Its been 3 months now since me and the girl I was seeing split up. I've stuck by the no contact rule and it is her that has initiated any contact. She emailed me 3weeks ago to say sorry again and gave me the excuse that her head was screwed up and she needed time away from guys. I said I was shocked she was still thinkn about it all (this was me trying to show I wasn't and I was strong). Anyway, she asked for my number again and I gave her it think that maybe light conversation would start but that's all, she said she misses talking to me. Since this explanation about things from her I haven't heard from her once, and every time I'm on Bebo I see she is on line also. She obviously knows I am on too but she never sends me any messages. I think she maybe seeing a guy casually but, I then heard she was standing with another guy one night. She does like attention from the opposite sex as she seems to leave her pals and stand and talk to a guy all night if he is talking to her.

I won't contact her because it will probably set me back again, but why would she not contact me anymore after trying so long to be friends and I eventually not in a roundabout way say we can be, why has she stopped communication??

I feel she does not think of me anymore yet the last email said she did. She can get any guy she wants and has many guys that can take her mind off things, what do I do? Do I just continue no contact and if she contacts me then fair enough, I don't want to show I'm weak as she seems to keep all other guys that like her on a string. It was her making contact fro the 3 months but just to be friend which I couldn't handle. A female opinion would be very helpful here.

If you want to read my previous post it "left confused after being dumped". Sorry for the long story but had to let you guys know exactly what's happening.

Help!!

You definitely do not need a females perspective on this point mate.when it comes to relationships females have no idea what they want. Have a look at what his girl isdoing and yourasking for a females perspective. Females are all confused and like to keep guys on strings. The sooner you realise nearly all females are selfish and only care about there own needs. This is why when afemale is in a relationship and leaves she normally has another guy. Se what i mean she does not even care about the guy she was with. The reason people say but she was really nice during the relationship. Well this is beause she is worried te guy will leave so she does eveything for him but when he becomes close and needy she gets sighnals she can get another guy so then he chases like his on a string.

You definately do not need a females perspective on this point mate.When it comes to relationships females have no idea what they want. Have a look at what his girl isdoing and yourasking for a females perspective. fEMALES ARE ALL CONFUSED AND LIKE TO KEEP GUYS ON STRINGS. tHE SOONER YOU REALISE NEARLY ALL FEMALES ARE SELFISH AND ONLY CARE ABOUT THERE OWN NEEDS. tHIS IS WHY WHEN AFEMALE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND LEAVES SHE NORMALLY HAS ANOTHER GUY. SE WHAT I MEAN SHE DOES NOT EVEN CARE ABOUT THE GUY SHE WAS WITH. tHE REASON PEOPLE SAY BUT SHE WAS REALLY NICE DURING THE RELATIONSHIP. WELL THIS IS BEAUSE SHE IS WORRIED TE GUY WILL LEAVE SO SHE DOES EVEYTHING FOR HIM BUT WHEN HE BECOMES CLOSE AND NEEDY SHE GETS SIGHNALS SHE CAN GET ANOTHER GUY SO THEN HE CHASES LIKE HIS ON A STRING.

No iwasnt meaning just females to answer, I was just wondering from a female point of view why she acts this way. I know she is casually seeing a guy I just wonder does that mean I'm forgotten about as all of a sudden she has stopped contacting me. I wonder if she was sick of making the effort and has said to herself "if he doesnt contact me then i will leave it as well" she could be doing what I'm doing.Anytime she has made contact I have replied but never started it.

Don't look into things so much, keep working on yourself and your own life without her.

Mckenzie, you are a real idiot. ALL FEMALES? Shut up you fool. No need for all the caps either, a point is better put across in a sentence that makes sense, isn't a complete generalisation and isn't shouting out at the page. Get rid of that chip on your shoulder. For your information not all women are like that and maybe you need to look a bit closer to home as to why you keep picking women who mess you over.

Back to the post... In my opinion, she probably thinks you are over for good, when you replied to her saying that you were surprised she was still thinking about it maybe that was then a trigger for her to think that she should move on if you still were not thinking about it yourself.

Mckenzie, you are a real idiot. ALL FEMALES? Shut up you fool. No need for all the caps either, a point is better put across in a sentence that makes sense, isnt a complete generalisation and isnt shouting out at the page. Get rid of that chip on your shoulder. For your information not all women are like that and maybe you need to look a bit closer to home as to why you keep picking women who mess you over.

