I have been with my ex-girlfriend for about 2 years now. We broke up about 2 weeks ago. We had a long distance relationship, got a lot of memories together. We used to meet every weekend, and all I had to do is to trust her. But the last times, I saw a kind of coldness in her. So we started arguing, and always she told me that everything goes fine, the only problem is our communication. I tried to believe that, and wanted to change things in me, so stopped being possesiv and jealous in same time. After 1 month of calmed situation I found her cheating on me with her ex (with whom she used to break before 2 years after a 4 year relationship, and as I know, she didn't loved him anymore, and in the same time she didn't wanted even kiss him). Actually I don't know what she found so interesant in him, to get back to him. Sweet words can be so..? Anyway, I broke up with her. To realize that she was cheating on me, I used to write her an email making her believe I was her best best friend, asking her how the things between us are going. She responded to that mail and I used to read her mail, and there was everything written black on white.

I told her that I know everything, told her about that mail, and she was very angry, because

I made her fool believing that it was her best friend writing to her. It was a bad break up, and I used to shame and lay into her because she lied me. After I left her, I was so stupid to send a message to her ex. That was too stupid, but my mind was totally out of control. Now I'm very aware of the fact that I dissapointed her more than one time. Reading her mail, making her fool about the mail, sending the message to her so-called ex, dumped her... And I'm aware of the fact that because of all these dispointments she can't talk to me now. Somehow, we are both angry to each other. I used to write her a long mail, telling her that I'm sorry and I'm aware of all the wrong things I have done after the breakup. I wanted to meet her in somehow, but she send me a message telling me "after all the dissapointments from what you did, i dont know if i could look in your eyes again, and i dont know if this will happen".

Now I realized how much I miss her, and that I still care and love her. I tried to be in contact, sending her messages and mails. I know she saves, prints and reads everything I send (I know that because I have a remote access in her computer), but she never responded me. I guess she waits for such mails and things from me, but its not ready to talk to me.

Recently, I told her that I was in her city waiting for her to talk about the things. She responded with a simple message "dont wait for me, i wont come. i need time for this. take care!". I don't know but I think this is somehow a way to say leave me alone. On the same time, I think she really needs time,because of the bad breakup, and all the bad things I have done after the breakup. Now my question is, Is there any way I can get her back, because I really don't want to loose her. Should I go for another try (sending messages or mails, which I'm afraid will be boring to her, even she keeps reading all the mails I've sent) or should I back off, or should I leave and move on even if I'm still in love with her?

It's over, buddy. Move on. The only thing you need to tell yourself is that time does, in fact, heal all wounds... It also changes the face of things QUITE signifcantly. I know it's not fun to hear but there's no quick fix. Find something to make your life worthwhile. This something does not necessarily have to be a relationship...

It's over, buddy. Move on. The only thing you need to tell yourself is that time does, in fact, heal all wounds... It also changes the face of things QUITE signifcantly. I know it's not fun to hear but there's no quick fix. Find something to make your life worthwhile. This something does not necessarily have to be a relationship...

Well said and true.


It's time to live your life now. It's time to move on.

Step back for a second and look at how you two have acted towards each other. Pretend you're us reading this. She betrayed your trust at perhaps the deepest possible level by cheating on you. And you found out that she was cheating on you by impersonating her best friend and spying on her. Does this sound like a situation that is healthy for you? Do you think that either one of you could ever trust each other again, even if you did somehow get back together?

You're probably stuck on her because you know there's no way she'll take you back, and you want what you can't have, which is understandable, many people do. But wanting her just because you can't have her is a bad reason to keep wanting her. Whatever trust and respect that there ever was in the relationship is gone, but it sounds like there wasn't much to begin with.

And does she know that you have remote access to your computer? Because that's wrong and very likely may be illegal.

I agree. It does not sound like she is remorseful for actions and she is also putting the heat on you. There is a girl out there for you who will treat you right but you will not meet her if you are still holding on to your ex!

I think your girl has made up her mind to stay aloof and honestly, she doesn't like you enough now to carry on with the relationship. I know it's going to be hard on you if I say this but this is the truth, EVEN IF YOU GET HER BACK, u guys will never be able to recreate the magic you once shared... so just let it be and think of other better things in life... there's so much to do...

Dude,

She cheated on you. And somehow YOU are the one thinking about what you did wrong and trying hard?

I think it'd be tough to get back with her. You'll be the most insecure you'v ever been, and for good reason. She cheated on you. You'll constantly wonder, you'll pry, you'll spy. You'll be worried all the time--especially since you're long distance. You'll be very very unhappy.

She's not trustworthy.

You've said your "sorries," so walk away tall, man. That's pretty cool that you were able to realize your wrongs... even in the heat of the horrible thing she did.

Oh, and don't read all over this forum about folks who are still in love with other folks after 14 years and this utter trash. You'll move on and will find another wonderful gal and you'll be very very happy.

Do you actually think this girl makes you happy? And will in the future? Sorry to say but once a cheater always a cheater, she already knows you want her, and she already pushed your button and cheated on you, you actually think accepting her back will teach her a lesson? I don't think so, you deserve way better, and soon you will see why, right now your just lost, what you need to do is suck it up, and tell her No, and start NC, don't listen to her crys, or her whining when she runs back to you, don't fall for her pathetic games which your doing right now, wake up she CHEATED! On you with another guy? You actually are willing to see yourself with this imature girl?

And does she know that you have remote access to your computer? Because that's wrong and very likely may be illegal.

Wrong and illegal?? Common people, do you think I cared so much of the fact that that is illegal? I made that virus only for her and my calmed mind. That virus helped me to not be fool in this long distance relationship. And now I'm selling it to any one who is in the same situation. Cheating IS Illegal, 1 month of lyies is illegal. "Being good at me" only because I should be calm and not bother her with my discussion and questions about trust and honestly. That's illegal!

do you actually think this girl makes you happy? and wil in the future? sorry to say but once a cheater always a cheater, she already knows you want her, and she already pushed your button and cheated on you, you actually think accepting her back will teach her a lesson? i dont think so, you deserve way better, and soon you will see why, right now your just lost, waht you need to do is suck it up, and tell her No, and start NC, dont listen to her crys, or her whining when she runs back to you, dont fall for her pathetic games which your doin right now, wake up she CHEATED! on you with another guy? you actually are willing to see yourself with this imature girl?

