I got in touch with an ex last week after 12 months to say sorry for the way I behaved towards him. I mean't what I said also, however last night I got thinking about him and sent him a text asking if he would like to meet up for a drink and chat sometime. He replied and said "why would I want to do that". I should have realise that that statement was enough, however I texted him back and said that I would like to him, however if was with someone now or if he preferred not to meet then it was fine. I got no reply from him last night or today, and oh do I feel stupid and embarrassed. I rang him and there and left a voice message apologising for my text and stating it was best to leave things well enough alone, how stupid was that! I knew there was a chance he was going to say no but I suppose I'm just gutted that he didn't have the decency to say "look I'm not interested". The silence factor is the worst and it has made me feel that small.

As my friend said at least to had the courage to find out if there was anyhting there and you can stop wondering which she's right about.

Leave it.

He is your ex.
For a reason.

So you wanted to apologise for what happened 12 months ago.
That is 12 months... 52 weeks... 365 days...
In other words: life goes on.
His and yours.

You asked.
He said no.

No big deal.

Let it go.
Move on.

It's over.
Don't turn it into an issue if there's none.

I know you are right but I found it hard to accept that he didn't have the slightest bit of respect to respond and that's why I'm gutted. There was something about him which touched me and I cannot forget that, that's all.

Resist the urge to keep calling or texting. You just keep making yourself feel worse. Call a friend instead or go on a walk without the phone. You might consider counseling for yourself.

I know you are right but I found it hard to accept that he didn't have the slightest bit of respect to respond and that's why i'm gutted. there was something about him which touched me and i cannot forget that, that's all.


Who says he did not have the respect ?

He just said "no".

When we ask a question we can expect an answer.
Either yes.
Or no.

In your case it was "no".


That has nothing to do with lack of respect.

He has moved on and does not want to spend time with you.
Leave it.

No he showed lack of respect by never responding to my text and for that he is a coward like I always believed he was. I know that I have made a total fool of myself for this and wish I had never contacted him but just left it alone.

No he showed lack of respect by never responding to my text and for that he is a coward like I always believed he was. i know that i have made a total fool of myself for this and wish i had never contacted him but just left it alone.

Well... since you had the confirmation for yourself that he is a coward like you already thought...

You have not made a fool of yourself.
But it seems to hurt your ego and that's understandable, you may feel "rejected".
Look, things like this happen.
Accept it.

He is your EX...


Move on...
Don't be so hard on yourself.

He replied and said "why would I want to do that".

I don't see lack of respect... he answered your first text, and because it wasn't the answer you might have wanted you say this... he showed lack of respect by never responding to my text and for that he is a coward like I always believed he was...
I think it is you with the lack of respect, you sent a text, he responded with his answer and you prolongged it by calling and texting back... he is not interested judging by his REPLY to the first text.

fix-what-you-broke... you are right...

It's the rejection that he is not interested that may be harder to take.

I should have said to you that he replied with "why do i want to meet with him". The first one was a typing error. What I want from Anton is to have a chat on the phone and then and only then can I move on. Every other guy I have met has always given me the time and the courtesy to do that which has always left an amoutn of respect for each other. I want closure on this once and for all which is what I want to do with this and I acn't until I speak to him. I know I am stubborn and it appears totally wrong but this is how strongly I feel.

Gypsy do you mean it's the rejection that eh is not intersted that may be harder to take for me?

Well you did say that you called him to appologize for the way you treated him, he responded to that.
I don't think you are going to get the closure you need, it seems he has moved on and you should try to do so too.
He is obviously not going to talk to you and you need to respect that, if my ex contacted me after 12 months to appologize I don't think I would respond... you have had a whole year to do it, why do it now? Let him get on with his life.

Yes I do...

And you are still making such a big deal out of it, you turn it into an issue...

Let it go Floor...

You did not make a fool of yourself, you are incredibly stubborn...

You want things to go the way you have it in your mind.
And he does not want to have anything to do with you.

Leave it.

Life is too short.

Sometimes we have to close the book without finishing it.
And that is life.

Good luck !

well you did say that you called him to appologize for the way you treated him, he responded to that.
i dont think you are going to get the closure you need, it seems he has moved on and you should try to do so too.
he is obviously not going to talk to you and you need to respect that, if my ex contacted me after 12 months to appologize i dont think i would respond...you have had a whole year to do it, why do it now? let him get on with his life.


Exactly.

12 months later and now you want closure? He's moved on and now its time for you to. He doesn't want to go down the road with you. Let it go.