Back to the post... In my opinion, she probably thinks you are over for good, when you replied to her saying that you were surprised she was still thinking about it maybe that was then a trigger for her to think that she should move on if you still were not thinking about it yourself.
Yeah that could be the case, but I feel I was right in doing this as it was her way all the time I felt. But she also siad " i bet u have abou three girls on the go just now" & "I know a couple of girls who i could pass ur number onto". These comments really confused me and makes me think she is just saying that so she won't looks as bad as she is doing it i.e. she though I was doing it too. I know I won't contact her as it was her decision to finish it and if she wants me she knows how to contact me, but this will not happen.

You say maybe because you are not putting in the effort she may ne doing the same. NO if she wants to get back with you she will let you know...

It sounds to me like she is playing games. : / I know tons of girls like this.

She has found other guys, but wants to win you back as a "plaything" (so to speak) - and if she can't she won't put much effort into it, but it's nice to see if she'd be able to.

Some girls get satisfaction out of seeing what they can make a guy do. It's sick, but I know girls that laugh about what they put guys through and it's horrible.

I don't know that girl, so I'm not assuming she is one of those girls, but her behavior sounds a lot like it is.

Don't contact her. Move on and find someone worth keeping =)

It sounds to me like she is playing games. : / I know tons of girls like this.

She has found other guys, but wants to win you back as a "plaything" (so to speak) - and if she can't she won't put much effort into it, but it's nice to see if she'd be able to.

Some girls get satisfaction out of seeing what they can make a guy do. It's sick, but I know girls that laugh about what they put guys through and it's horrible.

I don't know that girl, so I'm not assuming she is one of those girls, but her behavior sounds a lot like it is.

Don't contact her. Move on and find someone worth keeping =)


Since I last spoke on this topic I bumped in2 her when I was on holiday, she stood with me all night and left her friends. We ended up kissing but when we got outside the club she wouldn't kiss me again. I found out she was seeing some "casuallly".

I don't know if she kissed me again as she still liked me, I also know that when she was with me in the club that night her ex boyfriend was there, so I'm wondering did she do it just to get at him... I don't even know if he seen it... I don't know if she woulndt kiss me outside cause she felt guilty as she was seeing someone.

She has contacted me on bebo with light conversation but I know it will stop soon. I can't help but like her still but I would never ask her what her motives were that night as it would first of all show I still care and she wouldn't tell me she did it to annoy her ex anyway... this would upset me if she did do it for that.

We got outside the club and she was calling her ex names, like she did when I was with her. Thing is I know she wouldn't get back with him as he treated her bad. When I said somehtin about him she told me not to say it, like she was defending him, I really can't work out this girl...

She said when she was seeing me she really liked me but yet it was her that called it off, she said we are in the past and doesn't want to look back... I know I won't get back with her but I do wonder if she still liked me as we kissed

She is playing a game. She wants to see if she could still have you. I know plenty of girls who do this. They want to know they could still have you if they wanted you. If she is seeing someone else go right back to NC and MOVE ON.

She is playing a game. She wants to see if she could still have you. I know plenty of girls who do this. They want to know they could still have you if they wanted you. If she is seeing someone else go right back to NC and MOVE ON.


She said she is seeing someone casually, basically like me and her were... I have responded to her emails being friendly back but if she went with me just to annoy her ex... which I don't know if she did... I will be fuming

You definately do not need a females perspective on this point mate.When it comes to relationships females have no idea what they want. Have a look at what his girl isdoing and yourasking for a females perspective. fEMALES ARE ALL CONFUSED AND LIKE TO KEEP GUYS ON STRINGS. tHE SOONER YOU REALISE NEARLY ALL FEMALES ARE SELFISH AND ONLY CARE ABOUT THERE OWN NEEDS. tHIS IS WHY WHEN AFEMALE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND LEAVES SHE NORMALLY HAS ANOTHER GUY. SE WHAT I MEAN SHE DOES NOT EVEN CARE ABOUT THE GUY SHE WAS WITH. tHE REASON PEOPLE SAY BUT SHE WAS REALLY NICE DURING THE RELATIONSHIP. WELL THIS IS BEAUSE SHE IS WORRIED TE GUY WILL LEAVE SO SHE DOES EVEYTHING FOR HIM BUT WHEN HE BECOMES CLOSE AND NEEDY SHE GETS SIGHNALS SHE CAN GET ANOTHER GUY SO THEN HE CHASES LIKE HIS ON A STRING.

