My ex who is 18 now lost her virginity a then 27 year old when she was 16, this being northern ireland she was just a minor.

No one knows about this apart from me and a few of her friends. I want him to pay for what he did as I see it being sexual abuse.

Do I have any right in reporting it to someone, even her parents, she said it took two to tango but I just can't accept that. She has begged me not too and t be honest I'm trying to get her back so this would actually lessin my chances of that.

EDIT: WHEN I SAY GET HER BACK I Don't MEAN REVENGE, I MEAN GET HER BACK INTO MY LIFE.

The problem is that he is a free presbyterian and acts like he is saved, he certainly isn't anymore as this happened not so long ago. Everyone seems to think he is a nice guy but I don't want to be seen as the bad guy if I do report him. My ex begged me not too when I first heard about it.

I feel that if I did report him, even to her parents then I would completely lose her altogether, its tearing me apart inside but by keeping quiet I still have some hope that she will come back.

Your advice would be very helpful.

Thank you

I think it is up to her to make that decision. Please don't act on jealousy, you could tear a bunch of lives apart with this, including your own. I am not saying what he and she did was right, I am just saying that there might be another reason she doesn't want to come out with this. I think it is awful that he took advantage of her age. I know you are upset about it. Sorry you are feeling this way. If it were up to me, I would let her take care of it.

I think it is up to her to make that decision. Please don't act on jealousy, you could tear a bunch of lives apart with this, including your own. I am not saying what he and she did was right, I am just saying that there might be another reason she doesn't want to come out with this. I think it is awful that he took advantage of her age. I know you are upset about it. Sorry you are feeling this way. If it were up to me, I would let her take care of it.


Yes you are right, she was the one it happened too.

You have to understand though that she went into great detail about what happened, and the worst part is that everyone likes and trusts this guy, what if he did it again to another girl? Maybe even younger?

He was trying to chat up one of her friends just 6 months ago, he said he couldn't get anyone his own age, it worries me

Now that would worry me too. You know what, maybe you should have a talk with him. Is he a violent guy? Could it do him some good to know that other people DO know about what happened?

Now that would worry me too. You know what, maybe you should have a talk with him. Is he a violent guy? Could it do him some good to know that other people DO know about what happened?


I don't personally know the guy, I have seen his bebo and know what he acts like. She has told me many stories about him. He seems like a nice guy but really he is involved with some dodgy stuff.

She has asked me to stay away from him as I was going to confront him about it, he had phoned me girl saying they had chemistry together, this was when I was seeing her, he asked did she love me. It does worry me that he may do it again, I don't know what to do, I want my girl to trust me but I don't want some other poor girls innocence lost.

Hello zoo:

I have found that it's not a good idea to snitch on somebody. It just isn't. Of course, lots of people think otherwise.

excon

I think that if you are honestly worried about this grown man around young girls then something should be said. But, there is some jealousy in your voice, so I can't really tell if you are really worried or if you just want to have revenge...

I think that if you are honestly worried about this grown man around young girls then something should be said. But, there is some jealousy in your voice, so I can't really tell if you are really worried or if you just want to have revenge........


To be honest it's a bit of both, maybe I should just leave it alone.

I love her and the thought of a man doing what he did, he took her virginity and that's something I can never share with her.

Ill leave it alone... it would be for the best

Thank you for your advice

It isn't your say. If it was consensual then its not your call. You aren't her parents. Let it be. If you do there won't be a chance of you being together. So its your call.

16 is old enough to have sex with a 60 year old if she wanted. I was forced to move across the country because when I was 15 I had sex with a 21 year old, who is now my fiancé, who waited for me until I got back, who I love very much... Im now 18 and don't regret it a bit.

Perhaps this is an area of her life that she wants to put behind her, and you may be trying to prevent that. It sounds like you are Christian so this is an easy answer: just move on and let God take care of it. If you are so worried about paying him back, trust me God will take care of it. Just move on and take care of this girl that you obviously care a lot about. I like how you think though. Peace.

Hey my friend... My ex was touched while sleeping by her father... She told me one day while she was crying and I didn't know how to take it. I could never really be friends with the father and I always dreamed of me beating him up. Sometimes I even thought of telling her sisters to get back at her for dumping me but she told me out of trust and as mean as she was to me, I'm not the same no matter what she thinks. Leave it to her. You will feel better you did in the long run. U'd probably hate yourself for telling when it's not what she wants... So whether you get back or you don't just forget about her and live your life. We are going through the same thing right now. Lets make right decisions in our lives as of now. Our lives will be great! It's hard to think about the things they told us, and it hurts because we love them, but it's their life. As an internet friend, I don't think you should.

My ex who is 18 now lost her virginity a then 27 year old when she was 16, this being northern ireland she was just a minor.

No one knows about this apart from me and a few of her friends. I want him to pay for what he did as i see it being sexual abuse.

Do i have any right in reporting it to someone, even her parents, she said it took two to tango but i just can't accept that. She has begged me not too and t be honest im tryin to get her back so this would actually lessin my chances of that.

