Hello, I am a 54 year old male, living in South Carolina. I have spent an entire lifetime thus far suffering from chronic nightmares. I had constant nightmares as far back as age 4 or 5 in my memory, can still remember some specific nightmares back to the mid 1950s. To my knowledge, I have never experienced anything dramatic in my life that could cause these dreams. I have hideous and often violent nightmares anywhere from 5 to 7 nights a week. In real life, I am a peaceful and calm person, never prone to bad temper or violence, I abhor either trait. I remember the dreams clearly, and have several journals filled with written details and colored drawings, sometimes they stay with me for t he whole day. My longest streak was having nightmares for 5 straight weeks without a break. I do not drink or use illegal drugs. I am at the point where I am afraid to sleep, but can not function without it. I have been on Ambien for over 4 years now, but no, it is not causing the nightmares, been going on so very long. Don't know what else to do, sometimes I just can't deal with it anymore. Life is hard enough, working hard, dealing with health issues (due to age), etc, and then to be tormented every single night by this hades called nightmares. Don't know if these would be considered clues, but I am very left handed, only one every in my family, have always had extreme mind for detail and still have vivid sense of imagination. Would love to know what is really going on with me. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks for your time.

Some of the themes, though they can be of anything: my father (died in 1993), tornados - often, tidal waves - that come out of no where, snakes, mutated animals, violent car wrecks - though I have never been in one. I have been shot and/or stabbed to death numerous times in nightmares, just a taste to think about.

I don't have an answer to your problem. But, I am responding to your question so that it will get more noticed. There are some people on this site who are really good at figuring out your sort of problem. I am hoping that one of them will respond.

Purple,

Have you ever had a sleep study done? It may be beneficial to see if you are going through the proper order of sleep patterns.

Also, I wonder if you have ever had any form of depression, or if anything has ever happened to you that you may have repressed.

It very well may be worth your while to have a sleep study done and/or sit down with a therapist who is well versed in your particular problem.

I am sorry, but at this late hour, that is about all I can come up with. I will continue thinking about this though.

Hope you had a good night's rest.

J

In addition to determining whether there is a problem in sleep patterns, which can be observed by an EEG-contact a neurologist-you should also assess whether you have enforced a particular lifestyle which contributes to poor sleep cycles.

Some believe nightmares are a consequence of the brain attempting to make sense of fragmented information emitted during the REM sleep cycle.

So, in considering your sleeping lifestyle, do you work against yourself?

This may be in the form of keeping too many lights on before or at bedtime. Light has a dramatic effect on sleep cycles. Also sleeping with audible noises like tvs and radios can stress your mind and body while sleeping because though you are sleeping, your brain is still processing the information retrieved during sleep.

Eating too close to bedtime is known to disturb sleep cycles, too.

Also, creating a bedtime routine can program your mind to respond in certain, positive ways. So before spending anymore money, I would seriously analyze your lifestyle to see if you could make a few changes which might enhance your body's ability to rest peacefully.

Many psychologists believe adult nightmares are generally caused by stress and anxiety. After conventional methods to remedy the nightmares fail, then a sleep specialist is called for, as mentioned above. A Sleep Study, also called polysomnography, can be performed to determine your underlying issue. In rare cases, special meds are required to suppress or reduce REM sleep, thereby preventing nightmares.


However, taking meds to effect your REM is serious business, and the benefits must outweigh the risks involved. Best Wishes and hope this helps!

Thanks Quaint for your suggestion. I have been through the Sleep Therapy means, and nothing conclusive was ever found, they said I slept well and heavy. It's not just a case of Adult Nightmares, as I have never had a break or improvement from Childhood Nightmares. I have often wondered, but have no assurance of course, that if when I die, will that torment finally end.

J_9, thanks for your ideas too, yes went through the whole sleep study staying over night in the clinic thing with my neurologist. Being new here, and not trying to be a wise guy, why does it say that I would have to pay .75/min to talk to you? There must be something missing in this picture here.

That's for one-to-one advice through skype. The service on the forums is free. We just offer one-to-one service so that the people who help out here might be able to make a little money for the services they provide on the site.

It's possible that it is some form of posttraumatic stress. Though, what happens in your dreams may not have actually happened to you, it may be manifesting in a different way. I mention this because many veterans of war have reoccurring nightmares about war and violence. I would find a psychologist that specialized in dreams. Find one that specialized in psychodynamic therapy.

why does it say that I would have to pay .75/min to talk to you? There must be something missing in this picture here.

As Cappy stated that is for one-to-one advice through Skype wherein the advice given is private and not on the board, it can either be through instant messaging or over a microphone were we can speak directly to one another.

Just a way a struggling student nurse can make a little extra money.;)

Auttajasi, thanks for the words. I appreciate any kindness. I came back from a tour of duty in Viet-Nam (US Navy) in 1971, other then the stress of being in a combat zone, wasn't any exposed to anything in particular. I should add, that I either suffer or am blessed my whole life with hyper sensitive sensitivities. I have unusaully acute eye sight, both day and night, ate age 54, still have 20/20 vision naturally in both eyes, I am very sensitive to temps, I always know the correct temp +/- 1 degree indoors or out. My hearing is almost too sharp, live near railway tracks, I can hear a train coming sometimes as long as 10 minutes before anyone else, or hear full conversations of people in restaurants from many tables away, etc. In the past 4 years, have had olfactory hallucinations on many occasions, been test via MRI for any sign of brain tumors, also been checked for rare form of epilespy that can cause those, still no explanation. Don't know if any of this figures into. Was always known as the very sensitive child growing up.

Thanks Quaint for your suggestion. I have been through the Sleep Therapy means, and nothing conclusive was ever found, they said I slept well and heavy.


You're Welcome, PL. :-)

Considering "nothing conclusive was found", may I ask of your spiritual beliefs?

Forgive me for being forward in mine, but in Ephesians 6:12 it says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."