Are we not all produced from a combination of both father and mother. Male and Female. The myth of our differences, is but that, a myth. The emotions and the actions of a female at the end of a relationship is the same as that of a male in the same curcumstances. It is only by our understanding of these emotions, there affects on the Dumper and Dumpee (Regardless of sex)

Person is attracted to a person, show emotional interest in being with this person.
This is reciprocated as the feelings are mutual. Both people have an emotional interest in the other and love grows.

ONE of the persons is unhappy to some degree or another and considers looking at the alternative mate options (Natural regardless of sex). This person may cheat or end the relationship due to the feeling of being unhappy. Is this person 100% certain, are any of us 100% certain of our actions, what is right or wrong.

So the person leaves, the emotional connection of love has weakened to just a friendship level. Hence the reason for contact.

One person feels friendship the other love. Now who is game playing or being selfish... No one and both of them. Both are being true to their feelings, but they have different feeling for each other.

ALL OF US ACT IN THIS WAY - IT IS THE NORM OF HUMAN EMOTIONS.

Shout, scream, hate - irrelevant. Acceptance and understanding of our own emotions is the only way to relate to the emotions of another.

I wish you all well in your healing journey.

Druid.

Sorry, friend. It does not sound like she is the right girl for you. Let her toy with someone else's heart for a while and leave yours alone. There are so many good women out there who would just love to be with you. Go meet them.

At least she was being honest when she said something was wrong with her head.

She said she is seeing some1 casually, basically like me and her were........i have responded to her emails being friendly back but if she went with me just to annoy her ex.....which i dont know if she did.....i will be fuming

Say it with me NO CONTACT. That is exactly what she is doing. She is trying to build up her self esteem. MOVE ON.

Say it with me NO CONTACT. That is exactly what she is doing. She is trying to build up her self esteem. MOVE ON.
I don't know whether to send her an email explaining why I'm not wanting contact with her i.e. explaining thing about her which I don't like and how she treated me?

I dunno whether to send her an email explaining why im not wanting contact with her ie explaining thing about her which i dont like and how she treated me?

You can with the caveat that it is not open for discussion and this is the last time she will hear from you and you will not answer emails, instant messages, text, phone calls. Its done period. If you send that email you will then have to block her out of everything.

You opened the door and only you can close it. She did what she did and you let her. End the games by no contact from here on.You can't move on unless you stop playing her game. Get LOST from her life NOW!!

The others have said it all. If you continue seeing her, be prepared for her continued game playing and stringing you along. Man up, fly the coop and disappear from her life. No calls, no e-mails, no IMs, nothing. Any of these things that you receive from her, don't respond to, just as if you've disappeared from the face of the earth.

The others have said it all. If you continue seeing her, be prepared for her continued game playing and stringing you along. Man up, fly the coop and disappear from her life. No calls, no e-mails, no IMs, nothing. Any of these things that you receive from her, don't respond to, just as if you've disappeared from the face of the earth.
I agree with everything you all say, its just quite hard to stop contact as I know it will stop, when I do still like her a lot. We aren't enemies or anything, I just sometimes wonder if she still likes me at all, I haven't replied to her last email.

I don't know if I'm being silly thinking this but when I walked her home on holiday the other night (me being a gentleman lol) she said she would call me to make sure I got back OK... she didn't call until the afternoon the next day saying she forgot to call me... I feel myself getting angry at this as if she doesn't care as someone who would care would have made sure I got home... am I being silly thinking this way?

Sometimes the little things mean a lot, and since she can't do that, stop the madness and confusion and wondering. You already know the path to walk so why are you holding out hope, and trying to kindle a flame that's not there. I really don't think YOU want to go back, but are trying to make her something she may not be. You tell me.

Sometimes the little things mean a lot, and since she can't do that, stop the madness and confusion and wondering. You already know the path to walk so why are you holding out hope, and trying to kindle a flame thats not there. I really don't think YOU want to go back, but are trying to make her something she may not be. You tell me.

