Wow... Where to begin. Ill try to make this brief but how do you sum up 7 years of living together and 7 months of being separated.

The Breakup..
She needs space. She is unhappy with herself. She just finished college and was starting the masters but it was too stressfull. So she drops out. She is on the phone with me... crying saying she is so confused and she is so unhappy. She screams over the phone "i love you..i love you so much." but I can't be with you.

Needless to say.. it was a little hard to take. I have worked hard for us to get where we are. I have come along way as a person and built a life for us. I found my career... worked my butt off to get us a house and tried my best to be the best I could be for us. Anyway... back to the story.

The reasons she left..
I know most of the reasons she left. It was a mixture of her expectations that I didn't meet and her longing to be back in her home town with her friends and family. She is very close to them. She never really got a chance to be independent and be on her own after she moved because I came later and moved in to be with her. I always took care of her. She had had self esteem issues as well and she didn't like herself. So in other words she was a mess and she didn't feel that she could work it out while being in a relationship. She also couldn't find a job here after finishing college... in her home town, she got a job right away. Her career is very important to her.

Post Breakup...
Ok... this is where you guys are going to tare me up. After the breakup over the phone in September (cuz I was in japan on business) She didn't have anywhere to go so I told her to stay till she figures out her next move. Mean while I'm overseas with my heart gutted out and losing it while trying not to get fired from my dream job. She did the hardest thing and she called me so that I could vent and get it all out. She would let me sit there and cry while listening to me and telling me that it wasn't my fault and that it would be OK. It went on almost everyday for 2 weeks and I started to get better. Kind of. I was just trying not to cry on her shoulder as much. So in October she decided to move back home to her family and friends and packed most of her stuff up.

We continued to talk almost everyday on the phone. My work friends in japan kept me going out and having fun as much as I could... which was hard to say the least. One night she asked me to call her and she had been drinking. She was having a hard time and she let slip that she loves me still so much. I played it off by saying that we will always have those feelings.

So I fly back a month later and she told me that she was driving down to pick me up from the airport. So she does and she stays at "our" my house for 3 days and it was weird at first but after a little bit she naturally reached for my hand and later kissed me. We slept in the same bed and made passionate love. On the 3rd day we packed her car with more of her stuff and ready to go. We are outside and she has her arms tight around me holding me close. Her eyes are swollen from the tears that are streaming down her face. She says to me, "im confused.....am i doing the right thing?" My voice wouldn't come to me... I could only whisper, "I love you and i want you to be happy. You have to figure this out." Tears were poring down my face and my mind was wishing me dead for saying what I just said. She kissed me so passionately and held me for what seemed like forever. Then she left. She texted me shortly after saying how I would always hold a huge place in her heart and how she would always love me. I wrote her back saying, " Maybe im not Mr. right now but Mr. later." She replied, "i hope so."

Way post break up....
So here is the latest... short and brief. She asked me to spend thanksgiving... christmas... and newyears with her... and I did. I have gone up to see her a couple of times a month. She calls me everyday and texts me everyday... I never initiate it. We both have not dated anyone else and are uninterested in dating anyone else.

February she calls me one night and she tells me that she had a conversation with her friend (who is a guy). She says that he asked her, "if he was all those things why aren't you with him. Why do woman do that to nice guys. If he was a jerk to you...you would have stayed but instead you hurt him for being good to you." She said that he really made her think about what her expectations were of me and how she always raised the bar every time I met her expectations. (which I didn't know about. I always just grew as a person). She then said that she thinks she made a mistake and that she wants to work on us but take it slow. That she still needs time to work on her but that she wants to be with me. So since then we have spent much time together as we can. I have been driving up 500miles to see her and she came down on spring break to be with me. We had such a good time.

Recently in April I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said she couldn't and that it was because if she was she would always be worried about what I'm doing and who I'm talking to and she said that she doesn't want to be crazy like that. I said that if we aren't dating anyone else and you say you want to be with me... what is the difference. She said she couldn't deal with the stress of it right now and to just take it slow.

After that I had doubts. I was questioning the whole thing. Worrying about the distance, fading love, and the influence of time. She said that she isn't losing hope and neither should I.

Well... its May and I have spent more time with her. Last night we got into it about some stupid stuff and I showed jealousy... she was mad but understood. We worked it out over the phone and she said something that made me laugh after such a serious conversation. "I love you...Deal with it."

So.. here I am... loving this woman with everything I have and wondering what the future holds. Which is pointless because you can't predict the future.

Things i NEED to do.......

Any advice would be appreciated.

But meantime I think I'll
-work on me.
-hang out with my friends and enjoy being out of a relationship
-try to be happy
-work on bieng a complete person
-get my routine going again at the gym
-stick with my hobbies of racing motorcycles

By all accounts you two are broken up in words only as you still exclusively see each other, and get along great, so keep it up and stop wanting a written declaration. Enjoy her and,
Things i NEED to do.......
But meantime I think I'll
-work on me.
-hang out with my friends and enjoy being out of a relationship(?)
-try to be happy
-work on bieng a complete person
-get my routine going again at the gym
-stick with my hobbies of racing motorcycles.

By all accounts you two are broken up in words only as you still exclusively see each other, and get along great, so keep it up and stop wanting a written declaration. Enjoy her and,
Things i NEED to do.......
But meantime i think i'll
-work on me.
-hang out with my friends and enjoy being out of a relationship(?)
-try to be happy
-work on bieng a complete person
-get my routine going again at the gym
-stick with my hobbies of racing motorcycles.


Even though I kind of knew I was doing the right thing. Its good to hear it from someone else. I am trying to focus more on me but my stubborn butt makes it hard by always thinking about her. But I'm determined. I am on a mission to get me whole again and I won't stop. I will not fail.

Here is the latest update in my situation. She wrote this and sent it to me.

The only explanation I'll give you.

I won't give it a title. Not because I'm hiding anything from anyone but because you want so badly for me to put a name on it. Does it change who or what we are? Things are changing everyday and everyday its new. This is ground I haven't been on before. Its not about taking chances either because that's what I live for but I've been hurt too often recently by those I cared the most about. Its true, I don't trust you and that's a f---ed up thing to say and a hard thing to hear but the only person I trust is me and sometimes not even that. Trust is earned and I'm working on getting there. I'm finally at a point where I'm satisfied with myself and from this point on I feel like this could be a really beautiful thing. I have so much fun when I'm with you and when your gone, I miss you. We'll do all of those things together, go on vacation, a cruise, whatever, wherever, whenever. But at the end of the day, I still want to be just me, not an US all the time. I know I'm selfish and I'm a brat and I'm spoiled but you knew that from the moment we met. That's what you love about me, you've said it yourself. Eight months ago I let go of a lot of bulls--t and I don't ever want to be there or do that again. I need a fresh start, free of hurt and resentment. I've gotten that with you and I like where things are for the most part, the insecurity I could do without. Yes its just you, No I'm not leaving and going back to San Diego. I'm here, my life is here, what and who I love are here and if and when a time comes, we'll make a move together. I can't predict the future. I'm good but I'm not that good. But what I do know is that you make me smile and you do all of those little things that nobody else ever thinks of and when I wait for you, I get that little nervous butterfly feeling, and when you leave I'm left with a heavy heart. If that's not enough for right now, I'm sorry... but its all I can give.

