I read a post where a woman tries to keep her ex-friend and a natural father of her daughter away of her family's life. Her husband's name is on birth certificate but the natural father intimidates he will ask the court for his rights and , in this way to disrupt her family.
Let me tell you my story. Eight years ago I gave birth to my son. I have never been married. My sos's natural father /let call him JB/ tried to presuade me to have an abort and afther the birth he said he didn't want his name to be placed on my son's BC,to pay child support and to be his father.A friend of mine, my ex classfelow /let call him SD/ decided to help me. He has low sperm quality and he saw his chance to be the father of my son. He signed paternity acknoledgment,and gave me a promise to be my son's father in condition of the fact he wasn't his natural father to be keep in secret.He had parenting time on Tuesdays and Thursdays for two hours and 12 hours on Saturdays. SD was known as my son's father, his parents were proud with their grandson.SD fulfilled all parent duties.He tought my son to ride a bike... he drove him to and from school... We spent all holidays together. A year ago JB made a phone call with me. He wanted $ 70,000 because he wanted to buy a new car himself and to buy some furniture... He said if SD and I didn't give him the money he would revenge us... I refused,of course.A month later I got a writ.My son,SD and I had to go to the Juvenile Court for paternity determination.Here is the brief explanation what happened...
The judge ordered DNA tests which excluded SD as a natural/biological/ father of my son and proved that JB was .JB gave a record of our conversation which was cut by him. I can't forget what I said... I said,"My son has a father-you are wrong!".He said,"Who fathered him?",and I answered,"You fathered my son but I don't want to see you near him".He said,"Really? I am his father...Damn it!Why you have never told me that I am his father before?"... Guess what the judge heard... The judge heard that JB was an innocent victim.That explained away his seven year absence... There was a Guardian ad Litem,too.The GAL said there was a bond and parent-child relation between my son and SD but it wasn't wrong if JB would be involved in my son's life.That was enough for the judge to decide that SD's paternity had to be disestablished and to establish JB as a biological and legal father.JB was awarded with joint legal custody and parenting time.JB was ordered to pay $23 per week child support /the reason was he had to pay support for his other three children/.The judge said,"This Court believes SD will continue to support financial and emotional the child and this Court considers SD will have to continue his visitation with intend to easy transform between he as an ex-father and JB as a father... The judge also said that SD and I were favored because our income would increase with JB's support/$23?? /
After a month SD met a woman.They got married each-other and moved out of the state.SD refuses to pay support for my son. He said he need money for his new family-for him,his wife and their 5 y.o. adopted daughter.He answered in the negative about his visitation because he lives 500 miles away.JB pays his $23 but he has seen my son only twice for 10 minutes.JB does't want to play as a support,psychological and social father.He wants his legal status only.His goal-to disrupt my life was executed.Now my son and I live in povetry.SD paid $900 per month and covered the full amount of my son's health insurance and other expences.My son loves SD and now he suffers a lot... Here are my questions-what had to choose the judge-the nature or the nurture,who was wrong-I,SD.GAL or the judge?
And my last but the most important question-how to help my son to overcome his psychic trauma?
Thank you very much for reading.

Okay, you and your child need serious therapy... him for the trauma-he is bound to have trust and abandonment issues now I should think- and you for ever entering into secret agreements and such odd things in the first place. Find a good family counselor. If you can't afford one, check with your state or country health department. Also check with your state for Medicaid or other health insurance... some offer HI to children of families with low incomes.

As for the child support/custody quagmire you are in, I am at a complete loss. This is why everything should always be up front and in writing/filed with the courts when the bio-parents are not married.

First, I want to say I am sure you were very well intentioned and love your son to death and just wanted him to have a daddy. All wonderful intentions but you did not make such great decisions. I am sorry one was such a jerk and the other is turning out to be one as well. This is one of the reasons we don't just go around "picking" fathers for our children. I am sorry you got yourself into this mess.

It doesn't matter what our opinions are legally as the judge has already given his decisions. Especially (for me anyway) as it sounds that you are in a different country I could not give you any "should have happened legally" comments. But what's done is done at any rate. Ultimately you all were wrong in that in one way or another you all made bad decisions in this situation.

But you need to get your son into counseling. And you need to apologize to him for creating this mess. No you had no control over the actions of the bio father but you complicated the situation worse by agreeing to let someone else act as a father to your child who, in particular, you were never even married to.