Do you have any thoughts on the subject of "demonic oppression"? I hesitate to elaborate on such a subject without assurance of your interest. Yet, after eliminating the natural and obvious, perhaps the not-so-obvious is to be considered?






I have often wondered, but have no assurance of course, that if when I die, will that torment finally end.


Each soul has the power to overcome the darkness in this life, if they choose to. Don't give up your pursuit of deliverance. It is out there, friend. :-)

Quaint11, don't usually choose to answer religious questions on line but will make an exception. I grew up an atheist from a family of athiests. Became a Christian back in 1976. Was a protestant until 2001. At which time I became a Roman Catholic. Not convinced any religious connection to my sometimes bizarre afflictions. Thanks again for your input/concern.

No problem. Thanks, PL, for making an exception. I appreciate the exchange. Best Wishes!

I have lately began to reason with myself, that death might be the only relief, and sometimes I wonder if the nightmare world is reality, and the daytime world is the dream. I wake up sometimes not convinced one way or the other. Because I am in one world when I wake up in the morning, and I am in another world when I "wake up" in my alleged dream life. Well, I know what people really think, it's the old "your problems aren't my problem." LOL

The lack of help, suggestions, or possible answers feeds into my paranoid state all the more, to be quite honest. I see there are a lot of curious who love to read about the tormented, much like accident chasers, but offer not any opinion. Can't say I am surprised.

The nightmares have a new theme, one that keeps coming back, they always surround the end of the world, it happens in many forms and fashions, sometimes its war, sometimes a natural or ecological disaster, but the fear we, I , feel in the dream is all too real. Too real to bear if it was really taking place, or is it really taking place?

Still hard to know the difference.

PL, please don't be offended by the lack of responses. People typically do not respond here if they have no advice or knowledge of a particular question.

Just because you lack responses is no reason to become paranoid.

Your last two posts here lead me to believe you need some intense counseling. You sound as though you are, or have become, suicidal... this calls for action on your part.

Do you live in the US? If so, I could give you a link to a place that you could contact so that they could put you in touch with just the right counselor for you.

I don't think any of us know what to suggest.

J_9, perhaps you are right, check out time might just be around the corner. I live in western South Carolina to be more exact. I work a very responsible level position, have most of my life, raised a family, have responsible children. Can't help what I feel, certainly have no control over what comes into my head at night in the manifestations of horrible nightmares, night after night after night.

One way or the other, it will have to end. There is no quality of life when one endures this form of torment nightly. I suspect that even serial killers have better and more peaceful dreams then I do, and I don't have a hostile or angry bone in my body. Lol.

Capuchin, thanks for the reply, but don't you know that using words like "us", only make paranoid thoughts more paranoid, sure you didn't mean it that way, but now you have me considered about the "us" part, and whom is in your federation.

PurpleLagoon, though I have worked with many who suffer from PTSD, I don't feel qualified to give you advice regarding you hypersensitivity.

If you are feeling paranoia, auditory hallucinations, and nightmares, without giving you an idea of possible diagnosis, you need to see a psychiatrist. If this isn't something you are interested in, I might suggest some alternative solutions. Try going to a chiropractor who specializes in kinesiology. Also, I might suggest a therapist who specializes in EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). This is a fascinating type of therapy that can help you relieve emotional stress through pressure points in you body. I know, it sounds all weird, but I have learned it and frequently do it myself to relieve some of my own stress. At least give it a shot. It may also be a way to free yourself from some of the stress related to Vietnam as well as your nightmares. Good luck and keep us posted.

Oh please don't feel paranoid about us, by us I meant the group of individuals who had not responded, including me.

I will talk about me instead. I hadn't responded because I had no idea how to make you feel better or what to say. It doesn't meant that I won't keep listening into this thread in case there is something that comes up that I can reply to or reassure you about. I know that I definitely care about you.

I just didn't know what to suggest.

If this can be extended to how other people feel as well, then that is all that I meant by "us".

If you are considering "checking out" then it is time to take action, if you don't I hope your loved ones do.

Please contact NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness-The Nation's Voice on Mental Illness-Formerly National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (http://www.nami.org) for assistance finding someone in your area who can help you in your search for peace.

Now, please do not get me wrong, I am not implying that you are mentally ill, however, they are very helpful in identifying potential problems and connecting you with the right therapist for you.

Remember that suicide is the coward's way out and you are not a coward. It may just be time you face your demons and finally put them at rest.

J9, thanks for the reply. Checking out, is the one choice and decision that belongs only to the person that is considering or does it. It's so easy to say, cowards do it. Can you do it? If not, perhaps you are the coward. What are you afraid of on the other side. I do not feel that I am mentally ill. I have explained what is going on in my head, doctors over the years have been clueless. I feel like I have been wired up wrong from the start, it would explain in a non-medical way the odd collection of events/feelings I have held in my life from childhood to now. Is that my fault? I didn't ask to be conceived.

I think my other theory is correct, I see that over 145 people have viewed this ongoing back and forth of words, yet most stay silent. So why would so many people that must not be really interested in mental health issues be reading this, they must be the ambulance chasers, looking to see the nut cases, looking to see the curious and the odd.

BTW, I think the neatest, well least most interesting way to check out, would be to be in my hot tub, and cut a few major arteries, and just lay back and drain away into the warm water. It would be soothing, so very soothing. Then perhaps the nightmares would end once and for all.

I would be missed for probably all of two weeks, a small price for some to get rid of a nuisance in this world. I will have to give this some thought.

David,

I think either you need some serious help, and I do hope you get it, or you are playing with our emotions.

Which one is it?