EDIT: WHEN I SAY GET HER BACK I DONT MEAN REVENGE, I MEAN GET HER BACK INTO MY LIFE.

The problem is that he is a free presbyterian and acts like he is saved, he certainly isnt anymore as this happened not so long ago. Everyone seems to think he is a nice guy but i dont want to be seen as the bad guy if i do report him. my ex begged me not too when i first heard about it.

I feel that if i did report him, even to her parents then i would completly lose her altogether, its tearing me apart inside but by keeping quiet i still have some hope that she will come back.

Your advice would be very helpful.

Thank you
If she wasn't raped and quoted it takes two to tango, plus, has begged you not to mention it. YOU MUSTN'T TELL ANYONE!
You definitely won't gain any respect by doing so, and you won't get her back.
This is part of her past and not yours.

Who is TimBob? Are we missing a back story or is he a troll?

As for your ex, guess what. I Don't believe her. I think this is just a drama story and even if it's real you have no business reporting it? I don't know about Ireland, but in the United States, where the legal age is 18 and 17 depending on the state if I went to the police and said, my ex girlfriend had sex at age 16 with a 27 year old the police would look back and say to me "so what?" All that is, is hearsay... from an ex boyfriend of all people.

Speaking of which, have you ever actually heard his version of this story? No you haven't. You haven't even met him. Your going on the story of a woman who dumped you by text and then won't tell you why but I'm supposed to believe that she slept with this other guy 2 years ago who was older. Why that is relevant to you I don't know. Why you would believe it, I don't know. But beyond that, where is your evidence other then from some one that can't tell you to your face she's dumping you or tell you why after you ask for an explanation. Talk about character assignation. Hell she never had any so there was nothing to assinate.

Maybe I'm speaking from the BS that I constantly see in the United States legal system and their friends in the media looking for a juicy story but time and again I see this story of a guy did something to the woman and everyone just believes the woman without a slice of evidence against the guy. You got nothing other than a pathetic story from a pathetic woman. You by your own admission have never even met the guy, much less heard his side of the story. And best of all your explanation comes from someone that won't give you one.

I'm not trying to knock you but come on, grow up and think outside of this emotional bubble your in.

Reporting a crime is everyone's right. What happens afterwards is for the police to determine. I'd report it in a heartbeat! Of course, I may be bias because I have a daughter!

Age of consent varies from country to country. In France, for example, it would have been completely legal. Not trying to excuse him, but just saying, it's not a cut and dry thing. In any case, I don't know UK evidentiary rules, but here in the U.S. if you accused the guy and she didn't testify, there's nothing the authorities could do about it anyway, especially now that she's 18 and two years older. Sorry man, the guy may be a bit of a pervert, but there's nothing you can do, and you're just going to piss your ex off.

I would stay out of it. Its not your business, you have no proof she is telling you the truth about it, so you could end up ruining a mans life for no reason. If it is true, and she wants it reported, she can do it, she is an adult. Keep your beak out and don't worry about mistakes she may or may not have made. 16 may be illegal where you are, but in a lot of the world its perfectly legal so I don't accept that at 16 she didn't know what she was doing with this man. Not many 16 year olds are THAT naïve. Leave it be, move on.

Reporting a crime is everyone's right. What happens afterwards is for the police to determine. I'd report it in a heartbeat!! Of course, I may be bias because I have a daughter!!

Reporting a crime that you have no proof of is not a right. In fact, in the United States at least, reporting a crime that did not take place is a crime in and of itself. That is exactly why our prisons are filled with men that did nothing wrong but can't get a fair and impartial jury on top of fighting against the powerful and unlimited resources (and let's be honest the lies, shocking as it may be to believe that government prosecutors would actually lie to save their case even if it means sending the innocent to prison) of the state's their being prosecuted in. Because jury members come in already seeing a woman and seeing a man and presuppose that a crime has been committed... sometimes in the face of insurmountable evidence that suggests otherwise. What's worse is sometimes no evidence is ever presented at all. As in this case. There's nothing in that story that is believable and theirs even less to believe when you see that the woman uses men and toys with their emotions.

Before you go to the cops, are you thinking of what the female will be put through, and if it was consentual, it really is none of your business, and for as bad as you feel, butt out and get over it. No good can come of this.

Ok guys first off all I'm not going to report it but I have spoke to the guy and he did do it!

The fact that he drove a 16 year old school girl to a strange house at night, got her to perform oral in his car before taking her back to his house to take her virginity from her, sounds bad to me.

Im annoyed but he has tried it on other school girls, her friends in fact and even tried it on with her while she was with me, that's when I threatened him to stay away from her.

She hates him for what he did, imagine if it was your girlfriend that got used in that way, I can't help but feel anger.

Im not going to report it but there's rage inside me when I think about it, she went into great detail about what they did.