She certainly sounds like a maverick, and you can't be plainer than that, so the only question is what do you do about it??
I would enjoy this friendship, and love to the max, and give her all the freedom she wants, because it will be a great adventure, But it takes a very secure, independent male, to deal with it. She is VERY independent, and VERY secure, and a very rare person. If you can't hang with what she is about then she will leave you in an emotional heap. She is not for the faint of heart for sure.

If you want to be with her give her the space she wants.

I don't believe she truly loves you she just doesn't like to be without you.

Like when she says I miss you when your gone, well that does not mean she loves you just she misses you when your gone.

If you become very independent yourself then this will help but if you ever become to clingy you can say goodbye. Its hard to do but you can never be jealous or insecure or you will be gone.

Then again why not just live your own life and have as much fun as you can by yourself and let her live hers and at the same time you can be with each other yet you will have a relationship where you will be with an independent woman who won't rely on you.

Problem here is in a relationship you should rely on each other, so further down the track where is this going to go are you just going to go on like this forever until she adventually breaks your heart and says I don't want this, or maybe she does come around, but surely if it was true love she would rely on you.

Haha... she sure is a maverick. Funny that you said that... she thinks of her self that way. She is a rare person for sure and confident in her ways.

Im still on the fence about this. At the moment I'm not sure what I want to do about the situation. She is coming down in a week to hang out. I know that things will go well. Im not clingy anymore... I give her space... im more confident in who I am... I keep everything fun and happy. Which is how it should be. Its almost like we are dating again. I have no resentment towards her or anger.

But like I said I am on the fence about this... because I'm looking towards the future and I'm not sure I see how this can work with the distance. 500 miles apart.

Lately I've been trying to remember how strong I can be. I may be only 30 years old but I feel that I have lived a lifetime in such a short span. I have been through so many different things that its hard to believe how much they have changed me.

My childhood was filled with such awful things. Divorce... my brothers/sisters drug abuse... my 2 brothers and sister in jail all the time... them causing drama on a daily basis... moving repeatedly and always alone... being overweight... a father who sold drugs and brought home his friends from the strip club... a mother who was beat by her own daughter who was on cocaine while my brother watched... not having a room till I was 13 years old and sleeping on the couch because my brothers and sisters were always taking advantage of my mom... being homeless for a time... trying so hard to keep a torn family together and help out my mom... seeing her health fade... my grandmother died... my mother passing this last year (her birthday was yesterday)... my father going to jail for life this year... my first love cheating on me with my best friend... depression... suicide attempt... Living on my own for the last 11 years... traveling the world in the navy... dropping everything for my current love and moving to a place with nothing where I made a life for myself... Countless other things that have pushed me to be strong. Things that have defined me and who I am today. I have tried to take these experiences and learn from them.

But in the aftermath of this relationship I have almost forgotten these things. These things that are an important part of who I am and are a testament to my spirit. I to am strong. I to can be whole again and make a happy life for myself again. Ive done it before... ill do it again with or with out her.

I believe T-Man is impressed by her lifestyle and her writing but I personally don't think this should have any affect on you! That's her life. She wants to have her life and also come to you whenever she likes. She gives it no name and she is just keeping you strung along in the greatest way a girl can ever do it. She sure is rare in the sense that she has this amazing power to keep you around, even though she knows you want more. She is hurting you and you know it. Why put yourself through this? Try moving on my friend. Don't fall for this! She is oh so clever!

She is not for the faint of heart for sure.

Tal... you crack me up. I think you're dead on.

I can't agree on this one Emo, as if you take things at face value she means what she says, and whatever you choose to do is fine. Yes I love that type of female, nonsense, straight and direct. The trick is to enjoy them because they can be a load of fun, just keep expectations realistic, which is good in any relationship, whether its friends or lovers. Life to me is about keeping it real and enjoying the good and dealing with the not so good, and being happy as you can be. Yeah, SD, I feel you on this one!

Good advise! Lets give Sd some compliments too... lol

I do agree with that statement, Emo, so to SD, however it turns out, you should be complimented in your taste in females, and having made an obviously positive impression. I really don't think you have anything to be negative about. Have fun!!

T-Man still advices to go for it and just live it up right now. I guess I'm just worrying about your feelings too much. I'm just scared for you... To keep common ground between T-Man and myself... "Keep expectations low and enjoy her"! Enough said... Good luck!

I agree with you Tal. She has always been brutally honest with me... no matter how much it hurt. I do believe she still loves me but she really feels that she has to be super independent. Possibly because when she has depended on people in the past she was badly hurt emotionally by it. She clarified for me that she doesn't mean at the end of the day she doesn't want me there... but that she doesn't want loose herself in the relationship.

Im just hoping that she can find a middle ground for us and this independence.


EDIT:

I guess the trick is to find my own middle ground with this. Enjoy it like you guys say.


you should be complimented in your taste in females, and having made an obviously positive impression. I really don't think you have anything to be negative about.

Haha... thanks for the compliment. I knew from the start that she was a rare person and I love her for it. I always pick the sassy ones.

One day at a time Sdjosh. You will be okay!

HAHAHA!! Thanks Emo... I can't go around tooting my own horn though...

Well, I will for you! Lol I'm going home... Have a great day and keep us updated with this rare situation and enjoy it. Just take it easy and don't expect too much and I'm sure things can only get better for you... ::Hoping::

Just to clarify, know yourself and your feelings and be realistic about this relationship(?). You still have to balance your life, and be happy and true to yourself. I have always advised against waiting on what if's. I am definately not saying pursue, but enjoy. That means your single and free, and can do what you want, with whomever you want.

Well... here is the latest update. She is here with me visiting since Friday. We are having a good time. Lazy days laying by the pool... good food... conversation. She was supposed to leave yesterday but she has decided to hang around for a little longer. She hasn't said how long but I think maybe a couple more days.

She is renting a 2 bedroom house in August up north where she lives. She has made several comments asking me to move in. To find a new job up there and live there with her. I haven't made any comments or promises.

It is so nice to have her in the house again though. We cooked together the other night. She comes to bed and wraps her arms around me, kisses me and tells me she loves me. I know that she means it because she doesn't put her feelings out there lightly.

You lucky dog, keep your cool and enjoy her visit.

Ive been taking your advice and just enjoying her company. I just take each day as it comes and try to laugh as much as possible.

Im meeting her and some friends after work here in an hour for happy hour and drinks.

Everything seems to be going well. Im leaving today to drive up and see her. She seems happier than in a long time... and excited to see me.

Things will go well... I know. I need to go slow though. In this process of being on my own again I too and trying to be a stronger person. I am still working on me. But I love spending time with her... I just make no promises right now because... like her I need to focus on being happy with just being me.

Ill keep you guys informed.

Have a great time and make sure she does also.

