yellobird
May 13, 2007, 06:59 AM
Hello,
I was hoping to get some insight into my situation because I feel like maybe I don't have a grip on reality, at least that is what I'm being made to feel.
I have only one sibling, an elder sister. The problem I am having is that she has moved back since things didn't work out for her husband and her. Since the first day she has moved back, she would wear all my clothes and throw them on the floor and go through my clean laundry in a day and if I just asked her to make a pile of those clothes in one corner instead of throwing them all over the room or said anything else to that effect she would start screaming at me, saying how inconsiderate, selfish and heartless I was. She made me look and feel like the devil himself. She would also drive my brand new car around that I got after a lot of patience and hard work. She would speed and go over potholes that would really freak me out as I drive very carefully and try to take very good care of my new car. If I very fearfully brought that up, she would again, scream and make me feel like I was the most insensitive creature alive. Finally, my poor car gave in and I got a flat tire because of the way she drives. She broke the cd player in my car, and there is a constant humming noise in the car that was never there and now won't go away. Dad finally bought her a car. I tried to say nothing because sister, mom, and dad would gang up on me. She would still go through my clothes without doing her own laundry (it was as though I was the one doing the laundry for her when it was all MY stuff!) She also wore my brand new boots and shoes and completely ruined them to the point that they cannot be worn even once anymore. I don't make that much money and my parents really don't buy me things either, so I carefully and with a lot of hard work save money to buy certain good things and try to care for them to make them last a long time. She basically created a mess in other parts of the house too, especially the bathroom. It was so bad that even mom got annoyed, but if she said something, sister would curse her REALLY badly and scream at her and me saying how insensitive and horrible we were. Mom has always let sister get away with absolutely anything, so it was very rare that mom would say anything to her. Anyway, instead of her cleaning up her act, mom and I ended up adjusting to her lifestyle which we both don't like.
While all this was happening, I was also going through an excruciating relationship/break-up. A guy at my work had been playing me on and off for the past 1.5 years and I had no clue what was going on really. I had never been in a relationship prior to that and whole-heartedly loved the guy. I tried to do everything for him not to leave me and for it to work out. Every time he would break it off and I would try to get past it all, he would keep coming back with gifts, etc. He broke it off with me 3 or 4 times and I just could not get over him this last time, since I had already tried to the first 2 or 3 times. Sister at home kept driving me insane and using my failed relationship as a source to torment me daily. She would go around calling me a w**** since she knew the guy had indirectly referred to me as that. Sister would actually chant w**** around me in heated arguments she would always instigate. Mom would not say a word to her. She would twist the events in my life/relationship to always present to mom what a low-charactered girl I am.
Sister has also been driving me and mom crazy for me to get married and change my job. It was to the point that even mom had to ask her to back off, which she didn't of course. She was going to extreme measures to hook me up with absolutely ANYONE off the internet or anywhere else and was desperate for me to change my job. Recently, I found out my ex bought some jewelry and flowers for his new girlfriend. Ever since I mentioned this to sister, she has completely left me alone about my hooking up with someone else or changing my job. The change in her behavior has been extreme. It can only make me wonder what happened in her head.
Also, she constantly compares her divorce to my relationship. She keeps saying how I can be so distraught over a 'boyfriend' of a year when her marriage to her ex-husband lasted 4 years. I don't know why she constantly does this. (FYI, her marriage was an arranged marriage and she never even liked her husband much. She was definitely never in love with him, which is something our parents, and other relatives around us noticed and say themselves. It is something sister admits herself, that she cared for him but was never even attracted to her husband. She had to stay in touch with him for legal proceedings and four months into their separation, she was already getting 'bored talking to him.')
I have even tried therapy, but 2 different therapists have not been helpful. One of them was helpful in the beginning, and helped me try to stand up for myself but that did not help much.