Hello again, zoo:

Cool. Let go of the rage next. Dude, it AIN'T going to hurt him that you're torn up!

excon

I know the topic is more should you report it and I'm glad you decided for now not to, but you have to consider if there is a statute of limitations, your saying this happened 2 years ago. They may not be able to prosecute even if he admitted he did it.

In any case, I think its best not to put her through all that stress if your trying to win her back so its good to hear you won't call the cops on him.

My ex who is 18 now lost her virginity a then 27 year old when she was 16, this being northern ireland she was just a minor.

No one knows about this apart from me and a few of her friends. I want him to pay for what he did as i see it being sexual abuse.

Do i have any right in reporting it to someone, even her parents, she said it took two to tango but i just can't accept that. She has begged me not too and t be honest im tryin to get her back so this would actually lessin my chances of that.

EDIT: WHEN I SAY GET HER BACK I DONT MEAN REVENGE, I MEAN GET HER BACK INTO MY LIFE.

The problem is that he is a free presbyterian and acts like he is saved, he certainly isnt anymore as this happened not so long ago. Everyone seems to think he is a nice guy but i dont want to be seen as the bad guy if i do report him. my ex begged me not too when i first heard about it.

I feel that if i did report him, even to her parents then i would completly lose her altogether, its tearing me apart inside but by keeping quiet i still have some hope that she will come back.

Your advice would be very helpful.

Thank you
He is a child molester and should be reported ! Now having said that you must make up your mind why you want to report him, is it for revenge? If you knew he did this to another 16 year old would you report it or ignore it? As far as the "two to tango" a 16 year old can be manipulated into tangoing with a 27 year old very easily, this is why it is illegal. I say save another child and tell anyone and everyone that will listen to you! Good luck

I say it's done... Just do the right thing if you even want to stay friends with your ex... Don't burn bridges... She told you not to tell... She trusted you... Remember that. I know it's because you are in love still so it hurts you... Trust me, you really don't want to do it... U shouldn't worry about this anymore... Focus on making your mind better and being nice that way she can see it. Just text her like once a week saying I hope you are okay and doing fine. Take it on from there... Don't whine.

It was never really about calling the cops, it was more to do with telling her family and letting them know, she knew this guy for two years and he took her from her family to do that, he even went to church with them.

He was never a boyfriend or anything like that.

What gets me is that I'm her ex and I'm seen as the bad gu throughout all this in her families eyes, I just wanted to show that I'm never used or abused her.

"No man is an island to himself" what if you get this girl marry her and down the road have kids. In the meantime this jerk has went on to have kids and one of your little girls falls victim to this mans kids... after all molesters can pass it on to their kids unless the cycle is broken! Think about that one.

So you want to tell her family, who clearly don't like you, that you are not a bad guy because you didn't have sex with her but that man did? I am sure that will make them just adore you! Not. This isn't your business, I wouldn't want my ex husband telling my parents about anything to do with my sex life, its not his or anyone else's business. You are making this sound like she was a child, a 5 year old, being kidnapped and abused. She was a 16 year old. She was old enough to get married on most countries! Its not your business, and telling everyone to make yourself look like a good guy just won't work. They must have reason for not liking you (which none of us would know about really) so telling intimate details of their daughters sex life will not make you liked by them, not one bit. And my god she would never forgive you for that one!

Personnally if that happened to my little girl id kill him.

Look I can honestly say I'm not going to report it, I don't want to lose her and she's the girl I love. I made this topic when I was emotional and kind of regret it to be honest. I only came back because everyone seemed to be having a go at me and I wanted to ask them what if it was your girlfriend or daughter that got used in this way. It wasn't sex it was her innocence that he took, I was never able to share that with her and I was her first love.

I promise that one day I will get my own back on him but I want to concentrate on my ex first.

bushg disagrees: your being selfish and you don't really give a damn about you girl friend friend just what he took from you Grow up[

How am I begin selfish by not reporting it? Im thinking of her here and the effect it would have on her life.

You are afraid that you are going to lose her if you tell. You did not get benefits of her innocence cause he took it. You are not like bty her parents, and this will make them like you... you. You. You it is all about making you look good and what you lost. Get real! And to hell with what this perv could do to the rest of the little girls in the church and community. As long as it doesn't effect you r plans.

Yea I was begin selfish to begin with but reporting it would be the worst thing I could do to her and her family.

Don't you think if it was all me me me I would have done that by now. Im thinking of her and what she would have to go through, I care about her too much to put her through that e.

Besides even if I did, the peeps here are right, she would have to admit what he did and I don't think she would.

He is a pervert and a child rapist. The community and church need to know! "No man is an island unto himself"

OK lets say I report him, they bring in my ex and she denies it, what then?

What a delima you face. She told you in confidence what happened and of course your angry, I would be too. But to put her through more humiliation and having her story come out, she isn't ready for that and neither are you. If it were my daughter, I'd be in jail. If it where my girlfriend whom I loved, some anonymous letters would be in his mailbox. Not nice letters either. But actions like that breed their own trouble, so I would never tell anyone or admit it to a soul.

