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View Full Version : Why can't I?


lechatnoirxvii
May 27, 2007, 04:31 PM
First time poster, and I've been looking around for an answer to my question, but I always see if from the other person's perspective or a slightly different problem. Maybe you guys will have some insight.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now, and I know he loves me, and I'm pretty sure I have the same feelings back, but I barely kiss him, or touch him or anything that shows affection in any sort of way. I'll hold hands when we're out, but I'll never initiate it. I KNOW it bothers him, he comes from a very 'huggy' type of family, and I always say that the reason that I'm the way I am is because my family isn't. I just want to know why and how I can change this, I'm afraid that I'm going to lose him if I don't become more affectionate.

We can talk about anything but I can't seem to do anything. Any suggestions? Thanks soooo much!

xiaocake
May 27, 2007, 04:49 PM
Nothing wrong with your behavior. If he is mature and decent, he will understand that you are a very good and pure girl.
Wish you happiness.

Rina _4
May 27, 2007, 04:54 PM
You've got to love yourself to love him and so you can be more affectionate and intimate. You can share only that which you yourself possess. Find a way to stir love in your own divinity so that a genuine love for him can be kindled within your soul. Anything that's comfortable for your body is discomfort for your soul.

The mind is a function of the body, not the soul. So if you find yourself rationalizing why it's uncomfortable for you, why you are not able to be affectionate towards him, know that it is time to let your soul take over. Push yourself out of the comfort zone.

EllieBrown
May 27, 2007, 06:51 PM
So you don't mind at all when he touches you or does anything toward you, you just don't ever start it? If that is the case, then that is how I am. When my boy does do something (ie hold my hand, put his arm around me, kiss me, rub my back... etc.) I make it VERY clear that I enjoy it and I don't mind at all, I just don't ever start it. It's weird for me to do anything back and some guys may take that as me not wanting to be touchy feely, but because I'll like lean in closer or smile or laugh when he does it, he knows I don't mind him touching me. I am not sure if that's helpful but... whatever, haha!

wiggitywackiraq
May 28, 2007, 04:27 AM
Well, my wife and I have known each other for 18 years, and I know how you feel. I am the disaffectioned guy. I'm pretty touchy feely with my wife, and she never is touchy feely. I understand her thing though. She is very noble. Very reserved in her emotions (unless its anger of course... she's italian). I would suggest from the guys point of view that when we do touch you or kiss you or hug you, that you smile, hug back or kiss back and show that you mean it. You don't have to be the initiator, but at least show your love through your reactions in this case. You love him don't you? Then it won't be hard to show it. Hey, you could even surprise him by making a move on him one time on a special occasion, and that will solidify his thinking or worrying about your love for a long while, at least how it works for me. Sometimes my wife, just out of no where will grab me and give me the most passionate kiss (in private of course), and say how much she loves me, and then I don't worry about it anymore. You need to at least show something otherwise he's dating a wall.

airsoccer07
May 28, 2007, 04:34 AM
Good point, I respect your intuitiveness

lechatnoirxvii
May 30, 2007, 11:53 AM
Thanks everyone! I think it's going a bit better now :)

shygrneyzs
May 30, 2007, 11:58 AM
I like all the responses but I would add that from your own words, "I'm pretty sure I have the same feelings back," - pretty sure is not a definite, it is a sort of, kind of, maybe, possibility of... That might be holding your affections back. Just my opinion.