Hi all - This is a question mostly for men I suppose. I've been seeing my boyfriend for about 18 months and things are good most of the time. For the 1st year of our relationship he was very touchy feely, always wanting to hold my hand etc... No though he's done a 180, he's still affectionate but just not as much, he doesn't send me nice texts anymore or tell me he loves me half as much as he used too. My friends say this is normal and the honeymoon period is over and I understand this, I've had several longer relationships than this one, but I just think it's too soon for him to be complicant. Any thoughts??

Remember everyone is different and the honeymoon period will end at a different time with every relationship. I preferred to date someone until the honeymoon period was over then decide if I could live the rest of my life with the attention level they were giving. Personally I don't recommend marrying anyone until you've dated 3 years. If that period passes and you're still happy they are probably right for you if not you both need to move on. You cannot change people to be what you want them to be you have to find the one who fits you as they are. Trying to settle for "not enough attention" is one trigger that starts people cheating. One day someone will come along who pays attention to you and that honeymoon feeling will be back. You have to be happy with the affection level you get in your relationship to be strong enough to resist those who would break up your home.
Ber

Have you talked about this with your boyfriend? Proper communication is the key to any successful relationship so it might be worth getting his perspective on all this.

Hey,

Well in my relationship I was very similar to that, I actually was all about public affection and things like that for sometime until people started talking about it, and then I kind of backed off for awhile, then once I realized I didn't care what people had to say about it I went right back to doing it.

Also, where you want the affection is key from a male because usually they want to look "tough" in most areas to other people, not all soft and such, just the way I feel about it, but if he was affectionate for a year I'm sure he'll go right back to it eventually.

Take Care,
LCM

Doesn't matter what you think, or feel, but what you talk about.

Then you'll know how he feels, and he will know how you feel. Then you can make decisions that either benefits you both, or doesn't work for either of you.

Communications are the key.

Thanks everyone, sometimes its nice to get info from another source not so close. I think I over analysis and sometimes create problems, in my head, where maybe there aren't any. I love my boyfriend and maybe the fact that h is the way he is now just means he's comfortable

I love my boyfriend and maybe the fact that h is the way he is now just means he's comfortable

I was going to say that. What you are making out to be a big deal to him might be the biggest compliment in that, he's develops a trust with you that he feels like he doesn't have to be like he used because you already know how he feels. That is how this guy thinks.

This is a hard one...
I thought we were just out of our honeymoon stage as well and then he dumped me in a text.

*POOF*
He just disappeared.

Check it... I'm a guy, and I don't change like that... I mean I know there is a honeymoon period and stuff, but when I'm in a relationship with someone, I neva just go off them, or think things are getting dull, because when you love someone, each time you see them, you still get that feeling in your stomach... I've been in long relationships before too... more than 2 years, and I've always been loving and romantic...

But after that much time with someone, I guess some people start to get comfortable with someone, or feel like they don't need to try as hard... so that's something to think about. Like everyone else's advice, talk to your man and let him know how you feel... he may not have realized...

But if you want the romance and stuff, maybe you could make it happen sometimes too...

We've had a talk and he says public shows of affection make him uncomfortable and I understand that definitely. He calls me at least twice a day we spend 2 nights over the weekend together and at least one night during the week. We both work long hours for our jobs and I work 70 miles from my home. I don't know if I can have another talk because I don't want to put pressure on him to be more affectionate when that's not what he likes. He does other things to show how he cares there was bad weather yeaterday and he rang me a 8 o'clock to see if I got to work in one piece, given my car accident history with good reason, but does this sound likea man who's no longer interested to you? Any advice or reasonings would be greatly appreciated

If your saying his best, is not good enough, then maybe you're a bit insecure, or needy?

I think its more about the amount of time your apart, than it is his show of affection, as he seems interested as he can be.

Keep talking, but be realistic with your own expectations of how he should act. All relationships change, and grow over time ,and you have to make adjustments, along the way.