At least it is out there and people have the right to decide who is telling the truth. Your conscience is clear. I did not say go to the police I said tell people in the community and esp[. Their church so this perv. Can be watched. But poor you you may lose the girl by pissing her off for good! So you will keep quite and do what is best for poor you. And lets hope that the next girl is not even younger.

He is a pervert and a child rapist. The community and church need to know! "No man is an island unto himself"

There are many ways to report his activities, to the church and police, without exposing him or his girlfriend. He just hasn't thought of them yet.

At least it is out there and people have the right to decide who is telling the truth. Your conscience is clear. I did not say go to the police I said tell people in the community and esp[. their church so this perv. can be watched. But poor you you may lose the girl by pissing her off for good! so you will keep quite and do what is best for poor you. and lets hope that the next girl is not even younger.

Ok so you think I should tell the church and community? Well here's the problem he's a menber of the church, I'm not, who are they going to believe? Its all down to proof my friend, I have none.

And I really don't think you understand, I'm not doing this for me I'm doing it for her!

There's other ways to fix a problem that don't involve the people you love getting hurt in the process.

Plant a seed that is what you will be doing... and believe me he will be watched, at least by some. As for your girl she does not feel like a victim so how could you be ruining her life she thinks it was OK " it takes two to tango"and she is 18 now.

plant a seed that is what you will be doing...and believe me he will be watched, at least by some. As for your girl she does not feel like a victim so how could you be ruining her life she thinks it was ok " it takes two to tango"and she is 18 now.


She comes from a church family, she is a "christian" and so if people found out she had sex let alone a one night stand then that would ruin her life, at least in terms of her family and church life.

Now I'm begin a hypocrite because I did sleep with her but not while she was a minor and I'm 21, plus I was her boyfriend.

It seems I can't win in this situation, look at the other posts telling me to mind my own business, when I do I get told to tell people, I'm trully comfused.

Ok guys first off all im not gonna report it but i have spoke to the guy and he did do it!

The fact that he drove a 16 year old school girl to a strange house at night, got her to perform oral in his car b4 taking her back to his house to take her virginity from her, sounds bad to me.

Im annoyed but he has tried it on other school girls, her friends infact and even tried it on with her while she was with me, thats when i threatened him to stay away from her.

She hates him for what he did, imagine if it was your girlfriend that got used in that way, i can't help but feel anger.

Im not goin to report it but theres rage inside me when i think about it, she went into great detail about what they did.
OK look at this. People he has done this before and he will do it again! REPORT HIM !Before he decides he likes younger girls.What happens when someone resist him and doesn't give in!. maybe your daughter or a relative or friend, just think about your child being manipulated by this perverted, child rapist. And then tell him to keep quite!

She comes from a church family, she is a "christian" and so if people found out she had sex let alone a one nite stand then that would ruin her life, at least in terms of her family and church life.

Now im begin a hypocrite because i did sleep with with her but not while she was a minor and im 21, plus i was her boyfriend.

It seems i can't win in this situation, look at the other posts tellin me to mind my own business, when i do i get told to tell people, im trully comfused.
The truth will set her free... then she can get reconnected with her spiritual side... or does her church condone sex before marriage. OK I'm in church watching chester the child molester leer at all the little girls! How ridicluous. In a church there is supposed to be forgiveness and understanding esp. for the child that is a victim of crime. Her church will stand by her and so will her family and his A$$ will go to jail. Where he needs to be. p.s. Tell her to stop being a willing victim and enabler . And good luck to the both of you

I say leave it alone. I'm sure you have something better to do.

Send the anonymous letter to the church and police and him too. And keep your mouth shut about it. And don't mention names except his. You will feel better without hurting anyone, except him and keep your confidence with your g/f, and still report the bastard. What's so hard about that?

Tal that is a good solution, everybody wins. Sometimes I am to hard on situations, because this is such a sore spot with me. Glad to see we have people like you on here

Send the anonymous letter to the church and police and him too. And keep your mouth shut about it. And don't mention names except his. You will feel better without hurting anyone, except him and keep your confidence with your g/f, and still report the bastard. Whats so hard about that??

Hmmm that's a good idea, maybe I will but weren't you one of the ones telling me not to do anything at the start?

Hmmm thats a good idea, maybe i will but werent you one of the ones telling me not to do anything at the start?
I still say you are just pissed because you didn't get a virgin and your just concerned about yourself and this post proves it.

If you reread, you'll see I said don't break your g/f trust and put her in a very bad position. I tried to drop hints, and lead you, but since you didn't get it..?

I've cleaned up neighborhoods by dropping an anonymous dime. Just keep your mouth shut.

I still say you are just pissed because you didn't get a virgin and your just concerned about your self and this post proves it.

Why you giving me such a hard time?

I never said I wanted a virgin, I only mentioned that to show peeps that it wasn't him having sex with her!

If she was a virgin I wouldn't sleep with her, I don't want that kind of responsibility, I resepct her too much.

