I wasn't exactly sure whether to put this in the dating thread or this one. I'm 22 years old and I'm a virgin- never been in a relationship, barely dated. The problem is that every guy I meet who's my age (and I'm not interested in anyone more than say 5 years older than me) treats me like I'm the strangest person to ever walk the earth. I'm very attractive and nice, so guys have trouble believing I exist the way I do. I'm not religious, so they're always trying to figure out the mystery of why I haven't been in a relationship before- and the truth is, I don't know either!
All the guys I meet are scared away once they find out that I'm a virgin. I have learned not to tell anyone until I feel like I'm close enough to them, but at the same time, I'm not going to hide it when I'm interested in a guy. Then inevitably they make me feel like I'm inferior for not having much experience. They seem to be afraid that they're going to break me and see me as younger than my age. I feel like I scare away every boy that I like eventually. Sometimes it makes me feel pretty bad about myself, and I kind of dread telling a guy about my lack of experience. My sister and I joke that I have amazing virgin powers to drive boys away. I know its irrational but all this makes me feel like a big freak. Why do guys treat me like this? What is it about our society that everyone is supposed to lose their virginity in their teens?

They may be scared off because they get the idea that you'd like for sex to be something really special and meaningful instead of something like a sneeze. Don't worry about it, and don't hop into bed with some guy just to get it over with. You have plenty of time to find a guy who respects you and isn't intimidated by your virginity.

I agree it's a shame. In their "defense" much of the attraction to a partner, especially in the beginning, is that primal urge and the excitement of getting know the other person, and that includes getting to know someone physically. Some guys just probably don't know what to "do" with you.

I dated a girl through 2 yrs HS, all college... we didn't have sex until soph year college.. making me 20. I liked her, loved her, and she just didn't want to have sex... well, she WANTED to, but she wanted to wait. And we did, until we didn't.

So... I don't have a great answer for you. Is it sad that guys might turn away because you are a virgin? Sure. And on the flip side, is it wrong to interested in satisfying your desires? Not always.

So... I guess you just have to look at it as you haven't met the right guy yet. And only you can decide when is right for you. But I think once you have had sex, it just becomes a part of you... and that alone isn't something that's bad... just as abstaining isn't "wrong" despite their actions.

I think a lot of these guys feel threatened. By not having casual sex it tells them that your looking for something serious before that happens. A lot of young guys aren't interested in getting serious. Also, the climate we live in has casual sex as the norm. I say good for you for not giving in to social pressures! Be patient in finding that right guy. You might also try developing male relationships as friends only. Letting them know this in advance. As sad as it is that your most precious gift to someone (sexual intimacy) is viewed so flippantly, there are exceptions to this attitude. Stay strong. Cathy

I personally would feel quite special if a girl gives her virginity to me. I've got no clue why guys should be scared off.
Probably it's just your luck. You don't meet decent guys. First get into a relationship and start building a strong bonding. Make sure the guy's a proper one! After you're close and open , then share your secret with him.

I can assure you if this boy that is less than 5 years older met you then he sure wouldn't be driven away or find it strange. Not in the slightest. In fact he would have a lot of admiration for you and find it even more attractive that you have so much self respect. The only thing I would feel ashamed of is not living up to your expectations.

You have nothing to worry about. I think this just means that you haven't met a guy yet that is worthy of your time anyway! So don't stress and just continue down the path you have taken so far!

The ones who are "scared away" are likely only looking to get laid as a first thought. If they were drawn to your personality they would not care if you were a virgin or not. Now this is NOT an invitation to lose you virginity. Because a clod that won't go out with you unless you sleep with him is not worth having around.