Yeah you make a very valid point I think I overlook her faults... its my physical attractiveness that's clouding my vision in some way but there are nice qualities to her personality as well which keep sme hanging on... I get confused hwne we kiss each other yet she doesn't want to see me but she will contact me to chat through email, and to be honest I dontknwo if its just to be friends or she feels something but won't say... another thing that annoyed me was that when she finished it she said she wouldn't be with a guy tilll at least next year so after 4 months she is seeing someone, I can't work it out

It is confusing when someone is nice and friendly and you want more. People make that mistake all the time. We as humans are attracted to one another and young or old, we sometimes misread the intentions of the ones we are attracted to. That's why no contact is the best way to heal and think clearly, as contact will always raise the attraction, and tweak your emotions and keep you confused. After every contact, does she, or doesn't she pops up. The choice is clear, HEAL or be CONFUSED! No Contact, or be confused.

It is confusing when someone is nice and friendly and you want more. People make that mistake all the time. We as humans are attracted to one another and young or old, we sometimes misread the intentions of the ones we are attracted to. Thats why no contact is the best way to heal and think clearly, as contact will always raise the attraction, and tweak your emotions and keep you confused. After every contact, does she, or doesn't she pops up. The choice is clear, HEAL or be CONFUSED!! No Contact, or be confused.

That's where the confusion came in on my part, she kissed me and kept saying she liked me a lot... so I think she liked me a lot, why did we end then cause nothing major went wrong except her saying she seen it getting serious and she didn't want that... I don't know if she just can't cope with a serious relationship because of all the emotional ups and downs that can be invloved, if that was the case then I would understand a bit better and probably not take it as personally either

Your way more invested emotionally than she is, and that conflict is what's throwing everything way off. Time not to answer any calls and disappear from her life for your OWN health and happiness.

Your way more invested emotionally than she is, and that conflict is whats throwing everything way off. Time not to answer any calls and disappear from her life for your OWN health and happiness.


Well first of all I didn't reply to her email and I won't be... was out at the weekend with my mates and she was in the same nightclub as me. My stomach turned when I saw her at first and I felt I wanted to leave but stayed... we then crossed each ohters paths x2 and she smiled and I Just nodded my head, no conversation between us. I actually get angry when I see her, she is a spoiled,selfish little girl who thinks she is wonderful and totally full of herself. One or two girls were talking away to me in front of her and my mate said she kept looking over... what I don't understand is she is not interested yet she looks over when I am getting attention, it makes me think she likes me or something but I'm now angry all the time... I feel like venting my feelings to her but I don't see the point as it will just fill that ego even more as "SHE IS SO WONDERFUL"

I can't get her out my head, I know she is not right for me... she is only 21 I'm 27, she is an attention seeker, spoiled, thinks of herself... why do I persist in thinking about her or hope that she will appear in the same place as me... I feel as if I'm going insane, when I see her, I just want to kiss her... she is a player with guys but yet I find myself chasing unknown to her

I can't get her out my head, i know she is not right for me....she is only 21 im 27, she is an attention seeker, spoiled, thinks of herself...............why do i persist in thinkin about her or hope that she will appear in the same place as me.......I feel as if im going insane, when i see her, i just want to kiss her.......she is a player with guys but yet i find myself chasing unknown to her

She sounds almost identical to my ex. Why do you feel that way? Probably because she left you and being the one left behind really hurts, especially when you love her. Ask yourself, if she came back to you, would you really want her? Its funny but I think we only feel this way because we want what we can't have. That does not undermine your love for her or discredit it in some way but if she came back tomorrow and you did get back together, what would change? Just the fact that you won't feel left behind anymore, and rejected.

That's what hurts the most, being felt like you are loved one minute and then thrown to the sidewalk like a piece of garbage the next. No, she is not right for you and this is why if you did get her back, that would be your true misfortune because you are in a different maturity zone to her and probably different in many ways anyway. Not always a bad thing but in this case maybe it is. My ex was so wrong for me and absolutely everyone in my friends and family told me that, actually even before the breakup. It still did not stop me feeling the pain because you can't help who you fall in love with, it just happens.

You must try your best to be strong and take steps forward. You will slip many times but trying to take those steps forward proves to yourself and others that you want to try and let go.