Tal what he wants is for someone that will come up with an idea that will mke him look like a hero to her and her parents so he can get her back. That is the real point to his post. Me, Me, Me, me what I have said all along

We can only be patient and hope we get an update. I can understand why this topic can fuel some high emotions, so everyone just breathe for a minute, slowly.

No I come on here for advice and make a decision only to be bullied into changing my mind.

I got enuff problems in my life rite now, I don't need to add this as well.

Ill do anything to get my ex back and if that means biting the bullet then so be it.

no i come on here for advice and make a decision only to be bullied into changing my mind.

I got enuff problems in my life rite now, i dont need to add this as well.

Ill do anything to get my ex back and if that means biting the bullet then so be it.

If you can't feel the emotion in others, and understand, then look in the mirror and see those same emotions. Get over the defensive posture, and use the advice given to solve your problems. The beauty of this forum is you can take what you need and discard the rest.

Ok here's what will happen if I do what you said.

I send letters to police, church and him, police will probably ignore it, church will again ignore it (trust me on this).

As for him, he will know its me, he knows I know already, I've already confronted him about it, that's how I know she wasn't lying. Anyhoo he gets the letter and puts two and two together, rings my ex and she finds out what I have done, never to forgive me and ill only have a little bit of pride and a whole lot of regret over it.

Like I said before, I regret making this thread in the first place and only came back to try and defend myself.

Okay, you want your girl back right? Well, spend your time working on that. If this is a situation that is haunting her - then you support her. If she feels she needs to come forward - then support her.
Through this all - this isn't your story to tell. It is hers.
Now, I get what every one is saying about letting people know that there is a molester on the loose - I would want to know if there was one in my church. But, that really needs to come from her. Or with her permission. If you don't get back together and manage to remain friends - you could ask her if it would be all right to send a letter - leaving out names. (or hers) Just to get, if nothing else, the Church's attention. - Then he CAN'T call and give her crap that would surprise her. She would know and not be hurt by it.

Since she is slap in the middle of it - then her feelings need to be acknowledged. If you go and break her trust - she will have been victimized once again. And I don't get that you want to do that to her.

Good Luck.

To everybody, I guess you can have fun tearing me apart because I'm pretty much in complete disagreement with all the posts. I can't believe some of these answers here. I'm seeing this guy called a pedo and a molestor. She wasn't 5 years old. She was 16, two years shy of a human made laws in some countries that decrys you of legal age to have sex with anyone of any age. Yes that is a large age difference and no it is not legal but I think the term molestor is not exactly appropriate either.

I'm hearing the argument what if she was your daughter or sister. Well if she was my daughter at 5 years old and this happened, someone would be dying at my hands, no question. But at 16 after my daughter I'd be pissed but I wouldn't be killing anybody because puberty has happened and she knows what sex is. I say that knowing full well that a 16 year old doesn't know the overall reprocussions of getting involved in sexual activity and knowing full well that a 16 year old can't handle the responsibility of a sexual life and can get talked into a situation that he or she doesn't want to be in.

But all that being said why wasn't this an issue before? Why is it an issue only when the woman at the center of this story disrespects and dumps someone. Why then does this come up.

Zooropa, I'm not trying to start an argument with you or pick at you but I have to ask why are you doing this? What does any of this do for you?

Correct me if I'm wrong in all this but the women in question here dumped you. The woman in question here didn't respect you enough to tell you to your face... or even on the phone in her voice. Correct me if I'm wrong but the women in question here dumped you via text. Correct me if I'm wrong her but the women in question then would NOT give you a response when you deserved an explanation for why you got dumped. Correct me if I'm wrong here but the woman in question lied her way out of difficult situations with you. And that's just what you've told us, who knows how much your holding back.

Why does it appear this is all a way to ride in like the knight in shining armor. She has told you to leave it alone. She dumped you, cold heartedly at that, and now your mad at her but you can't take it out on her, so you try to take it out on a guy that may or may not have had sex with her before you. All the while she tells you to drop it and you don't. Exactly what am I missing here that says this woman is a catch or for that matter even wants you in her life if it's not to run her own personal drama club?

Furthermore, you said you talked to this guy. While I congradulate you on actually giving him the floor to say his side it just doesn't make sense that he would say he engaged in illegal sexual activities with a 16 year old and then tell her ex boyfriend when he came up and asked him about it after having NEVER met him before. What did he really say? Again, if we are to believe he's some sort of molestor I just can't believe he would come out and say that he did. Am I not seeing the whole picture here?

Again, Zooropa, I'm not trying to attack you but something isn't adding up, and the reality is this isn't about about her family, her religion, her first, or even her... this is about you. Your absolutely going insane over her and the worst part is your doing it to yourself. I think the one thing in this post most would agree with me on is this. You need to be away from her, she is not good for you or your emotional or mental health. She has you doing all sorts of things for her and you do them, at you own expense, at you're the cost of your own soul, and she doesn't even care about you. Punishing yourself like this will not bring her back and in fact will only drive her further away, and in fact it appears to be working.