I wasn't exactly sure whether to put this in the dating thread or this one. I'm 22 years old and I'm a virgin- never been in a relationship, barely dated. The problem is that every guy I meet who's my age (and I'm not interested in anyone more than say 5 years older than me) treats me like I'm the strangest person to ever walk the earth. I'm very attractive and nice, so guys have trouble believing I exist the way I do. I'm not religious, so they're always trying to figure out the mystery of why I haven't been in a relationship before- and the truth is, I don't know either!
All the guys I meet are scared away once they find out that I'm a virgin. I have learned not to tell anyone until I feel like I'm close enough to them, but at the same time, I'm not going to hide it when I'm interested in a guy. Then inevitably they make me feel like I'm inferior for not having much experience. They seem to be afraid that they're going to break me and see me as younger than my age. I feel like I scare away every boy that I like eventually. Sometimes it makes me feel pretty bad about myself, and I kind of dread telling a guy about my lack of experience. My sister and I joke that I have amazing virgin powers to drive boys away. I know its irrational but all this makes me feel like a big freak. Why do guys treat me like this? What is it about our society that everyone is supposed to lose their virginity in their teens?
Because the guys feel that it would be a bit hard to establish relationship first time with a girl who is not yet ready for sex and will be less exotic to go through this experience. So girl u are lucky to be virgin, us could be a good life partner with strong commitment as with your body.

The reason these boys run is because they are just that - boys. I'm not saying you need to find an older man, but you need someone more mature. You need to be open and honest with these men from the beginning. This is part of your personality and if they are going to love you then they need to love this about you. The ones just looking for sex will bale at the first hurdle, but this is not the way you want your first time to be. Eventually yopu will meet a decent guy who will respect you for this and be pleased that you are willing to give this to him. Not having had a relationship does not say anything bad about you, it just shows that you know what you want and you are not willing to give in to peer pressure or settle for anything less. I was the same when I was younger and lost my virginity when I was certain

Men are immature horndogs. Well, I shouldn't say that. Haha. But it has no thing to do with you my dear. You just need to find someone that is mature, which is possible.

Best of luck to you!

I wasn't exactly sure whether to put this in the dating thread or this one. I'm 22 years old and I'm a virgin- never been in a relationship, barely dated. The problem is that every guy I meet who's my age (and I'm not interested in anyone more than say 5 years older than me) treats me like I'm the strangest person to ever walk the earth. I'm very attractive and nice, so guys have trouble believing I exist the way I do. I'm not religious, so they're always trying to figure out the mystery of why I haven't been in a relationship before- and the truth is, I don't know either!
All the guys I meet are scared away once they find out that I'm a virgin. I have learned not to tell anyone until I feel like I'm close enough to them, but at the same time, I'm not going to hide it when I'm interested in a guy. Then inevitably they make me feel like I'm inferior for not having much experience. They seem to be afraid that they're going to break me and see me as younger than my age. I feel like I scare away every boy that I like eventually. Sometimes it makes me feel pretty bad about myself, and I kind of dread telling a guy about my lack of experience. My sister and I joke that I have amazing virgin powers to drive boys away. I know its irrational but all this makes me feel like a big freak. Why do guys treat me like this? What is it about our society that everyone is supposed to lose their virginity in their teens?

First and foremost you're not a freak.. lets be clear about that and now.

When you meet the right person then they shouldn't make you feel bad at all, I mean, I've never treated a girl any differently based on her experience or direct lack thereof, nor would I, as far as I'm concerned sexual interraction in a relationship is for the most part about bonding on as many levels as there are humanly possible i.e. physical, spiritual, emotional, mental. Though I consider the most important part of a relationship is companionship these days as potentially 'boring' as that might sound, but if you have a good bond with trust and clear open communication then you can get past almost anything really..

Your question about society is an interesting one being that I'm one person and thrown into the quagmire we call 'society' even though I'd prefer not to be hahaha
But it means I can't really answer that question sorry, it seems that we're rapidly seeing people 'growing up' faster and faster but not learning anything about self respect, and not maturing properly what are your thoughts on this?

Ah anyway sounds to me like you and your sister have a good sense of humour about things at least hey, keep smilin' I'm sure you'll meet someone nice soon enough..