PS to J9... I see you are a cancer survivor too, congrats to you on that personal battle.
I have survived 3x myself. I have had an ultra rare type, most have never heard of it, porocarcinoma. At the time, I was one of only 38 known cases in the whole US, and less then 300 cases recorded in the world. Think of the odds of getting that. The last time was bad, in 2000, had 5 related operations, 35 days of radiation therapy, which left me burned up and drained, then I went through 1 1/2 years of physical therapy. I still have Fatique syndrome as a result of the radiation, I don't need to shave on one side of my face after almost 7 years, and my salavia glands were all but destroyed, thus, I have a constant thrist that never goes away. So, I have been through medical hell too, not the marks of a coward.

J9, your true colors are showing I t hink. Playing with your emotions, or of those peoople here? I came here out of utter desperation, never had heard of this site before a few days ago. Didn't know where else to turn or have anyone left to talk to.

I hope you have more compassion then that if you are in the medical field. Geez.

If I ever check out in the way described, perhaps I will get a web cam and film it so that you can see first hand that this is no joke.

David,

I have much much more compassion than you can imagine, however, it is a question one must ask. So you say you have seen a therapist, if so and you were suicidal, you should have been asked this question.

You can't talk to me about it not being the coward's way out. I have lived a life full of experiences with mentally ill family members. It is the most selfish act a person can do. Look around this site, go ahead, so a search for suicide, read how it impacts those left behind because you were too cowardly to seek help. Sure you say you saw some therapists, but not all therapists can treat every problem. Sometimes finding the right medication and the right therapist can be like finding a needle in a haystack, but it is possible, it can be done.

You just don't want to do it anymore. Sure it's easy to check out, it's hard to make life work.

And I don't want to see it first hand. Not my cup of tea.

David,

Please call this number 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

J9, wasn't being literal about the web cam thing, just trying to make a point. Let's go back to square one, before this all got out of hand. Why should a person be suffering from almost nightly horrific violent,sad, etc nightmares from the time they were perhaps 4 years old, continuing into adult hood and still goes on at age 54? With no evidence of PTSD. That's the real issue. I am afraid to go to sleep, but my body aches for it, thus I have been on sleeping pills, by 4 doctors advice for the past 7 years just to get the sleep the body needs. That's the real issue. The checking out talk is just a last resort, and even then, what written guarantee is there that I won't step into something just as bad on the other side? To me, it's very much a personal purgatory.

PL, I just found this thread.

Please understand that a lot of people look at a question on this site with the intention of answering, and realize that they aren't capable of helping that person. I can assure you it has nothing to do with morbid curiousity or ambulance chasers. It has more to do with the fact that this is a public forum and not everyone here is an expert. Frankly, if this were my post, I would rather they would pass me by than to give me input that was more damaging to my mental health. Look at a lot of the posts. We have a lot of kids and teens who are very insensitive and say terrible things to people looking for help. We also have a lot of people who post real issues as a joke and enjoy winding us up. That is what J_9 was commenting on. She is a very compassionate woman.

But enough about that stuff. We aren't going to get anywhere focusing on the wrong issues here.

I am not a mental health professional but I do understand what you are talking about. I have had the same condition regarding dreams thoroughout my entire life. I can remember as far back as when I was 5 when the nightmares began. I have always compared it to a movie playing out. They are so real and vivid and there is usually a beginning, middle, and end. The tidal waves, someone drowning me in a river, odd creatures,. I am also left-handed. Although I do not have perfect eyesight, my sense of smell is extremely acute. I annoy people when I mention that I am smelling something and they don't have a clue as to what I am talking about. My hearing in my left ear is very acute. Not my right. :confused: Not sure what that means. But, I was labeled as a the sensitive one in my family.

There is an acute difference between us however, because my translation of those dreams is very different from yours. They don't torment me. I have always found them curious and interesting. Yes, sometimes they scare me enough to wake me up and make me nervous. So, I make a cup of tea, turn on the television to something "fluffy" or silly, or pick up a book of fiction that is fun and read, until I am calm enough to go back to sleep. They don't effect my waking life, I guess because I refuse to let them. When I was a teen, I use to wonder about reality and dreams and which was which. Exactly what you have expressed here. It prompted me to study psychology in college. I veered away from a career in therapy because I recognized that I didn't really like that aspect of it. I didn't have enough patience for people. But, the education has served me well in my working and personal life. In learning about myself, I found that a lot of people have the same problem you and I do. Most people aren't effected in the way that you are. I don't think the Dream Studies were useful for you because they don't give you the explanations that you seek. They just monitor and collect data. You become a guinea pig in these studies. That is not helpful to anyone but the people conducting the studies. You need to dig down, and figure out why these dreams are causing you such distress and driving you to contemplate taking your own life over them. Personally, if I were you, I would want answers. You have a family that cares about you. Suicide is never a cure for a problem. You need to actively seek out someone who can really help you with this, understand it, and make peace with it.

I would strongly suggest that you do seek out help in the form of therapy, the correct therapy for your problem. This is a link that should help you in taking the first step in resolving your issue. I don't think sleep medication is what you need. That is just a band aid for the underlying problem and is not a constructive or helpful solution.

Psychology Today: Find A Therapist (http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php)

Type in your zip code and in the "I'm looking for help" section, click on Anxietys or Fears. There should be a few names in your area that will pop up. Sometimes it takes us going through a few different couselors before we find the one that is right for our specific problem. Please don't give up hope. There really is help out there for you. You just need to be proactive in your search for help. And, if the first therapist doesn't help, tell him/her to stuff it! Continue your search for the therapist that is right for you and is willing to help you through this. You shouldn't have to live your life like this, and you don't have to.

