Hi everyone, I have a dilemma, I really like this guy but I'm unsure of his sexuality. He claims he's straight, but I think he's in the closet.

I've known him for about a year and a half (he was my boss for about 6 months, we don't work together anymore) and when I first met him, I assumed he was gay... he's not effeminate, he just seems like a masculine gay man. Anyway, about a month after I started working with him, we went out for drinks and he hit on a girl, so I found out that my assumption was wrong. I told him later that night that I'm gay (I'm not shy, I just hadn't explicitly told him before) and he was awkwardly accepting of it.

As time went on, we started spending more and more time together, both at the office and outside. At the office, people joked about us being the cutest couple in the building. This is where it gets fishy: we live in the same neighborhood, so we carpooled to work and showed up together every day. When we were running behind, he would joke that we had spent the night together and we couldn't pull ourselves out of each other's arms. I wasn't sure (and I'm not sure now) if that was just an extension of the "cute couple" joke or if it was him trying to see how I felt about us getting together.

To complicate the situation even further, he would make similar jokes when we were alone. I have spent the night at his place a couple of times (not while we worked together) and he would jokingly say, EVERY time I've stayed over, that if I wasn't a smoker, I'd be sleeping in the bed instead of on the sofa. Once again, I'm unsure if these are jokes or if he's serious.

Now he's been dating a girl, but he won't tell me anything about her. They've been together for about 4 months and I still haven't met her. All I know is her name and some minor stuff about her. When we are hanging out, he leaves the room to talk to her, he quits talking about her to other people when I show up, and he tells me things about her that he knows will piss me off (for example, she supports a federal marriage amendment).

What does all of this mean? Is he a closet case, or am I just reading into these situations because I like him so much? He knows I'm gay so he would act on it if he was gay, right? I know I haven't given that much detail about our relationship, but any help will be greatly appreciated.

You have already spent so much time together, I would just straight up and ask him about the things that you want to know. What do you stand to lose by doing that?

Get the relationship between the two of you out in the open between the two of you. If you are such good friends then to continue being good friends and if he values your friendship and how you feel about yourself concerning your well-being as a person, there needs to be open communication.

Me telling him that I think he's gay could (if he is) push him even further into the closet! Also, we connect with our sense of humor. If he becomes uncomfortable joking with me, that would essentially end the friendship, or at least change it so much that he'd become one of those friends (like from highschool) that you like, but you only see on special occasions.

I should clarify, this hasn't gotten in the way of my love life... I like him a lot, would be in a serious relationship with him if given the chance, but I'm still out dating people and such. I'm just confused about him. I'm not sure if he's joking around or hinting that he's into me but is too scared to make the first move.

Instead of assuming things, just ask, hey are you gay, or something like that.

I agree with the answer above, and would add that, if you just keep on assuming things without really finding out the true answers, then it can drive you crazy! Why keep "dragging yourself over the coals" about the issue?

Stay at his house one night and get him really drunk... you're sure to find out then lol ;)

I've actually been trying to avoid him altogether. However, we went to dinner last night and he told me that he broke up with the girlfriend over a week ago (he'd been calling me a couple times a day since the day they broke up, I finally answered yesterday). Maybe he just wanted to talk, but a couple times a day for over a week seems like a lot of calling for just friends, especially since I've blatantly been avoiding him for close to a month.

For the rest of the advice, I'm sorry but I think that if he were ready to tell me he was gay, he'd have done it already. I'm grateful for the advice, but my question was really if he seemed closeted/gay to anyone else.

Perhaps I will be spending the night at his place sometime soon. Both of us are moving (coincidentally we'll be living down the street from eachother), and last night I, for some unknown reason, offered to help him move and reassemble his furniture. Maybe something will happen.

americangayboy come on can't you use gaydar lol on him! ((J-K))

I guess if you both spend time with one another you will get to know each other better!

Are there any good gay bars or place's close to home where your living you could invite him out too and see how he acts etc.

We live in a large city, gay bars are a dime a dozen. When we first met, we went out to the bars all the time (both gay and straight) but he seemed uncomfortable with me hitting on guys/being hit on. When I asked him why it made him uncomfortable, he didn't want to talk about it (uncomfortable with seeing gay sexuality? Jealous? I'm not sure).

By the way, my gaydar kind of went off the day I met him, but I'm often wrong about people.

We live in a large city, gay bars are a dime a dozen. When we first met, we went out to the bars all the time (both gay and straight) but he seemed uncomfortable with me hitting on guys/being hit on. When I asked him why it made him uncomfortable, he didn't want to talk about it (uncomfortable with seeing gay sexuality? jealous? I'm not sure).

By the way, my gaydar kinda went off the day I met him, but I'm often wrong about people.

LoL well good luck:) maybe its time to take the bull by the horns if he is a good friend of yours and just ask him straight if he is??

Did you everything that the women he's seeing is a man or could be a man and that's why he's not giving you information and it sounds as if he's likes you from what you are saying from the jokes are the first HINTS to tell a person there intersted.

As a matter of fact, I have thought that, but I know she was a woman. I met some of her friends when this guy and I were out for dinner (they were at the same restaurant, it was kind of weird).

The thing about the jokes is a tough call and that's why I asked the question in the first place. I'm not sure if these joke are just jokes or if they are something more. I've decided to avoid him as much as possible to try to get over the situation, but he keeps calling me to hang out, which makes it hard (especially at the beginning of next month when we'll practically be neighbors).

New development! He broke up with his girlfriend and has been calling me EVERY day for the past week to "see what's up" I ended up hanging out with him and he asked me about my love life, so I told him and he got all weirded out and was like "nevermind, I don't want to hear about it anymore." We've talked about gay sex before and he seemed to be fine with it, so why would he be uncomfortable about it this time? Also, why would've he asked me about it if he didn't want to hear it?

He may be at a point in his life by the sounds of things that he does not know if he is coming or going and it sounds that he may be very confused about his sexuality.

As in any breakup people need a little time to get over it. I think he was looking for sympathy, and didn't get it. Just a guess.

He probably got jealous... You should've told him there was nothing.