I think your rite I must be insecure in some way and that's my problem to deal with. I made a decision today anyway to have more things in my life-u can't revolve your life around 1 person-thinking about it though I do have loads of friends who I talk to at least a couple of times a week and loads of sisters and brothers who I'm really close to but I suppose it comes down to I either put up shut up or leave. Lots of people are in a much worse situation than me and I need to catch a grip

Can anyone tell me why I did this?
I was going out with my boyfriend for 18 months, we split up on Friday, and I'm relieved about it. It was his step and I know that left to me I probably would have just carried on with the way things where! If I'm honest I wasn't happy for at least 3-4 months,which is quite long considering the relationship length,and stupid me just thought it'd get better. Why am I so needy or scared to be by myself that I'd carry on unhappy in a relationship reather than have the courage to end it? I must point out that me and my ex ended it very well with a kiss and a hug and was all very amicable, he was a very good person but just not right for me, that doesn't mean I don't miss him loads cause I really do but I know it's for the best. If anyone can explain why I would do something like this let me know please, is is insecurity I don't know. Thank you

I'm not sure it's insecurity or anything else. You realized it wasn't going to work and it ended. You knew it was over so there was nothing to be upset about.

As to why you stayed, perhaps you didn't want to hurt his feelings, or you weren't sure he felt the same way you did. But he did, so it's kind of the best break up possible.

Its very hard to break up, and let go of someone who was important to you. Normal for people, but give it some time, and the emotional dust will settle.

All habits are hard to break, even the bad ones. I don't think it makes you abnormal, it just makes you human. Be thankful you can see the reality of the situation and that you aren't on here asking the dreaded, "How do I get my ex back?" question.

Good luck!

How come I have replies but can't view them when I click on the thread in my in box?

Sorry worked it out. Thank everybody, particularly the habit bit. My friends always think its odd that I never fall out with ex's even 1 who cheated on me. I find the best way to get over someone is it succeed, in whatever you want even small things. Lifes to short to be holding grudges or hating someone I tend to walk away but tell them I wasn't your friend before we started going out and I won't be afterwards, clean break and all.

Good mentality to have, as long as you can stay away from the connection and keep yourself happy first

Threads merged to save on the confusion!

So I split up with my ex last Friday and it was pretty amicable. We both know were not right for each other and decided to end it(we were to gether over a year and a half) but I met someone the night after when I was out with my friends and now we've been texting,calling and actually met up twice(in social situations though not alone) and he's really nice. But is this too soon, I'm thinking I was over my ex before we slpit and this is why I find it easy to move on. The other guy knows my background and says he expects nothing from me but to get to know me better. Is he too good to be true?

How old are you?

You should really take some time and make sure you are completely over your last relationship before pursuing a new one. If now, the new one will end up like your last one... broken.

Take your time, this new person is understanding, you need time to get back about you. You have nothing with this new person but an interest, hold onto your interest for a while but worry about learning about you again.

Take your time, date and get to know each other. Make sure you are happy with yourself first.

Sorry sometimes I can't view my replies until I've types in a message. Thank you all I think I know its too soon and I'm really just going to spend the next couple of months having some fun and if he wants to stick around in the background that's up to him. I'm 27 by the way thanks

If his expectations are realistic and so are yours and you aren't looking to fall in love ,there is nothing wrong with dating and moving on with your life.

As you stated you were emotionally over your BF before the split.

Have fun,why not?

You probably deserve it after having a break-up.

Sorry sometimes I can't view my replies until I've types in a message. Thank you all I think I know its too soon and I'm really just going to spend the next couple of months having some fun and if he wants to stick around in the background thats up to him. I'm 27 by the way thanx

Hit the refresh button on your computer or go back to your profile. You don't have to enter additional messages.

Good idea Irish. Enjoy being single for a bit then go looking for a companion.

Sorry sometimes I can't view my replies until I've types in a message.
Rather than closing your old threads, they have been merged, which changes where you find your posts.

When asking a question about the same thing it gets very confusing for readers to get all the facts, which is why yours have been merged to one thread.

Too soon?


Its to soon to be serious with anyone, but never too soon to have fun and be happy. That's how you move on, by enjoying your single life.