Well Ruby, at last an answer that has merit to the exact problems being described, for that I am thankful and amazed. When I don't have classical nighmares, my dream life is still intense, detailed, in full color and sound. Been that way all my life too. I mentioned the left handed bit, because some feel that true lefties are wired wrong, from a genetic point of view. They say 10 -15% of people are lefty, but if you really look around hard, I doubt its more then 5% at best. Just go to any large restaurant, you almost never see anyone eating left handed for example. I have always been a "sensitive", even as a child. I can smell mik or meat going bad at least 2 - 3 days before anyone else would even begin to notice. Certain smells, i.e. Ranch Dressing, Sour Cream, or so pungent to me, I can't even stand to be in the same room as them. When I was having my bouts with olfactory hallucinations, it was always the same, a strong, acid smell, like battery acid, and it would overcome my lungs as if I were being poisoned, then it would just disappear. No reasonable explanation has been found yet. Very sensitive to any kind of loud noise, really gets me unglued, even if its sound or music that I like. Hearing, wish I didn't hear so well, I sit in a large private office at work, I can hear entire conversations, every word, from offices 3 and 4 doors down the hall without even trying or wanting to.
Don't know why some of us are made this way, to me it's a curse and a blessing together.

I have the same problems with smells. People think I am nuts when I won't touch milk that is about to go bad. They can't taste or smell it. I can. Ugh. Sounds: even though my hearing in my right ear was damaged a little when I was a baby (long story), they still effect me terribly. I worked in NYC for 15 years. You can imagine what I went through with sound and smell there!

For me, I don't view it as a curse. More like an annoyance at times. But, I am very focused for the most part. I have taught myself to tune things out. The damage in my right ear has caused a constant ringing, tinitis. I ignore it. I am not sure how I can explain to you how I managed to do it. As I said, I am very focused and I refuse to let anything like this affect me negatively. I have been through a lot in my life and my peculiarities have taken a back seat to the other problems I have encountered. I guess it has to do with what each of us has been through and the people we choose as friends or family to particpate in our lives. I have one other friend who suffers from this as well. She handles it the same way I do. Which is why I stated that you need someone to help you manage this effectively. There really is hope. I am sorry that you have spent your life like this without anyone giving you the proper help. It really is a curable condition. You need to be a pain in the arse like me. :) I won't take no for an answer. I recognize that doctors can be limited. They are human and make mistakes. So, if I don't get help, I research and move on to someone else who may be able to help me. I am not going to get into specifics here but my husband passed away from an incurable cancer. For 2 years, I fought to find someone who could give us hope. I found the foremost specialist in the field and was able to get my husband in to see him when the guy was actively turning away people. The guy was world renowned and didn't have enough hours in the day to help everyone. Pitbull does acurately describe me in some ways. ;)

So, get your butt away from the computer and start doing what you have to do for yourself. Find a professional who will listen. Don't take no for an answer. Don't sit and put up with someone who appears to be viewing you as a lab rat and isn't coming up with constructive solutions. Go with your gut feeling. That is what I do. I don't care if someone labels me as peculiar or strange. Screw 'em all. I know who I am, what I am capable of, and what I mean to the people in my life. If I don't like the way my life is going, I find ways to change it. I am of the mind that we are given one chance to make this life work. I will not let anyone bully me or abuse me. Okay, I am rambling now. But, I think you get my point. Go on PL -- make your life work the way it is supposed to. Look for help. Find solutions. Actively apply them. You will not be sorry, I can assure you of that. Start either with the phone number J_9 gave to you, or the websites she and I have provided. Just do it! And, when you get a chance, report back here and let us know how you are doing. :)

David, or do you prefer Dave?

I am glad we got back to talking. You seriously frightened me and I am glad you are not planning all of that now.

I was doing some research while you were off line and lo and behold you come back and mention olfactory hallucinations.

Have you every had your serotonin levels checked? Hallucinations of any kind, as well as nightmares, can many times be caused by a higher than normal level of the neurotransmitter serotonin.

I was "sensitive" as a child, but fortunately, or unfortunately (I guess it depends on who you talk to ) I grew out of it. A doctor wanted me to be sent to Duke University for testing when I was a wee tike of about 6 years. My mother and father decided that they did not want their little girl to be a guinea pig.

Now, how about contacting the NAMI link that I mentioned and see if they can refer you to someone in the Greenville area regarding having your serotonin levels checked. There are meds that can balance that out that are not strictly for sleep.

I would like to mention hypnosis? Have you ever tried that to try and figure out why? Or how to control your dreams. Or even using hypnosis to try and suppress them. I was just curious as to if this is an option for you or not.

J9: I have been the med route, for about 4 years, being really submissive to what the doctors suggested. They even had me on Seroquel for over 3 years, doses up to 600mg daily. All it did was make me into an emotional zombie. It almost cost me my marriage at one point, didn't even realize what it was doing to me at the time, but thought I needed to listen to the doctors. Have been on and off tranzene, but it seems to have no effect, good or bad.

I agree with Ruby on some points, with an odd life, one adjusts to it the best he/she can, and for the most part, I have. But we all have breaking points.

I do not like to be on any meds. I almost never take aspirin or advil, never take cough remedies, etc. I do not drink at all, not even a beer. I don't smoke. I never do any illegal drugs, so its obvious, or should be, that I am not looking for some easy way out.

I think only another hyper sensitive, such as Ruby, could possibly understand the ramifications of having such unsually sharp "senses". Like her, I have the constant ringing, or in my case, the humming, in my ears. Been that way all my life, was not the result of injury or loud music. For the most part, you learn to tune it out, but not always.

For those wishing a personal note, I have been married for over 33 years, have 3 adult age children and two grandchildren. We are a tight, loving family unit for what that is worth.

I work as the Financial Director for a non-proifit agency that helps the mentally disabled, so I am around others all the time bearing much worse then I suffer with, so its not a question of being self-centered or feeling sorry for myself.

These ailments really, really degrade whatever quality of life I have struggled to obtain in my life.

Hey myth, in my mind set, I would never allow myself to be hypnotized. Not against it in theory, would not trust the person on the other end, they could plant any idea in your head, not sure it would even work, as someone once said, you can't brain wash a brain washer. But good thought non the less

j9, david works fine, no one has ever called me dave in my whole life, believe it or not.