Well... I went up to see her at her house and we had a great time. She was talking about how nice it would be if I moved in with her. She even showed me the house where she will be moving. It has a garage... which is a plus if I did decide to move. (I have 3 motorcycles)

So we were driving down the road in her car just talking... and she says that she things she wants a boyfriend again... jokingly I ask if she is taking applications. She says sure. I ask her if she has anyone in mind and she says yeah. I ask who is first on the list and she says me. Then I ask who is last... and she says me. I just smile and look away... I playfully told her I would think about it.

She totally came out of nowhere with that. Never would have expected her to ask me to be her boyfriend. But it was fun and playful.

Im not sure what to do right now. I know that I could move up there and be with her but I don't think I'm ready.

I still feel like I need more time to myself. To figure out what and who I am... and where my life is going. So I'm going to take it slow with her. Try to strengthen our friendship and maybe relationship. See how it goes from there. Just take baby steps.

Have fun and even though its looking good say alert and make sure she is having a great time.

I have recently have been in the same situation with my daughters father. I am kind of like your girlfriend. Sounds like she really doesn't know what she wants. There may even be another guy involved or at least someone she has her eye on but is waiting to see what happens with him before she makes a move. I have been there. She isn't going to tell you if there is someone else she is interested in either. I used to do this to my daughters father. It was just good to have someone there on the side to fall back on. She is just likeing the fact that you are there. She wants the best of both worlds. Be careful. Sounds like you are setting yourself up to get hurt.

I have recently have been in the same situation with my daughters father. I am kind of like your girlfriend. Sounds like she really doesn't know what she wants. There may even be another guy involved or at least someone she has her eye on but is waiting to see what happens with him before she makes a move. I have been there. She isn't going to tell you if there is someone else she is interested in either. I used to do this to my daughters father. It was just good to have someone there on the side to fall back on. She is just likeing the fact that you are there. She wants the best of both worlds. Be careful. Sounds like you are setting yourself up to get hurt.

At first she didn't really know what she wanted. Which was the reason why she left. I appreciate your post but I don't agree with you that she has an eye on anyone else. I know it is hard for people to believe it but she is a brutally honest person. She would rather tell the truth and face the consequences than lie. Besides... she asked me to be her boyfriend and to move there to be with her. Doesn't sound like someone who is looking to keep me as a fall back guy.

Spot on your back in take it slow andenjoy our time.

Yeah I think it sounds fantastic,
Let her find her independence and strength and you find yours!
Im sure this could be the best thing that ever happened to both of you.

Been such a long time since I've posted up here. Here is a Update to the situation.

Since July, I was unable to go and see her due to some work I had in another country. But I came back just in time for Labor day weekend so I Jetted up there for some time off.

Wow was it so damn fun. Friday she had to work so I borrowed her car to go to the gym. I grabbed some food to meet her for lunch at her school. She teaches 8th grade. We had our food and talked. By that time the kids were coming back from lunch and I was getting ready to leave when she asked me to stay. I helped her grade some papers and clean up after the kids left. It was the first time in 7 years that I actually got to see her work... and even help. I really enjoyed it.

After that we meet her mom and sister at our favorite mexican food joint for my birthday. We had so much good food and fun. Haha... they even embarrassed me by telling the restaurant that it was my birthday. So they came out to sing and put this huge sombrero on my head.

Saturday

We packed up and drove up to Monterey to visit her family for the weekend. Meeting the dad's new fiancé. But on the way we stop at this huge mall where her sister blows about $3k on a new laptop... Louie Vuitton purse and clothes for me on my birthday. I was blown away by how much she spent. Her and her sister kept bringing me clothes to try on. I felt like a Ken dress up doll... but I enjoyed it. I made them laugh with some of the clothes I was trying on. Acting stupid.

Then... we checked into the hotel and drove over to her aunt's beautiful house on Pebble Beach. We had food... drinks... and laughed. Her family was great. I never get the chance to hang out with her dad's side of the family but I so enjoyed it.

Sunday

We hung out again... had lunch with her father, sister, brother, and the new fiancé. Little weird but we made it through OK. Then we hit up the beach in Santa Cruz. Then drove back to the aunts for dinner and drinks. We stayed there so late laughing and joking. I actually fell asleep on the couch and woke up as my girlfriend sat in my lap.

Monday

We went back to the beach and absorbed the sun. Grabbed some great pizza. Then we drove back home. She had to plan her lessons for school the next day so we were up late.

Tuesday

I guess knowing that I was leaving made me a little cranky. I didn't want to go so my mood wasn't the best. But we had dinner and went shopping for her groceries. Then chilling at the house before my flight we kind of had a small talk about stuff I wish I hadn't of brought up. She was understanding though and said it was something we had to work on. So she drove me to the airport and she was sad to see me go. She was telling me to be safe... to call her when I got home. That she loved me.

Not exactly how I wanted the weekend to end... bringing up some old issues. Im pretty damn irritated with myself about it. But there is nothing I can do except try to understand it myself and work on it.

The good news out of all this is that she was making comments about me moving there. She was trying to give me ideas on different jobs I could do. Even said that she would support me while I go back to school.

Oh... forgot to mention that she is coming up in October for her school break. We were supposed to go to Hawaii during this time but it fell through. My job has me flying out for japan during part of her time off so I couldn't plan a proper vacation. So I'm making the time she has her so fun. My goal is for us to just laugh our butts off... have fun...

Glad to hear Sdjosh, Sounds like you're a pretty lucky guy and on the right track. Wouldn't say you're out of the woods yet though, because it still sounds like there are still eggshells on the ground. Don't be so hard on yourself, just learn from it and don't do it again, you're still doing well. Your plan sounds good and have fun, but I don't think you'll be 100% ever again unless you guys figure out the distance thing. Anyway, whatever you're doing keep it up, because it's got you this far (further than most).

In Politics, you accuse your opponent of your own worst faults.

In relationships, you tend to accuse the other person of your own sins. The 'I can't trust you!' is pulling a major card out of the deck from the get-go so is really suspect.

A lot of couples break up on graduation as it is like beginning a new phase of life.

A couple of things here - you've been together for 7 yrs so you are in the '7 Year Itch' thing of when most relationships break up due to one or more of the parties needing some change that they aren't getting in the relationship.

You've taken a broken person and bought their books and got them through school and they've graduated in more than one way. Don't need you anymore. I want to see what I can get now on my own. However, still keeping you in reserve like an ATM for cash, moral support, leverage ('oh, I got me a boyfriend in xxxx already') and is probably planning on letting wind down like an old watch so she won't be the perp in the relatives/friends eyes (I think he just lost interest since I was over here - tell you the truth, I think he met somebody else... and after I've given him the Best Years of My Life!). I can hear it now.
History gets rewritten to fit the occasion/excuse.

Go stand in front of a mirror and see if you can see 'SUCKER' written on your forehead. Or you can call it, 'Mr. Nice Guy', 'I really love her and know she'll be back', or 'she's just confused right now.'

Have a few drinks with some wimmen friends and describe your situation, 'I have this friend and he has this girlfriend... ' and listen to what they have to say. Wimmen are pretty cold blooded about these things so you'll get the down and dirty on it and in short order.

I know this may sound a bit harsh and I'm sorry about that. Probably no harsher or colder than to have a former lover think of you as a chump that she can play with long distance to massage her ego/entertain herself/practice her moves on.

