When does he realize that I was the best GF possible? I put up with all of his moods, and did everything for him, (everything... ) with very little reciprocation. Why does he think he is "better off without me?" Why does he say he wants to see if he can be happier with someone else and needs time to see if he "misses me"? Does he ever realize? And if/when he does, will I be strong enough to do the right thing, whatever that is, because at this point, I don't know what I would do.

Does it matter?

Go find someone who will realize, from the beginning, and be the best boyfriend for you :)

Maybe he is better off without you. Maybe you think and over analyze too many things instead of enjoying the moment while it was there. Now that moment is over and he feels that he is better off with out you.

There is no going back. The decisions were made. It is now your time to realize it is over and that as the above post mention. Does it really matter now. Truly it does not.

Joe

Simple, he's done with you and so should you. Why do you want someone who doesn't want you to be a part of his life... too bad his loss!! These are deal breakers who keep hoping they would get someone better and end up as such jerks that I am glad you are better off without him... Girl, be confident of yourself... u have your dignity and u deserve every inch of it. Heads up!

From personal knowledge, he'll claim to have "realized" the second he finds out that you're with someone else. His first moments alone after hearing the news--he'll be right on the phone trying to mess things up for you---DON"T LET HIM! He hasn't changed--he's trying to feed his own ego by knowing you'll run right back to him--but he DOES NOT want you yet. I'd say after a couple of months--let him see you dressed up and looking very happy a couple of times-but don't give in for at least a month. Hopefully, the power of suggestion sets in and you're not just acting like you're happy, but you really are. I'm rooting for you hang in there--it gets easier-believe me, I know. To hell with him

It doesn't matter. Accept that your free to find what real happiness is about, it sure ain't him.

You put up with all his moods... you did everything...
Dry your tears and move on.
Find distraction, go out with girlfriends, do what makes you happier at this moment.
And at some point you will get over it...

But for now ask yourself... "You put up with all his moods... you did everything....(everything) ... with little reciprocation..."

Does that sound very healthy to you ?

From what I read you are much better off without this person.

Move on.

Oh my god you sound like me. When the do they realize? I don't think they care, it's like their not concerned with realizing or not because they are over it. I don't know what your situation is, but my ex told me he wanted at "break" and then he made it a break up two weeks later. I know I was the best possible girlfriend for him, but the truth is, He didn't want the best, he wanted something lesser, something to make him feel more competent as a man. So maybe you ARE The best for him, but is he really the best for you? If he needs to think about whether he misses you or not (which my ty ex did) he's def. not the best, because whoever is the best doesn't put you through so much pain that you have to blog it online. I hate this guy your sweating over, he seems like my ex. CHUMPS. Move on, I'm trying to. It sucks, but try not to go back to him, remember all the pain. I know in my heart, I would DIE if I had to go through this whole ordeal again, one times enough, thank you .

when he is in need that's when !he is a selfish bastard just like my x did everything for him for 8 years.
DO NOT go back. What goes around comes around listen to that song I will survive over and over check out the lyrics just punch it into Google. Why does he say he wants to see you? To KEEP YOU hanging on AND for a safety net in case his plans don't work out. You go back you will be his doormat. He wants that control respect yourself do not ever do that. Do not cave in.

Maybe he is better off without you. Maybe you think and over analyze too many things instead of enjoying the moment while it was there. Now that moment is over and he feels that he is better off with out you.

There is no going back. The decisions were made. It is now your time to realize it is over and that as the above post mention. Does it really matter now. Truly it does not.

Joe the sad thing is people come here ask for help then the person comes back and we took our time to help and for nothing they dismiss us once they get what they want if this is the case here she deserves him.

I say it the way it is and u have no idea what I been through harsh? Nope just fact.

I say it the way it is and u have no idea what i been thru harsh? nope just fact.


Jaxie...



People come here to ask for help and that's great in itself..
This is a free country...
We are on this forum because we all care about people and try to be of any help...