I believe it David, as that is my father-in-law's name and no one ever called him Dave either. I love the name David, it is the middle name of my youngest son.

Back to your post David. I too was sensitive when I was younger, and I do remember quite a bit of it, so I can empathize with you.

I know that sometimes the emotions just run away with you and it seems like there is no other way out, but I am glad to see that you are seeing things a little differently today.

I did get quite concerned about you after reading your other posts.

I am glad you are no longer taking the Seroquel (has some very nast side effects), and I understand not wanting to take meds, but sometimes we have to, no choices about it.

There are other meds that have much less side-effects than Seroquel.

Have you had your serotonin levels checked recently?

You could always have a third person there with you. Someone you trust. But hey if you don't want to then that's your decision. Thanks for at least not shooting it down cause it's hypnosis.

No I haven't j9, nor has any doctor ever suggested that directly, I thought the lexapro I am on was suppose be taking care of that

Myth, you would find me a very open minded guy. I believe in live and let live, no one person or group has all the answers, every situation is different. Glad to see someone willing to think outside the box.

Hold on David, let me look up the Lexapro, but I don't believe it controls serotonin, I might be wrong, but let me check.

BRB

Okay it is a SSRI (Selective Serotinin Reuptake Inhibitor) so it does inhibit the reuptake of serotonin, but not of norepinephrine.

How many milligrams per day do you take, and for how long have you been taking it?

AH... MAJOR SIDE EFFECT NOTED!!

ABNORMAL DREAMS WITH AGITATION, HALLUCINATIONS, PSYCHOSIS!!

I got the info out of my 2007 Mosby's Nursing Drug Reference 20th Anniversary Edition.

Page 428 if you have access to this book

j9: 20 mg, for at least 3 years now. Only side affect with me *blushers* is it keeps one from almost having sexual thoughts at all. Doesn't stop one from functioning, but puts it on t he back burner. The other side affects, were there before the lexapro, and have not worsened by being on them. No, don't have access to the book you reference

Hmmm, let me think then. You see David, I am very compassionate and willing to work with anyone that is willing to help themselves.

You have a beautiful family that would be devastated if they lost you. If my father got through this, so can you, it just takes time and the right people.

I hesitate to suggest to you what my father had to go through to get back into a life he deserved, it worked for him, but is very controversial, last resort sort of thing.

Now, you say this has been going on since you were 4. Is there a possibility of a repressed memory? I know, how would you know if the memory were repressed, however, it is food for thought.

Bear with me, I am just typing my thoughts as they come to me, okay?

Do you take any other meds besides the Lexapro and the Ambien (I think I remember that correctly), any herbs or supplements? I know you don't like meds, but I am just racking my brain here.

You have presented me with a dilemma and I am one to get to the bottom, I make a mission, if you will, of things I don't fully understand, until I get an answer.

Now, Lexapro is very well known to cause suicidal tendencies also, (hold on, I am reading my text), especially when taken for longer periods.

Have you had a liver enzyme test recently? It is possible that the Lexapro may have become a very high level, thus causing the suicidal thoughts.

Hello again. I had to leave for a while. I think it is good to discuss the meds and see whether they may be productive or harmful. David, am I misunderstanding something here? Do you already go for counseling and a psychiatrist prescribed these drugs? Or was this something your regular MD prescribed?

To Ruby and J9: See if I can do a joint answer. Family dr. prescribed the Lexapro years ago, after some time, went up from 10 to 20 mg, can't remember when. He sent me to see a shrink for a while, because he couldn't prescribe the seroquel. Went through 2 shrinks in 2 years, first one retired, liked the first one, the 2nd one was a drug and label you kind of guy, I stopped seeing him on my own. The problem, I didn't fit any category, the first one said I was a walking contridiction. Didn't how I could be so rational on one hand, i.e. my line of work and career level, and be so irrational/delusional at others.

I saw a therapist for a while, but after a job lay off, lost insurance for a year and couldn't afford to see her. She was convinced of the ptsd stuff, but how do you know if you really remember something, or they are planting a seed in your memories, I have heard cases in both directions. Plus, why wouldn't I remember after 54 years.

I have 2 brothers and a sister, my mother is old, but alive, and no one can clue into anything in particular, other then I was an extremely sesnsitive child growing up, and the onlly lefty the family had ever heard of before.

p.s. to last post. Along the road I have traveled, have been thought to have MS, which I didn't, never knew where the doctor came up with that one, and in the past 2 years, they thought perhaps it was asperger's syndrome, which I admit, would explain some of my bizarre background and thought process, but who knows.

Okay David, well you know through your job, hopefully, that finding the right therapist can be tough, you must learn to shop for the right therapist, and I am convinced there is one out there for you.

Do you have insurance now? Have you contaced NAMI? The branch here in Memphis is phenominal. I have used them on a number of occasions.

Well, I would have to say from reading your posts, your hypersensitivity is a bit more heightened than mine. Asperger's is an interesting diagnosis. Autism and Ausperger's have such varying and wide symptoms. Some are severe, some subtle. But, I think that might have been a cop out from a frustrated doctor. I think the problem is that you have not had a psychologist or psychiatrist who has a background or success with other individuals suffering from hypersensitivity.

By the way, I can explain the accounting aspect. That is the direction I went in when the psychology stuff didn't pan out. Numbers are logical. They make perfect sense to me. There is always a solution to the puzzle. I like the costing side of accounting along with problem solving. I enjoy the detail work and the rush I get when everything falls into place. Kind of feels like tumblers in a lock when you get the right combination. Just clicks for me.

I think the side effect of the med that J_9 found could be heightening the nightmare problem for you. As I have aged, they don't appear every night the way they used to.

I am going to do some research and see if I can locate anyone in your area who has had success treating people like us. I will get back to you on that.

Are you able to get back to sleep once you wake up from your nightmare or are you awake for the rest of the night?