Whatever you do, get your backbone and balls back from whomever/wherever you left them and get on with life. There are some great wimmens out there that will treat you right so go get'em, Tiger!

Please to rate as I get 3 free chances in the Big Raffle coming up.

A lot of couples break up on graduation as it is like beginning a new phase of life.

...and...

Don't need you anymore. I want to see what I can get now on my own.


Unfortunetly, those are 2 very common scenarios as well.

Did I read the same posts as the two prevuois posters or what?? I thought he was doing great and can't see anything to indicate otherwise.

Everything is going well Tal. Just taking your advice and enjoy the time we spend together... and going slow. No pressure.

After all... whats the point if you're not having fun?

Sorry Tal for the confusion on my part. I think Sdjosh is doing well too. I was just saying that I know school/graduation play a big factor in break ups because it is a pivitol point in someone's life. Anyway, yes I was confused by cpalmist's response as well.

I was really confused by what cpalmist said as well. But to clarify and confusion. Her and I aren't high school sweethearts or anything of that nature. We did get together when we she was 20 and I was 23. Not sure where I'm going with this.

Little side note for anyone reading this.

One thing I notice is that how you feel affects everything. What I mean by that is your physical wellbeing. If you're tired... dehydrated... over worked... stressed... not eating. It effects everything. Including the way you react to situations, your job, and your relationship. So take care of your body. It's the beginning of having a happy life.

I say this because right now I'm most of those things... as my job keeps me on the road for periods and my sleep schedule is off and my eating habits change. It makes it hard to keep a good routine. Hope this helps someone.

Well... here is the update to my saga. After 7 years of living together and over a year of trying to work things out. It has been a wild 2 weeks. She is going through something in her life that I can't be there for.

We ended it last Wed. I felt it was coming though. I called her and got her to get it over with because she had been very inconsistent. In her head she knew that she should be with me and in her heart she loves me... but she just wasn't in love with me. I guess it was a hard decission for her. Being as I was the only guy in her life to love her unconditionally. To always be there for her. I possessed so many qualities that she wanted in a man but she just couldn't make herself love me. Not that she didn't try. If you read my story, you can see that we gave it a proper try. But when it comes down to it you either are in love with someone or you aren't. She said that she is not IN love with me because of what she is going through. She is still so confused about her own life and what she wants.

After the drama of the last 2 weeks... I was relieved to have a direct answer about us and why she can't be with me. I finally understood why and it allowed me to let go of that part of her right there.

We are still good friends though. We talk on the phone. She is still coming up this Friday to stay at my house for a week or so. We have plans to go have fun. I know that this may not seem healthy but I know in my heart and head that we can't be together. Its funny like that. I've made some kind of mental separation there. I know because of her circumstances (which I will not disclose out of respect for her) that we can't be together.

The only problems I'm having right now though are issues of my own. Her and I had been trying so hard to work things out. But along the way I made plans. My life plans had changed. We had talked of me moving up there and us moving in together. She was going to support me while I went back to school. She was even giving me great ideas on new jobs or a business I could start. She even hinted at a ring. So my heart and head were all set to move up there with her. Be apart of her life and her family. I had grown close with them over the last 5 months. I love there company and we have such a great time.

But when we broke up it was hard for me because I felt lost. Those plans were gone now and I don't really know where I'm going or what I'm doing with my life at this point. So I've been a little sad lately because I'm lost. I guess I am also grieving the loss of the woman I remember her to be. 7 years with her has had its ups and downs. She has become apart of my soul but... I wouldn't change that for the world. She has left me a better man then when she met me.

Right now I'm just trying to go day by day. That 2 weeks we were going through all those ups and downs, I lost 12lbs and stopped working out. I'm taking steps now to get back on course. My friends have been supportive and I'm going back to the gym and trying to put on a little weight.

One thing though... I'm nervous about dating again. It has been so long since I've dated and I never was really any good at it. Blah... I guess I'll have to figure it out.

Funny thing is I have girl friends that are wanting to hook me up with their friends. Guess that's a good sign. They know I'm a good man. Just think I'm going to need some time to find my bearings again. Get some sense of direction and purpose again.

I would say that this has all been a very rough and hard test in life…and you have definitely passed! You actually seem to have done better than most people would, and your positive/strong aura can really be sensed through your posts.

I think we usually don't see how strong we are in life when everything is running smoothly, but we do see how strong we are when everything is “messed up” and there are “confusing” situations. These low or difficult times in life are when we can truly measure our strength, see if we can take care of ourselves, and show the world what we are made of.

If there is anything you got out of this relationship, or if there is anything you are continuously showing to the world, it's that you are a man built to survive. I would say it's not your girlfriend who's been somethin' else this whole time, but that it's truly been you who is somethin' else. You're so, for lack of better words, damn unique.

Sad Soul is so right SD, Life throws us curves all the time and how we handle it is what makes us who we are. I think you have handled this situation very well.

I appreciate all the advice I have been given on this board. I could look at this several ways. I could have cut ties with her when she first left a year ago and saved myself some heart ache. But I knew in my heart that I could not walk away with out giving it everything I have. And that was why I could walk away with my head held high. I have very few regrets about anything.

The last year if anything has been a gift to me. I've learned more about myself than I have in a long time. The last year was also filled with so many wonderful moments between her and I. So much fun, laughter, excitement, and tears. I have wonderful memories to look back on...

Like they say, everything happens for a reason. I don't know if I believe in God but I know I have been given enough common sense to believe in myself. I'll find my way and I'll be stronger than ever. I'm just going to take is slow for awhile... Cuz.. life is a journey, not a destination you know.

SDJOSH you can come on here and say what you like about how you are stronger and I hop for you that you are...

You bdont want to tell us the full story that is fine. If I believe right your ex is not seeing anyone. From what I have red and I have looked right back opver this post. Your ex will be back as soon as you get some balls and get your life in order. She doesn't want to be with you cause you are a

She is only still talking to you cause you were such a big part of her life well FOR GOD SAKE get out of her life. This has gone on for way to long way way to long

All this girl wants and needs is to regain the feelings she once felt for you... This can be done

Geez mate your still a chance here and you keep stuffing up...

You can't move on and you can't get her cback cause your STUCK!! Thsta right you need to totally disappear for a month and she will be back with a new lease on life and ready to have you back in her life!! There has been no VOID created here as you two have stayed in contct!!

Do yourself a favour and totally disappear from this girls life.

A little unfair without the whole story, Mac. Why not just ask before you call names?

Mac... I really wanted to tackle your post and just rip it apart. But I realized that you don't know the whole story. Which affects things greatly. Looking back at my posts... one could come to the same conclusion as you did too.

So I understand where you are coming from. But right now, disappearing from her life would get me nothing except the loss of a friend that needs the comfort of a long time friend to see her through her troubled times.

Sure... maybe I look like a jackass for sticking around. But she is my friend and I don't abandon my friends. Just to clarify, I hold no delusions of grandeur that her and I will be back together. I know that isn't going to happen.

