Hi I was with my girlfriend for 4 years we were friend before that for around 2 years, about a month ago she ended the relationship we spoke about marriage and the ususal commitments. I was upset but did not show this and played it cool as you can do, I spoke to her a week later to see how she was and she was upset on the phone and said she missed me,which I felt the same. We arranged to get coffee and chatted about general things until the topic of conversation turned to us, she said that it seemed I had got over the relationship which I replied I had not and missed her she then got upset. To cut to the chase we have been seeing each other now and again I know she still has feelings for me as she tells me she still loves me, I have asked why she ended the relationship and she gets upset.
I believe she ended the relationship because I spent too much time with my friends, and not giving her the attention she deserved. She currently is unsure of restarting the relationship again as she does not want it to return back to how it was,I have appologised for my failings but she says she needs time to work things out as she feels she is in a whirlwind! But also likes to do things together but not physically (although she wants to) as she feels it would ruin out chances... is this a typical situation some clarity would be gratefully be received.

You know its hard to give some one there space especially after they "ended" being your fault or not you need to give her, her space I to was in the same position as you, best friend for 2 years, going out for another 2 basically four years, after my girlfriend broke up w/ me I always called her and let her knew I was weak, she took it for granted don't do the same as I did, after a while I let her go, after a week of nc, she came back, this is were I messed up, I took her back to quick I should have made her wait like she did to me, since than, she still has been messing around w/ my head, all I'm saying is, you should know if she loves you or not, just don't take her back when she does come back, take it slow

She might be going through stressfull situations. You just need to leave her be and let her collect her mind. If she is still upset about the whole ordeal, she still has feelings for you and you must take thoes into consideration. But if you are ready to move on, then you do that. And if you aren't ready to move on and would still like to someday be with her again, be her support. Take things slow for now.

As you see it so hard to go from friends to lovers, and back to friends again. If you cannot deal with being friends again, which is what she wants, you must get over this notion of being lovers again by leaving her alone, and healing from this break up. Hard as it is to cut off contact, you must, to get healthy, and be able to move on, and let the emotional dust settle between you. Basically you are disappearing from her life, and being unavailable, so you can work on your feelings, and she can work on hers. This will eliminate confusion, and allow you both to think.

I understand the situation however what to do for the best is the hardest question. One way I support her as the lack of interest is what ruined the relationship in the first place. and run the risk off completely entering the friend zone which seems imminent... or close contact and give her the space to miss me. Either way I will also make the decision on what is best for me.
During the relationship and still now she is looking at going to Dubai for 6 months or so to get some experience in her profession, also her mother and father live over there which would be ideal for the no contact. But she has been deciding for over 1.5 years, now she is confused with life I feel and her expectations.
I am with her tomorrow to watch a film at my home and deciding if to get some clarity on the situation of her true feelings and discuss the friendship thing,also we are at a wedding on Saturday also, the same as last week which she enjoyed with me and asked me out for coffee... the situation is truly difficult.

Its possible she will be away, and wants to leave on good terms, but does not want the responsibility of a relationship for that long, and that distance. The fact she is going away for 6 months should have been included in your first post, don't you think?

Apologies for not putting that in first as the question would have been to long.

We met up last night and discussed in length our failings in the relationship lack of communication,commitment from both sides and also her fears that she felt that I was going to leave her for someone else and I could do better! I asked her if she could see us together,she said not at the moment as she needs time for the dust to settle.
At the moment she feels relaxed and is gaining clarity when she is not with me but starts to get confused when we discuss more as it emotionaly draning for both of us.
I am 95% certain she still loves me as she says it and I can see it in her eyes, she wants to cuddle me and I believe she wants to feel close again but she is stopping herself and you can see by her expresion she is confused.
We speak as to the best solution to the situation we move between, leaving things alone, and meeting up like a yo yo. She is aware that we cannot be friends so soon, but when I announce we should go our separate ways as you seem to moving on she says she isn't and gets upset and confused as do I. is this normal break up situation or do you guys/girls think time is required... also I am on the same table at a wedding on sat and she is coming round the following Thursday... my thoughs are between move on, no contact, support her... advice and comments greatly appreciated.

I think you are pushing for something you won't get. Her mind is on her near future, and you want to know where you fit in all this. She may want you as a friend, but you still want more. This will last until she leaves, and then the real confusion will come in because any communications you have will be just as this one went, you want an answer about the relationship, and she has no answer for you, until one or he other has had enough, and tells the other to leave them alone. Whether you know it or not the relationship is already over. It seems you are the only one holding out hope, as she is not confused about the status of you two, you are. Until you accept it, and stop pressing for more, you spin your wheels until she leaves, and far beyond. Be nice until she leaves, and leave all relationship stuff alone, or cancel your plans to be in the same place she will be, and completely move on.

Hi spoke at the wedding about the situation and asked what she felt,she says she loves me but can't enter back into the relationship. I obviously got quite annoyed at the whole situation and said I had enough and we that we should not contact each other and walked away, all night she was pretending to enjoy herself trust me you could tell... any way later on she left and her best friend confronted me and said she is totally in love with and she has been telling me all day, I said if that was the case why is she not stood her now and obviously she does not. I do not want to be the victim anymore and I am trying to keep the no contact going but damn its hard... especially due to the circumstances your advice and support gratefully accepted.

Be nice until she leaves, and leave all relationship stuff alone, or cancel your plans to be in the same place she will be, and completely move on.
I thought I was plain, but maybe I wasn't. I was just trying to save a little grief.