Holy crap your 22 and you've not had sex? Wow... That is ridiculous... I'm sorry but any one that hasn't had sex by 22 has some major issues going on or they are religious nut... You need to find a nice guy that won't screw you over (no pun intended) and let the juices flow... You don't want to be 30 years old and test driving the car for the first time... You are missing out on one of the best aspects of life... Men are not dogs, we are human... Sex is a NORMAL part of life, regardless of what some of these wack jobs in here say... So be safe, have fun, and go get yourself a good guy and enjoy the pleasure!

If I were single and looking for someone to become my wife you would move close to the top of the list. I can think of no other thing that would stop arguments in your married life than for both of you to have been virgins when you marry. I praise you for the way you have lived your life and when the time comes, and as long as you have waited now you should continue to wait till you are married, you and he both will be so very proud of each other. The first time may be a disaster for both of you

If I were single and looking for someone to become my wife you would move close to the top of the list. I can think of no other thing that would stop arguments in your married life than for both of you to have been virgins when you marry. I praise you for the way you have lived your life and when the time comes, and as long as you have waited now you should continue to wait till you are married, you and he both will be so very proud of each other. The first time may be a disaster for both of you but then you will learn together.

Thanks everyone for your comments, I really enjoyed reading everyone's imputs. The last two posters certainly have different perpectives! :D

Letmetellu- I'm not necessarily waiting until marriage and I'm not religious- in fact, I think if I was it would confuse people less. It's pretty hard to find non religious people out there who wait for marriage, so I might have some difficulty (not that I'm against dating someone religious, its just a lot of them want someone religious too). I'm not looking for my future husband to be my first (although that would be cool), I just want to feel like its someone I really care about and that they care about me and the timing is right. When I was younger I wanted to wait for marriage but I've come to find that I don't need that necessarily as long as I have a good experience with the right person.

Jeremy- Yeah, that's pretty much the response I get, although its usually accompanied with a "but why?" Anyway, I'm pretty much ready to "enjoy the pleasure" as you said, I just don't want to find the first guy I see, I want my first to be someone I care about. And as I said in my post, I'm having trouble getting guys to stick around enough to get that far. I just dated a guy for about a month and expected something to happen a little further down the line but he backed out, saying he "wouldn't want to do something he'd regret". Whatever that means. Anyway, I'm not a prude- I think that you're right, sex is normal and fun, but its also something that I consider to belong in some kind of relationship- meaning, you care about the person you're having it with. So I'm going to wait until I feel like I can respect my own feelings and values.

Ceriphante- Well, thanks for saying that I'm not a freak ^_^. I think I'm a pretty normal girl, just maybe a bit shy and I just missed some chances that most people had to get dating experience growing up. But when people have the reaction of "what's wrong with you" or "what happened",I feel like I have to explain something that I don't know how to explain. As for the whole society thing, I think that teenagers and young adults feel a lot of pressure from their peers to start early and its not fair to those of us who either choose to take their time or kind of have missed chances (Both of those are kind of true in my case) to be labeled as unnatural. It kind of reminds me of the 40 Year Old Virgin- I actually sympathized with that character a lot because he was a lot like me: for the most part, a nice, harmless person who has some quirks yes, but overall there's nothing wrong with him. He just had bad luck and kind of builds up defenses to deal with those experiences. As for what you were saying about self respect in society, I think someone who knows what they can handle, whatever they're doing or not doing, deserves more respect than someone who goes out and expiriments just for the sake of expirimenting and hurts themselves or others.

Rockabilly- LOL, you made me laugh. Thanks for the confidence.

English Rose- Thanks for the kind words. I have been honest with the guys I've met, at least once I got to the point that I thought it might go somewhere. The funny thing is that the guys I've told have felt like suddenly they were doing the right thing by *not* continuing with me any further. I think I make them feel like they're bad or something, when the truth is, I'm not judging them at all for what they've done. I could easily be in the same place they are, I'm just not. I wish they'd give me the same courtesy. The last guy I was interested in didn't think he could handle giving me "the commitment I needed" (as if that's any different for me than another girl) and was afraid he would hurt me. I think if he was looking for sex he would have gotten it and then left. I don't know, maybe I guilt tripped him. :) Anyway, I just wonder how long it's going to take before I find a "mature" one.