Chuff, I don't disagree with you on a lot of your points. Having said that - I have a question.
I got the impression that this encounter was not 100% consentual (sp?). That a 27 year old man FORCED himself on a 16 year old. I know she isn't calling it rape - but it said somewhere that he would not take her home until she gave him oral - things like that.
If that is the case - would reporting it to someone be appropriate?

Some people give in rather than being violently raped, consenual or not the courts look at it as rape anyway... because he raped her mind first, and then her body... that is how most molesters work it... they just don't come up and grab their victims they slowly do it by becoming their friends. And any child can have this happen to them... he will do it again he is a pig that needs to be removed from society and rehabilitated if possible. Or lethal injections if he is caught doing it again.

Bushg, NowWhat, I can only say we only have his version, and as emotional an issue as this is his credibility is shot as far as I'm concerned because if it was as serious as he says he would be putting action behind his words and not excuses. He has ulterior motives here I feel. Not enough to hang someone on. Just my opinion after 6 pages and 10 comments on each page. For context

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=1407147

I know - the water is pretty muddy. That is why I advised that if any reporting goes on - it should come from her. Then you take the jilted ex out of the picture.
I guess my question could have been more hypothetical.
And you are right - we only have one side of this story. My thing is - what if this is a molester we are talking about and what if he is going to do it again - and the next time it could be one of our kids? If she feels like she was abused - should her ex try to convince her to come forward - in hopes that this never happens again?

I agree tal.. his story does not concern me nor his motives. My concern is that people think that as long as a 16 year old consents to sex with an adult male it is OK... I want people to understand that it does not matter the age it is still rape! That is the point in my corresponding with this self serving person. :)peace

She told me that 4 months before we met she had lost her virginity to a 28 year old man after a one night stand, she was only 16 at the time and so was a minor. This blew my mind, I'm the jealous type, I will admit to it, it bugged me for months but I kind of kept it in the back of my mind.

Posted by OP April 30

Now What If I attended church with this man and he coerced my daughter into having sex with him by manuiplating her and getting her to trust him and played on her emotions . And I knew that just one member in society could have warned me of this crazy man. Then in my mind they would be just as guilty as the molester... then 2 people should go to jail and not 1... but that is just how I would view it

Tal, do you think HE is the one making more of this than what is actually there? Out of jealousy? That particular post would definitely make you think that.

I still say - take the b/f out of the equation - the girl knows what happened in her heart, she knows if she was violated - if she feels that she was abused then SHE should come forward.

I've read all his posts. I've read some right here on this forum with 14,15,year olds with older b/f's and before I take someone's word against any one I would look real hard before I took any action that may hurt someone or cause them to go to jail. The fact that she told him in the manner he described and then she has been broken up with him only lets me know she will not come forward and he will take no action and frankly I don't believe he has done this to any of her friends, sorry I can't swallow that. There is no way he does this in my neighborhood and gets away with it police or not. This just doesn't make sense. His word is not enough, and he will take no action. He takes no suggestions so case closed for me.

Tal I was raised in the country( rural) we had teachers that would screw around with not one student but with her grilfriends as well, I have seen it happen. This happens a lot and they are the worst predators... they get that job for a reason. Also true story a woman I know wanted to date a boy that just turned 18 she asked his mom... she was 26 and his mom laughed it off and said your too old... Guess what she went after his youngest brother 14 at the time... she got him and just about wrecked his life. Only this time she didn't ask the mom. I know the mom and the lady that was the molester that did this every time I get a chance to tell this story I do it. Even though this was many years ago and she never went to jail for it Let me clear this up I meet the molester after the fact, they had a baby together

I understand and feel the frustration. There is only so much you can do on this thread and if they are not willing to take actions or do the right things, There is nothing we can do, no matter how we feel. I've seen a lot myself as I've counseled young adults for years and I can tell you for the sake of your own sanity you can only help those that want it. He doesn't want help, nor does she.

OK NOW IM Getting SICK OF THIS.

Why the hell would I make it up? I'm not sick you know, what do you want me to do, write a letter to the guy, write a letter to the church? The world isn't black and white, I don't care if you believe me ot not.

You are sounding like hipocrites on this, look at the first 2 or 3 pages telling me to keep my mouth shut, telling me to mind my own business, then all of a sudden you start telling me to tell peeps.

Here's the deal, I did talk to him but not face to face and it wasn't pretty, it was a very heated argument that included threats of violence.

Now I will write the letters that you suggested but don't any of you ever suggest that I'm making more of this that there was!

OK so you all don't believe me or have lost respect in what I'm saying.

Well me and my mate decided to go on bebo and pose as a 16 year old virgin, still in high school and email the now 28 year old sam, we then took screen caps as proof as this is what we made:

YouTube - Passion of the perve (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRdE5ILBwUE)

Now I don't know if you will say this is wrong but I had to do something, this shows that he would happily do it again.

Remember he thinks he's talking to a 16 year old, he has never met her.