Well guys an update. I decided that I could not let this go and called him and we spoke a few minutes ago. I told him how I felt about him and needed closure for and for all. He was totally blown away with what I said. He said he didn't know what to say because he has not thought about me in manay months but he did acknowledge that there was soemthing special between us when we first met which he hadn't felt with anyone before and I said that I felt the same. I told him that it took courage for me to pick this phone up to speak to him about this and that I am probably making a complete fool of myself but that I did not care I had to do this. He said that he recognises now how hard this was for me but he respected me for it. I told him that I want to see him and if we could do that and he said yes, I asked him when, and he said when are you free and I said well in about 2 weeks time because I am away with work until then and he said fine. I said to him that he will have 2 weeks to think about what I said and if he does not want to see me to please have the courtesy to let me know which he said he would. I asked him about his businees and if he had expanded it etc. He said he has but he looked forward to telling me all about this when we meet up and that was it. I thanked him for having the courtesy to listen to me because he did think I was carzy which I'm sure he does. I told my flatmate and he said wow, you did somehing amazing and should be proud what ever the outcome, which I have to say I am. If he lets me down then I know it is not me then him and only then can I move on.

Well guys an update. I decided that i could not let this go and called him and we spoke a few minutes ago. i told him how i felt about him and needed closure for and for all. He was totally blown away with what i said. he said he didn't know what to say because he has not thought about me in manay months but he did acknowledge that there was soemthing special between us when we first met which he hadn't felt with anyone before and i said that i felt the same. I told him that it took courage for me to pick this phone up to speak to him about this and that I am probably amking a complete fool of myself but that i did not care i had to do this. He said that he recognises now how hard this was for me but he respected me for it. I told him that i want to see him and if we could do that and he said yes, i asked him when, and he said when are you free and I said well in about 2 weeks time because I am away with work until then and he said fine. I said to him that he will have 2 weeks to think about what i said and if he does not want to see me to please have the courtesy to let me know which he said he would. I asked him about his businees and if he had expanded it etc. He said he has but he looked forward to telling me all about this when we meet up and that was it. i thanked him for having the courtesy to listen to me because he did think i was carzy which I'm sure he does. I told my flatmate and he said wow, you did somehing amazing and should be proud what ever the outcome, which I have to say I am. if he lets me down then i know it is not me then him and only then can i move on.


Boy... you are stubborn.

Well, good luck.

Yeah I am stubborn and now I have closure whatever the outcome, thanks gyspy because it was actually somehting you said that made me deicide that I should sort this out.

Good for you... you got what you wanted :)

I wish you luck with whatever happens... and I wasn't being harsh before, its just I don't think its fair if this guy is going to get hurt further.

I know you weren't and I could never hurt him again, because he is special but I had to try and stop wondering if there was a chance we'll see, however because I have now had the chance to speak to him I can now move on.

Who split up with who?

I got heavy with him because he wasn't getting in touch with me when he said he would and I thought I can't be messed around, either he is interested or he's not, s he ended things. He may decide this is not the route he wants ro go down when he thinks sbout it over the next few weeks and if that's the way he decides then fair enough

Can you fill us in on why you broke up in the first place? How did you treat him that you felt you must now apologize for it? Did you end the relationship or did he? I know that you have done what you needed to do now, but it helps to have some background information on the breakup. It helps us to understand how he may be feeling and why he would respond to you the way he did.

As I said we met and had an amazing weekend together, I clicked with him like I never felt about anyone else before and he admitted the same to me yesterady he said he would ring and he didn't for a whole week and so I called him and was taken aback because I gave out to him about this. We met but it wasn't the same because there was an akwardness between us. We planned to meet one particular night and he never showed up, no phonecall or nothing and I got so angry with him for leaving me there, what annoyed me the most was his total lack of resepct. I rang him again and called him a coward for having no courage to be upfront, I was really mean to him. The first night we met he shared so much with me which he said later he shouldn't have because it was too soon, however we got caught up with the heat of the moment as we both felt we knew each other a lifetime when realistically we didn't. 18 months before we met he was with someone for 5 years and they were palnning to move in together and get married however she left him and had an affair with his best friend. He was gutted and maybe never got over that I do't know, his best mate and ex are now married. I know now that he does believe I'm crazy after what I said to him after a year and rightly so but I'm not, he is probably very suspicious and thinks she was all talk and will not follow through in contacting him to meet up in 2 weeks however I will. I'm nervous of him letting me down and now showing up however he has asked for me to take that risk, he din't exactly assure me or anything becaue he must have thought I was a joke yesterday but the thing is I don't care because I got to say from the heart what I should have said many months ago and for me that's closure. Where do you think he is coming from this?

Again, can you please explain why you broke up in the first place? What were the circumstances behind it and who initiated the breakup? You or him? This will help us to answer and give our opinions on his actions now.

Maybe he was looking for more assurance from you with that question? I would have said the same thing. You could have really put your heart out there and said, I thought maybe we could work this out. But after a year... Its still possible he is holding a candle for you, if he was not interested he would have said hell no... not why? I think he was feeling you out for why the sudden interest. I can't help to ask that either. Did you just get dumped? Why the need to call/text after 365 days? Not being Rude just probing..