Smoothy- Thanks for the tip. I have no intention of going out and getting laid for no reason, don't worry :). I kind of answered what you said about guys who are just trying to get laid in my last paragraph. The funny thing is that I think I guilt trip the ones who are just trying to get laid into leaving me alone!

Skell- Thanks, that's awesome that you're around my age and you think that! Restores my faith in the male gender a little, hehe. I understand that it does kind of put pressure on a guy to "live up to my expectations" although I don't feel like I am giving myself super high expectations by waiting (of course, I wouldn't, would I? I might be biased!)

Dard- Maybe it is my luck- wish my luck would change though! I've unfortunately had the experience of getting to know someone, knowing that they liked me and feeling like they were a decent guy and then telling them and getting rejected anyway. But I feel like they need to know once I start feeling like I really like them.

1BadChoice- Interesting name! I could see them feeling threatened by me, just cause I actually think sex has some meaning to it, whereas so many kids my age treat it like its nothing. I think that it will probably be less of a big deal to me once I start having it regularly, but at the same time I think a person's deluding themselves if they think it means nothing. It's called intimacy for a reason. Thanks for the confidence, anyway.

KP- That's interesting, I never thought of it that way. I'm not adverse to having physicality be part of getting to know someone, I just think it needs to be far enough down the line that there's some commitment. The weird thing is that I made this perfectly clear to the guys I dated and they were like "oh no, not with *me*". Like they were afraid of ruining me or something.
That's really good for you that you respected your girlfriend's wishes like that. You can understand that sex isn't the be all end all of relationships then- and I want to make sure that there is a relationship before I have sex. I think that turns a lot of guys my age off.

Ordinary Guy- Heh, a sneeze. That pretty much describes it. I don't feel like I have plenty of time, though, cause the longer I wait the more of an anomaly I become and more intimidated guys will be. But yeah, you're pretty spot on in this post I think.

I nearly rolled on the floor laughing when I read Jeremy's post, its like he read the title and nothing else then posted some stuff based solely on the title, I mean it clearly states in your first post that you are not religious ah anyway lol typical YOUNG guy thing to do hey? Hahaha
:p

I must say though many kudos for living without religion, that's one thing we have in common, just a shame that I probably live on the other side of the globe and am outside your age range (I'm 28) or I'd take you out for coffee to chat about other things than this post ha :P~ seriously though I think you'll be fine..

Mmm I really fail to understand why people go :eek: when the word commitment comes out eh..

Where is the point in a non committed relationship, I mean if you want an open relationship just stay single and have no strings things lol these days its almost too hard to meet someone for something more profound, I think it mighta been easier before the internet took over

Don't worry that someone nice you're waiting for will show up sooner than you think!!

Something that a worthy man would know. Being a virgin until your mid to late 20's if that's when you marry doesn't make you weird or a dud in bed. I've been around more than a few women when single but my wife was a virgin when we married, she was just past mid 20's and let me tell you. While we have our share of fights like most couples, as far as the bedroom I would not trade her for any woman I had been with before.

Don't feel as if your clock is running out. It isn't. Not by a long shot. Its what's in your heart, not how many notches on your belt that matters most.

You're wise and mature beyond your years. This can be awkward at times, as you know, but believe me, it's a huge advantage in the long run.


I've unfortunately had the experience of getting to know someone, knowing that they liked me and feeling like they were a decent guy and then telling them and getting rejected anyway. But I feel like they need to know once I start feeling like I really like them.
I guess I don't understand why you think "they need to know". I can see how knowing might increase the guy's anxiety and worry about how it's going to go and there's usually plenty of that already. You might consider just not mentioning it at all. Most people don't expect to be told how many sex partners you've had before, so why should it be any different if the number is zero?

And don't forget, sometimes we just go through "bad timing"...

