Im just wondering one quick thing: When it comes to age differences, how much is too much?:confused:

It all really depends. 19 is too much for 14, but 29 is not too much for 24.

Can you elaborate on your question?

Sure. He's a friend of mine from a Drama program, and in November he is turning 18. Im turning 14 in June. He's not like your typical "teenager"- he's really nice, sweet, and very funny. I am just very... confused.:confused:

It all comes down to maturity. I met my fiancé of 2 years when I was 14, we began to date when I was 15, while he was 20. People look at OMG what a perv... but when you have a friendship with someone for long enough, you don't really focus on the age they are, you focus on the maturity level.
Take caution, the age difference has caused some small problems, such as the fact that he got his party stage out when he was 18-19... and Ive never even been to a club out of respect for him. Sometimes I feel deprived, even though I know that all that would hppen if I went would be me acting like a child.
Were past that now, but I'm just saying... dating isn't a past time, its not for fun. Just be careful.
PS. I don't think that's too bad of an ae difference

Hun, that is quite the age gap. You are 13 and he is 17. Which means he is in high school and you most likely are in middle school.

I have a daughter who is 13 and I would NEVER allow her to date a guy who is 17. Now, friendship can be different, but as far as dating goes, this is way too old.

It may be hard for you to understand now, but you both are in different stages of maturity and different stages of life's growth.

It is great if you can keep him as a good friend, but right now the age gap is way too much.

I say go with it... Enjoy! But if you want to get physical, be careful.

Rose, I have to respectfully almost diagree with you here. I would never allow my 13 year old daughter to date a 17 year old. Now when she is 20 and wants to date a 24 year old. That would be different.

But no way, no how, would I ever allow a 17 year old to date my 13 year old. They have 2 different agendas in life.

Age doesn't always have to do with it. I have met some very mature young people who almost crave the companionship of older people, and I have met some very 'young' adults.

Making them both aware of the consequences of irresponsibility is the most important factor here. Lets take the opportunity to convince then that they are captains of their own life. And no matter what, they must be prepared to pay the bill.

Im just wondering one quick thing: When it comes to age differences, how much is too much?:confused:
It is not so much about age, but maturity. If you find someone who you really like and treats you well, then go for it!

You know, this is a very interesting topic. J_9, I somewhat agree with you here; however, not because of different agendas or maturity or anything. At this point in life, it is about age. That's all there is to it.

Once a guy reaches 17-18, he needs to be focusing on girls the same age. 15 is even pushing it. I can't say that I was perfect in this area at that age, but I sure didn't feel right when I was doing it.

I know 13 yr old girls that are more mature than some 18-20 yr olds. But I don't feel it is acceptable for me to date a 13 yr old... however, it is for an 18-20 yr old.

Okay, you see, a boy at age 17 is turning into a man. By agenda I mean he is, or should be, focusing on college and his future, etc, not a young just turned teen girl.


At age 13 a girl is focusing on who in her class got their period first as well as her grades.

If any of you have ever studied developmental psychology as I have you would understand that they are currently in two totally different developmental stages in life.

I agree that many of our youngsters are more mature these days, but is that always a good thing? Really, is it? I mean they are more mature, we have higher drop out rates; they are more mature, we have higher teen pregnancy rates; they are more mature, our colleges are now more filled with non-traditional students; they are more mature, our unemployment rates are higher.

I am an old fashioned mother with high morals and values. If a 17 year old man came calling on my 13 year old girl, I would hit the roof.

We can agree to disagree, but at 17 many boys have experienced sex, many 13 year old girls haven't or should not have.

At age 17 a boy can be charged with crimes when it comes to a 13 year old girl that will stick with him for the rest of his life. I would hate to see that happen to anyone.

While my daughter has friends this age, that is as far as it will go. They will remain friends until they are in the same developmental life stages and/or she is 18 and I can no longer help her make the right decisions in her life.

Be glad I wasn't your child

SnaveLeber (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/../members/snaveleber.html) : be glad I wasn't your child
By reading this and your other posts, I am.

Be glad I wasn't your mother, but if I were you would surely have manners and respect.

We also have a higher teenage birth rate because we dictated rather than informed and enlightened. The thirteens going on fourteens are older and wiser than we were. We cannot keep them home and lock them up. Give them the relevant information - the facts of Life. All the facts with pictures if necessary! And then trust them to know what is best for them.

Im just wondering one quick thing: When it comes to age differences, how much is too much?:confused:
Well maybe if you were 13 not over 16,14 not over 17,15 probably your age or 16-17[[maybe 18]]if parents are okay.if you truly cared for each other then you guys wouldn't do something illegal and get each other in trouble<333

We also have a higher teenage birth rate because we dictated rather than informed and enlightened.

I think you totally misunderstand what I am saying here. Dictating is such a strong word. A good parent does inform and enlighten. Just as I would inform and enlighten my daughter that a 17 year old is too old for a 13 year old.

Now, it is the parents of the 13 and 17 year old who do not inform and enlighten their children who will see teen pregnancy.


The thirteens going on fourteens are older and wiser than we were.