The long term use of the ambien, keeps me asleep, even in the most horrific nightmares, I rarely wake up, but as soon as I awaken, I am fully aware of both the horror and the detail to the ninth degree. You should see the nightmare journals I use to keep, sometimes pages of text describing in detail what they were, complete to pictures tinted with colored pencils. I stopped doing that a couple of years ago , but have at lesst 3 full journals full.

Yes, I can only work in utter detail, have always been that way. That's why I love numbers and accounting, the more compelx, the better. I get into personal kicks where I obsess over whatever my current subject of interest, and learn all I can till my head bursts with endless dsta. Then I move onto the next subject.

I was about to sign off for the night and saw your post. I am staying on for a few moments so I will be available to you.

The reason I asked about waking up is if you did, I would suggest you do what I do to get back to sleep. I thought that if you were sleep deprived, it would cause a problem with your functioning in your job.

Re: accounting. I do the same thing with the detail. I have to know everything about it.

I am not sure what else to tell you regarding your situation except that I think the medications you are on may be heightening the nightmare problems for you. I think it really is time for you to question what your doctors are prescribing. You mentioned that you just followed their direction and didn't question. I know it is something most of us do because we were taught that doctor knows best. But, after having a couple of real problems when I was a young adult, I realized that they don't know everything, and they can make mistakes. I question everything. If you don't actively handle your own healthcare, no one else will. I did find a doctor in your area that I think might be able to help you. Would you like me to Private Message you with the information? Will you make an attempt to seek help from someone new? Please let me know. I really don't like the fact that you are so tormented and I really would like to help you find someone who will help get you on the right track.

Sorry Ruby, wasn't back on late last night, so sorry if you waited up, so to speak. Appreciate your thoughts and your care. Don't want to labor the same point, but the occurrences and regularity of the nightmares have neither been enchanced or diminished by taking or not taking meds. I can honestly say, the meds haven't made then worse.

Last night, I was spared with pleasant dreams, that was a refreshing respite in my world

When I saw that you signed off, I didn't wait around. So, no worries.

Well, PL, if it is not the meds, you still have a problem that you are having trouble dealing with. Are you willing to try switching doctors? I did find someone I think is in your area. Do you want me to PM you with the info? Are your willing to make another attempt to find someone who can help you get yourself out of this hole?

Ruby: Haven't seen any doctor(s) in regards to all this for about 2 years now, perhaps a bit less then that. Perhaps, as I have done in the past, should just keep all inside my head, as I have never had any real relief in my life, never more then a few days at a time, then it always comes back with a vengeance. Perhaps this is some kind of pennance or purgatory, for what, I don't know.

David, you are a smart man. So, I am surprised that you would state such a thing. Why on earth do you feel that you have to continue suffering with this? No one should have to live the way you are, having one good night, then being plagued for days. What could you possibly have done to deserve this kind of "purgatory?" No David. No. I can't except that explanation. You owe it to yourself and your family to find out what is going on. You deserve relief from this, not continued torture. You deserve to find peace and you deserve some happiness. You do not deserve to be caught up in a lifetime of suffering, which apparently had been the case. No one deserves that.

Well, when you have spent a lifetime of looking for logical reasons for the unlogical, one can't but help to look outside the box. I am a sinner like the rest of us, but I honestly don't think I've done anything that terribly wrong. I treat people with politeness, dignaty, and fairness, in a world of givers and takers, I am definitely a giver, sometimes even more then common sense would dictate. But perhaps a non-rational solution is the correct one. All the doctor's and meds have accomplished is to leave me more vunulabe and unsure. BTW, I write fiction, have had 2 novels published, so I have an avid and active imagination, if one t heory doesn't fit a solution, I can quickly think up other possibilities, including my own tortured existence.

David, you haven't done anything "terribly wrong". Look at how many people murder others for no rational reason. So, if you look at the big picture, there is no logical reason for "penance and/or purgatory." Thinking outside of the box is something that I do all the time. What I am saying to you is that you have tried the traditional route that most take. If you "can't but help to look outside the box" then that would translate into looking for other solutions. You haven't been to a doctor for a long while, but you are still dependent upon these meds. That tells me that your primary care GP is giving you the prescription, not a qualified psychiatrist. I truly think you have not found the right doctor for yourself. As I said earlier, you need to question everything. If one method isn't working, find another. You need to actively work on saving your sanity. You are not doing that. So, enough of this back and forth. Consider this your wake up call. You came here looking for help. I am trying to give it to you, and you are rejecting it. So, what is left for me to do here for you? What do you want?

First all, Ruby, and I mean this more diplomatically then it probably will come out, I don't always have good social graces or tact, but I did not ask you to do anything for me, or ask anything of you, or anyone else in specific. Was tired of fighting this alone, thought I would take a wild gamble, for me, and try something like this forum.

I still have no positive plan in place. When you been through doctors, shrinks, physcoligists, neurogists, etc, and they scratch their heads, depsite the fact that my track record shows me to be a very willing and compliant "patient", it didn't leave me feeling real warm and fuzzy about that route.

I was secretly hoping that there might be another, or others, with similar or somewhat similar "quirks", that I might be able to glean from their experiences.

When you read that perhaps 5% of adults have chronic nightmares, and that in most cases, they are attributed to PTSD, or in some case, mental illness, etc. When those choices have been ruled out by the "professionals" time after time, what is one to think?

I can tell you for certain, I know how I think, and how my body feels, never been a communication problem with doctors or others attempting to help me. I know what I have described on-line here is very accurate, and if anything, doesn't do full justice to the torment one can feel under these circumstances.

Thanks for all your advice and your personal time and concern, I believe you to be sincere. But I ask nothing of you, nothing at all.

I will either run across a new solutioin, a new method, some how, some way, or eventually, I may just give in to the irrantional side of thinking, and take the matter into my own hands. Either way, I am certain I can finally come to peace with myself.