Eh, if that could be so easy :) well, I'm most bored and angry of the fact that that guy is the same one she cheated on with me. And after 2 years, the poor guy still doesn't know that fact. She lied to him too, saying him that she used to break with him and after come in a relationship with me. Do you know what was written on that sms ? Well, I could resist to the fact he still doesn't know it, so I told him to be careful, and told him what really happened. I know that the girl for sure has told him its not true, but who cares now. The guy wanted to talk to me, but I told him that's all I can say, if you want proves come in contact with me. And do you know what he said to me? That I'm such a weak man, and all the rest. And I told him, I'm more a man you use to know. I got my answers and in the same time I got your answer you never knew. That's a man.

Neojunior bro:
Uhmmm... I think the basics are over the table by now. Two years of relationship, an infidelity, an inmature woman, and your over controlling behavior developed by a unhealthy relationship. If you ask me it's worthy to create a virus for spying cheaters, I would say I prefer to live more in medieval ages lol, comon dude, invest your genious mind into something more productive. For me, a fool isn't to be cheated on, a fool is once you know it you don't do anything according to your dignity, that's a really and dangerous fool.
The other guy... well, is not his fault either, the choice was on HER hands. I believe no SWEET words can soften a well based love, so she broke your trust on her, she take for granted your loyalty and love in 2 years, then she's not worth your care. God help her to find a decent and honest life.
Don't worry about anything else but YOU for now. Yes, you checked her mail (virus included) because you felt something, OK! That's understandable but far from acceptable. You made your apologies clear to her, but the fact she's making your mistake bigger than hers, well that's is clear sign of not knowing how to face her own way out, and again, life is greater with someone you can accomplish huge goals not with one who withdraws yourself esteem with her behavior.
So my friend, put your mind and heart on right viruses :)
Be strong and enjoy

Move on buddy.. the most important thing is self-respect

Neojunior bro:
uhmmm... I think the basics are over the table by now. Two years of relationship, an infidelity, an inmature woman, and your over controlling behavior developed by a unhealthy relationship. If you ask me it's worthy to create a virus for spying cheaters, i would say i prefer to live more in medieval ages lol, comon dude, invest your genious mind into something more productive. For me, a fool isnt to be cheated on, a fool is once you know it you dont do anything according to your dignity, that's a really and dangerous fool.
The other guy.... well, is not his fault either, the choice was on HER hands. I believe no SWEET words can soften a well based love, so she broke your trust on her, she take for granted your loyalty and love in 2 years, then she's not worth your care. God help her to find a decent and honest life.
Don't worry about anything else but YOU for now. Yes, you checked her mail (virus included) because you felt something, ok!! that's understandable but far from acceptable. You made your apologies clear to her, but the fact she's making your mistake bigger than hers, well that's is clear sign of not knowing how to face her own way out, and again, life is greater with someone you can accomplish huge goals not with one who withdraws your self esteem with her behavior.
So my friend, put your mind and heart on right viruses :)
Be strong and enjoy

Buddy I know that was wrong, but in a way or another I always trusted on my instincts. Im not saying that its acceptable the fact that I used to check her mail, but she always tried to take me back, telling me that there is everything OK, and all the rest. 3 times during the 3 months I wanted to make her believe that I'm going away if she doesn't change her behavior. She always told me that she wants this relationship, she will not meet him anymore, and she will fight for this relationship. All I had to do was to understand her, and not being so possessiv and jelaous. And I changed my behaviour the last month. Everything was fine, and I thought OK, this will work. Until the day everything got Boom! Is that my fault? By the way, she is 26, and she should react like an adult god damn it.

Instincts are part of our human nature, we should give them a place into our decisions. You felt something stink and you take action, and discover something that shouldn't be happening. Ok that behavior could be interpreted as a possessive, and she could even create a movie inside her head of how it would be a future life with you like that. But again, SHE CHEATED and you acted according to your sixth sense. It's seems she played you well in that, don't allow her to manipulate you with guilty. She's too embarrassed yet by her behavior that's she's missdirecting your attention to where she feels has the control... guilt on you.
That's other aspect of her you should consider when you think about if it's worth it or not to invest your time and energy on a second match with this gal, besides the cheat thing.
It's not your FAULT!! And yes you are sooo right, she's not acting like a 26 years old woman.
Recharge your batteries here bro,

Good luck

She cheated pretty simple w. not worth it.cheaterswill always chest I know this for sure

I think the bigger problem here is the fact you are spying on her, if i found out that someone was watching me by having remote access to my computer i would go to the police regardless of the fact i had a relationship with you.
you also say that you pretended to be her best friend to get her to talk to you...
you are violating her trust,to me its bordering on being a stalker.
I would forget about this woman as you are in too deep with it all and its not healthy.
stop spying on her and get on with your life.

I think the bigger problem here is the fact you are spying on her, if i found out that someone was watching me by having remote access to my computer i would go to the police regardless of the fact i had a relationship with you.
you also say that you pretended to be her best friend to get her to talk to you...
you are violating her trust,to me its bordering on being a stalker.
I would forget about this woman as you are in too deep with it all and its not healthy.
stop spying on her and get on with your life.

