Hey everyone. I have been with my current girlfriend for over a year, and have been living together since mid-March. There have been some issues that have been bothering me. She seems to hardly like anything about my life. Some examples include the fact that I'm a musician, and that I was in a band when we first met (I still am). Well, she doesn't like me being in a band (she thinks it's a waste of time), and says that I put the band before her all the time (we practice on Saturday afternoons and Thursday nights.. we will be playing out again soon, which will be twice a month on a Friday or Saturday night. I"m with her pretty much the rest of the time.).

Another example is that I have been on my current work schedule since before we met...I go in to work on Friday nights at midnight and work until Saturday at 12 noon, the same with the next night, and then go in Sunday night at midnight and work until 7am Monday morning. So, I'm off from Monday morning until Friday night, and she says that I just "sit around all day and don't do anything while she's at work". Funny thing is though, if I do go somewhere, she doesn't trust that I'm where I say I'm at (THAT'S a whole different story). She says that I don't have a real job because I work these hours, and that I need to get a "real job" (it's funny though how I make quite a bit more than she does, and that she'd have to go through years of college to know what I know for my job. I'm basically a freakin network engineer!!).

Another small thing, I guess, is that I have a pendulum clock that was my grandma's, which I obtained when she passed away in 2003. I LOVE this clock, and it means the world to me that I have it and can listen to the hypnotic ticking it makes (yes, it winds up, no batteries). Unfortunately, my girlfriend gets annoyed with the ticking. I already compromised and don't wind up the chimes anymore, and now she doesn't want the thing to run at all!! I'm sure this example is petty though.

There are other things similar to this. One other major thing is my belief in God. I love the Lord God, and I try to always realize the presence of Jesus Christ in my heart. I have some things in our apartment that shows this, and she doesn't care for these things. If I were to put up another picture of Jesus in our computer room (as an example), she'd freak out! If I'm listening to a Christian rock song, or something of that nature, she mocks it!

These are all part of my personality, and part of my life and of who I am. If I change these things for her, which I don't think I should, then I'm not "me" anymore. Yeah, if we were to get married and have kids, and she asked me to quit the band if it wasn't going anywhere, then I would, just because I'd have the responsibility as a dad and husband. But, I'd NEVER expect anyone to change their complete personality just to fit my liking! The only thing I would ever want to change about her is for her to just accept me for who I am. She says she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, and I honestly do not know why. She tells me that I treat her better than any other guy she has been with, which is why I think she is still with me. She gets annoyed at my "personality" though.

Why would any girl (or anyone at all) do this? She'll have to deal with my love for my creator, but for the rest of these examples, am I in the right, or am I just not "compromising" for the relationship? Any insight will be greatly appreciated.

Definitely do not change. Girls love to try and change there guys and as they do it the more likely they are to leave you. She loves you and probably feels a lot for you and does just want you to change a few things but changing is definitely not the way. You have to stay true to who you are and trhat is the resin she is with you. If you go changingthen you will be fitting in to what she says she wants and then you will be on the way out, Don't CHANGE IF IT IS NOT A REQUIREMENT. For example if you were a smoker and she wantted you to quit then that is a positive change but her requests especiallyy the god and religion ones NEVER ever waiver off what you believe. SHE IS WIRTH YOU CAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE!!

You are compromising for the relationship, and honestly that is not the way to go at all, because she isn't compromising. If she cannot accept you, the way she found you, she can get the heck out of dodge. I think you should wind your clock, and tell her good bye. She wants to control, and change you, and that is not love, my friend, and this relationship is not for you, as it doesn't make you happy. As I read this post, you didn't mention not one good point in her favor. That's telling and stands out as misery. Find your own happiness, and enjoy your life with out her. She is not relationship material for you. Sorry, but that's the way I see things from here.

You sound normal to me and your girlfriend is the one with the issues. About things that should not be an issue. She knew you played in a band, she knew your work schedule and now those things are not acceptable? Where has she been all this time?

You LOVE the clock from your Grandma - by all means keep that clock tick tocking. That is a treasure from your Grandma, anyone who would demand that the clock stop is being insensitive and disresptectful. You have Jesus in your life and want to keep Him. What is so wrong with that? Nothing! Someone who mocks your personal beliefs in Christ is not the person who want or need to spend the rest of your life with.

I see this as "You're OK:She is not OK" Now she may be OK with someone else, who she does not have to "make over" in order for her to be happy. But that is not you. Anyone who has to be made over in order to please another - it never ends.

Please reconsider being with this girl. She sounds so incompatible.

Another small thing, I guess, is that I have a pendulum clock that was my grandma's, which I obtained when she passed away in 2003. I LOVE this clock, and it means the world to me that I have it and can listen to the hypnotic ticking it makes (yes, it winds up, no batteries). Unfortunately, my girlfriend gets annoyed with the ticking. I already compromised and don't wind up the chimes anymore, and now she doesn't want the thing to run at all!! I'm sure this example is petty though.

Do you really think it's petty as an example? Something : that belonged to your ancestor, something that you love, something that means the world to you... u think is petty if someone else doesn't have respect for your feelings towards it? I definitely don't think so and do you know what I would do? I would tell the person straight on the face" hey, if you hate so many things about me or things that belong to me, then why r u with me in the first place......learn to respect me as a whole and if you can't do that.then go fly a kite somewhere else..."

all right man. Well it seems to me that she may possibly be justified with her feelings of being neglected. But she really does need to respect the sentimental value of the clock, I mean if she is aware of the significance of the clock, than she really needs to lay off. It's a very selfish move on her part. But perhaps you could focus more of your spare time on her, do something that makes her feel appreciated, I've been reading all of the relationship advice I can, because I am having problems with my girlfriend. But really a lot of the problems I am reading about seem to be fairly simplistic and easily fixable. All I really have to say, is communcation is the key man, perhaps there is something else bothering her, and instead of opening up to you, she is just expelling her frustration by other means.

anyway, goodluck, I hope that this advice can help you.

If you love God as you say, do things right, don't stay together, that is not God's will. Pray for the right woman, marry her and he will bless you.