Sorry to hear about this Sdjosh, a lot of us were rooting for you here. Mac may come off a little agreesive but there is some truth to what he says... even without the full story. What if you hadn't stuck around for the last year like you did? How do you think things would be different now? Also, you say you don't abandon your friends, and I respect that fully, but when the end of a relationship comes, there are no friends. That's just an illusion brought by memories or a reluctance to let something you love go. Honestly, what happens when she moves on? Think you can be friends when she has some other guy in her life? Unless, her circumstances revolve around life or death (in other words she is sick or abandoned somewhere), she has other friends in people in her life to rely on.

Sorry to hear about this Sdjosh, a lot of us were rooting for you here. Mac may come off a little agreesive but there is some truth to what he says...even without the full story. What if you hadn't stuck around for the last year like you did? how do you think things would be different now? Also, you say you don't abandon your friends, and i respect that fully, but when the end of a relationship comes, there are no friends. That's just an illusion brought by memories or a reluctance to let something you love go. honestly, what happens when she moves on? Think you can be friends when she has some other guy in her life? Unless, her circumstances revolve around life or death (in other words she is sick or abandoned somewhere), she has other friends in people in her life to rely on.


What if I hadn't stuck around for this last year? Things would still be the same as they are now except I would have missed out on all those good times we had. Nothing I could have done in the last year would have changed anything.

As for being friends. Who knows... I don't really know what is going to happen or if it is the right thing to do. And yes there are mixed feelings there. Yes we still love each other as friends. Yes a part of me is still in love with the her she used to be. But I want to make it clear to everyone here that I am not holding on to the friendship for hope. I know we aren't going to work it out or try to get back together. That part is done and over with. I am moving on.

I'm sure Tal would agree with me on some of this... as he knows the whole story.

Every couple has minor disagreements. What they don't have is this sort of drama. There are plenty of women that aren't such drama queens. No reason to get stuck with one that is.

If anything she is anti-drama. There is no drama for us. It was a peaceful separation. We both tried and we just don't fit. Simple as that.

Her and I haven't been in a actual committed relationship for over a year. Yes we had intentions of working it out but it didn't. Oh well... no hard feelings.

But we do however enjoy each others company as friends. We laugh, hang out, drink, and just have fun without the drama of a relationship.

That's the side I would like to keep. I wish her all the happiness in the world and hope she finds someone that does fit her because I will do the same.

we just don't fit. Simple as that.

Sometimes it as simple as that! They just didn't fit!! No fault on anybody.

Exactly. But does that mean we can't be friends. I think not. We fit good together that way. So why not make the best of it.

Exactly. But does that mean we can't be friends. I think not. We fit good together that way. So why not make the best of it.If you plan to cling on to something that can't be from her actions then by all means be a friend... but that is really just a thinly veiled false hope she will come back, and not a friendship.

She made it clear, the healthiest thing to do is take the hint and find other friends and a new girlfriend. And forget this one. Many of us have been there before. You can choose to benefit from our hard learned lessons or suffer through them like we did and waste months if not years of your life.

If you plan to cling on to something that can't be from her actions then by all means be a friend....but that is really just a thinly veiled false hope she will come back, and not a friendship.

She made it clear, the healthiest thing to do is take the hint and find other friends and a new girlfriend. And forget this one. Many of us have been there before. You can choose to benefit from our hard learned lessons or suffer through them like we did and waste months if not years of your life.

Just as a reminder... so everyone knows.


But I want to make it clear to everyone here that I am not holding on to the friendship for hope. I know we aren't going to work it out or try to get back together. That part is done and over with. I am moving on.


Im not delusional. I repeat myself AGAIN... I'm not holding out hope here folks. I'm not trying to win her back. I'm not spouting love songs and hoping to snag her heart. It is over and done. Friendship is the best we can hope for.

Little Update to the situation.

Im doing good. I have been hanging with my friends... going to the gym... and working on my hobbies. I've been making it a point to get in touch with old friends and make plans to hang out. It is amazing how many friends have come out of the woodwork and back into my life. I feel like I'm moving forward slowly but still lost as to what I want for my future.

Been thinking a lot about getting my certifications to become a personal trainer at the gym. I really enjoy helping people feel better about themselves and I love the gym... so why not. It wouldn't be a career change but more of a side gig that I would enjoy and could meet people.

She is still coming up but on Tuesday instead of Friday. Which actually works for me as I can now go ahead with my plans. Im heading up to Las Vegas to do some road racing on the motorcycle. I'm so excited. It has to be my biggest passion in life.

Here is a picture of me on the Yellow bike.

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f384/sdxtcdrm/WSIR_081206_8857.jpg

Update.

She is down here staying with me. She came to make sure I was OK. Its been hard for both of us. We have both said things that have hurt. So many feelings. So much hurt but we have managed to work through it.

We both have no regrets about the last 7 years or how it turned out. After all that we have been through... she is still my friend.

I can honestly say that... IF I knew how it would end before it started, I would have done it anyway. I have learned so much about myself and about the world.

Never, never!! Let a woman see you cry. Ever ever ever.

We both did. It's a hard situation. But it doesn't matter. She is my friend and we can never be anything more. Which I am fine with.

We both did. Its a hard situation. But it doesn't matter. She is my friend and we can never be anything more. Which i am fine with.

As long as you can accept that then you'll be OK. If you're going to open up that much you have to anticipate she may just keep you as a friend. In the long run it may turn out she yearns for you because she is so connected to you but you're taking the long and less traveled path. I would even recommend severing ties. That would make her realize how great you are to her. You seem like a nice guy man, and being around so available all the time only lets her feel like she can wait as long as she likes. Nice bike by the way.

I appreciate the positive advice but... she and I can never be. She will always be my friend. Nothing I could ever do would bring us back together. The path we are on... she can never come back to me. We support each other in moving on.

Good luck but I will warn you, Never Say Never.

Nice bike by the way.

Thanks... its one of 3 I have. That's my race bike and I have another project race bike and a street bike.

Well... she left this morning. I miss her but I know that in time it will fade some. I'm a little lost for feelings right now. So much has happened in the last week that she was here. Feels like it was all a huge moment that marks a turning point in my life.

Its been been 4 days since she left... her smell is still on the pillow. I can't stop the tears...

I know the feeling man, it hurts to now end. I hope you are able to take your mind off it. I tell you what, your bike looks cool. GSXR!! I ride a CBR 1000rr myself. I have not been on the track since the mid 90's when I rode a CBR 600 f3. Those were fun times.

Its been been 4 days since she left....her smell is still on the pillow. I can't stop the tears...

I feel your pain it has been 2 months and I still have my moments where my heart aches

For her. It's the worst feeling in the world to me. Think about the good times

The laughs the great things that you loved. That's what I do and it helps me Smile

And be glad that I am able to stand up and be who she loved when she first met me.

Maybe it will work maybe not but I am starting to get excited wondering who will be

Next? Will it be The One? Will she come back? Its all possible but love you first.

To me that is the thing I have learned that you have to love YOU!

Thanks for the support. I guess everyone is entitled to some weakness every now and then. Last night I was going through some old stuff in the attic and I ran across some letters we sent. Such wonderful memories of all the love we had and all the hurtles we overcame. All those promised words of love and forever. Guess it was just hard for me to handle.