I didn't told her I'm spying, for god sake. I said her that I only read that mail, that's all! And yes, that I send her that mail like I was her best friend. I am the only one here who knows about spying on her. Man, I guess you have never been in such a situation with a girl who makes you think that everything is OK, because if you could spy on your girl or your wife, I sure you, you would do it! Oh yes, you would do it.

well from what you just said by attacking me for my answer, i can confirm that i am a female hence my name Mrs!, also, i wouldnt spy on my partner (a MAN) as its all about trust.
If i get a feeling something is wrong i use my mouth and talk to him about it, I communicate with him, i do not set up his computer for remote assistance, that is spying, that is watching her without her knowing.
that to me isnt a relationship, far from it, its based on lies.
I was stating my oppinion on your situation, and the way you attacked me for it says to me that i hit a nerve, you know what you are doing is worng.
good luck...and by the way, you say in your last post that you didnt tell her you are spying, does that make it ok because she doesnt know?

well from what you just said by attacking me for my answer, i can confirm that i am a female hence my name Mrs!, also, i wouldnt spy on my partner (a MAN) as its all about trust.
If i get a feeling something is wrong i use my mouth and talk to him about it, I communicate with him, i do not set up his computer for remote assistance, that is spying, that is watching her without her knowing.
that to me isnt a relationship, far from it, its based on lies.
I was stating my oppinion on your situation, and the way you attacked me for it says to me that i hit a nerve, you know what you are doing is worng.
good luck...and by the way, you say in your last post that you didnt tell her you are spying, does that make it ok because she doesnt know?

Well it seems you didn't understand that. I talked to her so much, you can't believe it. I used to communicate with her, and she always told me everything is OK, the only problem is that I should be more understandable, and not wonder all the time where she is and with whom she is. I didn't asked her before, but only the last time, 2 months ago maybe, when things got to be cold in her. And after 1 month of calmness between us, I found out that she was cheating on me. That's why I used to believe my instincts, and got my answer in another way, and not from her. I know its wrong, but didn't want she to make me fool. And by the way, I'm not saying is OK, but why should I respect her by telling her on spying, when she didn't had the same respect for me, when got cheating. Im not nervous, not trying to justify my reactions, I only want to know, and I wanted to find a way out to make contact with her, and to tell her the whole story (spying and everything). In this way, we could be forgiveable somehow for each other. Now, should I try to stay in contact, sending maybe kind of "how you doing" messages, or should I leave all this thing unexplained for ever?

well from what you just said by attacking me for my answer, i can confirm that i am a female hence my name Mrs!, also, i wouldnt spy on my partner (a MAN) as its all about trust.
If i get a feeling something is wrong i use my mouth and talk to him about it, I communicate with him, i do not set up his computer for remote assistance, that is spying, that is watching her without her knowing.
that to me isnt a relationship, far from it, its based on lies.
I was stating my oppinion on your situation, and the way you attacked me for it says to me that i hit a nerve, you know what you are doing is worng.
good luck...and by the way, you say in your last post that you didnt tell her you are spying, does that make it ok because she doesnt know?

And sorry if I showed myself an attacker and nervous, I'm nervous from the whole thing, not with you. As a female, what could be your opinion in this case, and could there be any chance, at least to be in contact? I don't want her to hate me, I don't want to hate her. That's all

I didnt understand what exactly?
you wont get your answers by spying on her.
what if time goes on, say months, and she still doesnt want to be with you? are you still going to watch her computer? what if she meets other people and communicates with them using her computer? how long are you going to go on watching her? thats what im saying.
you said in your orig post that she is your ex girlfriend, you have no right to be doing it.
the only way you will get answers is to be patient, give her some time, then maybe write her a letter or something asking her to explain the situation.
some people never get answers, they still have to move on. think about what you are doing.

I didnt understand what exactly?
you wont get your answers by spying on her.
what if time goes on, say months, and she still doesnt want to be with you? are you still going to watch her computer? what if she meets other people and communicates with them using her computer? how long are you going to go on watching her? thats what im saying.
you said in your orig post that she is your ex girlfriend, you have no right to be doing it.
the only way you will get answers is to be patient, give her some time, then maybe write her a letter or something asking her to explain the situation.
some people never get answers, they still have to move on. think about what you are doing.


I stopped spying by the way. From that date, when I got my answer, I just moved on. But now I feel uncomfort in myself for not telling her what happened, and how I used to know my answers. Thtas why I told her I will be in her city to talk. That was the reason. She said she needs time for this. Well if need time means what its used to mean, I give her the time. All I want, is how to get in contact somehow.

Get yourself out of this situation by doing new things i.e. Like the gym, go no contact and stick to it.

I didnt understand what exactly?
you wont get your answers by spying on her.
what if time goes on, say months, and she still doesnt want to be with you? are you still going to watch her computer? what if she meets other people and communicates with them using her computer? how long are you going to go on watching her? thats what im saying.
you said in your orig post that she is your ex girlfriend, you have no right to be doing it.
the only way you will get answers is to be patient, give her some time, then maybe write her a letter or something asking her to explain the situation.
some people never get answers, they still have to move on. think about what you are doing.


And what kind of letter should I write? I wrote her my sorries about what happened. But never got an answers. Should I say I'm sorry again and again until she comes in contact? I'm afraid I will be boring, won't I ?

You could just set a time in your head that you are willing to wait, then if you havent heard from her in that time, write the letter but make it the final one. tell her you appreciate the fact she has needed time to think, but you need some answers, if she isnt willing to respond then i would move on, as after that time it would be obvious she doesnt want to be with you anymore, and she is not willing to give you the answers you need.

You do not want to go back to her. Trust me on that! Once you lose your trust for someone it is extremely hard to get that back. Without trust you have nothing.

I know all of this because my ex cheated on me and I tried to make it work for another 2 months. I became a paranoid freak with everything that she did. I would continuously be asking questions to myself like "Was she really going to the grocery store?" or "Who was she really talking to on her cell phone?". I was really unfair to myself and I started to look like the fool.

So, please do yourself a favor and grieve for your loss, start moving on and in the end you will finally see that it was the best decision you could have made. You will find someone that you are so much more deserving of! I know it is hard to imagine right now... but you will heal and be much, much better off once you've moved on your true soulmate.

You could just set a time in your head that you are willing to wait, then if you havent heard from her in that time, write the letter but make it the final one. tell her you appreciate the fact she has needed time to think, but you need some answers, if she isnt willing to respond then i would move on, as after that time it would be obvious she doesnt want to be with you anymore, and she is not willing to give you the answers you need.


