping an eye everyone at the bar. Its fairly easy to point out the ones that will start getting out of line. My girlfriend is very attractive and gets hit on a lot. I don't mind... to a point. There is a line and we both know about where it is. Neither of us agree that she needs to lie, dress slutty, or be overly flirty for the sake of getting more tips.

Anyway, that's about where we are with it... Im just curious to hear other peoples opinions on it. Thanks

I use to be a bartender. I learned a lot from it. Yes, things can be wild and crazy and X-rated, but it's only how you make it.

I was with a bartender for 3 1/2 years although she only worked at the bar for the last year. She dumped me. Was not due to the fact she met anyone at the bar well actually it was a night=club not bar. She did not find anyone else the breakup was for her wanting space. I was probling crowding and wanting to be with her too much I may have become a bit insecure. I could put this downto her being at the nightclub did worry me a bit. She was hit on by guys everyweek and she would say this guy gave me his number but she was always honest and was not a cheater.

Now what I can tell you from my experience is it does not matter if she works at the bar. If a girl is with you and she likes you other guys hitting on her will not make her leave you for them NO NO NO this won't happen if you are strong. But it takes a special person to act in this way..

I have definitely learnt you should not go to her workplace to often, I know you say you worry about this and worry about that. Having your girlfriend working at the bar gives guys the opportunity to hit on her and you may be worried you say.

You should NEVER BE WORRIED, this is how I looked at it if she wants to hook up woith one of those guys and that is what she is like then she can do that obviously she is not the type of girl you want to be dating if she is wanting to do that. I will tell you though you will push her away if you act like you areworried about the fact that she might meet someone else. I found it is best to not worry at all... lety her be its her job you must remember one THING she is your girlfriend she has chosen you!! YES YOU she could be with anyone but wants you obviously cause she thinks your great. So don't stuff it by showing her your weak and always worrying, The best is not worrying be confident she's the one who should be worrying that you might leave her cause she works at the bar!!

IOnce again I wouyld say DO NOT GO to the bar too often, I know youy sayy to yourself well if I'm there then no one can hit on her or maybe something along those lines. The point I make is while you are not around the bar she will be missing you wanting to finish so she can go and see you!! Yes that's right missing you but while you are at the bar she knows where you are. Be unavailable let her wonder what your up too while she's at work..

While she is thinking about you when she's at work, any guy who tries to make a pass at her will seem less attractive caiuse you are on her mind!! And the more they try with her the more she will think what a jerk Ive already got a great guy!!

Im positive this works mate the lees you are there the more she will want you and the less she will enjoy the bar job!! Not saying you don't want her to enjoy the job but you would rather have her wqorking at the bar and wishing she was with you instead...

I used to go to the nightclub and my girlfriend would be OK but I definitely found when I dropped off she would text be whiile she was at work saying "IM MISSING YOU HEASPS!!

That's because at bars and stuff there are a lot of idiots and what happens is they try and chat up your girlfrien but because you are not there you think or dam, but it doesn't work like this it is the opposite she thinks this guy is an idiot I'm so lucky to have (YOUR NAME... )

This is definitely true do NEVER show that anything bothersyou always say HAVE A GREAT NIGHT BABE!! Be happy for her if she wants to work there.

Once againg don't always be there this will just not let her miss you!! I know this works I have proven it by not being there and you can throw in sometimes how many guys tried to pick you up tonight! Be open if your confident you don't have to worry, its when you become a bit clingy she thinks differently.

Be the fun bloke who does his own thing even if you haven't got much on just don't hang at the bar all the time

LET HER MISS YOU!! GIVE IT A GO LET ME KNOW HOW YOU GO!!

Remember she's with you cause she wants you and one other thing any guy she picks up at the bar would probably be a loser.

Where did you guys meet and how long you been together

Let her handle her business, and don't make it a big deal as she can probably handle anything.

I think it comes down to trust. You clearly love her so you must have a great deal of trust in her. Id put your faith in your trust and let her be.

I don't see it as an issue at all!

I did occasional bartender work in a nightclub, and official bf's and gf's weren't even allowed in. I say official because obviously you can't control every barman's one-night-stands.

That's not to say anything weird goes on in there, but if every boyfriend takes to keeping watch over his girlfriend, it can lead to numerous fights. Some guys (especially when drunk) do hit on bartender girls. But it never goes anywhere and if the guy is too insistant that's what bouncers and supervisors are for.

So, don't worry about her bar work. If she wanted to cheat on you, she could do it just as well at an office job. And if she's to meet her next boyfriend, it will most likely be in a setting when he's not drunk and acting stupid and she can't even hear what he's saying because of the loud music.

And, needless to say, if you love her, you have to trust her, because if you don't, she will feel rightfully indignant.

