mimililac
May 10, 2005, 04:23 PM
I am currently engaged to my fiancé of 1 year and am beginning to wonder if I can live with this stubborn man for the rest of my life. The most recent altercation was only a few hours ago. Let me give a little background first:
We are both students in a graduate program living together. I am 1 year in and he is still finishing up some pre-requisites. So technically he is still an undergrade. He has been taking classes only part-time and has been without a job for months. I have expressed my concern about this situation and have informed him that if he runs out of money it's his , not mine. He knows that I will not save him from a demise of his own making. We also have a very different perception of money. The program that we are in is very expensive and accumulating a large amount of debt is unavoidable, but I'm a saver and he's a spender (on things for himself).
Today I was on the computer checking the status of some text books that I had ordered on his eBay account. I saw that just this morning he spent over $100 on a golf club and had it shipped to his friend's house that lives nearby. (keep in mind that he has golfed once since we've been together) Very suspicious I think. He comes home later with his friend and I tell him that we need to talk later. I can't help but be a little annoyed and did give him a little of the silent treatment while his friend was around. He asks what my problem is while we are all at the gym. I say we'll talk later. He persists and I tell him that I think he's hiding purchases from me. He says he won't give me an explantion because I accused him of lying. So, I take it back because I'm curious about this explanation. He says he bought it for his dad. We just visited his parents and his dad had just bought a new driver (the club he bought this morning was a driver) I ask why he had it shipped to his friends. He says we have no room for it at the apartment. I ask how that's a plausible excuse since his golf bag is at the apartment. After that a lot of unkind words were said on both ends and he tells me that he's tired of me always accusing him and whining because he always gets things and I don't. I tell him that I'm tired of being the only one planning our future and being taken for granted (I do all the cooking and majority of cleaning).
I guess I just need an unbiased opinion. He claims that once we're married and it's technically our money that things will be different. I just don't see that happening. I just fell used because he gets his toys and I pay for us to live. Yes that's right, I pay the rent and majority of the bills. He only pays cell phone and his own credit card debt and half the groceries.
We are both students in a graduate program living together. I am 1 year in and he is still finishing up some pre-requisites. So technically he is still an undergrade. He has been taking classes only part-time and has been without a job for months. I have expressed my concern about this situation and have informed him that if he runs out of money it's his , not mine. He knows that I will not save him from a demise of his own making. We also have a very different perception of money. The program that we are in is very expensive and accumulating a large amount of debt is unavoidable, but I'm a saver and he's a spender (on things for himself).
Today I was on the computer checking the status of some text books that I had ordered on his eBay account. I saw that just this morning he spent over $100 on a golf club and had it shipped to his friend's house that lives nearby. (keep in mind that he has golfed once since we've been together) Very suspicious I think. He comes home later with his friend and I tell him that we need to talk later. I can't help but be a little annoyed and did give him a little of the silent treatment while his friend was around. He asks what my problem is while we are all at the gym. I say we'll talk later. He persists and I tell him that I think he's hiding purchases from me. He says he won't give me an explantion because I accused him of lying. So, I take it back because I'm curious about this explanation. He says he bought it for his dad. We just visited his parents and his dad had just bought a new driver (the club he bought this morning was a driver) I ask why he had it shipped to his friends. He says we have no room for it at the apartment. I ask how that's a plausible excuse since his golf bag is at the apartment. After that a lot of unkind words were said on both ends and he tells me that he's tired of me always accusing him and whining because he always gets things and I don't. I tell him that I'm tired of being the only one planning our future and being taken for granted (I do all the cooking and majority of cleaning).
I guess I just need an unbiased opinion. He claims that once we're married and it's technically our money that things will be different. I just don't see that happening. I just fell used because he gets his toys and I pay for us to live. Yes that's right, I pay the rent and majority of the bills. He only pays cell phone and his own credit card debt and half the groceries.