But I know that time is the key here. Ive been doing all the things I need to do but I just need time. Ive already made plans to hang out with some friends and even have some girls that are interested in me. But I'm not rushing into anything. I don't want a relationship or anything like that right now. I don't have anything inside to give right now. My heart is still not my own yet. So I just want to laugh and have fun... with no ties... commitments... stress... drama. I just want to be me and be happy with that.

Diamondstar... you should go back to the track. Where you live? I could recommend some good trackday organizations on the west coast to ride with.

Thanks for the support. I guess everyone is entitled to some weakness every now and then. Last night i was going through some old stuff in the attic and i ran across some letters we sent. Such wonderful memories of all the love we had and all the hurtles we overcame. All those promised words of love and forever. Guess it was just hard for me to handle.

But I know that time is the key here. Ive been doing all the things i need to do but I just need time. Ive already made plans to hang out with some friends and even have some girls that are interested in me. But im not rushing into anything. I don't want a relationship or anything like that right now. I don't have anything inside to give right now. My heart is still not my own yet. So I just want to laugh and have fun...with no ties...commitments...stress...drama. I just want to be me and be happy with that.

Diamondstar...you should go back to the track. Where you live? I could recommend some good trackday organizations on the west coast to ride with.

Yea I COMPLETELY understand I also don't feel I have anything to give anyone. I don't think there is anything wrong with Optimism. I do sometimes wonder if it can work. Allot of people including some in the thread I made though Timing was bad. I agree but at the same time there were issues that me being who I am I work through issues I don't like break ups and all that. I still think she is a wonderful women and know that 1 day we will be friends again. The things I miss most right now are her companionship the early morning text messages the talking about work issues etc.. But I realized I have to love me FIRST I have to realize who I am I started to Identify me With US and that is something that can cause so much heartache if there is a breakup. Good Luck! :>)

I hear you man. I miss her too. Her and I are still friends but right now we can't really communicate that well. Just need to wait till the emotional dust settles.

Well... Got a call on Monday night to go hang at my friend Becky's house for some drinks and conversation. While I was there I met someone named (lets call her) Jane. We talked for a second but she had to leave so she could get some rest for work the next day.

Next day I meet the same group of friends to hang out at the beach. Had a great time just chilling in the sun. We car pooled to the beach so... when it comes time to leave I ended up riding with the Jane. We went to her house real quick so she could change clothes. I just waited out in the living room with her roommates talking. While we were in the car we flirted back and forth... We go back to Becky's for some drinks and food. Later in the night I'm taking some things out to my car and when I was walking back to becky's apartment... Jane was leaning over the balcony looking down at me with a big smile. She asked me what I was doing... so I told her. Then she asked me if I wanted to come back to her place. I said yes. We told everyone we were leaving. They knew without us saying anything that we were leaving together. As we were walking to our cars I said, "hold up." She turned around and I pulled her close and kissed her. She kissed me back. We stood there for 5 minutes out in the street kissing.

We went back to her place about 730pm. Just so everyone knows... we didn't have sex. But we talked and kissed almost the whole night. We both couldn't stop smiling. She looked at me in a way I haven't been looked at in a long time. And I couldn't stop looking at her. There was just some sort of connection... vibe... attraction.

She packed a small bag and left for work and I went home to catch a nap. About 5 hours later she walked into my room at my house and cuddles up in the bed with me. We spent the rest of the day talking... and kissing. We tried to watch TV and 2 movies but we just couldn't get into them. We couldn't take our eyes off each other. We stayed up half the night again talking and kissing till we both fell asleep.

Its amazing though. I have had more intimacy with Jane in the last 48 hours I have know her than I did in the last 7 years with my ex.

She woke up this morning with me and watched me get dressed... she stood up on the bed and pulled me close so she could kiss me. She made me about 20 minutes late for work (not that anyone noticed) but I didn't care haha...

She asked me to come over tonight for some Beer pong with her friends... and to spend the night.

Funny how things happen when you aren't looking.

All my friends at work asked why I was smiling and in a good mood. They haven't seen me smile like this ever. After much teasing and comments I finally told them and of course... I got teased some more. But I don't care. Im just enjoying it for what it is. Letting what ever happen, happen.

Wow sounds like somebody is boosting your ego lol J/K I am sure I don't have to mention to take it slow. :>) Glad to hear this will definitley help you re-establish your MOjo lol.
I myself haven't met anyone really haven't had the desire to go beyond the phone thing. I have several women that call me but I really have no interest. Some people say I am holding on I say I am focusing on me. :>)

Updates.

Everything is going great. Just great. Too much has been happening to explain it all but I've made some awesome new friends that are into most things I'm into. We have such a blast hanging out... and The girl I'm seeing is apart of that group of friends. Her roommates love me and approve. (as they are over protective) My friends think she is awesome. She fits into my life... personality... attitude... socially... we meet on so many levels it weird. We click...

updates.

Everything is going great. Just great. Too much has been happening to explain it all but ive made some awesome new friends that are into most things im into. We have such a blast hanging out...and The girl im seeing is apart of that group of friends. Her roommates love me and approve. (as they are over protective) My friends think she is awesome. She fits into my life....personality....attitude....socially....we meet on so many levels it weird. We click...

Wow that sounds great! Not a rebound? Hope Not only you know. Be very careful homie :>) don't want you back on here saying it was a rebound lol... hell it happens... I had a rebound on both sides of the scope one hurts and one is confusing both are part of life. Good Luck!

Wow that sounds great! Not a rebound? Hope Not only you know. Be very careful homie :>) dont want you back on here saying it was a rebound lol...hell it happens...I had a rebound on both sides of the scope one hurts and one is confusing both are part of life. Good Luck!


Nope... not a rebound. We are just going with the flow. We enjoy each others company and time. We laugh and talk all the time we are together. We are dating but not in the traditional sense. We don't plan dates. We hang out with our friends and have so much fun. We do swap spending nights at each others house. Staying the night. We just have fun though. No expectations... not preconceived notions or lies. We keep everything honest upfront and we communicate what we think... how we feel... what we want. Which is great to have.

Nope...not a rebound. We are just going with the flow. We enjoy each others company and time. We laugh and talk all the time we are together. We are dating but not in the traditional sense. We don't plan dates. We hang out with our friends and have so much fun. We do swap spending nights at each others house. Staying the night. We just have fun though. No expectations...not preconceived notions or lies. We keep everything honest upfront and we communicate what we think...how we feel...what we want. Which is great to have.

Sounds great does she have any friends ? Lol

Great To Hear!

Good Luck!

Sounds great does she have any friends ? lol

Great To Hear!

Good Luck!


Haha... funny that you say that. She does! They are great.

Well... here is a current update. Ive stopped seeing the one girl. We were really close for a month then we just spit. We are still friends and talk. Since then I have been hanging out with a few different circles of friends and enjoying just being myself. I have been casually seeing one woman but I keep her at arms length. I know that I am not in a place where I can have a relationship with someone. We do however like to hang out. I think she has feelings towards me. I'm going to have to explain to her my situation in more depth. I don't want to lead her on or anything like that.