People can and should do what they think is good for them.
We on this Forum seem only to be offering "a listening ear" and hopefully give some feedback that might be of any help...

However... to say that people "dismiss" us once they get what they want seems to be how you feel...

It's not so much what is said... however, it does matter how it's being said.


Gypsy456

Based on the limited bit of information that's provided, he sounds like a rather ungrateful and unappreciative person who really doesn't deserve you. It sounds like you bent over backwards to please him but how happy were you in all of this? Were your needs met at all in this relationship? An unbalanced relationship in which one partner invests much more than the other is never healthy and is ultimately doomed to failure. Move on and, in the future, be a little more guarded about your needs and what's right for you.

You don't need him to validate what a good person you are, because you know that, and don't take his remarks personally, as they only show how truly dumb, and undeserving he really is.

Talaniman, can you tell me why guys simply turn away and make us girls feel good for nothing as we did something wrong... self esteem for lot of girls takes such a push down in such cases... and it makes it hard to accept it's over... Can u give some insight please!

Guys do not make you feel anything. It is you, yourself that feels that way. Self esteem, and accepting its over. Can you really say these two things are actually related?

It is up to each individual how they are going to react and think depending on the situation your in. It is not your boyfriend or ex that makes a women feel that way.

Joe

I am not sure if I made enough sense. Oh, well here goes nothing. Hopefully somebody understands that you think for yourself and no one tells you to think a certain way.

Joe

If its insight you want then just read the posts of some of the guys here who are going through exactly the same thing you are, so don't think of it as a man thing or woman thing. Think of it like you made it all to easy for him to take what you offered so willinglyand freely, and he gave you nothing in return, nor did you demand it, you should have made him earn it. When he had everything he wanted he left. That simple. The bottom line is don't give it all away for... nothing. This is a lesson we all learn sooner or later so don't feel its just you. Its everybody.

Thank you very much Talaniman. Things or people we get easy, we often take them for granted and lose respect for them... so very true. Though it happens to both men and women alike, however I must add that women are just little bit more vulnerable and emotional in handling things, so it becomes hard for them to accept it's over... not to say men don't feel anything but the degree varies and they r attuned in such a way that they don't show and move on faster... I guess that's the only difference.

Jesushelper, your name is so beautiful and because all of us are helping each other out, Iwould like to point out just one comment that you made: "This person needs to hear this instead of always putting the blame on the guy all the time."... Well to this I can only say,that my intention of asking question was not to offend males, rather I have due respect for every being existing as all of us have emotions and situations that we go through, however my intention was just to make a query as lot of women find it hard to move on after a break up... no offense meant.. WE are all helping each other through queries... so next time when you put forward your views, please AS being jesushelper, refrain yourself from getting offended rather see the query as a whole... Thank you.

You know to make you feel better... I was like your BF, my girl took care of me, and I took that for granted, I stopped caring about our relationship and she slowly slowly got fed up, this is how it hit me

- She started doing her own thing, got back w/ her old girlfreinds
- she QUIT! Calling me and texting me
- she would only talk to me when I called and texted her, but w/ mysterious words like sup, k, chillin, nottin words that made me wonder how she's doing
- she basicallly showed me she was happy w/out me and made me think she was happy w/out me also

It took me 1 I/2 months to relise what she meant to me, and when I told her I'm sorry she said no she said she was happy and wanted to be friends, that made me want her even more, after time were going back together w/ a struggle but it showed me how much she really meant.

Basically what I'm trying to say is your boyfriend knows you love him he knows that he can screw up and you'll take him back w/ open arms, Its time for you to make some changes show him two can play, kind of play him at his own game. It got to me real bad I'm pretty sure it happens to everyone - you don't know how much they mean till you loose them- good luck

Jerks don't care who they hurt, guys who care do.

(PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE A MAN)

Hi girls,
It is well known fact that men desire what they cannot get easily. If their girlfriends are too nice or accommodating, they do not even try to give back or appreciate since there is NO challenge 'after they got the gf'! I will pass the top secret for you to be successful in the relationship since it seems so many nice girls heart broken here. (I was one of them 4 years ago by myself, but I am happily married now.)

1. Equipped with high self-esteem, and follow your inner desire NOT his! We all respect people who love themselves. Don't be used, but worshipped. Don't be afraid say no NO if you do not like what your man asks or does. Don't chase men but be chased. REMEMBER THIS. Men have desire, and they have to come back to get us. Relax and wait. Do not call men, but make them call you (it is just like NC. When we do NC, men have to come back to check us out to figure out what is going on... )
FYI.
I have married to a millionaire who is pleasing me with his full heart. We were in long distance relationship, but he had to drive 4 hours to see me EVERY WEEK for 2 years non stop. I did not drive to his place AT ALL until we got engaged. It is 100% truth. Go figure! I am also very well known that I never initiate to call men. But if he calls, I return it with my sweetest voice. Make them wonder and anxious. When man are nervious, they do their best to get 'the girl'.

2. Another secret. Take care of yourself VERY WELL. Make yourself absolutely beautiful, desirable, skinny, healthy, and feel confident. He has to come to see you because you are so attractive and magnetic! Don't spend your time to accommodate him but invest it to yourself. Do exercise, read books, listen to the music, take classes, learn new things, develop your hobbies etc. EVEN WHEN YOU ARE IN RELATIONSHIP. It will make you happy & completed without him, and it makes boyfriend anxious. DO NOT cut out the activities to see him even though the relationship goes very well. (Sadly, most of nice girls scarifies their fun activities for men... ) If your happiness is depend on his mood, he will be pressured. It is not healthy. Put myself & my happiness in the center, not him. Once again, If I played the dedicated 'nice' girl, my husband (back then my bf) probably did not worry that much to loose me or rush to marry me.

3. When your man does something you like, flirt with him like crazy & give him the best treatment. Men like rewards, and you can control your man by rewarding him but not nagging him. Very simple! (For example, on the first date, I said "wow, you drove 4 hours to see me? Nobody ever done that for me! You are the best ever! What else are you doing the best to knock me out?" ---> result: he drove for 2 years!)

==> "If you give him a feeling of power, he'll want to protect you and he'll want to give you the world" and "A little distance combined with the appearance of self-control makes him nervous that he may be losing you." Quote from the book.


Please read the book:

Why Men Love es: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship (AMAZON.COM)
Amazon.com: Why Men Love es: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship: Sherry Argov: Books (http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-es-Relationship/dp/1580627560/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1246471617&sr=1-7)


From Happily married woman

P.S.
I asked my hubby a week ago "honey, what is your hobby?"
His answer: "You are my hobby because you are so complicated, and have everything in you to make me happy."
Well, his hobby is actually aviation (he has a own airplane), sailing and fishing. But he put me in the top priority, because I put myself in the top priority as well.

I agree with most of your points winding2000, however I have no idea why him being a millionaire has anything to do with this. And being skinny has nothing to do with it either... some people aren't genetically meant to be skinny... the key is how you feel about yourself, feeling beautiful and attractive... which I'm sure is what you meant to get across.

And it has nothing to do with men or women, which other people have mentioned. I have actually read more from men on these boards about women who burn them and they've treated them like gold. I know you're not trying to start a gender war here, but man/woman does not matter.

The truth is, you're not going to get him to realize anything. Nobody wakes up and realizes what a jerk they've been and how they haven't treated you right. One book I read says a lot of times we seek partners out according to what their potential is, not who they are right now. A lot of times we have this notion that they're going to change over time and be the person you want them to be. Instead of that, accept the person for who they are and assume that they will NEVER change.

It sounds like you cannot be in a relationship with this type of person, so I would also advise you to leave him be, don't talk to him anymore, and work on YOU. Have some fun and do things that make you happy as an individual.