She sounds almost identical to my ex. Why do you feel that way? Probably because she left you and being the one left behind really hurts, especially when you love her. Ask yourself, if she came back to you, would you really want her? Its funny but I think we only feel this way because we want what we can't have. That does not undermine your love for her or discredit it in some way but if she came back tomorrow and you did get back together, what would change? Just the fact that you won't feel left behind anymore, and rejected.

Thats what hurts the most, being felt like you are loved one minute and then thrown to the sidewalk like a piece of garbage the next. No, she is not right for you and this is why if you did get her back, that would be your true misfortune because you are in a different maturity zone to her and probably different in many ways anyway. Not always a bad thing but in this case maybe it is. My ex was so wrong for me and absolutely everyone in my friends and family told me that, actually even before the breakup. It still did not stop me feeling the pain because you can't help who you fall in love with, it just happens.

You must try your best to be strong and take steps forward. You will slip many times but trying to take those steps forward proves to yourself and others that you want to try and let go.

This is the thing I only seen her occasionally in a 4month period so I can't call it love, but I feel every time she is out I crave her attention the way I used to get it from her before, I'm iss her texting me, calling me etc... she is seeing someone which she says is casual but I don't know and I'm not going looking for info on it... im jealous she is gving someone else that attention... I was getting attention off females at the weekend in a nightclub and she saw it all... she kept staring over but nothing has come of it... sad to say maybe, but I wanted to see her being jealous... she made excuses always to keep her distance from me but tells me she liked me a lot... it doesn't add up... what does this guy do that I can't that's what I ask myself

This is the thing i only seen her occasionally in a 4month period so i can't call it love, but i feel every time she is out i crave her attention the way i used to get it from her before, im iss her texting me, calling me etc................she is seeing some1 which she says is casual but i dont know and im not going looking for info on it...........im jealous she is gving some1 else that attention.....i was getting attention off females at the weekend in a nightclub and she saw it all.....she kept staring over but nothing has come of it.......sad to say maybe, but i wanted to see her being jealous......she made excuses always to keep her distance from me but tells me she liked me a lot.....it doesnt add up.....what does this guy do that i can't thats what i ask myself

Maybe its not about what you can or can't do, maybe she just wanted to experiment, explore something different. Like tal says or I'm sure he has said, relationships are hard work and it takes good, honest communication and real hard work to make them last the distance. She is too young to accept this kind of responsibility and perhaps you are not, you may possibly be reaching that level of maturity or have passed it, I don't know because I don't know you, only you know that but that's what my initial thoughts tell me. I think this is why she was a mismatch for you.

You need to stop trying to make her jealous and try to avoid going to places she goes to because it will screw with your head and I can see it is already.

Ask yourself also, if you don't call it love and it was not love, is the reason you get these feelings more about you and not about her? Or are you putting her on that pedestal like so many of us (including myself) have done with the ex's to make her attention seem more important than anyone else's? Again, only you can answer that one.

Maybe its not about what you can or can't do, maybe she just wanted to experiment, explore something different. Like tal says or I'm sure he has said, relationships are hard work and it takes good, honest communication and real hard work to make them last the distance. She is too young to accept this kind of responsibility and perhaps you are not, you may possibly be reaching that level of maturity or have passed it, I don't know because I don't know you, only you know that but thats what my initial thoughts tell me. I think this is why she was a mismatch for you.

You need to stop trying to make her jealous and try to avoid going to places she goes to because it will screw with your head and I can see it is already.

Ask yourself also, if you don't call it love and it was not love, is the reason you get these feelings more about you and not about her? Or are you putting her on that pedestal like so many of us (including myself) have done with the ex's to make her attention seem more important than anyone elses? Again, only you can answer that one.


These are very good questions and I feel as if you understand me even though we have never met. Yes I do put her on that pedestal, I look at her and think she is so attractive and I look at her in a way and wish I was that age again, I feel as if I can get no one as nice as her which I know is silly, part of me is mature but I still think there is a part of me that is immature and shouldn't be dwelling on this, its as if there is a weakness I cannot overcome. My ego is bruised I am not ashamed to admit it, I know I am good enough but feel myself trying to show her, her mistake

It is YOUR choice to either accept she is no longer in your life, or keep her in your head rent free. You Can chose to use your freedom to find your own happiness, and move on, or sit on a pity pot spinning your wheels.