Im spending xmas with the ex of 7 years and her family. It's a little hard but I have been able to keep my emotions in check. Nothing that I can do anyway that would ever make a difference to my ex. We can't ever be more than friends...

I figure this will be the last time I get to hang with her and the family. She will be introducing her new love to her family soon and I will no longer feel comfortable being part of there life.

Its been a long road the last couple of months. I've been on a crazy rollercoaster. But now I'm in a place where I feel completely numb. I don't feel too much when it comes to emotions. I know its just a phase. I was in a relationship with the woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with and it all went away.

It was hard for us. She even said I was perfect... I was just not the right gender. That's right. The woman I loved for 7 years finally decided that she could no longer lie to herself about being a lesbian.

Your doing okay after swallowing a hard pill. You realise you need time, so your way ahead of the game. You don't have anything to be ashamed of so enjoy being single. Just hanging out is great.

Why did you stop talking to the new girl? I don't get it... You seemed so happy.

The one girl and I had a great time. But she also just got out of a 6 year marriage. We became really intense... really fast. We literally spent 2 weeks together. One week of staying night and day with each other. But we realized that we both were not ready for that. Way too much to soon. I freaked but took it easy... she really freaked and pulled away hard. No worries. We still hang out and talk almost daily. She is a cool friend. I wouldn't mind something happening with her in the future when the time is right.

On the other hand I do hang with the one girl... lets call her Nina. She is cool but I keep her at arms length. I feel she would get hurt because she seems ready for something long term. I am also hanging with another girl... lets call her Maria. She is cool but she is still getting over her last relationship from a year ago. But we have fun.

Then there is this other girl... Masako... who is really cool and interested. I know because she kissed me. I would like to spend more time with her but we haven't had a chance to hang out. Not to worried though.

I kind of feel like I may be making my life too complicated with all these girls. I think I may just take a step back and let things flow. Just do my thing.

How old are you SD? You're my hero man.

Read his whole story, yeah he is something

Enigmanetic Im 31. I don't know about being a hero or anything... im just trying to find a little bit of peace of mind. I probably should be trying to make my life less complicated and focus on the things that will make me whole again. Im not sure if hanging with these woman will do that but it feels good to smile... have fun... good conversation... and to flirt a little.

I know that the process I'm going through is going to take a long time. Its only really been since end of September that my ex and I broke up. She was my life. I honestly, in my heart, thought I had found the one. I had given everything I could possibly give. I would have done anything for us. But she picked the one thing I could never be or do.

I wish her the best and honestly, though I can't be the one to make her happy, I hope she finds it. The hard part is that I am left with all these feelings and memories. They are my highs and lows. It will take time for the hurt to fade. She really was my idea of the perfect woman. Had everything I ever wanted. Funny how things work out that way. You find the one and spend 7 years together only to find out that though it is perfect, she can't be with you because she is gay.

Life goes on. Take it day by day. Fighting those little battles inside that make you stronger. Remember your accomplishments and the strength you do have. In time... you do heal. In time you will smile without effort. In time... you move on.

Here is an exsert from the writings of Max Ehramann's Desiderata.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

It is a wonderful writing I recommend you read it here

Max Ehrmann's "Desiderata" (http://hobbes.ncsa.uiuc.edu/desiderata.html)

It's a beeyach to realise you are a small part ina big puzzle, but you can be a happy small part.

I can at that. Life is what you make of it... I may get knocked down or beaten up but you will never break me. You can never break my spirit. I'll keep getting up and fighting back.

Well... here I sit in a hotel on a business trip in Japan. Just sitting in the hotel room thinking. Thinking about the ex. Not anything in particular... just wishing I could talk to her. Not about anything. Just about how her day was... how mine was. What she has been up too... and how her work has been after the xmas break. How the new place is coming along... and the new life she is living. Just missing the little stuff. Life feels weird not having her in it... though we do talk from time to time. I know that its just a matter of time. Seven years of history just doesn't go away. I expect a period of adjustment.

Guess I'm just used to talking to her when I'm on travel. She is who chats with me online and who I call when I have a moment. But now she isn't that part of my life anymore.

I can't complain too much because there are 2 girls out there that want me to be a bigger part of there lives. I'm just not in a place to do that right now. My heart still isn't mine yet and I couldn't do that to them. They know what I have been through and are cool. I just need lots of time. I'm in a place right now where things are not so black and white. Where things are gray... and emotions are sedated. I hate not feeling... but its part of this whole thing.

<She even said I was perfect... I was just not the right gender. That's right. The woman I loved for 7 years finally decided that she could no longer lie to herself about being a lesbian.>

Wow..

Id missed a lot of updates...

Good poem above.

I envy you, being in far off exotic places. Do you travel alone, or do you have associates? At least and intepretor, LOL, don't tell me you speak a few foreign languages?

Its not to bad. I get to travel around a little. My company just buys the plane ticket and that's about it. I book the hotel, find my way there and to where ever I have to work. I almost always come alone. Its kind of interesting and fulfilling to do it on your own. I don't really speak any foreign languages but I make around all right.

Its nice to have the distraction every now and then from the daily 9-5 at a desk. I have to admit... I have seen lots of cool places. I also get to work on some cool ships and build/engineer some pretty cool things. Matter of fact... im sitting in a hotel room in the middle of Yokohama, Japan.

I'm still doing OK. Not as many ups and downs. Today I feel a little off though. It's her birthday today and I'm a little sad...

Knowing that life presents us with no more than we are able to handle, we may become weak... lose breath... perhaps even lose our way. But even then, the path is chosen and answers are being collected with every step.

I am happy... just being me.

Wow I just read your entire story, I envy your courage stamina and outlook on life. You have been through things I can't even imagine me handling. I too have been through a broken heart bu! But not like you. For 31 yrs you had a tough life it just goes to show how god doesn't put weight on our shoulders we can't handle. All the best in your future and enjoy being you because that's all you you can be!

wow i just read ur entire story, i envy your courage stamina and outlook on life. you have been through things i can't even imagine me handling. i too have been through a broken heart bu!! but not like you. for 31 yrs you had a tough life it just goes to show how god doesn't put weight on our shoulders we can't handle. all the best in your future and enjoy being you coz thats all you u can be!


Thanks... here is some friendly advice for everyone. Take care of you first... your body and mind.

As far as relationships are concerned...

Maybe...it is true that we don't know what we have got until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives. Maybe...the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

It's been a years since I first joined this site and I have come full circle.

When I first started posting, I was desperate just like most people on this forum, to work it out... to make things better... to fix what was broken. In time you learn that time is what is needed for things to get better. Time to reflect on what happened with a clear mind... clear understanding. Time to understand if the path you were walking was the right one for you... if you were truly happy or just fooling yourself into thinking you were.

Even though it kills you to be apart from that person you love or want. You need that time... to remember who you are. To remember where you are going and how important it is to be just you sometimes. We can get caught up in that other person so much that you forget who you are. You loose a part of yourself... sometimes all of yourself.

There is a happy medium that you have to walk. Being a part of a "healthy relationship" with someone... but also having a health relationship with "yourself". My EX told me something that really stuck in my head... Be happy just being you... don't make someone else your whole world... its to big a burden for any one person to bare.

