Is it ever possible to have a loving relationship with a person who has Asperger's Syndrome. He is kind, and in his way shows a kind of love. There is definite chemistry but is as if his feelings are "locked away" is either scared of them or does not know how to react to them.

He seems really unhappy sometimes and I believe that too much emotion can bring on depression. I also feel that he will only ever cope with friendship and relationships "on his terms", unless you explain exactly how you feel about everything.

He seems sometimes to be able to interpret emtional issues in a film or play but not in reality. I feel so much for him but I do not want to get hurt all the time by him (because he seems to have no idea how to try communicate his feelings even if it is just to say that he does not want this "friendship" to go anywhere) but I would love to know what I could do to possibly help us both.

My friends believe that there is a possibility that he is just extremely selfish and is only interested in himself and anything he does is to enhance his own image and he is not really interested in others. There is part of me that sees a side of him that is not very happy but he has no idea what real happiness is. He travels a great deal and you feel that he is desperately looking for something but he does not know what it is.

All this seems strange I am sure but can you suggest any way I could help to make him happy. As I said, it is as if his feelings and very deep emotions cannot get out and he ends up running away. If I then conntact him it is as if he is relieved and the cycle starts again.

At first he used anger as an excuse to cover up his inability to communicate feelings, but he does not do that any longer . Lastly it is as if that unless he is seen as perfect he cannot possibly be loved by me although I think that is slowly improving and understands that friendships possibly turn to relationships because no one has to be perfect in the eyes of someone who loves them but it is hard work always having to tread on egg shells and not to allow anything I say sound like critism (which it never is). We are both highly intelligent (not meant to be conceited but just to explain) but I am always frightenned to let him know that I am discussing anythng on the same level as him and that I have too much of a mind of my own.

I would love to understand, him please help.

People with Asperger's Syndrome can lead a fairly normal life ( whatever normal is) but it is a hard relationship to keep going. You have to almost become a caretaker as far as emotions go.
These people can not interact socially they way we would like to.
They mostly haver normal I.Q.s, but have a hard time holding down any kind of a job.
There have the obsessive-compusive actions that go on and on.
I would not say you could never have a normal life with an Asperger's patient, but it would be hard.

Isabelle,

The job point of view is not him. He is a very high flyer and has no problem with work at all because he is so almost obsessively focused.

Echo, It is very hard to have a "normal" relationship with someone who has Aspergers as it is a form of Autism. You see, they are very self-focused and do not understand how to interpret, much less express, emotions.

It will be hard to make him happy as he most likely does not even know if he is happy.

Your friends believe that he is selfish, well that is really an understatement with Aspergers. As I stated above people with Aspergers are very self-focued, not really selfish per se, but they only think about themselves and cannot fathom understanding anyone else's feelings, they just don't understand how to do that.

To make it easier for the lay person to understand, a person with Asperger's is a high-functioning Autistic person. It is a mental disorder with no known causes.

There is nothing you really can do for him, but be his friend. He will always have obsticals that he must overcome and that is very hard for him.

Just be his friend, if you get any more out of it, you are lucky, but please don't try to make him into something he is not.

I was friends with a boy with asperser's- his dad had it as well and was married when they had their son. So it does show it can work. However his mother had to leave his father in the end and I believe it was down to the pressure of his condition- but I couldn't say for sure as I wasn't there. So kind of a two sided story there - it obviously worked for a while - maybe the divorce was down to something else.

Random story I know but your post made me think of it- you're smart so take what you want from it. Personally (based on the person I knew- but everyone is different I know) I wouldn't try and make it a romantic relationship, but these kinds of things are spectrums and I don't know where your friend sits. Keep in mind- it'll probably be you who will end up the most emotionally hurt – and would it be worth risking your friendship?

templelane and J_9, I found it almost impossible to learn to read but with a great deal of help and effort, because I wanted to learn, I ended up at one of UK's best universities with a 2:1 degree. I believe , any intelligent person who wants to learn to have friends love and happiness can, it depends how much someone wants them. I believe this person does and I just want to know where to start.

As a dyslexic person has to find different pathways in their brain to learn to read so an Aspergic person has to find other pathways to let emotions "free". I still find it difficult to write and think at the same time and I am sure an aspergic person will always have their limitations but to just give up and say it is impossible for them to change and learn what happiness and love are is being very unfare on them and depriving them of something in life eveyone should have "access" to.

echosounder (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/../members/echosounder.html) disagrees: does not treat me or him as an individual but puts everyone into a "type" group

I am sorry you disagreed with my answer. My answer came from not only from my formal education but from experience with people who have Aspergers Syndrome. So you see it came not only from theory but from experience.