Sister has been overly intrusive and controlling in my life as well. She would walk into my room whenever she wants, and if I didn't give her the attention she wants, then she starts picking on me and runs to mom. There, she would scream things, very personal in nature to push my buttons, and when she managed to get me involved that way, she would start twisting comments and making stuff up to show what a horrible person I am in front of mom. Then mom would not even talk to me but tell sister not to even consider me anything. Things in this manner escalated to the point that one night, she started hitting me with a towel again and again. I kept begging her to stop and begged mom to at least make her stop hitting me, but they wouldn't do anything. She kept screaming and pushing my buttons until I lost my temper and ended up dialing 911 in my rage. (FYI, years back before she was ever married, she beat me up one time and severely scratched my face, leaving a permanent scar on my left cheek. My dad in the past also punched me in the face and broke my nose/jaw which I haven't been able to get surgery for and live with the facial pain every day for the past years.) I did not want to get beaten or injured again in that way. I think that is what made me make the call, though I never had any intention for trouble as such. Mom was furious at this and she basically disowned me that night while referring to me as a w****. She also said she wished I got fired and begged on the streets and that I never get married ever in my life. She also wanted me to leave the house.
I actually moved out of the house in the weeks following. Even then, I was the bad guy. I am paying my expenses here as well as helping out with rent for mom's home. Though I really cannot afford it. I have spent my bonus and tax refund on all this while I could have used that to pay off my debt instead. I have never been the jealous, vicious type. I am going down in a downward spiral and things are getting worse for me with time. I have a co-worker who is very similar to sister and she has been bathmouthing at work. I have a lot of health issues as well. Every time mom tries to come close to me or do something for me, sister knows how to secretly push my buttons and I react and that messes things up for me real badly and she sits there laughing. She actually laughs. She uses her divorce as an excuse to do and say absolutely anything now. Before her marriage, it was the same, however. She is considered very beautiful and smart and I am overweight and not as pretty. She uses that against me every time, throwing in how my boyfriend never liked me pointing at me up and down. She also keeps saying how she has more friends than I've ever had and how successful she is at her job while I am such a loser. She does everything to keep mom from even talking to me much at all.
I have no help and nothing I can do. Please help. I would appreciate any constructive insight.
I was hoping to get some insight into my situation because I feel like maybe I don't have a grip on reality, at least that is what I'm being made to feel.
I have only one sibling, an elder sister. The problem I am having is that she has moved back since things didn't work out for her husband and her. Since the first day she has moved back, she would wear all my clothes and throw them on the floor and go through my clean laundry in a day and if I just asked her to make a pile of those clothes in one corner instead of throwing them all over the room or said anything else to that effect she would start screaming at me, saying how inconsiderate, selfish and heartless I was. She made me look and feel like the devil himself. She would also drive my brand new car around that I got after a lot of patience and hard work. She would speed and go over potholes that would really freak me out as I drive very carefully and try to take very good care of my new car. If I very fearfully brought that up, she would again, scream and make me feel like I was the most insensitive creature alive. Finally, my poor car gave in and I got a flat tire because of the way she drives. She broke the cd player in my car, and there is a constant humming noise in the car that was never there and now won't go away. Dad finally bought her a car. I tried to say nothing because sister, mom, and dad would gang up on me. She would still go through my clothes without doing her own laundry (it was as though I was the one doing the laundry for her when it was all MY stuff!) She also wore my brand new boots and shoes and completely ruined them to the point that they cannot be worn even once anymore. I don't make that much money and my parents really don't buy me things either, so I carefully and with a lot of hard work save money to buy certain good things and try to care for them to make them last a long time. She basically created a mess in other parts of the house too, especially the bathroom. It was so bad that even mom got annoyed, but if she said something, sister would curse her REALLY badly and scream at her and me saying how insensitive and horrible we were. Mom has always let sister get away with absolutely anything, so it was very rare that mom would say anything to her. Anyway, instead of her cleaning up her act, mom and I ended up adjusting to her lifestyle which we both don't like.