Wynelle " No man is an island unto himself" I say go to the police before he decides he wants , yours, mine, his, hers or their young girl and shakes your hand after church. Just what if you went to church or lived next door to this man!

See what I mean, how can I win?

Zoor everybody is not going agree with you so stop trying to get them to! Chat with him and then take your myspace chats with you to the police and let them go from there you can leave the girlfriend out of it that way. Just chat with him more than once you sound as though your smart enough to do that. Get him to send you bulletins . And print them off. You can be conniving enough to do this. But if he keeps getting offers from 16 yr old he may get supicous.

Well that's why I did it, so I wouldn't have to involve her, after this though he did delete his bebo, however I found he has made a new one but has it set to private

If you did that at least you tried and that is all that can be asked of you! Case closed.

Chuff, I don't disagree with you on alot of your points. Having said that - I have a question.
I got the impression that this encounter was not 100% consentual (sp?). That a 27 year old man FORCED himself on a 16 year old. I know she isn't calling it rape - but it said somewhere that he would not take her home until she gave him oral - things like that.
If that is the case - would reporting it to someone be appropriate?

Two issues here that I want to separate after reading what I wrote last night. Me, just my opinion that a 16 year old girl who has consentual sex with a 27 year old is not being molested given her age. She may not understand that this guy really doesn't care about her, but it's not like she is 5 and has no clue what's going on. Nor did I mean to imply that it was right or should be legal, but it should not carry the same label as someone that kidnaps and has sex with a 5 year old. However, at 16 or any age if she's being forced into sexual situations by a 27 year old then yes it is still rape.

After having gone through here and seeing some of the video that Zoo created, and assuming the words in the graphics were real duplications of a conversation that took place between this guy and someone he thought was a 16 year old then I would have to take back my previous beliefs that this was a big lie told by a big liar. It appears that I was wrong, in at least that regard.

Should Zoo go to the police with this information. At this point given what he says in that video I'd have to say perhaps he should.

But here's the problem at the end of the day. This isn't about that guy. This is about a girl that used Zoo, and she did she used him and dropped him. Zoo is madly in love with her to the point he's blinded himself so that he can't see what's going on. Zoo can turn over his video and he can tell them what happened to his ex. They may do some investagation into it but his ex has already told him that it was a one night stand. So she has already admitted it was consentual. Whether it was or not is irrelevant because she told at least one person that it was.

But Zoo, who I firmly believe is a good guy, I don't want to this to be thing where he thinks I'm picking on him or anybody else reads it as that, because I think some people are and that's not what I'm trying to do or say. But Zoo, had no issue with him until he needed to have an issue with him. As I stated before, Zoo is pissed, and rightfully so at his ex. But he also wants her back. So he's fighting himself. He's got one side of him telling him that he deserves better then she gave him and another side telling him to do anything to get her back. Well he can't direct his anger at her or she's gone forever, and he can't show her his value if she's not around. This situation fits perfectly for him to channel his anger and show her his value.

There's nothing wrong with channeling your anger for something positive and getting somebody like this away from teenagers is a great way to do that. I don't want to stop him from finding an outlet for his anger. If this helps in that regard then great follow through with it.

But the problem is she doesn't want him back and she has already told him to drop it. She has told him it is none of his business. And the reality is if she said it was concentual it is none of his business as it relates to her. She wants the whole issue dropped so why did he go digging about it. Well if it was truly for the daughter of the world, then why is Zoo not finding other men looking for sex with 16 year olds? Why just this one? Why not find other adult men who hunt for sex with teenagers?

This is not crime fighting, it's a hero complex gone bad. If it's truly about the crime, Zoo wouldn't be so confused about reporting it, but he isn't sure what it will mean to him in the end if he does. That's where the confusion comes from.

zooropa1985 agrees: Well you are correct in everythin but she knew how i felt about the whole situation, i just didnt do anything because she asked me not too. Oh and it was more a case of me tellin him to stay away from her, he didnt deny it and i saw some of the texts

Well, I'm glad, and a little surprised to see that you agree. As I said, I don't want you to think I'm attacking you but at the same time I'm trying to get you to see this is not healthy for the most important person in this situation, and that person is you.

You say you didn't do anything because she asked you not to. So why are you now doing something about it? Will you be going after other adults that talk to teenagers? Why just this particular guy? In other words, if you want to make the difference your really talking about why not respect your ex's words and go after other's not connected to you in any way.

Why exactly are you telling him to stay away from her? Are you threathened by this guy?

Again, I'll ask this and I wish you'd stop, just stop, and think about this. What does any of this do for you?

Zoo, just watched the You-Tube thing. It made me sick to my stomach. What are the laws like in Ireland for something like this? It is against the law in the US for someone to solicit sex from a minor on the internet. Even if the person on the other end isn't truly a minor. (ever watch Dateline's "to catch a predator"?) So, here - what you would have is this man committing a crime.
That is just sick.