As a dyslexic person has to find different pathways in their brain to learn to read so an Aspergic person has to find other pathways to let emotions "free".
I have to respectfully disagree with you here, dyslexia and Aspergers are two totally different entities. Dyslexia is a learning disability, whereas Aspergers Syndrome is a mental illness.

Good luck to you, I wish you no heartache in pursuing this relationship that is likely to cause you more pain that it is him.

I respectfully unsuscribe from this thread as my education and experience apparently do not count for much. Again, good luck to you.

I too respectfully answer, I have researched in the past few days a great deal about Asperger's syndrome and the one thing that has been emphasised in every research paper I have read. It is not a mental illness but a different "wiring" of the brain. There are different degrees of severity and I have now, fortunately, found someone who is helping with the question I asked.
The first thing for us both to understand is our differences and to respect and accept them. That has been a good start and we are working from there. I think just to dismiss all people with Asperger's as one impossible problem is like saying that everyone who is Neurotypical has the same personality and loves and "connects" to the same degree without ever accepting that experiences in life can change those ways of reacting to and expressing emotions.

echosounder... You have been given very good advice on this board.
I am glad you found someone to agree with you and will tell you what you want to hear, but that is wrong.
However the truth has been told on this board and I am sorry you can not accept it.
Good luck in your quest, and I hope you are not too badly hurt.
Sadly, one day you will have to accept this advice.
I think these good people were only trying to keep you from being hurt. You can not change medical facts.

I would like to introduce her to a local preacher and his wife. They have 3 children. The oldest, an only girl, is a genius, she is a member of Mensa and graduated high school at age 14 and had her Masters Degree in psychology by age 17.

Then they have a second child, a son. The son is profoundly Autistic, he will never function in society and has a hard time functioning even in his own home.

Their third child, also a son, is high functioning Asperger's. Please note that I said HIGH FUNCTIONING. They are currently attempting to mainstream him into the local middle school, but it is not working out very well.

Thank you to Isabelle, who understands that we are trying to help with the facts.

And to you Echo, I will try and locate the Bastin's website for the accurate Asperger's edcuation and information you seem to be missing. These people are members of my local community and the father is a pastor at a local church. They do motovational speaking to crowds of people who have Asperger's and/or Autistic friends/family. The speak for psychology and psychiatry classes at local as well as distant universities.

Ok. As a teacher who teaches children with Autism every day I feel that I can answer this with about the same knowledge as J-9 (whose answer was 100% correct by the way... sorry have to spread the love).

People with any form of Autism have difficulties with social interaction and in social situations. Depending on the severity of the autism depends on the difficulties that the person will have. Aspergers is on the lowest end of the autism spectrum. In today's school systems many schools are equipped with social training for students with autism because autism has become very prevalent in births (1 in every 150). However, if your friend is older there is a good chance that he did not have such training.

If this is the case, he needs patience and understanding from you and his love ones. Using anger as a way to cover up his inability to communicate is very common for people with Aspergers. It is the fight or flight response... they do not know how to respond, so instead they lash out. If you communicate with him and give him time to formulate his thoughts, don't push him into the social scene and start slow when you finally do enter. He could easily become overwhelmed. In addition, it helps many of our students to keep a social journal. Social journal are a way for the person to look back on interactions that they have had with others and evaluate how they handled the situation. It might be helpful for him to keep such a journal. It really does help them grow.

Also, comparing dyslexia and any form of aspergers is completely unreasonable. Dyslexia is a learning disability where you reverse letters, words travel on a page, and reading is difficult. It is a language based disability. Autism (aspergers included) is not.

Echo you are correct. People with Aspergers are not mentally ill, they have a disability. They are not sure what causes autism. There have been many studies done trying to find links to environmental sources, but none have been conclusive.

J_9 as a nurse, you know this behavior is called DENIAL. It is probably normal to deny when there is something we very badly want.
I feel very sorry for echo as there is only heart ache in her continuance to ignore facts and hope against hope for what she wants.

Tuscany, thank you for the wonderful information you gave, I hope it helps. Both you and J_9 have been very helpful.