Thank you again for your kindness.

David, I am sorry I have been away today, and just stopped in for a moment. I did notice that you seem to be a religious man. Please correct me if I am wrong.

Have you ever talked to your preacher about this? Has he offered any suggestions?

You seem to get a little defensive when the idea of seeing a therapist comes up, but we have not mentioned clergy yet. Is this a possibility for you?

No you did not ask for anything from any of us. But we are caring individuals who donate our time here to help others. You came to us with what presented to be a problem, we are here to help offer solutions that may not as yet have been explored.

Now, as for the suicide talk again. You really don't want to do that, do you? How would it hurt your wife and your children, grandchildren? This taking the "matter into my own hands" does not really fly with us. So, let's put that aside for now and work on a solution.

How helpful is your wife with your problems? Is she compassionate? Does she understand? Is she someone you can confide in?

Hello again j9. Taking the matter into my own hands did not specifically mean taking my own life, though that option is always on the table of course. I did see a therapist for over a year, think I had mentioned that. My wife is a nurse, a good nurse, but she has no understanding or training in areas of things you can't see, i.e. mental illness or related problems. And she admits this. When I went through my 3 bouts of cancer several years ago, in all honesty, my family was useless, they are played the denial game. Oh, dad is a tough bird. I even worked every day I had radiation, and it was in severe doses, drove myself to the clinic, then somehow got home safely, just to start it all over the next day.
Yes, I consider myself to be religious, but not pushy, and as I have gotten older, not churchy in the normal sense of the word. Another alternative when in my irrational moods, is to simply pack a few things and just drive off and disappear. I have fantasized about that often lately. Not the most responsible thing in the world to do, but at least a solution, and I wouldn't have to be a burden or a bother to anyone else. Just a passing thought.

I just read this thread for the first time today. I really admire the commitment some of you have in helping people on here, including you, David. When I thought about what to write, I was a little hesitant because I do hear some defensiveness in the responses, but I am going to write my thoughts anyway! :)

My first thoughts were... have you found a support group? It sounds like you really relate and feel comfortable talking to others who have similar experiences. I, myself, have really intense nightmares... not nearly as often as you. I also have hightened senses, but not as intense as you on that either. And I can only imagine how tough some nights might be... it sounds like it really effects your life. And a support group might be helpful... not to give you advice or help with your expereinces, but to be there to listen and understand, because it sounds like you really liked those responses so far on here.

I do hear defensiveness in some responses to therapists, but I would suggest taking some time, make 3 appointments or so with different therapists, and find one that isn't about to retire, and one that you can build a healthy bond with... because I hear some other issues that may not be related to the sleep/nightmare issues, but that maybe it would be like a domino effect... take off some of the layers before the raw ones can be healed. I know I am sounding vague, but I know what I mean! :)

I think you have done a lot of work so far, and you have come so far in your life and accomplished so much, that you do deserve to have a more peaceful life and enjoy it more than you are able to right now. Even though that is not happening right now, you are doing the right things so far.

I know I had one more thought, but I lost it now. :) I will keep checking back to see what you all are writing and if I can add more input I will! :) What area do you live in and I will see about a support group.

Thanks for listening.

Oh wait, I remembered!!

You mentioned having a journal of dreams... why did you stop? Unless it makes things worse, I think it is agreat idea to keep that up.

Also, you said that there have been times where you had a few peaceful ngihts... do you know anything different at those times? ANd next time that happens, I think you should notice what is going on around you that might be different, whether it is emotions, stress, events, anything. Anytime sleep in an issue, writing down everything in a journal is so important to see patterns. Take this with you to the therapist! :) I am guess you have done this in the past but keep it up.

Sometimes solutions is a comination of things... and just cause one combo doesn't work, you don't give up on all the components. You might keep one and relpace one... s\\\

And with the meds... it's the same thing... it's the combo of meds that makes a difference... you are brain doesn't not function independently of the hormone levels... and hormone levels no not function independently. So all the meds you have taken, the cocktail is what matters, not what each med does separately.

And the longer you are on one med, the harder it is to change the cocktail and know how it works. Keep being patient. My guess is this will never fully go away for you, but I really feel that it can be manageable... so don't give up! :)

Ok, if I have other thoughts I'll let yo uknow!

Thank you for your kind words Erin. My, you have an interesting background. When I kept journals, in avid detail, it scared the bee-gee-bees out of the doctor/therapist at the time, said it was too disturbing, and I thnk he really didn't believe it was based on so many real nightmares.

I sleep well, 7 - 8 hours a night, except on weekends when I choose to stay up later, the Ambien sees to that. When I have a good night, i.e. dreams, it's a random thing, no rhyme or reason ever. Just thankful. I recently went through a bad spell of 5 weeks of continuous nightmares, had a break for one night, then back to the nightmares.

One positive thing I should add, is that in my current writing project, as a published novelist, I am utilizing the worse of the nightmares into the storyline, that and its based on an alleged haunted house I use to own and live in NH years ago. Figured I might as well unload this stuff somehow out of my head. About 2/3rds done, hope to have it in the hands of my agent this fall. First time out for me in the genre of horror. With my dreams, I could write a new one every year for some time.

You should write more... its very therapeutic! :) At least you can get paid for some of your experiences... unless it bothers you that some people get pleasure from your terror! But it sounds like you got past that and you can do some good for others. I, for one, have NO CREATIVE IMAGINATION! I admire that in others, but unfortunately it comes to you with a price.

Your journals may scare therpaists, and that's okay! They will get to know you from your perspective and that is key! They need to understand you and feel your feelings! :)

Thanks for responding... I'll keep reading.

