April 16th, 2007... I'll never forget this date in my life. You walked away from our 3.5 years of relationship, saying that we are not compatible, have no common interests... you also mentioned that I'm so selfish, self centered... at first, I said "well, I'm not going to bother you anymore... just once in a while, when you think about me, give me a call to see how I am doing, or even if I'm still breathing", then you said "don't be silly, I didn't say I'm not going to call you or anything, we still can be friends even though we can't keep the relationship". At that point, I was still having hope... throughout the first couple weeks, I begged, I cried, I did all I could to try to make you stay... but you keep telling me that "I'm enjoying my single life and not looking for a change for a while"...

Been giving the relationship a 2nd thought, I do realize that I've neglected your feelings before, I was so selfish that it was always "me me me" thing and whenever you want me to do something with you, I just turned away and say "you go ahead with your friends, I'd rather stay home". Maybe this was what made you felt like "single" even we were together. You always like to try new things, enjoy doing things with friends and your loved ones, but I was always, well, I'd say 85% of the time" absent from those "Activities"

I remember I promised you that I'll start to "learn" what your likes and dislikes are and to understand you more and to actually treat you as a new friend, hoping that we can have a fresh new start. You didn't say a word after this and I thought you agreed. As I've said, I repected your decision and knowing that you are enjoying your newly single life with your friends, I didn't initiate any contact with you. However, you keep sending me messages everyday while at work, having casual talks, which I'm okay with it since I really can't let go and move on .

But you never message me during weekends or I'd say whenever your friends are "available" to chat with you... are you just bored at work? or you still care about me? what's actually in your mind? You always leave me an "open end" to initiate a get together. But when I asked, if you want to go out on the weekend, you'll say "I maybe busy", and when I asked if I should give you a call to see if you are free, you just went silence, and you never intiate a call...

Friends said that I should let go, move on, and there's a better life ahead of me... and eveyone of them said that I'll soon find another one and will forget about you... but what they didn't know about is I'm so in love with you, even though you are, but I'll love you, forever, as I always do... It was just that I was so not paying attention to you, to observe you and you are such a person that even your friends said you are very private, keeping every thing to yourself... that now even thought I want to have another chance, there's none available...

Now that it's been 7 weeks since we were apart, I know I want to be with you again but now it's not what I want, it's what you want... as long as you are happy, no matter what status are you in, I'll be happy as well... coz I remember a friend of mine said "If the 2 of you are meant to be togther, you will be back together" I know 7 weeks is not a long time, but when we used to be together everyday, it seems like a century for me.

Once again, I'm listening to The Phantom of the Opera... I'd like to put together these 2 lyrics, for you, my love one:
"Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime... Lead me, save me from my solitude... Say you want me with you, here beside you... Anywhere you go let me go too... But it's over now, the music of our life."

K, my love for you will never change.

Hmmm. Wow.

Nakamichi:

Really you need to hold on sending this letter and not send it to her. My experience has been that it only turns them off and they use it to show off to their friiends as some sort of trophy. She's clearly not ready to hang out because she doesn't accept your offers to get together.

Hold off and start going out with friends and start talking to new women. You should keep contact with her at a minimum and not return her emails or calls for a few days or not at all. Then, after no contact for quite awhile, pop her an email, keeping it light simply saying "I haven't talked with you in awhile, hope you are doing well. Met some new friends and having fun, hope the same for you. Take care".

You need to get her to miss you and start contacting you again if there is any hope.

Also, the self centered, selfish argument is simply a smokescreen to assign blame to you. In due time you will find out who the real self centered person was (her). I have been there multiple times before.

My take, she has someone else that she is interested in, hence the lack of commitment for a weekend get together . But she keeps calling you to keep you on the line. If this is true, who really is the seld centered selfish person!

You make it sound likes its all your fault dude.. don't feel sorry for yourself in this.. its not your fault.. it takes 2 people to break up.. even if it is the other person that said it.. its normaly one person not willing to try harder.. or work out things..

Don't send that letter.. keep it to yourself..
It's the right thing to do

I hope you feel better man

Regards

Definitely not your fault mate she didn't even want to meet up on the weekend. Should have given her the flick long ago. Heaps better girls out there you will realise this.

To all:

Thanks for the kind words and support... one thing I need to clarify is, my ex is a "he", not a "she"... Yes, I'm gay and I don't have a problem admitting this. I receive support from family, some co-workers and even my boss.