Echo-Just remember to be patient.

Echo, I am sorry if you were upset with some of the answers you received here. However, just keep in mind that your first sentence did ask: "Is it ever possible to have a loving relationship with a person who has Asperger's Syndrome."
People really were trying to help you. They were trying to tell you that it will be a very tough road in that there is an emotional disconnect that comes with this syndrome. It can be quite a major challenge. They were concerned that you would be emotionally hurt in the long run. But, if you are willing to give it a shot, the best thing you can do is research, research, research. I know you have done some of that. You might want to try to see if you can find a support group for families of people diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. That would give you some very keen and helpful insight into your friend's situation. I don't know what information you have found but I have come up with quite a number of different lists and websites that you might find helpful. Learn as much as you possibly can. Read as many books as you can find. If you can find any lectures in your area on the subject of Asperger's Syndrome and how to connect with people diagnosed with this syndrome, that would be of great help to you. Check with local hospitals, psychiatric groups and universities to see if they are aware of any educational opportunities available to you.

AS-IF (asperger information) (http://www.aspergerinformation.net/)
Yahoo! UK & Ireland Directory > Asperger's Syndrome (http://uk.dir.yahoo.com/Health/Diseases_and_Conditions/Asperger_s_Syndrome/)
Asperger syndrome and adults - Better Health Channel. (http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Asperger_syndrome_and_adults?open)
Understanding Asperger's syndrome - The Boston Globe (http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2007/01/08/understanding_aspergers_syndrome/)
A Directory for Asperger Syndrome: Support Groups and Organizations (http://www.kandi.org/aspergers/Support_Groups_and_Organizations/index2.html)
The National Autistic Society - What is Asperger syndrome? (http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=212)

A very good friend of mine's son has Aspergers. I had never heard of it until I met her. He is extremely gifted in academics and musically, but his personality is completely flat. I see the frustration in my friend's eyes because he is incapable of giving anything back to her. His condition doesn't stop her from loving him, though.

Echo asked if a loving relationship is possible. Sure, but you must realize that the relationship will not be 50/50 simply because his disability will not allow it. I don't believe the posters here are trying to attack you, they are just trying to point out that if you choose to proceed with this relationship, there are a lot of factors you need to be made aware of.

Echo, It is very hard to have a "normal" relationship with someone who has Aspergers as it is a form of Autism. You see, they are very self-focused and do not understand how to interpret, much less express, emotions.
J_9 as much as I value your opinions as a health expert, I must say that you have been severely misinformed about the definitions of Aspergers syndrome. Hans Asperger himself argued that those with the condition can function in the "normal world " if given the right social and emotional cues. You see, it is not that they are very self-focused, it is that they find it easier to be in their own world because it does not have as many confusing cues as that of the outside world. With help and guidance, they can also understand the basic forms of emotions, be able to interpret it and express it. Being an Educational Psychologist, I have worked extensively with those with ASD and Aspergers and have found that they are capable of human relationships but one has to be willing to go into their own world to explain to them how things work in the outside world. It is often though that those with this condition have issues with sarcasm and lying, but I have found that once they understand the concept of sarcasm and lying (in their own way) they can then incorporate it into their actions.


It will be hard to make him happy as he most likely does not even know if he is happy.
Again an understatement, if he is as high functioning as the OP has led us to believe then I am quite sure that he know when he is and is not happy. More so I think he knows what makes him happy and what does not even if he doesn't express this in his behaviour.


Your friends believe that he is selfish, well that is really an understatement with Aspergers. As I stated above people with Aspergers are very self-focued, not really selfish per se, but they only think about themselves and cannot fathom understanding anyone else's feelings, they just don't understand how to do that.
It is easier to say that they do not understand as that makes it easier for us to leave them alone but the truth is that they can understand if they are taught. This does not necessarily mean that the expected behaviour will come as easily to them as it does to us but they can learn to get by.


It is a mental disorder with no known causes.
Unfortunately, this sentence right here has just set us back decades, back to the early 1900s when everyone was accused of having being mentally ill. Thankfully, this is no longer the case. Thanks to Dr Kanner, Aspergers and ASD are no longer classified as mental disorders rather as a neurological conditions that with the help of Professor Baron-Cohen more research is going into helping those affected by this condition cope.