Thanks for your answer MRS! I really appreciate it. I would ask you some more help, because it seems to me that it happened because of all my faults in the past (jelousy, a little possessive, always wanting answers, etc). Anyway, I give you my address, so we could better talk online, cause this is a little false and distant I think. This is my address: [email protected]

I think you need to ask yourself the tough questions here. Her cheating on you was wrong. You spying on her was wrong. And this relationship is wrong, for you and for her. You need to just walk away and keep her out of your life forever. That includes getting rid of the remote access thing - besides the fact that it's wrong, it's just going to keep you obsessed with her and keep you miserable.

Actually, in your case I don't think the tough questions are so tough to answer. Could you ever fully trust her again? Think hard about how rileyma learned the hard way how impossible it is to feel fully secure ever again once you've been cheated on. And it doesn't even matter, because I'm 99% certain that you two won't even be getting back together. Why do you care if she hates you? She cheated on you, dude! You're searching for some sort of amazing closure that is impossible to achieve here. The more time you waste on this, and the more you engage with her, the more confused and angry and frustrated you're going to get - guaranteed. Just walk away forever, as hard as it is to do when you're still emotionally confused.

You do not want to go back to her. Trust me on that! Once you lose your trust for someone it is extemely hard to get that back. Without trust you have nothing.

I know all of this because my ex cheated on me and I tried to make it work for another 2 months. I became a paranoid freak with everything that she did. I would continuously be asking questions to myself like "Was she really going to the grocery store?" or "Who was she really talking to on her cell phone?". I was really unfair to myself and I started to look like the fool.

So, please do yourself a favor and grieve for your loss, start moving on and in the end you will finally see that it was the best decision you could have made. You will find someone that you are so much more deserving of! I know it is hard to imagine right now....but you will heal and be much, much better off once you've moved on your true soulmate.


I don't think so. If I didn't trusted her, it was because her willing to make things look like OK. For 1 year and a half, we didn't have any little problem with the trust. So I know how I will react in such a situation. She trusts me, I know that. The only one here who doesn't trust, is me. I mean, I didn't trusted her. I know myself, and I know how to heal my trust.

I dont think so. If i didnt trusted her, it was because her willing to make things look like ok. For 1 year and a half, we didnt have any little problem with the trust. So i know how i will react in such a situation. She trusts me, i know that. The only one here who doesnt trust, is me. I mean, i didnt trusted her. I know myself, and i know how to heal my trust.


She cheated on you! That is where all trust goes out the window. And without trust you have nothing. You can get it back but it takes a LONG time and a LOT of effort on her part.

it takes a LONG time and a LOT of effort on her part.

And since all goodwill is gone here, she will not put in that time and effort.

She cheated on you! That is where all trust goes out the window. And without trust you have nothing. You can get it back but it takes a LONG time and a LOT of effort on her part.

I know my responsabilities. I made everything wrong, and she never wanted to leave me. Can you understand that? That's why I owe her a second chance. I was the jelous one, the possessive and always waiting and wanting answers from her. I was obsessed with her. I made the virus. I spied on her. I wrote her the mail and did everything wrong. Don't you think in somehow I putted her in that way to cheat on me? Because in such a situation with such a partner, even I could do something like that. Don't you believe that ? Prove it by yourself, and you will see. Make your partner feel like an idiot, stupid, and you will see. I know my wrongs, and these 2 weeks helped me to know myself. That's why I'm trying to come in contact with her, and maybe talk about a second chance. Im a scorpion by the way.

Two wrongs don't make a right! By you doing what you did to her, I personally would not go back with you either. Not to mention that she did cheat on you. That goes to show you that once a cheater will always be a cheater and you don't need that neither. Sweetie, life goes on and I am sure you have heard this before... there are a lot of fish in the sea. You have plenty of time to find your soul mate. But you do have to change your ways with the girls and just trust them. Never spy!! It only comes back to haunt you. Enjoy life and don't rush it.

[my advice to you my friend is to ease up, and give her some space it's clear that she don't want anything to do with you right now. Then again she is hurt and need some time to think . Love should never be a one way street always remember that. If you are thinking about her better belive she is doing the same, won't you wait and see if see will respond to you. Because right now she is thinking about all of the bad things you have done to her. I know she cheated on you but everyone is human and humans do make mistakes. Because it's plently of blame to be spreaded around. Just make one more attempt and be sincere and not pushy not to say you have been just lay it out on the table. If all fails move on buddy because somewhere the feelings are not mutal. GOOD LUCK

my advice to you my friend is to ease up, and give her some space it's clear that she don't want anything to do with you right now. Then again she is hurt and need some time to think . Love should never be a one way street always remember that. If you are thinking about her better belive she is doing the same, won't you wait and see if see will respond to you. Because right now she is thinking about all of the bad things you have done to her. I know she cheated on you but everyone is human and humans do make mistakes. Because it's plently of blame to be spreaded around. Just make one more attempt and be sincere and not pushy not to say you have been just lay it out on the table. If all fails move on buddy because somewhere the feelings are not mutal. GOOD LUCK


I appreciate you answer my friend. I know she is hurt. Me either. But I guess I don't care so much of my feelings because I know what I have done wrong. That makes me not hate her. But hate myself in somehow. Because everything was OK, really, until she used to go out a little more in clubs and so, and I became jelous and controlling. I know I pushed her right to the cheating. I could do it too if someone could be so controlling over me. I believe!

Listen no matter how controlling you are, she had no rights to cheat on you, simple as that, you need to not blame yourself for what you did, I've also learned if you blame yourself you will never be able to get over your mistakes, no ones perfect its okay, but she made the mistake in cheating, and now its done with, drop it and hardest part is you need to drop her she cheated, n got caught game over.

listen no matter how controlling you are, she had no rights to cheat on you, simple as that, you need to not blame your self for waht you did, I've also learned if you blame yourself you will never be able to get over your mistakes, no ones perfect its okay, but she made the mistake in cheating, and now its done with, drop it and hardest part is you need to drop her she cheated, n got caught game over.