While all this was happening, I was also going through an excruciating relationship/break-up. A guy at my work had been playing me on and off for the past 1.5 years and I had no clue what was going on really. I had never been in a relationship prior to that and whole-heartedly loved the guy. I tried to do everything for him not to leave me and for it to work out. Every time he would break it off and I would try to get past it all, he would keep coming back with gifts, etc. He broke it off with me 3 or 4 times and I just could not get over him this last time, since I had already tried to the first 2 or 3 times. Sister at home kept driving me insane and using my failed relationship as a source to torment me daily. She would go around calling me a w**** since she knew the guy had indirectly referred to me as that. Sister would actually chant w**** around me in heated arguments she would always instigate. Mom would not say a word to her. She would twist the events in my life/relationship to always present to mom what a low-charactered girl I am.
Sister has also been driving me and mom crazy for me to get married and change my job. It was to the point that even mom had to ask her to back off, which she didn't of course. She was going to extreme measures to hook me up with absolutely ANYONE off the internet or anywhere else and was desperate for me to change my job. Recently, I found out my ex bought some jewelry and flowers for his new girlfriend. Ever since I mentioned this to sister, she has completely left me alone about my hooking up with someone else or changing my job. The change in her behavior has been extreme. It can only make me wonder what happened in her head.
Also, she constantly compares her divorce to my relationship. She keeps saying how I can be so distraught over a 'boyfriend' of a year when her marriage to her ex-husband lasted 4 years. I don't know why she constantly does this. (FYI, her marriage was an arranged marriage and she never even liked her husband much. She was definitely never in love with him, which is something our parents, and other relatives around us noticed and say themselves. It is something sister admits herself, that she cared for him but was never even attracted to her husband. She had to stay in touch with him for legal proceedings and four months into their separation, she was already getting 'bored talking to him.')
I have even tried therapy, but 2 different therapists have not been helpful. One of them was helpful in the beginning, and helped me try to stand up for myself but that did not help much.
Sister has been overly intrusive and controlling in my life as well. She would walk into my room whenever she wants, and if I didn't give her the attention she wants, then she starts picking on me and runs to mom. There, she would scream things, very personal in nature to push my buttons, and when she managed to get me involved that way, she would start twisting comments and making stuff up to show what a horrible person I am in front of mom. Then mom would not even talk to me but tell sister not to even consider me anything. Things in this manner escalated to the point that one night, she started hitting me with a towel again and again. I kept begging her to stop and begged mom to at least make her stop hitting me, but they wouldn't do anything. She kept screaming and pushing my buttons until I lost my temper and ended up dialing 911 in my rage. (FYI, years back before she was ever married, she beat me up one time and severely scratched my face, leaving a permanent scar on my left cheek. My dad in the past also punched me in the face and broke my nose/jaw which I haven't been able to get surgery for and live with the facial pain every day for the past years.) I did not want to get beaten or injured again in that way. I think that is what made me make the call, though I never had any intention for trouble as such. Mom was furious at this and she basically disowned me that night while referring to me as a w****. She also said she wished I got fired and begged on the streets and that I never get married ever in my life. She also wanted me to leave the house.
I actually moved out of the house in the weeks following. Even then, I was the bad guy. I am paying my expenses here as well as helping out with rent for mom's home. Though I really cannot afford it. I have spent my bonus and tax refund on all this while I could have used that to pay off my debt instead. I have never been the jealous, vicious type. I am going down in a downward spiral and things are getting worse for me with time. I have a co-worker who is very similar to sister and she has been bathmouthing at work. I have a lot of health issues as well. Every time mom tries to come close to me or do something for me, sister knows how to secretly push my buttons and I react and that messes things up for me real badly and she sits there laughing. She actually laughs. She uses her divorce as an excuse to do and say absolutely anything now. Before her marriage, it was the same, however. She is considered very beautiful and smart and I am overweight and not as pretty. She uses that against me every time, throwing in how my boyfriend never liked me pointing at me up and down. She also keeps saying how she has more friends than I've ever had and how successful she is at her job while I am such a loser. She does everything to keep mom from even talking to me much at all.
I have no help and nothing I can do. Please help. I would appreciate any constructive insight.