After my first big breakup I didn't date anyone for almost 2 years. Not necessarily because I didn't want to or wasn't ready... though id have had some issues to work through... I just didn't find anyone I was all that interested in at that time. Maybe I wasn't looking that hard, or maybe it was just bad timing.

I know a person who is successful, cute, and looking for a partner and she's had a crappy time finding someone shed really like to be with. Bad timing.

As much as I think some of jeremy's post was sophomoric, there was some healthy truth in there. Sex can be a great part of a relationship, and I do think it takes some experience before most people get it "right". In particular, I think a woman's body and needs are more complex than a mans... and you have to experiment a bit to figure out what gets the job done.

So sex for the sake of sex isn't necessarily a healthy approach, I think his point about exploring this area has some valid points... and I think your response to him, as well as all the other posters, shows you are thinking clearly... you've just had some "bad timing"...

I'm still baffled by the guys acting like theyd "break you"... I could understand them walking away if they thought their sexual desires were just not going to be met, but the breaking you thing is just silly.

Hell... we get posts here about guys all nervous about being the 2nd in line... scared that they'll be compared and contrasted. Again, its just insecurity coming though.

In the meantime, since this is in the sexuality topic, you might, if you aren't already, do some self exploration sexually. Even women who are active sexually can learn what they like from this, and knowing what your body likes and responds to can be key. I have half a clue about what a woman generally needs, but if I get absolutely no feedback from her it can be frustrating if my intuition, timing, pressure, etc aren't quite right. Just a thought.

I agree with you about commitment, Ceriphante. I talked to a friend today about this issue (I think this is getting to be like conducting a survey lol) and he was suggesting to me to keep myself from getting too attached to anyone but just enjoy myself and get some experience with dating. That's a good idea, but its hard to keep from getting attached to someone if I genuinely like them. And then suddenly I think it scares a lot of guys my age to have a girl, especially a virgin, really like them- OMG, commitment! At least that's my been my observation.
BTW, I can chat with 28 year olds over coffee :)- Coffee dates are harmless enough. There is that whole ocean thing though- guess we'll just have to leave the chatting to the internet


That's good to hear about you and your wife, smoothy. Another thing my friend said today was that the first time is really awkward and guys probably are afraid they'd dissapoint me and wouldn't live up to my expectations. Though I don't think my expectations are too high, they probably think I'd have some really high ones after waiting for 22 years.

Thanks so much for the kind words, ordinary guy. The reason I feel like they should know is because I think if I don't tell them until right before or don't tell them at all and then they found out they would feel like I was using them as an expiriment or something. And anyway, I believe in honesty, and in this case I think when they are sharing something as important as this with me it's their business too. Aren't relationships built on communication?

As for your post, kp, I actually have done some self exploration, so I'm not completely clueless. And unfortunately the "breaking me" thing has come up several times. I've gotten a "I don't want to do anything I'd regret" "I don't want to hurt you" and "the only thing I'd worry about with a girl like you would be hurting you". I don't know what the heck the last guy was worried about in terms of hurting me, but he seemed really concerned. Maybe he had a bad experience with his ex or something. But whatever.
And its funny, it seems like when they find out I'm a virgin they feel really self conscious about how many partners they've had and like I'm going to judge them as a bad person or something. Suddenly they meet me and they're "bad" and I think the underlying sentiment is half that they don't want to be responsible for me and half that they don't feel good enough for me, even though I obviously like them for who they are.

Anyway, I'm getting a little tired of being turned down for this reason. Why is it that when a guy says that he wants to be "just friends" with you it really means that he's really going to try and pretend you don't exist for a while? I've had this happen too many times to ignore the pattern.

Anyways, I'm getting a little tired of being turned down for this reason. Why is it that when a guy says that he wants to be "just friends" with you it really means that he's really going to try and pretend you don't exist for a while? I've had this happen too many times to ignore the pattern.