Go easy brother. I know cheating is not normal, but remember, in somehow I did it too. Spying on her. Why should I forgive myself, and not her? And remember, it was my fault the last 2 months for controlling her and being possessive, and not making things a little easier. Now, all I know that I learned a lot from all this situation, and even with or without her, I will be a better person, that's all. I just don't want to loose her, but if its meant to be like that, what should I do.

I was in your shoes, when my girlfriend broke up with me because she was fed up w/ me, I would call her all the time saying sorry my bad, basically begging to get her back, and no matter how much you think talking to her would make her change her mind it does't it actually pushes them away, its like human nature... I've learend one thing that I would do in your shoes its hard but you will figure out if her love is true...


In a non begging way just tell her simply how you feel about her, and once she gets her things straight let her know you might or might not be there, but still would like to be friends... than you need to start NC and give her time, to think about everything and give her time to miss you

NC is real hard the first week real hard, find friends, be busy, hang out, it will be tuff but it's the best for both until she relises wahts best for both.

i was in your shoes, when my gf broke up with me because she was fed up w/ me, i would call her all the time saying sorry my bad, basically begging to get her back, and no matter how much you think talking to her would make her change her mind it does't it actually pushes them away, its like human nature.... i've learend one thing that i would do in your shoes its hard but you will figure out if her love is true.....


in a non begging way just tell her simply how you feel about her, and once she gets her things straight let her know you might or might not be there, but still would like to be freinds.... than you need to start NC and give her time, to think about everything and give her time to miss you

NC is real hard the first week real hard, find friends, be busy, hang out, it will be tuff but its the best for both until she relises wahts best for both.

I think I know what you mean. Yeah, trying to bring them back, makes them push away. I know that. But what do you mean with "in a non begging way just tell her how do you feel about her"? Im trying to write a letter, but I don't know what to write. I think I should talk about my mistakes and the fact I'm aware what I have done to bring all the . What do you think ?

i was in your shoes, when my gf broke up with me because she was fed up w/ me, i would call her all the time saying sorry my bad, basically begging to get her back, and no matter how much you think talking to her would make her change her mind it does't it actually pushes them away, its like human nature.... i've learend one thing that i would do in your shoes its hard but you will figure out if her love is true.....


in a non begging way just tell her simply how you feel about her, and once she gets her things straight let her know you might or might not be there, but still would like to be freinds.... than you need to start NC and give her time, to think about everything and give her time to miss you

NC is real hard the first week real hard, find friends, be busy, hang out, it will be tuff but its the best for both until she relises wahts best for both.


And buddy, if I can ask you, could you talk to me online, cause waiting here for a response, is terrible :) well if you think we can talk online my address is [email protected].

Yes I added you but I guess your not online

COmmon people, why did you guys make a great deal out of this??

WEll, Neojunior, I have to tell you this:: I had a long distance relationship too, and I did all kinds of what people called "GUILT" like you did, I spied, I pretended to be friends with him, and other naughty stuff (except for cheating) not just 1 time, many times as the matter of trust, yeah its really hard to trust with LDR, and he knew it, he asked me if I did it, I confessed. ANd actually, he never considered it a crime like people do here. He just simply skipped it even when he knew it was no good but he understands why I did it. I really adore him for behaving like that.

So what I am trying to say here is: If someone loves you, then they can skip all your fault. No big deal! But in your situation, I guess she no longer truly love you. ANd without love, she cheated and took you for granted.

STOP BLAMING ON YOURSELF, NEOJUNIOR! Whatever happened, I can say that her mistake is 100 times bigger than yours.
Just remember this :: YOU CAN NEVER LIVE WITH A LIER. Lier is always and forever a lier, can't be straight, can't change!

Please, be healthy, and spend time with people that truly love you like your family and your friends.

yes i added you but i guess your not online


I'm online now, sorry for letting you wait

COmmon people, why did you guys make a great deal out of this???

WEll, Neojunior, i have to tell you this:: I had a long distance relationship too, and i did all kinds of what ppl called "GUILT" like you did, i spied, i pretended to be friends with him, and other naughty stuff (except for cheating) not just 1 time, many times as the matter of trust, yeah its really hard to trust with LDR, and he knew it, he asked me if i did it, i confessed. ANd actually, he never considered it a crime like ppl do here. He just simply skipped it even when he knew it was no good but he understands why i did it. I really adore him for behaving like that.

So what i am trying to say here is: If someone loves you, then they can skip all your fault. No big deal! But in your situation, i guess she no longer truely love you. ANd without love, she cheated and took you for granted.

STOP BLAMING ON YOURSELF, NEOJUNIOR! Whatever happened, i can say that her mistake is 100 times bigger than yours.
Just remember this :: YOU CAN NEVER LIVE WITH A LIER. Lier is always and forever a lier, can't be straight, can't change!

Please, be healthy, and spend time with ppl that truely love you like your family and your friends.


How long was your relationship? Cause mine was about 2 years. It was not really a long distance relationship like people use to call it, cause we meet every weekend, and we had 2-3 hours of conversation every day. Just one day that seems to change, and I got myself out of control, by being possessive, controlling, jealous, obssesive. I always looked at my relationship like a closer one, I mean I was pretending her to be near me every moment. I just forgot that that was a LDR. Wenn I understood that, everything was broken, I mean we got a lot of argueing, until I took to understand that.

Mine is more than 3 years, we don't have a chance to meet as often like you guys. But, yeah we chatted and talked more than 2 hours everyday, too, so much that our parents both freak out! Hehe :D
And, frustrated is the thing that I faced everyday. There was a period that I got so out of control, jealous, angry, and sometimes even accused him out of nothing at all, its normal with LDR.
Yep, so I totally understand your action and reaction before and after the break up.
My suggestion is forgive yourself first (like I did). It seems hard at first but once you forgive yourself, everything else seems to be easy, including the breakup too.