David, I see that you have something in common with Ruby, but we have something in common also. I too have survived cancer. I too took myself to chemo (on my lunch hour, I may add) then back to work it was. I know what it's like to have a "useless" family, and a family that thinks I was a "tough bird." But that is not always the case is it David? Cancer is scary, frightening, and when one lives it basically alone because everyone is in denial, it can be a burden that you cannot describe to anyone but those who have lived it also.

That aside, I do see you getting defensive when the subject of therapy comes up. Now, I really don't blame you after all you have been through. But there have been breakthroughs in the past few years. You are getting your meds through your GP if I read correctly. Ambien, while good and works well, is not, in my opinion, working well for you. You need something more like a trycyclic. Have you ever tried a trycyclic antidepressant?

I also feel that you have not found the therapist that is right for you. Sometimes it is like finding a needle in a haystack, but once that needle is found it is a miraculous feeling.

I know what it is like to scare the bejesus out of someone, you should hear my husband's dreams, his are horrid. I listen intently to his to help him fight his demons. You too have demons that you need to rid yourself of, however, you seem to just give in to them, rather than rid yourself of this terrible place you are in.

You deserve peace. You seem like a very educated man with a loving family, it is time you enjoy life rather than wallowing in this pit of despair you seem to think you cannot get away from. But I assure you that there is someone out there that can help you.

You just need to be willing to take that step.

Well Yelo, with me, I am always an open book, not much into secrets, and I think I have at least the ability to be desriptive, one plus to being a hyper sensitive. Some don't really believe that we exist, just like with temperature, I can always accurately know the temperature inside or out within one degree, never ever wrong, been tested too many times. And my body is affected by as little as a one degree change up or down in temp.
I personally don't drink at all, but locally, people love for me to choose wines for them, I can detect the minute difference in smells and other qualities by the smell alone, not even a single taste. Have had wine waiters try to fool me with brining out similar but slightly different vintages of the same wines, but can always tell them apart correctly. Doesn't win me any money or get me a prize, but amuses the crowd anyhow. On materials, like say a dress on a woman, or a jacket, if there is a design or plaid, and I don't mean a raised one or some obvious visual difference, I can feel the design with my finger tip and the slight temp difference between the lighter and darker portions. Again, not a useful skill, but entertaining.

JP, not as defensive on the therapist bit as you make me sound, its just that I have done that been there, and was inconclusive. Plus I have only had good health insurance again in recent months. They won't talk for you for free as we both know. As far as meds, you know far more about them then me. I don't understand some of the terms and differences that you refer, sorry, was never one of my things.

And you say I must be willing to take that step? Geez, what do you think I have been doing for 54 years? There has never been a time in my life where these things haven't been a problem to me, and affect directly the quality of my life. Yes, I function, because like most of humankind, I survive and adapt.

Well this is my last posting here, on t his subject, feel like I have taken up enough time and trouble with everyone that responded. For those that read for amusement, I hope you enjoyed yourself, I double as "Chuckles" the clown for fun. Appreciate those that gave this serious thought and for their advice. Thanks again.

Please keep us updated as to what you do with the advice... others can learn as well... including me! :)

Hi,
I also had a good bit of chronic nightmares growing up and it felt so real. I no longer have these night mares as an adult and I thank God for it but I think it is because of the way my mom raised me because I had a stressful childhood.

Brandy - thanks for sharing, you may be right in what caused yours, that would be considered somewhat common, with me, picture the same thing, but it never went away as you aged, and I am now almost 55. For the record, I have had horrific nightmares 5 out of the past 7 nights, so the struggle continues.

That's awful, I suffer from awful nightmares myself and have done since childhood. Have you looked at your diet. I know for a fact certain foods trigger my nightmares off. Apples before bed are a no no for me and now I am questioning Oranges. Dairy food should be avoided before bed and chocolate. I totally sympathise with you its horrible.

I was thinking. I have no idea how you can stop the dreams. But I was thinking you say you have them all written down and drawings and all. Maybe you could do a series of books and eventually movies about a guy that is too afraid to sleep because of his dreams and alternate the dreams with his awake life. And have the story to the point the reader feels like the dreams are the true reality.
Might as well use your suffering with the dreams to your advantage.

You may have too much zinc or something in your system, it can make you sensitive to taste, smell and hearing.
If you are dreaming in color it could be too much vitamin B in your system.

David, Even though it's been a year since this thread was active, I hope you're able to see this message. I read through this entire thread and am very curious as to whether you've found relief.

My husband has been suffering from nightmares his whole life as well. He's now 33 years old and the nightmares are really taking their toll on him. He doesn't share all his nightmares with me I believe because he doesn't want to scare me. I do know that he frequently kills people, is killed, is at war, is trapped in a country far from me and can't get out, etc. I have to always be careful when waking him up, because he always wakes up startled.

He is also very sensitive. All of his senses are 10x more powerful than mine are. If we go to Home Depot, he can only last about 5 minutes before the sounds get to him. When we go out to dinner, he can tell me what's going on at each table. He's also Left Handed.

He has never sought help for his nightmares. I'd love to find help for him and hope at least to find some relief. He went to a GP years ago for anxiety and has been on Paxil. It helped his anxiety a little bit, but I feel it's the wrong drug. He still stresses over small stuff and has nightmares 6-7 nights a week. If you or someone else involved in this thread is still out there, please respond. Thanks for listening...

I hope you read this seeing as its been a while but I am the Same way. Everything you've described is how I am as well except I'm right handed, I'm a girl, and I'm 21. I remember every dream I've had and also find that the older I get the more often I have "horrific" dreams as I call them, which are dreams that scare the life out of me and are hard to near impossible to wake up from and feel real. I scream in my sleep, I sometimes imitate what I'm doing in my dreams in the waking world and have found that I have a great eye for detail as well have great reflexes which are probably the only two benefits of this problem where as the list of negative effects are a mile long and I suffer from all of them including intense paranoia which I hate having. Have you found any kind of way to end this, Im so desperate to know :( I fee like I'm going crazy some days.