As I spend many a day with hundreds of 13 - 14 year olds at my daughter's school, I have to somewhat disagree with this post. They are older and more mature than we were at that age, but they definitely are not wiser. If they were then drug abuse would have declined rather than skyrocketed, teen pregnancy would have declined instead of skyrocketed also.

I see teens on a daily basis who have NO respect for their elders. Heaven forbid if I had no respect for my elders when growing up!!

I see teens who make very poor decisions all the time, weekly in fact. This has nothing at all to do with dictating or being informed and enlightened. This has to do with bad parenting.

It is the good parent (and I like to think I am one) who teaches the children that they must bear the consequences to their actions... It is the good parent who gives the child choices to make as well as letting them know the good and the bad that can come from each decision they make... It is the good parent who sets rules and boundaries and remains consistent.


Give them the relevant information - the facts of Life. All the facts with pictures if necessary! And then trust them to know what is best for them.

I agree with this statement, but they also need to know the outcome of potential actions. Not just relevant information

It is the good parent who provides the WHOLE picture rather than relevan information.

I still stick to my beliefs that a 17 year old is way too old for a 13 year old. All of the 17 year olds I know are now preparing for college, taking their ACTs and SATs, getting jobs, going to drive-in movies with their significant others (and trust me, I know what goes on at drive-ins lol), many are smoking and drinking at this age too.

Now, for the 13 year olds I know. The girls are interested in who got their period first and who doesn't have theirs yet, they are interested in Pokemon and who is going out with who for more than 2 days.

I know and understand Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and how these two age groups are totally and completely developmentally different.

[QUOTE=J_9]Now, for the 13 year olds I know. The girls are interested in who got their period first and who doesn't have theirs yet, they are interested in Pokemon and who is going out with who for more than 2 days.
QUOTE]

Might I interject that not al 13 year old girls are like that. Most of my friends - myself included- are interested in academics, school in general, their friends and their hobbies. My friends range in age from 11- 18, as we all have either school or acting in common. I have met many 13 and 14 year olds who are vastly more mature- mentaly and socialy, if not physicaly- than most 18- 19 year olds.

Thank you for all your advice, though I must say that not all age groups can be classified with sweeping generalizations.

Absolutely! I was that type of 13 year old. I actually had NO friends under 17 when I was 13, maybe because I was the yougest child. People judge others by age too much.

The age difference is BIG but u also have to think about how much trouble this person can get in if the wrong person finds out

catalyst : I have a 13 yr old daughter. A boy in my son's junior class... they also played on summer league and school ball together. (17)became interested in my daughter... he is cute and sweet and very nice and childish. Like my 17 yr old son( his peer ) said mom" it is the ones that are immature ones that you have to watch out for. they do not have the ability to make sound decisions" I did not forbid her to talk to him, she saw him at the games and talked to him on my space.he would even come to our house with a bunch of other kids to play basketball, and she talked to me about him... but I did forbid her to go anywhere with him or hang at the park with him. She is also aware that she is to young to date anyone whether he is 12 or 20. We do not allow it. Well .this went on for a few months. And she has decided that he is just a silly ,sad boy that has a terrible relationship with his parents. And he is now dating another 8th grader,(one of her class mates). You see some boys like to date younger girls because it is easier for them to deal with because they are not as mentally mature as the rest the 17 yr olds. Even though they are physically, or it may even be that they think that they can pressure a younger girl into things that they can't get a girl their age to do. Talk to your mom or dad, or maybe another adult. Do things that 13 yr old girls should be doing. You will grow up soon enough. Good luck and always respect yourself and your values. Never let anyone do anything to you that makes you feel uncomfortable just to make them happy.

J 9 our world is a better place because of people like you . I for 1 as parent with a 13 year old well developed daughter and a 15 year old son and a 17 yr old son. Agree with you... my kids would have done so many things, if I had been a submissive parent, afraid or to lazy to enforce rules on behavior, grades... etc My kids have tried many things and they have been dealt with accordingly... and they know what is not acceptable in our home, and when they are out.. and their girl friends and friends know. I am at my children's school every day and I to see the bad decisions that these teenagers make that can screw up the rest of their lives. Esp our girls, we as women need to stick together to ensure that these generations of girls will not be door mats, sex toy's and punching bags, for the men of this world. That they can be educated, respected, well paid 1st class citizens of this world, and they don't have to use their bodies to get there! We should also be teaching our sons to be respectful of females, in private and public regradless of what the song lyrics say.

Okay. Depending on the 13 year old it could work. When I was 15 I dated a 20 year old. And I am 20 myself now and married to an 29 year old. He would have been 18 when I was 9. I was 18 when we got married. He was 27. Many people look at it wrongly but it all depends on the maturity level of the kids. But I do have to say that DO NOT DO SEXUAL THINGS. Having sex at 13 well the man could get in huge trouble. Satatory rape. He may not have forced you but it does not mean he cannot get charged with it. Just be careful would be my advice. If you feel pressured dump him. Not all guys want sex though. My husband and I were both virgins until our wedding night. Remember he was 27. Good luck and be careful.

Absolutely