Just adding to Kirrikys answer. That is a very valid point girls who work in night clubs get hit on by guys all the time but normally drunks which adds to my point about it actually makes you look like a better guy because she's thinking how lucky she is to not have a drunk moron like she has tyo serve...

Also you worry cause she has more opportunity to meet a guy but like he said she could easily meet someone at a work function if she was a receptionist or something and they would not be a drunk nuisance. She could meet someone anywhere the point we are trying not tell you is it does not matter how many guys are hitting on her 3 or 403 if she wants to be with you and likes you 1003 guys won't be able to get her off you. Its only when she wants somebody else that matters...

At the moment she wants you if you want to eep it this way I suggest you give the bar a rest for a month if she questions it just say there's been a lot of idiots there lately and your giving it a bit of a rest...

You have nothing to worry about as long as you believe in yourself , trust int yourself and trust in her... GOodluck keep us updated

Well thank you for everyone's words so far. I should add that I do trust her a lot. I know she is not going to cheat on me. That's not the reason why I am there when I am. There actually is no bouncer or supervisor there. There is usually only one bartender, unless it's a busy weekend night, there will be two. Im not a violent person, even when drunk. I used to be a bouncer and have studied martial arts for a very long time so I think Im pretty good at resolving situations rather than just fighting.

I do agree though that not spending as much time there would make her appreciate the time we Do have together a lot more. I just have a hard time because I have been there when things have gotten out of hand. The police are always quick to respond to the bar but I would hate to not be there and have something happen before the police even show up.

I have been a bartender for 2 years now and been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Sure he gets jealous that I work at a bar, but he knows that I would never do anything that would jeapordize our relationship. I get hit on a lot but I just laugh it off and walk away. I have never responded to someone's flirting and sure I have gotten #s from guys but I toss them as soon as they leave the bar. A girls got to make money and for a job as easy as bartending there's no better way to make it. Well besides stripping and nobody really wants to do that for a living!

As for being there while she is working, I like it when my boyfriend comes in but I hate him being there for long periods because I feel as though I can't do my job as well as I would if he wasn't there, there is a certain amount of innocent flirting and chatting that comes along with bartending, how do you think we make so much money. And I can't do that when he is sitting there. I fel as though I have to be entertaining him But I applaud you for the safety of her and you being there at close. Can you maybe be her ride home at night? That would give you a reason to be there at close and she wouldn't think you are just checking up on her?

Well, we have lived together for the 2 years that we have been together... so I am always her ride home.

I have gotten to the point where I don't let the innocent flirting get to me... well, at least I try ;) and for the most part, I keep to myself while she's working. Im an avid pool player so I am usually busy shooting pool all night. And sometimes I will bounce around to the other local bars. We will have a couple drinks together (as she is allowed to drink on the job... to a point) but that's about it, especially if its busy.

She doesn't really have a problem with the way things are... I can't say that 100% but, for the most part, we make it work.

Well good luck. Just remember that she is only doing it for the money, at least that's why I do it. Plus the way I see it, I could either be at the bar working or I could be at the bar spending moneym I woukd rather be making it:D :D

BE WORRIED, bartenders... girls, like to talk, they love the attention and relationships with customers, and REGULARS... ill go into the bar 2 or 3 time a week. Talk to the same girl every time and be a nice all around guy. That listens, smiles, and tips very well. By the 5th time I'm in there ill have her complaining about all the drama of her boyfriend. He's controlling , he don't trust me... blah blah blah. After coming in and being a refreshing surprise in her busy work day. She looks at me like blessing. And if she likes drugs.. you could have her getting off early and hanging with you for a few hours. Then have to take her back to work so she can go home to you. Don't TRUST HER!! Unless she's got it going on. You'll know if she does.

Vinnie, horrible advice. First off, if you were to tip anyone very well, they are going to add focus onto you to create a larger pull of tips. Any business person or person with a half mind, would know that. Not all girls are going to cheat, and not all bartenders are going to cheat. It's a general statement you should be careful in putting.

To Dr, trust her to make the right decision and respect boundaries. I don't think she will do anything, from what you describe. Don't stay there too often, come in for maybe the last hour twice a week and then pick her up to take her home.

My fiancée works at a bar... and when she first got the job we were in there a whole bunch. At first she would tell me she didn't want people know we were together and she had a boyfriend as it may effect her tips! I stupidly was like you! That's a good idea. But after being ignored while she paraded around drunk at the bar I very soon realized it wasn't.

We struggled with that for a while. And even back then about 6 months ago she realized it was causing lots of fights.