Hey Neo! My friend, everyone in relationships make mistakes. Here's a list of things that are wrong along with the degree of harmfulness (1-10):
1. Sex before marriage - 8 Depending on religion
2. Lying to you partner- 6-10
3. Cheating -12
4. Spying- 5
5. Any type of abuse 10-12

This is not at all scientific, just my opinion. Now if all these things are wrong to do and can't be forgiven then nobody will have a relationship. Cheating and abuse should not be forgiven, as love means to love! Love is not betraying someone or treating them badly. Now in a relationship there will be spying. Whether you hide behind a wall and see how long she talks to a specific guy, or listen to her voice mails, or check her phone, or pretend to be someone else online, or easedrop on your partner. Most of these will not be considered illegal, but yet remote access is illegal? I'm trying to say that everyone selects their way of spying on a loved one. Every relationship does it, and if they haven't, they will eventually. Please stop blaming yourself just because the government considers it illegal. The government changes its laws constantly. Don't base your judgement on government. You didn't do anything ridiculous... You had an instinct and you should be damn proud you took your measures to find out and you came out winning. You didn't have to live that lie anymore coming from her mouth. You did good to yourself. Be proud. Most people just don't have the brains to do what you did or they just don't want to. But you did, and be darn proud of yourself... You're free now! You owe her nothing. Not another second of your life.

She lied to you, betrayed you, slept WITH AN EX! and doesn't want to meet you now. She did the worst thing ever. She played with your heart and you probably would have never known the truth unless you did what you did. Don't let people say it's your fault. They were not in your situation. Why forgive yourself when you did nothing wrong. People spy in their own ways... Should they forgive themselves too? Heck no... and neither should you. Also, anybody who has been in love and has loved somebody, knows that lying is a part of it even though we wish it weren't. Without lying nobody will have a relationship. I mean lets be honest... Suppose we (a couple) are walking down a street and I (the boyfriend or gf) see a cute person with a great body or smile, and my gf/or boyfriend asks me if I would hook up with that person if was single, would I tell my girlfriend or boyfriend "Wow, he/she is gorgeous, I wish I could get my hands on him/her and yes I would hook up with him/her"? Of course not... People have exceptions with white lies and black lies and that is to each individual their own. But lying is a necessity. All in all, you didn't do anything to blame yourself for. She cheated and although you had insecurities (you had all right to) she destroyed the relationship, not you. Be proud that you loved her and be proud you really did try your best. She messed it up... Man, girls should be jumping to get with you right now... You're a real man who can love. Hopefully the next girl can treat you right, therefore you won't have to be insecure and I assure you, she is waiting for you right now, as soon as you accept that your ex messed up a good thing! You are the man! Go find your princess!

Mine is more than 3 years, we dont have a chance to meet as often like you guys. But, yeah we chatted and talked more than 2 hours everyday, too, so much that our parents both freak out! hehe :D
And, frustrated is the thing that i faced everyday. There was a period that i got soo out of control, jealous, angry, and sometimes even accused him out of nothing at all, its normal with LDR.
Yep, so i totally understand your action and reaction before and after the break up.
My suggestion is forgive yourself first (like i did). It seems hard at first but once you forgive yourself, everything else seems to be easy, including the breakup too.


Well, I'm so confused now :) I got so many answers to my question, and they are 50% to my favor, and 50% against me :) me too is against me :) Well, I'm still love her, and as is said Love never fails, right? Ok, lets call it so. I will not blame myself so hard for my mistakes, and I will wait some more time, until I found out she is missing me or feels a bad for losing me, and then I will call her and see what happened. At the end, I have nothing to loose. She already faced the fact that I can smell the things even 100km away (this is my record :) ), so I don't think she can do it again against me. Im not saying I'm asking her if she blames her self, and apologies, but I'm saying that if she feels guilty, and wants another chance with me, it will be in her hands if she can make me change my mind. What do you think?

Just like 'The Used' song... If you want me back, you're going to have to ask nicer than that!

Just like 'The Used' song...If you want me back, you're going to have to ask nicer than that!


Never heard that song :) What do you mean with ask nicer than that :)? Or was just the song and has nothing to do with the price of the eggs in china :)?

It was just the main part of the song... Look it up... Anyway, did you read my post for you?

It was just the main part of the song...Look it up...Anyway, did you read my post for you?


YES I read it. Thanks!

Well, I'm so confused now :) I got so many answers to my question, and they are 50% to my favor, and 50% against me :) me too is against me :) Well, I'm still love her, and as is said Love never fails, right? Ok, lets call it so. I will not blame myself so hard for my mistakes, and I will wait some more time, until I find out she is missing me or feels bad for losing me, and then I will call her and see what happened. At the end, I have nothing to loose. She already faced the fact that I can smell the things even 100km away (this is my record :) ), so I don't think she can do it again against me. Im not saying I'm asking her if she blames her self, and apologies, but I'm saying that if she feels guilty, and wants another chance with me, it will be in her hands if she can make me change my mind. What do you think?

I think you shouldn't care what she does or feels or says. She is gone and you are free. Forget about her. You have nothing to do with her anymore. Try to see that as a good thing. Join a gym and go everyday. It's what I do now. I took the advise from the people here and it's working. I'm not totally over it but I feel it is little by little... Good luck!

I appreciate you answer my friend. I know she is hurt. Me either. But i guess i dont care so much of my feelings because i know what i have done wrong. That makes me not hate her. But hate myself in somehow. Because everything was ok, really, until she used to go out a little more in clubs and so, and i became jelous and controlling. I know i pushed her right to the cheating. I could do it too if someone could be so controlling over me. I believe!

No one has a right to cheat on someone. If you were that bad than the right thing to do was to leave you... NOT to cheat on you. Maybe you did do some things that weren't appropriate but I'm sure she did some things wrong too. You can't justify her actions and staying in the relationship by blaming yourself. Please look at this clearly and see that she cheated on you... plain and simple, and that has resulted in you not trusting her. Once the trust is gone... more times than not it is over. Been there... done that!

