Ok. First Id like to say hello. So "Hello" :)

Second, here's the situation. Me and my ex were never married (although we got engaded, but it didn't work out). She has file for child support, and its my understanding that under North Carolina state law that 100% equal rights are given to the mother and father regardless of marriage. I am trying to go into the air force so I can get an education and make a steady income to be able to pay the child support.
Keep in mind that the monthly support I have no problem with. However, the downside is that the government (air force) considers me a single parent and therefore I can not enlist. Regardless of the fact that I don't have custody and barely have visitation at the whims of the mother. So, I don't have custody, but there is not any legal document in any of the courts/child support agencies files stating that fact.
So here's my dilema, I want to pay child support while in the military but can't get in the military as long as they think I have custody, which I don't. Sigh. I have read many sites saying that I cannot volunarily relinquish my rights unless the child is being adopted by the mothers new husband. Well she's not married and therefore that's not an option. Isn't there some paperwork that can be filed by me and the mother stating that I am giving up my CUSTODIAL rights, at the minimum. Remember child support is not the issue, simply the fact that I can't have even partial custody of a child if Im going active duty.
Help? Thanks in advance.

Please contact a family law attorney in your area to have a custody arrangement drawn up.

I am glad to hear that you do step up to the plate and are not trying to get out of your responsibilities and obligations.

A family law attorney can draw up the proper paperwork making your ex the sole custodial parent.

Unfortunately, North Carolina does not have voluntary relinquishment.

You will need to hire an attorney to transfer full custody to the mother via a lawsuit.

Also keep in mind, you must not display WHY you want to transfer full custody to the mother because the Air Force states in their regulations,

"Transferring custody of family members for the purpose of entering the Air Force is prohibited and renders the enlisted programs applicant permanently disqualified. [AFRSI 36-2001, para. 4.23.1.]"

Complete Air Force regulations on this are found at:
http://www.e-publishing.af.mil/pubfiles/afrs/36/afrsi36-2001/afrsi36-2001.pdf


Transferring full custody to the mother should remedy your enlistment situation.

There should have been at the time they filed for child support ( unless this is just some amount you and her agreed to) in court, the court would then have ordered physcial custody and would have granted you vistitation rights and the such, It appears this is the court order you need.

Yes, looks like a lawyer and a court order. I just want to say a big THANK YOU for stepping up. You sound like a reasonable guy. I would also like to give you a big THANKS and a hug for serving our country, I support you. Good luck with the baby and good luck with enlisting!

Unless you have a current court order you don't need to "transfer" custody to mom, you simply need to file for the purpose of establishing an order for custody and visitation. You would only need to agree for mom to remain the sole physical custodial parent while you will maintain/establish visitation rights.

If you give up both you may lose them forever, it's really difficult to change an order once it's done. And that would mean you have no specified right to any time with your child except "at the whim of the mother". So, be very careful not to give up any visitation rights, you are simply agreeing that the primary residence of your child will best suited with mom.

Terminology is very important when dealing with court matters. So make sure you do not "give up custody"... you are like I said wanting to agree to mom being the primary custodial parent only, you are not giving up any other rights.

That's all you are doing and all the Navy would need to know. You are simply taking care of your child because an order has never been established.

Thank you all for the replies, as far as the "purpose for establishing an order" what is involved in that process? I really don't have the money for an lawyer, and would prefer to simply fill out paperwork, sign it, get the mother to sign it if necessary and file it. My recruiter said he could get me packing to basic in 5 days if I get the squared away. If I know lawyers and courts they would most likely give get me a court date for 1 month +. I really don't want to wait that long. So if anyone knows how to go about this or what paperwork would need to be filed please share the wealth... figuratively speaking ;)

Obsidian says, "I really dont want to wait that long."


When you father a child, the responsibility is a bit more than mere paperwork, in most instances.

Stop wasting time and get a lawyer on it. If money is the issue, apply for a pro bono lawyer. Every county has a method for providing lawyers for the indigent. Contact your county clerk for more information. Ask if they offer free legal aid services for low-income families. Best Wishes!

It will likely cost you between $750 and $1200 depending on the attorney... and that is if your ex agrees to sign it. Really, it has to be filed where the child has resided for the last six months, so if you are in different counties, you'll need to file where the kid lives. It is possible to write up an Agreed Custody Order yourself, but I suggest hiring an attorney anyway to make sure your rights are protected. I think what would best suit your situation is to have the mom retain Primary Physical Custody. You would then get Partial Physical Custody, as specified by the order. (These would be set visitation times, for example; every other X-mas for a week, every other Easter break, X number of weeks in the summer.) You would likely want Joint Legal Custody, which means you would both have equal say in the major decisions regarding your child's welfare, including religion, education, and medical issues. Ask the mom ahead of time if she would agree to sign such an order, as it is cheaper to get all the information right the first time around than to have a lawyer keep changing the order before it is submitted to the court. Hire an attorney close to the courthouse you need to file at, as they charge for travel time to file the papers. Good luck!

Oh, if you are in agreement and hire a lawyer, this can all be settled within a month.

This should reasonably answer your questions on how to file.
North Carolina Child Custody Information (http://www.womenslaw.org/NC/NC_custody.htm#cooliris)
The alternative to a lawyer and less expensive option is a paralegal service. If you can tell them what you want to accomplish they can properly fill out the forms for you, they act as a paperwork service really, it will be up to you to do your research and find out the proper procedures for serving the other party (mom) and filing with the court. Paralegals will only do uncontested matters though as they will not act as a lawyer and represent you. So as long as you and mom completely agree it may best for you and mom to go into a paralegal together fill out and sign all the necessary form (you tell them what you want they will know the forms you need) and take them to the court and file. Paralegals can also usually advise you as to the proper procedures for filing. If you and mom do this together maybe you can split the cost. It runs some where around 200-500 probably. Best to check though, just call and ask.