She told me she'd quit for me, even though it was great money and fun and gave her more time with her daughter she'd quit for me if I really needed her to. And this was after she realized how much slapping and fights she was getting into at the bar. She has been offered 500$ for sex, she's been FOLLOWED HOME by drunk guys in the bar, she has had her downstairs blatantly grabbed by a drunk customer. She has been punched in the face, the list goes on!

BUT these things I try and tolerate, the real problem is she would go in every day she was off. She'd go in and do her timesheet and have just one beer. Okay that was good, give me two, all right two more shots and a picture. 5 hours later I call her at 2pm, she's drunk with me and the daughter wondering why mom never came home after picking up lunch for us

And she doesn't drink to buzz, she drinks to get trashed. And every time she drinks we get in a fight. I sometimes forget and say "maybe this time she'll control herself". And every time I'm like WHY did I tell myself that. After numerous times of almost getting fired for drunken fights on her days off she told herself she wouldn't drink at her place of work. After we had agreed she wouldn't ever without me, and I agreed neither one of us should every drink there.

So that lasted two weeks and now this last week I got to her work at 130 am with the 2 year old asleep in the back. We waited until 230 am and she walks out drunk, I'm like what's going on how are you so trashed? (because she usually has one or two beers after work with the coworkers as they're cleaning.) Well it turned out she had gotten off at seven and drank with her friends, and that I had to wait for her drunk self to come out at 230 cause she was drunk rambling to everyone inside.

And then the next shift she worked she had taken off early and got drunk in her bar then got a ride up the canyon to play poker with some guys from the bar. Was supposed to pick me up when she got off like 9 or 10, but instead calls me at 1030 and says she's only had 2 beers and she's fine, the conversation was short I couldn't tell she was really drunk cause it was short and sweet. At this point she says she's on the way back to her car and will pick me up. (she's about a half hour away). 2 HOURS later I call her ask where she is and she's back at the bar, cause "her car was there". I'm like why did you have to go back inside you KNEW I'd been waiting stranded at my parents for her to pick me up. She couldn't come get me because she was "crying" too much because she had found out some bad stuff about her baby's dad. I get a ride there, and she's TRASHED. Again.
I don't want to say she can't drink at all but we've come to the conclusion I need to be with her, she needs to monitor how much, and she can't do it at work because of the she gets into. The drinks are free and she knows EVERYONE there.

But she has done some messed up stuff to me drinking at the bar, that's why I keep this stipulation. She is one of those girls who gets drunk and just puts it all out there and doesn't rationalize. EVERY single guy that goes into the bar somehow "magically" gets her number. WEIRD! That's something we struggled forever with because guys would own a car painting shop and they would be like, "hey I'll give you a deal, give me your number and Ill call ya soon and you can bring your car in" Only to the next day they are saying "hey sexy what's up"
This happened repeatedly, over and over again. It got to the point I was like do not give your number to ANYONE. I don't care if it's the pope they don't really want to hook you up, you're just really dumb or the guys ways of getting numbers is all time perfected.
Anyway other accounts have been she got drunk, got this guys number from his friend that was being a jerk and she wasn't that pretty, and sent him naked pictures of herself to prove how not that pretty she was. OH she got him GOOD huh. Drunk thinking.
I've been left at the bar while she left with some of the "regulars"
We used to go on double dates to the bar after movies just to sip a beer and b.s, but somehow she would be gone for half an hour at a time just mingling with the regulars, "she has to do it, and be friendly and kiss to EVERYONE in the bar so she gets good tips when she's working"...
The list goes on, I've tried to get her to quit and told her I would get THREE jobs if she'd quit, and her being independent and loving that job says no. If she could work there and not get sucked into it and make it such a part of her life I could maybe deal with it, but her being in that addiction of alcahol makes me feel like the only thing I can say is give her an ultimatum, me or the bar. Cause her being so close she can't say no and wants to "fit in", if I could say change the way we do the bar I'd be fine but it's to the point I think I have to say me or the bar. We can't have the between, I wish and hope we can and do :(

Bottom line I'm stressed, but if your girl isn't a huge drinker she may turn into one... and if she doesn't and treats work like a paycheck and doesn't take it home with her and make it her lifestyle instead of job, then its not such a bad gig.

The way I see it, the bar is her place of work. While she's at her place of work she's serving drinks, dealing with the customers and being one of the people that makes the place run. This is her job.

Having you lurking in the background can only make her self conscious and possibly stop her from doing her job well. How would you feel if she came to your place of work and sat in a corner observing you?

Why do you feel you need to supervise her? Sure, she gets hit on, but she's an adult and dealing with this professionally is part of her working day.

Let her get on with her job and trust that she has the skills and experience to deal with it in a professional manner. If you care about her then give her the respect she deserves and trust her to do her job without jeapordizing your relationship.