Just be his friend, if you get any more out of it, you are lucky, but please don't try to make him into something he is not.
Finally, it all depends on what you mean by something that he is not because according to your definition, he wouldn't be aware of her friendship so there would be no point in trying. My suggestion to the OP (if she is still around) would be to get to know him better, try to reach into his world first before you attempt to bring him into yours.

Wow tamed.

I would love to talk to you more on this subject. Autism research is what I am doing this summer (as well as curriculum writing).

Always happy to help, I'm still learning myself so perhaps we could learn some more together. It is such a relief to find a teacher willing to learn more about autism, most of the ones I have met couldn't care less. As far as they are concerned, ASD only affects the minority and it is thus easier for them to brush them aside than it is to find out more about how they learn.

AT my school Autism is not the minority, it is the majority. We are currently looking at developing a program using therapy dogs as a way to teach social skills. So far it is still in the planning stages though

That sounds like my kind of school! Your school's program is similar to the one Professor Baron-Cohen did using toy trains (long story) but it was said to only appeal to those who like Thomas the Tank Engine. I guess the same would go for you too in that it would appeal to those who like dogs but it is a really good idea. Like I said, a breath of fresh air to hear about schools such as yours. Keep up the good work!

There was an inspiring video on YouTube by a young man with aspergers, with him trying to explain how he sees the world and what the condition means to him. I will dig it up tonight.

Cap, there is also a good book called 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time' by Mark Haddon that is also a good read if you're interested.

Found it:

rbgUjmeC-4o

I love the part about not wanting an antidote, a lot of people affected by ASD and Aspergers have been saying this for a while and it even appeared in the New Scientist about a year ago. They've always maintained the fact that it is not an illness and that they do not need to be 'fixed'. I may need you to send me the link though as I feel that a few teachers I know may benefit from this. Thanks again for sharing.

Click on the vid while it's playing, it will go to the YouTube page where you can get the link :)

Thanks a bunch!

Wow, Tamed, I am sorry you think that I am so misinformed. I would love for you to meet my friend and her children. She has one who is severely autistic (very low functioning) and one who has moderate Aspergers. I am not misinformed in the least. I may not always be able to express myself clear enough for evryone to understand, but I am not misinformed.

I am trying to find my friend's website, but being so far away from home I can't seem to find it. I have it bookmarked at home. When I get home and get the site I will C&P it here.

Sorry Cap, I had to spread the love!

That was a GREAT YouTube video was GREAT and actually what I was trying to describe. But again, I can't always put my thoughts into the right words.

Here is exactly what I mean... RED apples and frogs. LOL

Asperger Syndrome

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (4th Edition), known as DSM IV, published in 1994, defines Asperger syndrome (AS) as marked by "severe and sustained impairment in social interaction" along with "restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior."
As a parent, what behaviors might I suspect as indicative of this disorder?
The more general traits that may be observed include awkwardness in social situations, an intense preoccupation with certain specific (often unusual) topics, self-directed orientation, a lack of understanding of social cues, and clumsiness caused by lack of motor coordination.
What is meant by "severe and sustained impairment in social interaction"?
A child with AS often has problems with normally developed verbal as well as non-verbal interaction tools. The child may, for example, not meet the eyes of a person speaking, seem to lack facial expressiveness, or not use normal body posturing and gestures. This affects social interaction in a negative way.
What are "restricted repetitive patterns of behavior"?
This kind of behavior is demonstrated by a preoccupation with certain actions or objects within a restricted range. Rather than applying an intense interest to a variety of subjects, the child with AS has interests of a rather narrow scope, like aliens or computers, bus routes or sports schedules, maps and charts.
This restricted repetitive behavior also is exhibited through a very rigid, non-negotiable adherence to specific nonfunctional routines or rituals. The child with this disorder may, for example, insist on walking a certain route to school without deviation. The child is inflexible about following a certain sequence of events--he or she may need to walk in a circle before sitting down or dress in a specific order. These nonfunctional routines can be of critical importance to the child with Asperger. Given a choice in clothing, the child might create what seems like a uniform that is worn day after day.
How is Asperger different from autism?
A child with Asperger experiences no clinically significant delay in cognitive development and does not experience a gross delay in developing language skills.
Other differences are:

Children with autism tend to think concretely and have much difficulty with symbolic thinking and pretend play, whereas Asperger children can be quite imaginative although themes may be repetitive.
Asperger children tend to have motor coordination difficulties not seen in autism. What about relationships with peers?
The child may not make friends easily, or at all, and may not seem interested in sharing experiences or interests with those around him. For example, a child developing normally may show his artwork to people around him or bring a toy to his sister or brother to look at, but a child with AS will not as readily do so.
A child or adolescent with AS may seem unwilling or uninterested in responding to others in a socially or emotionally reciprocal way. For example, the child may ignore or seem to not notice when a person expresses affection toward him or prompts conversation. On the other hand, Asperger individuals may highly desire social interaction, but their poor social skills result in failure which can cause anxiety and depression.
What about the course of Asperger syndrome?
AS usually presents between ages 2 and 6 years, but is often not recognized until later. As far as doctors know, the disorder is present throughout the course of a person life. It has often been diagnosed as late as young adulthood.
Who gets Asperger?
Not much is known about how common the syndrome is because few studies have been done. Prevalence rates range are estimated to from .024 percent to .36 percent based on studies in Canada and Goteborg, Sweden, respectively.
Boys appear to have a higher incidence than girls at a 4:1 ratio. There is likely a genetic component which is thought by some to be related to the genetic deficit in autism. This is presently unclear.
How does one arrive at a diagnosis of Asperger?
The diagnosis is based on the presence of signs and symptoms in the DSM-IV. Differential diagnosis includes autism, complex learning disabilities, schizophrenia-spectrum disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
What treatments can be considered useful or helpful for the child or adolescent with Asperger?
Because securing educational and related services may be difficult due to the lack of knowledge about Asperger, it is important for the parents and clinician to work closely together to supply the patient and school personnel with the necessary information and help. Educational interventions are often necessary and should be individual accommodations to the persons needs. Because these students generally do well with memory tasks, teaching in a rote fashion may help the individual to retain the information presented.
Deficits in social skills may be remediated in small groups usually led by a mental health professional or speech and language pathologist.
Depending on the presence and extremity of associated symptoms, psycho-pharmacological interventions may help. Examples of associated symptoms that may be effectively treated with medication are hyperactivity, impulsivity, inattention, mood instability, temper outbursts, depression, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive symptoms.
Summary:
Early intervention and treatment is the single most important effort a parent can make to influence the outcomes for a child or adolescent with Asperger. Finding a clinician that can make the diagnosis of Asperger may be the more significant hurdle in getting appropriate treatment for your child.
Resources:
Autism and AS, by Uta Frith, Cambridge University Press, London, UK, 1991 ($17.95)
For more information on the Internet, look for the "Asperger Disorder Homepage" at http://www.ummed.edu/pub/o/ozbayrak/asperger.html

Wow, Tamed, I am sorry you think that I am so misinformed. I would love for you to meet my friend and her children. She has one who is severely autistic (very low functioning) and one who has moderate Aspergers. I am not misinformed in the least. I may not always be able to express myself clear enough for evryone to understand, but I am not misinformed.

I am trying to find my friend's website, but being so far away from home I can't seem to find it. I have it bookmarked at home. When I get home and get the site I will C&P it here.

Not to sound up my own behind or anything J_9, but I have met many people like your friend. Most of my friends have children on the spectrum and so is my brother and a couple of my cousins, my HUSBAND has Aspergers and so does his dad and as an Educational Psychologist, I'm pretty sure I know a thing or two about ASD and AS, after all it is my job. I also wouldn't refer to the comparison of dyslexia and ASD as apples and frogs either (but that's another story altogether!). I understand that you may not be able to express yourself at times, we all get like that from time to time but if your re-read my post, you will see that I have outlined where I think you were misinformed. You C&Ping the DSM IV manual for me makes no difference to my opinion. The fact that you could say AS is a mental illness or that sometimes those affected do not know that they are happy at all makes me think that you are misinformed as this is most certainly not the case. Even those with special needs (not only ASD) know when they are happy and at first glance you may not be able to see that but if you observe them for longer you will know what makes them happy and what does not. I don't know what its like over in the US but here in the UK, there are many charities and organisations that pretty much have the same views on ASD and AS as the one you will find here;

The National Autistic Society - Is there a 'cure'? (http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=117)

There is also an American lady (Roz something I can't quite remember her name but when I do I will let you know) who is on the Spectrum and gives many lectures on what its like to be in her shoes, her likes and dislikes etc..
Finally, I would also like to add that because there is ongoing research on this issue, to source a book from 1991 is like me giving you Leo Kranner's definitions of Autism, while it has its basis many of his definitions has been expanded upon since then.