YES i read it. Thanks!

Well, im so confused now :) i got so many answers to my question, and they are 50% to my favor, and 50% against me :) me too is against me :) Well, im still love her, and as is said Love never fails, right? Ok, lets call it so. I will not blame my self so hard for my mistakes, and i will wait some more time, until i find out she is missing me or feels bad for loosing me, and then i will call her and see what happend. At the end, i have nothing to loose. She already faced the fact that i can smell the things even 100km away (this is my record :) ), so i dont think she can do it again against me. Im not saying im asking her if she blames her self, and apologies, but im saying that if she feels guilty, and wants another chance with me, it will be in her hands if she can make me change my mind. what do you think ??


If IF IF
Why do you talk about If all the time when that IF is not going to happen. Does she feel guilty NOW?? NO NO NO! If someone has to feel guilty FIRST, then it must be HER, not YOU.
Young man, let you tell you this: she is not going to feel guilty EVER. Because if she seems to feel, she has to feel it at the 1st place when you told her about all her lies. But she didn't, on the contrary, she even blamed you!
Well, that's the fact about women, so accept it, and don't think about IF anymore, don't lie to yourself anymore.

If IF IF
Why do you talk about If all the time when that IF is not gonna happen. Does she feel guilty NOW??? NO NO NO!! If someone has to feel guilty FIRST, then it must be HER, not YOU.
Young man, let you tell you this: she is not gonna feel guilty EVER. Because if she seems to feel, she has to feel it at the 1st place when you told her about all her lies. But she didnt, on the contrary, she even blamed you!
Well, thats the fact about women, so accept it, and dont think about IF anymore, dont lie to yourself anymore.


Yeah, you are sooo right. That's it. I just keep lying myself with all these IF IF IF. What I know is the fact that she feels guilty and she can't get with her own mistakes. Everyone can feel guilty and confused, whatever he/she did, if you got the proves for his/her lies and put them on the table. It's a human nature to defence him/herself if you put them in front of the mirror. And everyone has a different kind of pride and egoism in the character. What I'm trying to say is the fact that she feels even worse and blushing about her reactions and the fact that I exposed her. And keeps blameing on me, because she wants to hide her own low self-esteem and bad character. Even if she wants to talk to me, or is waiting for me to be in contact with her, she still can't talk because she feels ashamed. That's what I think.

And what I think also is the fact that you have very nice eyes (if they are yours :) )

I was with this girl for about 2 years now. We had a really good relation (no problems out there). It was a LDR, but we used to meet every weekend. We go through the steps of Being in love with each other, I guess you know what it means. The only problem that we used to go through was that I was jealous the last months that she used to meet her ex. She always told me that she keeps talking to her ex, as a friend (they knew each other for about 9 years). Well my mind was too occupied to believe he is only a friend or something more. In somehow, I pushed her away during those months. This guy used to see our problems, and took advantage of the situation to tell her that he loves her, and all the rest. She was also vulnerable to this situation, because of the problems she had with me. Well, to keep it short, recently I found her cheating on me with this guy. I should knew that. I mean, I pushed her away from me, and this guy was the only one near her. Anyway, as I found that, I dumped her, and my reactions were really terrible. It was a bad breakup. Now, from 1 month, I tried to be in contact with her, but she didn't respond me. Only one time before 2 weeks, and she told me she needs time to meet me. Today I asked her again what "need time" means. She told me "Need time to see you again in the eyes. Everything was interrupted so brutaly, i didnt ever imagine. What remains are the memories, corrupted by the uglu latest events". I don't know how to interpret this. I care about this girl, and I know I got problems in myself too, and made that realtion hard for her. That's why I want to try to fix things between us. But I don't know what this message means. In somehow its like an offer to see my mind, what I think about the situation. I want to give her time, and I told her that I'm ready to see what we can fix and made those problems disappear. Don't tell me to let her go, cause I can do it, but this realtion and her are very important to me. What do you suggest me to do, and how do you interpret this message from her?

"Need time to see you again in the eyes. Everything was interrupted so brutaly, i didnt ever imagine. What remains are the memories, corrupted by the uglu latest events."

My interpretation of this is that she isn't interested in seeing you in person until time has gone by. She was surprised at how your and her relationship ended so badly. She had had good memories of being with you, but now they are blackened by the breakup and her current negative feelings toward youl

"Need time to see you again in the eyes. Everything was interrupted so brutaly, i didnt ever imagine. What remains are the memories, corrupted by the uglu latest events."

My interpretation of this is that she isn't interested in seeing you in person until time has gone by. She was surprised at how your and her relationship ended so badly. She had had good memories of being with you, but now they are blackened by the breakup and her current negative feelings toward youl


Do you mean there could be a chance that we can speak about those problems, and see what we can do? I mean, for the moment I know she doesn't feel good, me neither, I know we both need time (its being only a 1 month since the breakup). But do you think she wants to finish everything, but save those memories ?

Give her time. Don't contact her in any way. Maybe time will erase some of the bad stuff and she will remember more of the good stuff. She has only the bad stuff in front of her right now. Let her contact you, if she wants to. Meanwhile, do things you enjoy and get a life--live your daily life as happily as you can. Don't moon over her. Hang out with friends and date casually.

Give her time. Don't contact her in any way. Maybe time will erase some of the bad stuff and she will remember more of the good stuff. She has only the bad stuff in front of her right now. Let her contact you, if she wants to. Meanwhile, do things you enjoy and get a life--live your daily life as happily as you can. Don't moon over her. Hang out with friends and date casually.


Yes, I told her that she will have all the time she needs. And that's I'm going to do. But do you think I should date someone else instead? Or just wait for her to contact me? I don't know and I don't want that, as long as my heart belongs to her. I told you she and this relation is very important to me (future stuff). And by the way, I don't had such experience before. I mean, I broke up with others, but never wanted to go back with them. Does it effect how long is the breakup? Cause I'm afraid she will forget everything, and later it will be more difficult.

