Started getting used to my eight year old daughter being with my ex husbands girlfriend ,although one incident bothered me and I'm yet 2 talk 2 ex about it.my daughter told me that Saturday morning his girlfriend got in bed with my ex and my daughter,then ex went to have shower leaving his girlfriend and my daughter alone in the bed!I've never met this woman and don't like the idea of her in bed with my daughter.am I over reacting or right 2 worry?

I wouldn't think it would be any different than a child jumping in the middle of two parents. One parent leaves to shower and the child and other parent hang out in the bedroom for a bit until everyone gets up. However, in this day and age you can't be too safe. You really have to go with your gut on this one, and also decipher if it is a serious issue or if it is a jealousy issue. Usually when you have a bad feeling, it is rarely wrong. So if you feel that something unnatural is happening then you have to act on it for the safety of your child.

You are over reacting. I think you are looking for anything at this point as a reason to hate her. Loving, or at least spending time with your daughter isn't it. I feel for you, I really do. It must be hard to hear things like because that's the kind of fun bonding moments that make a family, especially with children, but you choose to remove yourself from that situation. Because you made that choice please don't start making up stories or even incinuating them over something that is clearly not true. Your daughter, your ex's girlfriend, and for that matter your ex did not ask for this situation so don't punish them for having a bonding moment.

Wonder if the boot was on the other foot and my daughter had got in bed with me and my boyfriend after only a 2nd meeting,how do you think my husband would react!! if his girlfriennd had been seeing my daughter for a while then I would feel more comfortable about it.my children are the most precious things in my life and 2 entrust them in 2 somebodys care who I have,nt even met scares the hell out of me.

wonder if the boot was on the other foot n my daughter had got in bed with me n my boyfriend after only a 2nd meeting,how do u think my husband wud react!!!!!!!!!!!!if his girlfriennd had been seeing my daughter 4 a while then i wud feel more comfortable about it.my children are the most precious things in my life and 2 entrust them in 2 somebodys care who i hav,nt even met scares the hell out of me.



The boot on the other foot? I'm sorry your husband, his new girlfriend, or your daughter didn't ask for this situation and you can put the boots on their feet if you want but they don't deserve these accusations unless you got some proof other then a self inflicted broken heart.

I'm not trying to pick an argument but if you going to start throwing these kind of baseless accusations around, especially given your emotional state, I'm going to flat out tell you, your wrong. Your husband, was and still is, a loyal and dedicated great father. Many children would be lucky just to know their father's names, even more would be blessed to have their father in their life. You daughter has both and apparently more from him as far as a loving provider, role model, and care giver. He would not jeopardize his little girl and, quite honestly, as a man, I find it insulting that because you created this problem for both of them, which from your other posts he is obviously still trying to come to grips with, you now want to make them both suffer even more.

Ladyviper disagrees: You do not know if the ex asked for the divorce or not, you are speculating.

Actually, due to my ability to read, I do know exactly what the ex asked for, and I also know that he's in a lot of pain that he did not ask for, and it doesn't need to be esculated over something that isn't there.

Maybe it is you who should stop speculating and get all the facts and get as much information as you can before you make some statement based on emotion and not for what it appears to be.

As a sexual abuse victim, I can assure that a parent can never be too safe. I know first hand how signs can go missed, and parents may never know because they didn't open their eyes long enough to really see a situation.

Thank you for proving my point that your response was based on emotion. Now read up on this entire situation and get the facts, and see your own eyes opened on what's really going on, and what's really causing this situation and this emotional based question.

Also being a sexual abuse victim doesn't have anything to do with this man who was a loyal, caring, and devoted husband for 22 years and did nothing to deserve what he got. That is not speculation, that is fact. Try and change the subject all you want, but HE is the one that is the victim here not anybody else, and any attempt to make it appear different based on emotional pain is going to be met with my logical opinion. I think the daughter and ex have been punished enough for now, Penelope is in great pain and I feel for her but this is not what you or she is making it out to be.

wonder if the boot was on the other foot n my daughter had got in bed with me n my boyfriend after only a 2nd meeting,how do u think my husband wud react!!!!!!!!!!!!if his girlfriennd had been seeing my daughter 4 a while then i wud feel more comfortable about it.my children are the most precious things in my life and 2 entrust them in 2 somebodys care who i hav,nt even met scares the hell out of me.


Okay, I just started following this whole drama... but something stuck out at me here: You and your boyfriend? Are you talking present tense, as in you currently HAVE a boyfriend? Or are you talking about the man you had an affair with?

If you currently HAVE a boyfriend... well, let's just say that would be mighty silly of you.

If it's the man you had an affair with--well, I'd say your husband has the right to be a little upset about THAT guy, hmmm?

Regardless that situation, you are overreacting. What was going on there was probably nothing more than the sort of weekend morning that hundreds of families have. If you want my opinion on what to do about it, well, I'd just say to have a talk with your daughter about what is and isn't appropriate touching, and leave it at that for now.