To somerbelle and bikerguy, the reason we broke up is because he did not want to carry on, he saw this angry side of me which he did not like, that is why he did not want to get back with me. Also I asked him to sort this out and he would not return my calls. Yes I was involved with someone for about 8 months and we both knew it was not going to work. The reason I contacted him now was because I was afraid of the rejection again if I contacted him before this. I'm doing this course also which has made me see what I did was wrong and if I carried on then I would lose every guy I met who wanted a relationship with me. I can certainly understand yours and his suspicion about why I contacted him after 12 months but I'm genuine about this, I am very sorry the way I hurt him and that was it, I've always ben told that it is never too late to apologise to those you hurt and I believe that. As I said I want to see him however if he does not want to see me after this time then that's absouletly OK but to let everyone know he contacted me again 5 months after we finished and he did not state why he did this. I could not have gone out with him even if I wanted to as I was seeing someone else and would do this behind my partners back. It's funny I just sense such suspicion from ye all about my reasons for doing this and as long as I'm front about my intensions towards him that's all that matters. I made a mistake which I did realise a long time ago but only now have the courage to do somehting about it.

Why don't you just admit that you wanted to see if he still cares, and maybe rekindle a lost spark. After a year you should have moved on, and put him behind you, so forget that closure stuff, because it makes no sense. You still want to see him so admit that was the whole reason for calling and texting until you got a reaction. Now where do you go from here? If he doesn't call ? I see your fingers crossed from here hoping he will.

Yes you are right Talanian I would like to see him and see if there is a chance but when I called that was not my reason. Maybe this will become clearer when I menrion the landark forum which I have been doing for the past 3 months. It encourages people to take responsibility for their mistakes and admit to it which I have done without any of the rewards afterwards and that is what I have done. Truth is I could not forgive myself for the awful way I acted towrds him and hence my contact but it certainly was not to get back with him until I thought about it a week or so later and did so for the reason I menioned

So basically when you wrote here, it wasn't that you wanted closure but were looking for a second chance.

I'm getting more and more confused with this one I'm afraid...

I am very confused about this also. I wonder exactly how long they were going together.

I am a confusing person, I was seeing the guy approx a few weeks.

I don't seem to be explaining myself very well however if I do get to meet this guy I will fill you in. All I need to know is that I have done what I shaould a long time ago and tht's it

You were only seeing him a few weeks and you are going through all this drama!! :eek: It is not surprising that he has run for the hills.

It sounds as though you are putting way too much into this, way more than he ever really wanted.

If he does not meet up with you, leave the poor guy alone before he considers you a stalker.

Hmm. I think we are all just confused because we're not getting the full story.

AW, here is my take on it in a nutshell...

She met him on a weekend, they had sex, it was wonderful (to her), they saw each other for a few weeks, she was clingy and overly needy, he freaked out and broke it off.

Short and sweet, but now after a year, she still can't let go.

AW, here is my take on it in a nutshell....

She met him on a weekend, they had sex, it was wonderful (to her), they saw each other for a few weeks, she was clingy and overly needy, he freaked out and broke it off.

Short and sweet, but now after a year, she still can't let go.
:D Thanks J_9. That's what I thought she was trying to say in around about way.

Just my take on it. ;)

I think though that she thinks there was more to the relationship than there really was.

Yes guys like all of you have said I was needy and desperate at the time and made a fool of myself like I obviously am doing now so thanks.

So, Floor, it is best you just let sleeping dogs lie. You knew each other for a few weeks, that was a year ago. He has moved on, please move on yourself.

A few weeks does not constitute a relationship, not even a friendship.

Yeah you are right, I will let sleeping dogs lie, thanks

This is a relationship that has long since been extinguished. Don't expect any communication or reply from him. Just forget about it, don't fret over making a "fool" of yourself and move on with your life as if he doesn't exist.

Don't feel you made a fool of yourself, as you did accomplish an apology and can now move on. When we go back to make up for the wrong we have done to others, we can't expect them to greet our overtures with open arms, or even understanding. When making amends, we should be honest with ourselves first, and willing to accept what they throw back at us. After all they were the ones we hurt.

Seems Like You Still Have Feeling For Him,seems Like He Dosen't For You,or Maybe He's Still Mad At You About Something And Playing Hard To Get! Either Way The Best Revenge Is A Happy Get On With Your Life,maybe If He Sees You Are He Will Be The One Begging!

Erase your ex's number from your phone, forget it learn by it, and look forward to the furture.

This person oviously brought out the worse in you 12mths ago, and isn't going to be any different now.

You know you are all right, the sweetest revenge is getting on with life and moving on, thanks.

Well everyone, I did not listen because I really wanted closure on this one but I got bitten. I contacted the guy I was interested and he never responded so now I don't wonder anymore and I don't regret contacting him because what I felt was the truth. Anyway thanks for your help.

You did not listen and contacted him... does that make you feel any better? I guess not... losing out on self worth is definitely frustrating and I am glad you're finally making a decision to embrace future and kick the past... but hey learn from it ah! All the best.