And if you date and then fall for another girl who turns out to be even better for you than the one you lost--and is someone who loves you too? Would that be so bad? I say wait and don't contact her--leave it up to her to contact you if she misses you.

I was with this girl for 2 years, but from 1 month or so, I used to break up with her in a badly way. She did something very wrong, without knowing what she is doing, but now, I know she is hurt too, because she took me for granted, and now that I'm gone, I believe she feels the pain, but she doesn't want to show her pain to me. I really miss her deeply, I still care about her and her life, so I tried to be in contact with her, but she seems not liking this, cause she doesn't reply to my mails or sms. She asked me for some time to see me in my eyes again, because she was dissapointed from my reactions too and that badly (not violent) breakup. I asked her what it means, and she told me "Everything was interrupted so brutally, i couldnt ever imagine. What remains are the memories corrupted by the ugly latest events". So I asked her, if she really wants only the memories, and she told me "i dont understand what makes you think there will be another possibility for what we had. There will be no other chance". I got this sms before 10 days but she didn't tell me why. Its not that I hate being alone, the problem is that I want her, and I know what kind of relation it was. Its difficult for me to explain, but all I know, it was special for both of us. We were so deep in the eachothers life. I want to send her a letter about what happened, explaining her about the relationship, our good times and memories together, and all the rest, so that I could help her with this decision and making her mind clean, and trying to stop this fight and break the ice, but I don't know, maybe it will make the things worse. I don't want to tell her about my feelings, cause I don't want her to think I'm feeling weak, or even trying to get back with her. I just want to tell her why that happened. There was only a problem between us. The only argue between us, all this time, was a problem imported. She talked to her ex, and her ex has still feeling for her, and all the time he used to tell her he loves her and so on. I knew this, and the argue began. On the same time, I used to feel a little anxious, jealous, some kind of possessive, maybe weak because of the stress, and that's because the things came to this end. He saw that our relation was in weak phase, and he got trying to take her back more and more, and make her more confused. I don't want to talk about him in this letter, because I know I will loose my power. I only want to tell her what and why that happened. So, what do you think about this letter? Should I send her or let her believe that I don't care anymore, and I want this end too?

It sounds like it has been over long time ago.

Sorry to say but if she does not want any contact why are you going to contact her?

You need to leave this one well alone. Time to except responsibilities for your part in this relationship and the decisions that were made.

Hope you learned something from this and it is time for you to move on. You say that you want her to know the way you feel and you want to let her know what happened and blah blah blah. Then in the same breath you say that you do not want to mention you in the later because you do not want her to think that your still thinking about her and that you do not want her to think that you want her back. The fact is she will probably think that anyway.

Best thing to do is drop it.

Joe

Incredible, I read your question. My boyfriend and I broke up with a similar situation. If you really love her, let her know do not let your pride get in the way of your happiness. Give it your best shot. The longer you spend time away from her the harder it is for a happy return. I live so lonely, I miss my ex so much. His pride and gossip from people got in the way. I did my best for him to listen to me. He ignored me and would not even look my way. We live around the corner from each other. After 9 years being together I find it hard to believe he just stop loving me.

Incredible, I read your question. My boyfriend and I broke up with a similar situation. If you really love her, let her know do not let your pride get in the way of your happiness. Give it your best shot. The longer you spend time away from her the harder it is for a happy return. I live so lonely, I miss my ex so much. His pride and gossip from people got in the way. I did my best for him to listen to me. He ignored me and would not even look my way. We live around the corner from each other. After 9 years being together I find it hard to believe he just stop loving me.

Sorry, for asking. You mean I should talk her about my feelings, or just what and why that happened?

Okay this is now considered a farce.

You have another thread on the go and you did not learn or accept any of the advice there?

Here is the thread. Anybody else that wants to look at it, make sure you do before reading and answering this post.

Joe

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/she-cheated-me-broke-up-but-still-love-her-want-her-back-96697.html#post436234

Leave this female alone and get a life.

Okay this is now considered a farce.

You have another thread on the go and you did not learn or except any of the advice there?

Here is the thread. Anybody else that wants to look at it, make sure you do before reading and answering this post.

Joe

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/she-cheated-me-broke-up-but-still-love-her-want-her-back-96697.html#post436234


Damn it! I just spent like 30 minutes answering another one his posts. I hate it when I waste my time when I could be answering real questions.

You could just set a time in your head that you are willing to wait, then if you havent heard from her in that time, write the letter but make it the final one. tell her you appreciate the fact she has needed time to think, but you need some answers, if she isnt willing to respond then i would move on, as after that time it would be obvious she doesnt want to be with you anymore, and she is not willing to give you the answers you need.

Hi "Mrs" & Neo-Junior: I've been reading posts from this thread article and was attracted by the issues. Well, quoting to what Mrs said, she's right although they are some disagreements from others. Although 2-years might be short, a lot of memories should have occurred whether happy or sad and its not easy for Neo to let go and forget since he didn't cheat nor make those mistakes just to hurt her feelings on purpose by doing what he did. As some mentioned in other threads, it's a normal reaction for Neo to make his partner feel guilty and feel what he felt whether sick or not. But this shows immaturity if he knows this fact / mistake and still pressures her partner to take him back as love can't be forced upon. As told by "Mrs", it is the right thing to do to give time but trust her again as well and only then to write the last letter / note after he can't wait anymore and it is up to Neo and Neo alone on how long that will be. The wait can be painful as the thought of being together or not being together after the wait which makes a day too long for Neo as I am in that situation. As for trusting issues, it is, in my opinion, up to the partner to prove it later which will take lots of patience as every doings come with expectations which of course Neo will have to give in first as a gentleman if he really wants things to workout again although it might not be the same. If you truly love a person, you can just be happy as long the person is with you whether the person loves u back or not. Love is weird and poison at the same time. Although not being with the person you love, God has plan for all of us and leave the rest to fate as you will be together someday if its meant to be.

After 2 years, I wonder what progressed and happen to Neo-junior. Hope he could write again and tell the story