No I'm not in a relationship I was speaking future tense.my ex told me that his girlfriend had been sexually abused when she was a child that set alarm bells going.

started getting used to my eight year old daughter being with my ex husbands girlfriend ,although one incident bothered me and i,m yet 2 talk 2 ex about it.my daughter told me that saturday morning his girlfriend got in bed with my ex and my daughter,then ex went to have shower leaving his girlfriend and my daughter alone in the bed!i,ve never met this woman and don,t like the idea of her in bed with my daughter.am i over reacting or right 2 worry?
I am in such a similar scenario, + I'm a hot head at times. But if she was clothed enough and she is a woman, then you may be overreacting. It drives me nut's hearing from my two and a half year old that "I saw Mike with no shirt" or mommy sleeps with Mike." ETC. And they have only been together for a few months. Grrr! It's all I can do to not ask questions! But it's what your X is going to do. And unless he is doing someone different every couple a months... well more than that, Then I would wait for a battle you will win, that always makes us look jealous and nobody changes anything. I think you and I are going to have a long relationship on here. Because I have these urges to stop some really silly things as well. But I AM following my own advice and it is working for me, your situation may very well have details I don't know, and you are in charge of that one. I am cautious of the battles I pick with my x, and one like that has been a incidental one for me at the very least. What ever you decide, good luck.

Greg Q

no i,m not in a relationship i was speaking future tense.my ex told me that his girlfriend had been sexually abused when she was a child that set alarm bells going.
Just because someone was sexually abused, doesn't mean they will do the same! You can post here all day long about it, but you are the only one that can do anything about this. You and your husband need to sit down and talk. As much as we would all like to answer it for you, we really can't. Odds are he isn't aware of your feelings, just tell him to keep an eye out. He doesn't want anything bad to happen to his child either, remember that.

"Greg Quinn disagrees: I agree with what you say but not how you say it. People can get it even if you calm down, slow down on the herbs Medicine man."

I question if you even read my post. I clearly said that I wasn't trying to pick an argument. But I'm not going to let yet another man get accused of something that he didn't do or isn't involved in or isn't happening because the woman in the situation is highly emotional.

Also, I'm not exactly what sure why or how you are an expert in herbs medicine but I don't use medicine or drugs so keep you petty, stupid, and baseless accusations to yourself. You might also want to read the rules of site and learn what the disagree box is for.

I disagreed with your posting for good reason. The label on this topic is HURTING ALOT not HURT ME MORE I hope that you can change the way you discuss these things, I understand what you are saying and see how you feel, but people make mistakes, and this is a site for helping not bashing. She came here for advice, so if you are afraid that Penelope is a potential hazard to men or is in the midst of making a bad decision, why try to scare her off? Wouldn't it be a more logical opinion for someone with your views to think that it would likely be more damaging to the innocent men out there? Why not give her some useful advice in a way that would make her feel more positive? I felt her self esteem drop when I read that, and I'm a scorned man. BUT MY X NEVER WENT ON HERE AND ASKED FOR ADVICE BEFORE SHE SCREWED ME! Penelope should be applauded for not making such a hasty decision. I have seen people disagree on far lighter grounds previous to this, and stand by my opinion.
I would like to apologize for the comment "medicine man" And looked at your pic closer and saw you are a "creepy clown". Lol, If it's any consolation I was going to agree with a comment you made on page 1, but have to spread it around a bit first, according to the rules. I also misunderstood your green box thing... Quote "Independence day in the United States is coming up, and all I want is a GREEN box!" I am a Canadian and am also not a drug user, I'm afraid I am a little naïve when it comes to your celebrations, and thought for sure you were referring to marijuana, so for that I also would like to give you my apologies.

I'm not on here 2 rubbish my husband 4 being a bad father .He sees them quite regularly and I have never and will not stop them from seeing him.4 some reason CHUFF u make me out to be this man hater.I had an affair but that does,nt make me a horrible person.I made a mistake and have tried 4 20 months,mabe has a punnishment 2 myself 4 what I did,trying to win him back eveen sleeping with him even though he hd a girlfriend.Tank you greg 4 your advise and yes it is hard 2 no someone's sharing Sunday morrning moments with my daughter but I do no it is getting easier or my hearts getting harder to the pain! going to just tactfully chat 2 my daughter about situation ,think that would be best.don,t worry chuff I won't poision her mind just be a loving caring mother.x

4 some reason CHUFF u make me out 2 be this man hater.

I have responded to a couple of your posts and although I haven't gone back and reread them I have never suggested you hated men. What I have said or tried to say is that you are in a very highly emotional state that is clouding your own judgement of this situation and your bigger situation as a whole. You are reacting to everything because you are in shock over all that's happened. I believe that in another post I even suggested getting professional help to help you deal with these emotional issues so that you start to put some order to what is going on. I wouldn't be suggesting that if I wanted to see you hate men or yourself.


gonna just tactfully chat 2 my daughter bout situation ,think that would be best.don,t worry chuff i won,t poision her mind just be a loving caring mother.x

That's probably for the best. There's no reason to get her upset or questioning every little thing either.


As Greg said above this forum is for those needing assistance and although I still disagree with the other posters and yourself who seem to think that I'm after you, where as I believe I'm trying to make you see that your over reacting to your highly emotional situation the reality is I am probably not going to get you to see that so I will respectfully bow out of the conversation. Best of luck to you Penelope.