I have been married to my husband for 8 years, and I have been raising his son as my own ever since! His mother has not been an active part of his life she lives in another country with her new husband, changed her religion and way of life for him to muslim (we are catholic) who is in the military, anyway, about a year ago he decided he did not like the fact she was never around and the bi monthly calls with her treating him like a 4 year old, and told her he did not want a relationship with her, so she stopped calling, she called again the other day, out of the blue, said she is going to back in the states, and wants to see him, my Son says he doesn't want to talk with her, and wants me to adopt him, he says I have been more to a Mom to him than she has, my entire life is my kids, I am a stay at home Mom, how do I go about about this and what are my and his rights?? Can I use abandonment against her? She has been gone for 4 years~~

Thanks GMN

How old is the child?

You need to file a petition in family court to adopt. You will need either the permission of the mother or be able to show aqbandonment.

A Family court attorney will help you do this.

Does she pay child support or have a legal custody agreement in place and is she following the agreement? You can possibly file for abandonment, but would need to check with an attorney on the required criteria.

It would be easier if you could get her to voluntarily relinquish her rights.

Either way you need an attorney, best of luck!

He is 15 years old, she does not pay child support, but she does supply his medical insurance, what is the criteria for abandonment


GMN

That depends on local laws. If she has him covered under her medical, that could prevent an abandonment claim. In which case you will need her permission to adopt.

Yes I am sorry, she has called, furnished insurance, I am not sure abondoment will work, but you need an attorney in your state, and he may be able to try. If not, you will have to get her to sign over her rights.
And if she will not, you need to file for and go after proper child support including back support.

Time for a good attorney

How did the divorce address this child? If she has been calling twice a month and is now moving back to the states it doesn't sound like she is totally disinterested or abandoning him. Have you or your step son discussed this with her yet? Let you son tell her his feeling. If you approach the subject you'd likely get your head taken off.

She calls about every 2 months, and usually when she calls he wants me to tell her he is not home!! According to the original divorce decree she was to maintain health insurance, and see him every other weekend, it has not been amended once she moved to Japan with her new husband 5 years ago, she is not a bad person, she just want to be called mom but does not want any of the responsibiltiites that go along with, her career and her new husband have always been her first priority, and since he has been with us, and stopped being raised by babysiters, and has a full time Mom, he wants it to be official, since he is 15 does he not get a say!
:) :) :) :) :)

He gets a say, but that's all. She is the bio parent and she does have rights. There is no abandonment issue I see now. And I doubt if any court is going to strip her of her rights, which is what is required for you to adopt.

I think that your stepson should sincerely and prudently ask her permission and that she should know that it's her son's desire and not just you brainwashing her son... when she feels that it's really what her son wants, I'm sure she'll give in then it would be easier for you to the adoption.

Thanks I appreciate all the wonderful advice!