These are very good questions and I feel as if you understand me even though we have never met. Yes I do put her on that pedestal, i look at her and think she is so attractive and i look at her in a way and wish i was that age again, I feel as if i can get no1 as nice as her which i know is silly, part of me is mature but i still think there is a part of me that is immature and shouldnt be dwelling on this, its as if there is a weakness i cannot overcome. My ego is bruised i am not ashamed to admit it, i know i am good enough but feel myself trying to show her, her mistake

I don't think you are necessarily immature because you are dwelling on it but I agree with you when you say that your ego is bruised and it is nothing to be ashamed of because it is to be expected. Its good that you know you are good enough and that you understand that you have a weakness. This very fact tells me that you will overcome all this because you recognise this about yourself. You are self reflecting and this is good but at the same time, you still have that inner confidence which tells you that you are good enough and that probably is the case. The thoughts that you must fight are those which tell you that in some way you do not give whatever you think it is that she wants or needs because you can never know that and those are thoughts that have no place in the healing process but inevitably surface from time to time. I think the reason she left was more about her and her need to 'sow her wild oats' than about you.

The thing with self-confidence is that it is generally an up and down process and is not always consistent and maybe this is where you are struggling. When you are down, there is only one way to go and that is up. There will be a time when things are different but we all have those down points in our lives when things don't quite go as we planned. You are 27 now and I don't doubt you have chalked up some experience in life, she is only 21 and has much to learn, so do you, but you are further than her even though you may think you are not because maybe of how you perceived her in your eyes.

Not sure how much sense you make of what I have said but I hope you can take something from it and see that things will improve for you if you let them.

I don't think you are necessarily immature because you are dwelling on it but I agree with you when you say that your ego is bruised and it is nothing to be ashamed of because it is to be expected. Its good that you know you are good enough and that you understand that you have a weakness. This very fact tells me that you will overcome all this because you recognise this about yourself. You are self reflecting and this is good but at the same time, you still have that inner confidence which tells you that you are good enough and that probably is the case. The thoughts that you must fight are those which tell you that in some way you do not give whatever you think it is that she wants or needs because you can never know that and those are thoughts that have no place in the healing process but inevitably surface from time to time. I think the reason she left was more about her and her need to 'sow her wild oats' than about you.

The thing with self-confidence is that it is generally an up and down process and is not always consistent and maybe this is where you are struggling. When you are down, there is only one way to go and that is up. There will be a time when things are different but we all have those down points in our lives when things don't quite go as we planned. You are 27 now and I don't doubt you have chalked up some experience in life, she is only 21 and has much to learn, so do you, but you are further than her even though you may think you are not because maybe of how you perceived her in your eyes.

Not sure how much sense you make of what I have said but I hope you can take something from it and see that things will improve for you if you let them.


This makes perfect sense, everything you and Tal have said makes perfect sense, I know for a fact that if I could meet a girl who I really like and the feeling is returned she will be long forgotten about... this is the hard part cause a lot of peopl ewho I meet are either taken or are only 20-21 years old

This makes perfect sense, everything you and Tal have said makes perfect sense, I know for a fact that if i could meet a girl who i really like and the feeling is returned she will be long forgotten about..........this is the hard part cause a lot of peopl ewho i meet are either taken or are only 20-21 years old

Perhaps you are looking in the wrong places or perhaps you are attracted to the young ones. I understand that, I am the same age as you but I have come to the realisation that the young just are not ready for anything serious. Not saying we are old because we are not but I know I am a different man to when I was 21, there was a lot of change, so I need someone who has beeen through all this wild stage, experimentation phase. Perhaps you do too bu the young ones are attractive to you because they in some way seem promiscuous or perhaps fun. Not sure is either of those words are correct because you can't generalise but we are talking about what you may be attracted to.

Not trying to ruin anything about older or younger relationships. Family friends of mine met when he was respectively 21 and she was 31, ten year difference. They been married over 10 years I think now and they have an 8 year old son. The women has another son who is 20 from another relationship.

Tyne stick to no contact and things can only get better.

Not trying to ruin anything about older or younger relationships. Family friends of mine met when he was respectively 21 and she was 31, ten year difference. They been married over 10 years I think now and they have an 8 year old son. The women has another son who is 20 from another relationship.

Tyne stick to no contact and things can only get better.

Good point..

Every situation is different and I want to emphasise the importance of not making generalisations. Not all young women want to go wild and not ready to be with someone older, it happens a lot but is not always the case.