I have had a long year since last year. I've lost a lover of 7 years... and gained her back. Found out that she was gay... managed to keep her as a friend. :) Dated other girls... found some crazy ones... found some wrong types. Gotten a little lost... depended on friends... and found my way back. Discovered how to be happy just being me... and I found a bonus to my life... her name is Traci.

You never know exactly where life is going to take you... don't be afraid to take chances... little risks. You never know what you might miss out on. You will find that...in the end...it was worth the ride.

http://a456.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/115/m_dddfd15e4bdf393894bc515f4136f357.jpg

Yes, you have gone through a long journey, and learned much, and are happy now, and that my friend makes my day. Thanks for that, and I hope you visit more often, and above all enjoy yourself.

I think you are a diamond person. And you love life.
Thanks for your story!

I believe T-Man is impressed by her lifestyle and her writing but I personally don't think this should have any affect on you! That's her life. She wants to have her life and also come to you whenever she likes. She gives it no name and she is just keeping you strung along in the greatest way a girl can ever do it. She sure is rare in the sense that she has this amazing power to keep you around, even though she knows you want more. She is hurting you and you know it. Why put yourself through this? Try moving on my friend. Don't fall for this! She is oh so clever!

I'm glad someone else posted it first. I think she's jerking you around. The clues are in her letters to you.

It's been a years since I first joined this site and I have come full circle.

When I first started posting, I was desperate just like most people on this forum, to work it out....to make things better...to fix what was broken. In time you learn that time is what is needed for things to get better. Time to reflect on what happened with a clear mind ....clear understanding. Time to understand if the path you were walking was the right one for you....if you were truly happy or just fooling yourself into thinking you were.

Even though it kills you to be apart from that person you love or want. You need that time...to remember who you are. To remember where you are going and how important it is to be just you sometimes. We can get caught up in that other person so much that you forget who you are. You loose a part of yourself...sometimes all of yourself.

There is a happy medium that you have to walk. Being a part of a "healthy relationship" with someone....but also having a health relationship with "yourself". My EX told me something that really stuck in my head....Be happy just being you....don't make someone else your whole world....its to big a burden for any one person to bare.

I have had a long year since last year. I've lost a lover of 7 years...and gained her back. Found out that she was gay....managed to keep her as a friend. :) Dated other girls....found some crazy ones....found some wrong types. Gotten a little lost.....depended on friends ....and found my way back. Discovered how to be happy just being me....and I found a bonus to my life...her name is Traci.

You never know exactly where life is going to take you...don't be afraid to take chances....little risks. You never know what you might miss out on. You will find that...in the end...it was worth the ride.

http://a456.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/115/m_dddfd15e4bdf393894bc515f4136f357.jpg

Talk about a happy ending! Be the man!! :D

I just read the whole story and I must first of all say, you are such a strong person that has gone through things I could only slightly imagine; and it has made you such a better person. Thank you for posting this amazing journey as I hope to learn and take lesson from it.

I am going to above all starting living more for myself and not for others.

Cheers and grats!!

What a great end to this story , well done sdjosh hopefully others can learn from your journey.

Congrats my friend!!

WOW!! Thank you everyone for you kind words. I am happy to share my story with everyone... if it helps one person, than it has fulfilled its purpose.

I'm still doing great and enjoying my life. Traci and I are enjoying our time together and we both can't stop smiling. We make it a point to have time to ourselves as well... to do the things that make us happy. It is important for a person to have there time... to reflect... to appreciate... to renew themselves.

Just a quick update. Traci and I are doing better than ever and she asked me to move in. I am happier than I have ever been.

Very glad your doing well. A good example of finding happiness after a break up.

Talaniman... you are the best... you say it like it is. I agree... she is a Maverick all right!

SDjosh... my advice to you is give her all the space she needs... and remember what she said"she misses you when you are gone". Think about that... Good Luck!

Talaniman....you are the best...you say it like it is. I agree...she is a Maverick alright!

SDjosh...my advice to you is give her all the space she needs....and remember what she said"she misses you when you are gone". Think about that....Good Luck!

This is not the same woman that I was with for 7 years.

I'm in a new relationship or rather have been for the last 11 months. Everything has been wonderful. Even through the hard times we have found a way to communicate, understand, support, and move forward. I am thankful for my previous relationship that failed... because I have learned from it. I... like many on this board thought I had lost my world, but this new relationship proved that you honestly don't know what you have been missing till it arrives.

Everyone who reads this understand that you can't stop moving forward with your own life. We all have highs and lows. Even through the best of times we all fall... we all fail. "ALL" of us. You are not alone. But you have to keep moving forward... with each step... answers are being found.

You are soooo right! Good luck in your new relationship

Congratulations dear, you've come a long way, considering that your original post is a year old... you've learned a lot about yourself.

Great for you... and great for those who come here for advice and get some more insight from you that not all is lost.

Wish you all the best in your life!

Darn,, feel so lost without my Smilies...
;););););)

I just think she is a being a and selfish don't hold backk gooo and live you life

i just think she is a being a and selfish dnt hold backk gooo and live ya life

Who are you talking about? Have you even read my story? I have moved on from that past relationship but learned from it. I'm with someone new and completely happy.

I read the entire post and I have to say that I am taking your story as means to help with my situation after a tough break up. Thank you very much for all of your postings. This has given me hope that I will find someone else in the future if I move on and work on myself. The rollercoaster ride of emotions after a break up is so intense, but you have proven that if you stay strong and stay positive, that things will work out in the end. Well done and thanks again.

This is just amazing! I love this story! It's not Disney, it's real life! A real love story! Even if this ends, I'm sure he knows there will always be something better and he has his own life to reflect upon! As I said above, this is AMAZING!!

One question... Is Traci and Jane the same woman? Or is it the 2nd girl you speak of? If it's someone different altogether, then you are a mac daddy!!

This is just amazing! I love this story! It's not Disney, it's real life! A real love story! Even if this ends, I'm sure he knows there will always be something better and he has his own life to reflect upon! As I said above, this is AMAZING!!!

One question...Is Traci and Jane the same woman? Or is it the 2nd girl you speak of? If it's someone different altogether, then you are a mac daddy!!!!

Traci is a different woman altogether. I am happy to say that we were married recently and very happy.

Hi Sdjosh, Congratulations for the wedding, and also for such an amazing journey through your life so far.
I am very interested to know how well your friendship with your ex work out since then? How is she doing?

Much happiness through your life, Sdjosh and thanks for sharing, and giving us a great example of keeping it real, and moving forward.

I have reread my post and feel so much stronger and wiser.

I am happy to tell you that I have been married over a year and 5 months. We seem to be more in love everyday. We both have been through bad past relationships and we know to appreciate each other everyday. I am soooo Happy!

I hope that who ever reads this understand that life is crazy. We all go through heart ache but you have to keep moving forward. You have to keep trying... because there is no other way to be happy. Give... Get... and Live Love.

Thank you for being there for me... all of you.

Josh

Thanks for coming back and giving an update! Glad you're doing well!

Hopefully you'll stick around to help others out! No pressure.