Tal, do you think HE is the one making more of this than what is actually there? Out of jealousy?

Well, I'm not tal, but I think he is making more out of this then what is actually there. I'm still at a loss, trying to figure out what this gets him? If he's really doing for the good of society as is his argument then he would have done something about it along time ago. If he's doing it for his ex, then he is completely disrespecting her because she told him to drop it. Yes this is out of jealousy, but he's now jealous that another guy slept with her before he did and she doesn't even give a damn about him.




I still say - take the b/f out of the equation - the girl knows what happened in her heart, she knows if she was violated - if she feels that she was abused then SHE should come forward.

Exactly. This is her fight... if you can call a one night stand a fight, not his.

Tal I was raised in the country( rural) we had teachers that would screw around with not one student but with her grilfriends as well, I have seen it happen.

Yeah those things do happen. And they are not right. And society looks down upon those that do with no mercy. But you know what also happens that is ignored. Women make their little girls lie during divorces and say that daddy raped them when daddy didn't. That story isn't told on the 11 o'clock news because there is no way the woman could be one filled with hate and the man be the victim. No. Never. Of course not, it's always the guys fault and we must never question the motives of the woman.

You know what also happens. Sixteen year old girls or women at any age allow themselves to be talked into going out with and having sex with people that others can clearly see aren't right for them, I see it at 30 years old, with people my own age. Then when, and only when they get dumped they come up with these stories to justify the situation and... gasp... I know this surprises people... these fragile and delicate creatures called women... they lie.

Much like Zooropa's ex. She's a liar. She's lied to him about things not even related this. She's disrespected him about things not related this. She has said it was a one night stand. Then later recanted her version, when the self admitted, and obviously acted out extremely jealous Zooropa was uncomfortable with her having premartial sex. Although he did as well, but that is to be ignored because it doesn't really matter, a guy has been accused of raping a girl and he must be punished because the jealous ex said so.


This happens a lot and they are the worst predators...they get that job for a reason.

I have to agree with you there.


Also true story a woman I know wanted to date a boy that just turned 18 she asked his mom...she was 26 and his mom laughed it off and said your too old...Guess what she went after his youngest brother 14 at the time...she got him and just about wrecked his life. only this time she didn't ask the mom. I know the mom and the lady that was the molester that did this everytime I get a chance to tell this story I do it. even though this was many years ago and she never went to jail for it Let me clear this up I meet the molester after the fact, they had a baby together

My friend's sister is a councelor for the state of Michigan, and she helps children under 18 going who have parents going through divorces where the child's health and well being is in consideration for who should raise the child. She has told me numerous times about how children are told to lie about what their father does to them, in order for mom to get custody. Actually, I think that a mother that does that to her children and their father is probably the worst kind of predator.

Not exactly related to this issue here, but my point is, just because the accusation comes does not in any way make it a fact. Zoo's ex has changed her story. Zoo is acting irrational about his loss and not doing anything for his own mental and emotional health. If he truly wants to see justice then why not seek out others who are not related to this situation.

I'm not saying the points you made weren't valid but I guess the reality to me is if you take all the emotion out of this situation and just look at the facts, she's a liar, she can't changes her story, and Zoo doesn't care about the daughter's of society, just they fact that this guy slept with her before he did, and it doesn't matter because he doesn't even sleep with her anymore.

see what i mean, how can i win?

What is it you want to win? You want her back but acting like a overly jealous crazed man and the only person your going after is the guy that slept with her before you. Do you really think that these actions are going to get her back?

If you have given up on her and want to protect society then turn your information over.

But what exactly will that get you? At the end of the day, it is you who is hurting terribly inside. It is you who is got to come to terms with the break up. I believe that all this other stuff is a distraction to your dealing with the pain. Stop, and think about that for 30 minutes. Don't say or do anything, just stop and think about it. What does any of this do for you, because it's about time you started giving a damn about the most important person you know, that is yourself.

Where is he from, as different parts have different rules you say you are in ireland and I am in uk... in the uk age of consent is 16 not 18 so depending on where he originally came from depends on what he thinks about age,
I met my partner when I was 16 and have been with him ever since I am now 23 and he is now 42 that is 19 or 20 years difference depending on the month, that is not classed as sexual abuse..

She is old enough to know the consequences of her actions...

And I for 1 didn't know you had to be 18 in ireland :o

Could this man not know the age?

My first boyfriend was 27 and I was 15 ;) didn't have sex with him but the age factor was their all the same.. that relationship didn't last due to him been a ****** but their you go..

She knows what she did at the end of the day and I hope you don't disrespect me for saying this but...
Her past is exactly that and if you wernt togather at the time then why bring up the issues, they are not effecting her in the slightest only driving you mad, you need to learn to get over it and carry on with the future, by keep digging into it and bringing it up you are going to drive the girl of your dreams away from you... do you want that?

Let it go and think ahead for the future, don't let him bother you and that will make you a greater man , and hopefully she will see the bothering has gone away and may want to try again with you..

Best of luck
Katie