Jiser is right, stick to NC.

Geoff has made a very good point as to the maturity level of a 20-21 year old as opposed to one who has seen and done the fun/frivilous experimenting stuff and is a lot more sensible about her future. Short term they may be fun, but aren't ready to see the long term yet. Getting over the ex, and getting back to the real life you live in, is so important so you can see there are many oppurtunities and places to find someone to share your happiness with. But first you have to be at the point that your life, and your attitude is healthy, and happy.

Generally I think the problem is nowa days people expect too much from life, they want too much, is there allways more out there they ask? People need to be happy with what they have right now first, not everyone can change the world and their lives in a day or weeks. We have to keep at it maybe even 3% a day.

Perhaps you are looking in the wrong places or perhaps you are attracted to the young ones. I understand that, I am the same age as you but I have come to the realisation that the young just are not ready for anything serious. Not saying we are old because we are not but I know I am a different man to when I was 21, there was a lot of change, so I need someone who has beeen through all this wild stage, experimentation phase. Perhaps you do too bu the young ones are attractive to you because they in some way seem promiscuous or perhaps fun. Not sure is either of those words are correct because you can't generalise but we are talking about what you may be attracted to.
Yes this is exactly how I've been feeling, I look at her and she is having fun and nothng seems to bother her, I feel looking back at my life I haven't had enough fun where I struggled with self esteem issues and have always worried too much. I feel myself getting jealous of her life and the attention she gets from the opposite sex... I think to myself why couldn't my life have had that... I know it sounds silly but this is me being totally honest with the way I think and feel.

When I'm on bebo I see she is online and she is always uploading photos of her and friends and now there are some with her and some guy who I think she is seeing... I don't know whether to delete her off my contacts list but I don't want to show I'm annoyed and give her that ego boost that she loves, cause she would love to see she gets to me.

Her and her friends are always out having a great time, my friends are boring, don't want to book up for any holidays or anything and some are with their grilfriends, I feel I've missed a big part of fun in my life.
These guys are just happy sitting in a little old mans pub and not go out in2 town or anything.

Its so hard trying to meet a nice woman I didn't realise it was going to be this hard, but I has made me realise to try a lot harder with my next relationship if ever this happens

Hey I feel for you tyne. I have very few friends who are up for much! The only who is is who is my best mate is away in costa rica and then he's off to Uni... Argh! I have my final year of University and I have just got a real good part time job as an I.T. manager. As I am only 21 everything is going good and I have a few festivals and holidays to look forward to and ill be real busy with work and Uni for next year.

At your age I can see how going to the pub with a load of boring old people doesn't help. I suggest that you perhaps go away on a singles holiday or activity holiday alone! Go start new things and meet new people. If your not happy then make active changes your life and make it happen for you. Through one sport I have done for 13 years I met a lot of my current friends through friends of friends etc. Get out there!

Hey I feel for you tyne. I have very few friends who are up for much! The only who is is who is my best mate is away in costa rica and then hes off to Uni...Argh!! I have my final year of University and I have just got a real good part time job as an I.T. manager. As I am only 21 everything is going good and I have a few festivals and holidays to look foward to and ill be real busy with work and Uni for next year.

At your age I can see how going to the pub with a load of boring old people doesnt help. I suggest that you perhaps go away on a singles holiday or activity holiday alone!! Go start new things and meet new people. If your not happy then make active changes your life and make it happen for you. Through one sport I have done for 13 years I met alot of my current friends through friends of friends etc. Get out there!


Cheers for the inspiration Jiser I will take it on board

I know this was 2 yrs ago, but my honest opinion on this matter is that you have to let it breathe, and as hard as it seems you can't sit around, counting down the days since you last saw her or talked to her, that will just make you miserable. You need to repair yourself emotionally. I know it I've been through it, heck we all have at some time or another. It sounds a lot easier said than done but its true. You have to work on you. Because if you go back into the relationship again, you don't want to come into it the same person. You want to have a fresh aspect on things, and become a better man. Avoid rebounds, they only get you in trouble, and you don't want to hurt someone else emotionally as you will probably allow them to be your emotional doormat because your not over your ex. I found that getting out of the area completely helped me. Which means avoiding areas that you once frequented with her, this will just conjure up bad memories. Sad memories, really.