Tamed, I am not disagreeing with you nor am I trying to say I know more than you... I was simply stating what I knew from the people that I know that have ASD.

I did the C&P more for the benefit of the OP than for either one of us.

More informative for the moderators who knows only tidbits

Okay. It seems that I have stumbled upon a place where I can provide fruitful feedback and where I might receive some good advice, too.

First, let me begin by telling you how it "feels" to not know how to communicate with somebody. It is one thing to say that we, aspies, don't UNDERSTAND emotions, but it's a different thing all-together to TRULY not understand them. I think that often-times the phrase, "doesn't understand how to communicate" is interpreted as, "doesn't care, is unwilling to learn, or will never be able to learn how to interpret and evoke emotions in others." What I'm trying to say is that I have ABSOLUTELY no idea about what emotions ARE. All I knew is that quite often I get a tension in my body, and over the years -- because people have pointed it out -- I've come to understand that such tension comes on when I'm in the middle of a situation which others deem "emotional". So, what I'm trying to say is that we, aspies, do not provide the expected response to emotions and communication efforts of NT people because quite often we don't even know that it is emotion that is gripping at our nerves. Instead what I perceive is a deluge of tension, nerves, sweating, etc. all of which I cannot understand. Does that make sense?

Secondly -- and this is the worst part of having both high IQ and being an aspie -- it is utterly tormenting to KNOW that I have a deficiency but which I do not understand. I mean, I've been told that I have this and that, which is fine, but I know I have these things only because of what people have told me. So, that then leads to utter depression! I am so lonely, but I just don't know where to go, who to talk to, etc. And I'm not saying this in a therapeutic sense; all I'm saying that I've been told that I have a syndrome, and I can only perceive indirectly that I have it by virtue of the stress that it brings about. So, what is depressing and makes me nightmarishly lonely is knowing that I have something, but likewise NOT knowing that I have it because I really cannot feel it nor do anything about it.

Finally, the rules, rules and more rules that we, as aspies, are able to gleam from the world and from social occasions. I know what is considered kosher during a wedding. I know what is acceptable decorum at a funeral. I know when to smile and I know when to frown. But all of these "emotions" that I exhibit are a mere my reciting of a script. THAT gets old after a while. I feel like a fake. A fluke. I just want to get up in the morning and go "with the flow". But no, that is not how it works. I have to constantly thing, plan, and ruminate about things that I can't really quite understand, but which are required of me nonetheless. So, going into my little world every now and then is something that I must do -- for the sake of my sanity. So, although NT people may want to "change" an aspie, I don't think it's possible.

Okay, well, so I've divulged information that I hope you'll find helpful. At least, I've told you how and aspie looks at the world.

Now, what can I get from this message board? Hmm, good question. Perhaps, it would be good to hear how people have learned -- or have failed -- and learning how to cope and live with an aspie. Part of me does not want to pursue a relationship because I know that mine in the past have failed because I simply "lost interest". So, it would be reassuring to know that there are NT people there who appreciate our efforts. More importantly, do our (aspie) efforts at communication and relationships offer enough of a good feeling to warrant to perpetuate that relationship? It is a very poignant and deep question, because depending on the answer, well, then that'll in a way determine -- at least for me -- if I should even attempt at conjuring up relationships with another person.

J_9 sounds like a tactless bigoted 'know all'. Using a phrase like 'mental illness' regarding Asperger's Syndrome shows that she knows very little... it would be far more accurate to call it a neurological condition. J_9 is also highly patronising. A 'top poster'? I'm guessing J_9 is just someone who likes the sounds of their own voice (or in this case keyboard clicking).

Best wishes to you echosounder.

I have been having a friendship/relationship with a man who has aspergers syndrome for about eight and a half years and it has been one of the most difficult things that I have had to cope with in my life.When I met him I knew that there was something different going on with him but I just didn't know what and it wasn't until his Mother told me that he wasn't well that I started to figure out what could be going on. At the time I was suffering from severe depression and found it hard to deal with myself let alone help and understand this man.I would say that we have become more than good friends but the limits are always there and they are: no physical or sexual contact now although there was in the beginning and he wants to live on his own but still keep the friendship.My problem is that I fell in love with this man but have to accept that it will never be reciprocated in the way that it would be with a 'normal guy'.