Just be very aware that falling for someone, and getting attached, so soon after a break up is a rebound, and will bite you, or someone in the butt later.

Sorry for being computer illiterate, just getting used to this really. Thanks for the imput though but got more info last night. Really don't want to hurt this fella he's too nice but last night he called and said he went to a fortune teller(is that girlie?) and apparently she described me to a tee even describing my job(which is weird for a girl) and knew where I lived!! He went on to say she describe your beautiful eyes and gorgeous smile and to be honest I'm uncomfortable with compliments to start with so this was cringe worthy for me to hear over the phone sober! Think he may be more interested than me but should I say something and what? He's taking me for a meal tomorrow night and can't cancel cause already asked if we could move it to Friday night cause I'm going out with the girls on Saturday and think that would be rude. Any ideas? The last thing I want to do is lead him on.

Make sure someone knows where you are going and meet him with your car to where you are going.
Also you might want to ask someone who knows him well what he is all about. You don't want to be on a date with some kind of stalker.Be responsible and cover your back.

Sorry Artlady think you got wrong end of stick was looking for advice on what I should say to him re: slowing down, thanks though.

The last thing I want to do is lead him on.

Then tell him that.

I didn't read your back story, but that last quote in your most recent post says it all.

You don't want to lead him on. Then don't.

Tell him that you're "just not that into him" (not in so many words, of course); tell him that you're not interested in a relationship right now, but would still go out to dinner as friends. Be honest with him. Don't play with his heart.

Neverme you sound like you've a good head on your shoulders so question! I just split up with my ex 2 weeks ago, hadn't been going well for a while just grew apart I think,we ended on good terms though he's never going to be my friend. But I meet this other guy the next night wile out with friends, he wasn't drinking and came straight over to me in front of all my friends and asked for my number, very brave-you haven't met my friends - who are all being protective since the break up and descend on men like vultures if they don't match up to standards! So that was 2 weeks ago and I can't fault him, he came to a night out in my local and only stayed for an hour then took me for a meal on Friday. Very good company as well, last night he asked me if I wanted to go to a wedding in 2 weeks but I'm scared its all going a bit fast. He knows my situation and says he's not looking for anything more than to get to know me better,is this all happening to fast? Oh me and my ex were going out for 18 months but prob should have split up 4-5 months ago since been different since then thank u

Irishgirl, I would start a new thread if I were you, just by the way.

I think you should go for it. If for no other reason than the free meal :)

No really, it sounds like this guy is really nice. He knows your situation and has obviously had to brave the storm of both your friends and the local! Not an easy feat by any means.

Take it at your pace and keep communication open. If it starts to feel uncomfortable then pull back. As long as your honest it doesn't seem as though someone will get hurt.

I don't know if this is applicable because you obviously have thought long and hard about your ex relationship but make sure that you're completely over it. Also I would go NC with the ex, if even only for a while. You need to let the emotional dust settle.

I don't see what's moving too fast. It seems like he's just wanting to get to know you. Moving to fast would be like proposing or something like that. I think your just not used to dating yet. Don't jump into another relationship right away though. Take your time and get to know him really well.

Hey thanks for reading this. I recently split with an ex of 18 months -3 weeks ago- and haven't spoken to him since, Ii was his idea and I thought it was amicable, just didn't have the same feelings for each other anymore etc.I went to a wedding which his parents were also at and brought a guest to the evening party. After a few too many we were kissing and dancing and he lift early as I was staying over and I thought no more of it, the following week - last week - I went out with my friends to a really packed nightclub and kissed fella in the corner out of the way not in public view and again thought no more of it - just a drunken kiss and went on with my night. On Saturday night I went out to same nightclub and banged into my ex - he completely blanked me. I asked him what was wrong and he looked at me with eyes that could cut glass and said he knew about the wedding he had seen me kiss this other guy and didn't want anything to do with me and to go away! Even said why was I in that club as if I was hoping to run into him, I live in a small town and this is the only nightclub!! I got upset and said id this how it's going to be and he said yes so I left, my question is I don't think he has any right to be angry at me since we weren't seeing each other and I have no responsibility to survey the place I'm in to see if he or any of his family is there! My friend thinks its because he still has feelings but we both made it clear there would be no going back and I've stuck to it, is he angry cause I've moved on so quick?