TrueFaith, what you said is totally correct, that it takes 2 people to break up... but the cue clause is that I was the one who did not try hard enough to realize that there are problems between us... I initiated a fight first and blaming him that he spend more time with his friends than with me... and the next day I continue the fight and made him exploded and decided to end this relationship.

And in regards to LivingthelifeinFLA, I know very sure that he is not seeing anyone at this moment... because he just hang out with the friends that I know over the weekends and after work... I basically kind of know what he is doing and stuff like that... just don't really know what is in his mind... is he observing me if I really am changing to be a better person? Or if he just thought that he made himself clear enough that he just want to keep a friendship with me and if I want to go further, he will cut the friendship? Coz a month ago, I tried to ask him out to talk and he said "don't get there again, we are impossible... I don't mind keeping the friendship but if necessary, I will stop seeing you..."

But even after this, he still IM me the next day after and chat about very casual thing, like how's work, etc etc. And he once IM me asking me if I got a txt message from his friend, which I didn't, and asked him what's that about... he said it was about dinner that night, and then I asked if his friend txted me, he said he didn't know, was just asking. What was the purpose of him doing so? I txted his friend right a way and asked if I can join the dinner because I got a message from him. His friend txted me back and said no problem. I was there, made a few new friends, chatted with a few people, and then he went up to one of the guys and said "did you know the guy that you were talking to is my ex?" What actually in his mind? Why did he need to say something like that?

Also the past Saturday, we went to a BBQ party... he called me the night before to drop off the cooler at my house and I asked him if he wants to carpool down or not. He said he needs to get up by 4 am to prepare for the food (it was a potluck BBQ party) and then he may probably drive down by himself. I then said I'll give him a call when I get up since if he is only having a few hours sleep, I don't want him to drive down. Then the next morning, at 7, he called me and said he was up late and "Can you come over to help me out preparing the food?" Well, of course I can't say no and I went over in just 30-minutes... been working in the kitchen together with him for over 2 hours... which is something that I've never done before... I mean if he is seeing someone, wouldn't him ask that person to go help him out instead of me? Why would he asked me to help him?

I'm kind of confused... don't know what's in his mind... I know I need to give him more time, 2 months is a relatively short period... Also I know now he is the one in control, not me, it's all what he wants... So basically I can't, and I don't want to initiate anything that may upset him.

Sorry guys / gals, I just need a place to vent out my thoughts.

I'm gladd you don't have a problem admitting you're gay and I'm happy to hear you have support also.
And venting your thoughts are always a good thing.

I personally think he still has feelings for you.

Yes... I say the best idea is to let him continue contacting you. Don't let him know you want him around all the time and that you need him. I'm sure he knows and just let it flow for now. At least the two of you are in good terms and maybe if you let him do the contacting without you initiating anything he will realize what he lost. Soon he will want calls and stuff but not for now until he shows you that he wants you back. On the meantime, try going on dates without him knowing so that in case he doesn't return you will be busy and you won't be too heartbroken!

Just received a call from his friend, saying that he passed on a cheque to him for the stuffs that I bought for him... he didn't even call me to give that to my in person, and he moved to downtown, to a friend's place (even his friend doesn't know who that is) for 2 months due to a work project as he claimed... which is way closer for him to drive from home... Why can't he call me up to give me the cheque instead of passing it over to a friend? I guess this is the last hint from him, which is a pretty clear one... that this is over, totally.

As I said in Emo's post, that God has laid a path for all of us, things happen for a reason. I'll still wait... I know people will call me crazy, stupid, idiot, etc... But it's either him or no one... Yes, my life will goes on, but I'll hold my love here, for him and him only...

Another song has just flow into my mind:

Lonely, The path you have chose, A restless road, No turning back

One day you, Will find your light again, Don't you know, Don't let go, Be strong

Follow your heart, Let you love lead through the darkness

Back to a place you once knew, I believe, I believe, I believe, In you

Follow your dreams, Be yourself, An angel of kindness

There's nothing that you cannot do, I believe, I believe, I believe, In you

Someday I'll find you, Someday you'll find me too

And when I hold you close, I'll know that is true...

K, you'll always be in my mind, and you know that I'll love you forever, no matter what happen, whenever you need me, I'll always be here for you... As long as I'm still alive, my love for you will never die.

Have some hope let him have some fun let him loose... if you know deep down in the bottom of your heart that he truly loves you he will surly come back.