Because "SD" acted as a father this whole time he still should. It is unthinkable to me as to why he would not want to continue after loving this child for so long. He made "his bed" as well and should honor those decisions he made.

Here is my advice to you. Accept responsibility for your actions in this, apologize to your son. Do not go looking for another father for him, get him into counseling/family counseling as quickly as you can. And for Gods sake tell him that none of this is his fault. Get a job so you do not have to depend on the child support (I do believe you have every right to it but we all know that even with a court order we don't always get it).

Only time, love, healing, forgiveness (on your part towards the men and yourself and on your sons part probably of everybody) and better future decision making will make this better.

What a heart breaking story, and not to be cruel or add to your misery, but this should have been settled 8 years ago in court. That you waited and sought your own remedy has tangled everything up and made a mess of things. The guy may be a jerk but lets not forget you picked him and got pregnant by him. That you were lucky enough to have gotten help from a caring friend does not change the fact that you had to lie to your son in the first place, or that you let this jerk off the hook of supporting this child for so long. Obviously you did not seek a lawyer to make sure your son's interest were met so all I can advise is for you to explain to your child that you no longer are with his so called father, and he has moved, as many children of divorce have to learn, and as he grows older the truth will have to be told when he can understand. Whether you can petition the court again, only a lawyer can tell you, and you should consult one for free, to find out. Please get counseling for your son, but as for making a male be a father.........???

Thank you very much.I have to explain some additional facts. I have never said SD is unwilling to help us... now he has to pay for a rented house,for his family expences... I want to believe he wish but he is unable to help us... I know he is happy with his adopted daughter.He makes phone calls but my son thinks it is not enough... I work 7 hours per day but I earn $8,50 per hour.

Ok you didn't mean to say he refuses to pay support for your son. Duely noted. Not sure what exactly you are asking your viewers?

I don't mean that in a snotty way, truly. I just wasn't sure I was understanding her. Got confused by this "The judge said,"This Court believes SD will continue to support financial and emotional the child and this Court considers SD will have to continue his visitation with intend to easy transform between he as an ex-father and JB as a father...The judge also said that SD and I were favored because our income would increase with JB's support/$23???/
After a month SD met a woman.They got married each-other and moved out of the state.SD refuses to pay support for my son. He said he need money for his new family-for him,his wife and their 5 y.o. adopted daughter.He answered in the negative about his visitation because he lives 500 miles away."

Tawny... In my opinion he refuses to pay support because he does not have abilities to pay... I think she is asking for advise what have to be done.
There are few states in the USA which allows such actions-Louisiana,Tennessee and Minnesota.

It seems you are stuck in a corner now. I agree with everyone else here,you should have let sd adopt him and not just play daddy for the time he was involved. He was effectively cut out of your sons life by the courts and so moved on. I have to say I don't blame him for that. Your sons bio father is a jerk, but the courts had to think of your sons long term benefit, and that would be to have contact with the man who actually helped create him, rather than just helps pay the bills now. Not nice, and maybe not fair given your situation, but that is what the courts do. I think the fault lies with letting someone else pretend to be daddy when your son was born, instead of just being honest. My partner has adopted two of his ex wife's kids, the two she had since they divorced, and though he is their daddy, they know he never created them!What your son needs now is probably therapy, but most important he needs to know that he won't have any more daddy's turn up and dump him again. That's just my opinion!

Oh,yes... you are right,GV70-I am in MN.

I would send a letter to the judge and GAD, that came to this conclusion, informing them of all this! I would let them know how they disrupted you family and traumatized your child's life forever!

I know that it is hard for courts to get all the facts in just a few minutes of face time, but they also need to take that into consideration too. How can they make life changing decisions in just a few minutes? They need to have a "wait and see" approach to things, before changing someone's life forever.

Therapy would be a good place to start.

I am sorry that you and your son have to experience this! Having two parents now days is rare. Your son had that and the court took it away. Sometimes the law just doesn't work!

Good Luck and God Loves You!

I just wasn't sure I was understanding her. Got confused by this "The judge said,"This Court believes SD will continue to support financial and emotional the child and this Court considers SD will have to continue his visitation
Don't be confused... Some judges think they can order the human behavior.In my point of view the judge. Said these words because he/she was conceited.I think these words are said because it was the judge's point of view.Try to read it in this way,"I think it is better if SD will continue his financial support and psychological support... I know SD has no legal obligation to do it but he should... '