You bet he's angry that you've moved on. You're not suppose to you know! And you are not suppose to go to the places he hangs out at either! How dare you get on with your life! For shame! Lol!

Seriously, he is angry because he sees you moving on, and he likely hasn't. The grass isn't always greener. He is taking out his own issues on you.

Thank you, that's what I thought too. Just hoped we could still be civil but it's not looking likely now,aw well its not like I lost anything, could never have been his friend anyway. Just surprising to see how nasty he can actually be,suppose its better that I know that. I actually think he thought I was going to be distraught and cry myself to sleep every night trying desperately to ring him and beg him to take me back. Can't understand how he has the energy to be that mad at me. Thought he knew me better than that,he always said I was too independent! Men, can't live with them can't kill them - well you can but would it be worth it? Lol

The thing is, is that many do really want you to be absolutely miserable! How dare you look happy without them? Yes, you are suppose to be home crying and staring at the phone... kissing his pictures... listening to the songs, that were "your" songs... unable to go on! It ticks them off when they see that you can still actually stand and speak! (this goes the same for women, so you men?. don't send me hate mail, lol)

They pretend to leave the relationship on amicable terms, but when they see that you are actually doing that, it's not so much fun anymore, because they didn't win.

One of my guy friends said that he probably just mentioned the break up to make me beg and cry for him to stay with me, I'd never do this! I have always been able to cut people out of my life whenever I know their no good for me or when I feel like I'm going to make a fool of myself by hanging round being needy. He always said this was harsh but I never fell out with them or argued in anyway just distanced myself from them and moved on. Really thought we were mature enough to get past this, his friends on Saturday actually said don't listen to him tonight cause he's been in bad mood all day and we still want to be friends with you,couldn't do that obviously

Good for you! I know it's so easy to say sometimes, but distancing yourself is always best. That way you get to see the situation like others have seen it, but you've been too close to see what has really been happening. It's the "rose colored glasses" syndrome! I don't think there is one of us that hasn't been through that. Once you take a step back, you can see things more clearly.

Your friends were right! He wanted to see you upset, and only ended up upsetting himself because you weren't! That's pretty typical. His ego was hurt!

Hey Irishgirl,


You've done absolutely nothing wrong.

You went out and started to move on.
Wasn't it he who broke up with you??

Sounds to me like your guy friend may be right, that he never intended to break up with you.


Glad you took my advice and brought the new guy to the wedding ;)

Thank you never me

I think I have a problem with being worried if people don't like me. I can see why it would have been embarrassing for him to hear I brought someone else to the wedding - since his parents where going to be there - but I don't think he has any right to get angry at me. Aw well, in the grand scheme of things this is pretty insignificant. Plus the new guy spoiled me rotten on valentines, I thought we were just going to pub but got me teddy,necklace,earrings and perfume. Was very surprised since we've only known each other for a few weeks but he said I deserved a treat. He may not be "the one" but I could do far worse I suppose. Oh and was tiny bit drunk and fell asleep in his house and never even touched me, if he had I'd have been out of there in a flash I tells ye!!

Ah that's great your one of the lucky ones so!

Feck the ex he's just jealous!

... and it's a good job he didn't touch you! :)

Well more ars this weekend! He was absolutely drunk at the weekend, tried to speak to him in bar just to say hello and he blanked me so rude told me he knew about new fella and had nothing more to say to me and basically leave him alone so I left. Then he nearly got arrested because started a fight outside the nightclub and was in the bar all day Sunday when my friends went in made it sound like a joke and told them he remembers nothing. Feel a bit of a set back to be honest thought we could be friends or at least civil but obviously not.

Irish, I think you are placing way too much emphasis on your exs' opinion... me, my ex, her opinion means about as much to me as the daily horoscopes in the FYI section of my newspaper...