That's just part of dating. Trust me I have been on BOTH ends of that numerous times. Its never easy, but it is part of life. And better to be turned down early than a year or two into a relationship. Keep in mind many guys that age are out for a good time ( as are many women)... and that includes sex. Most are not looking for or are ready for any commitment. All the more reason to count your blessings when you find out early on. You seem to be the opposite. More ready for a real relationship then they are. Don't make a common mistake that you think you can change them. Take them as they are assuming that's the way they will always be. Judge them in that manner and you will rarely go wrong. Just keep up your standards as there ARE guys out there that are a better match.

Honey, the sucky thing with love is that the more you look for it the less you seem to find it. I actually think that you have appealed to these guys better natures. The scummy ones would, as you say, sleep with you and dump you but I think you have a better head on you than to look at these guys twice. These guys are realising that they can't promise to be faithful to you and that you will remember them for the rest of your life because everyone does remember their first. These guys don't feel up to that and that indicates they aren't the kind of guys for you. I promise you will meet a guy who will see this as a reason to live up to any expectations you might have but there is no hurry. Sex is great, but to be honest all you have missed out on the messy fumbly that happens when you have sex with teenage boys. This is not a great loss. Instead you will eventually feel secure with your first partner and be old enough and wise enough to know what you want and how to be safe. The first time really should be that way. X

Why is it that when a guy says that he wants to be "just friends" with you it really means that he's really going to try and pretend you don't exist for a while? I've had this happen too many times to ignore the pattern.

OK well here's a bit more of an insight to the male mind or my mind anyway, in regards to silent treatment or vanishing act etc..

Mmm well I've used the no contact thing many many times but, usually its after a breakup where I feel the need to distance myself from that person completely for either of two reasons 1 - its going to hurt me to be near them or 2 its going to hurt them to be near me, usually if I am going to end up remaining friends with a girl after a breakup I distance myself for about three to six months then slowly start to make contact again, but hmm always just told her I needed space for a while when that was the case.

I've found that sometimes just being alone or not having anyone in my life as more than a friend for a period is good to help me see things a little more clearly or to simplify things.

Jeez I better shut up or the boys will be chasing me with pitchforks for giving away guy secrets here hey? Ah screw them, For the most part though if I break up with a girl its usually for the kind of reason where friends isn't an option i.e. she's mistaken my kindness for weakness or abused my trust or in someway disrespected me beyond me being able to consider that this person could possibly be a friend, or otherwise just given me so many headaches that I don't want to know her any longer.

I guess ultimately its all about just having clear communication where possible, I've got ONE ex and one ex only that I ever just vanished from her life, and it was because she cheated, I figured well, she did it once she can do it again, and absolutely nothing I could say to her would really hit home as to how much it hurt that she'd betrayed me. Much as it might sound egotistical I know that within I'm capable of commitment and the kind of love that lasts for many many years so as a result I'm not really willing to accept back anything less than that. I found the tactic of disappearing rather effective when I realised that the meanest thing I could possibly have done to her is just to live a happy life and exclude her from it completely, which I did lol, she rang me so many times and got an empty line, I'd just pick up the phone and leave it off the hook and go do stuff, I figured after a while she'd probably get the hint. You should have heard her friends next time they bumped into me hey? Apparently the title of Bastard is befitting to me, oh well I'll proudly wear that label if someone wants to cheat eh? Hahahahaha.. ah but life goes on doesn't it :)

Another situation that warranted its use was a gal that had a huggge crush on me but was too young we were hanging out and friends etc then she started to tell me things and I tried to explain look.. age gap too big no good... no matter what I tried she kind of forced me to distance myself from her, and you know a few years passed and she got in touch with me again and has never forgiven me for that but.. well at the time I thought I was doing the right thing by both of us.. oh well... life does go on.. now if you'll excuse me I have a mob of young angry men wielding pitchforks and torches outside my mud hut to go fight for a while :P~

Hopefully some of this was useful reading for you!

Thanks all for sharing some of the secrets of the male psyche :). I hope the pitchfork carrying boys don't maul you too much Ceriphante

Well, I had a strange situation this last time because I wasn't really in a relationship with the guy, it wasn't really a break up. More like he was giving off very mixed signals (like calling me every night but not asking me out) and when I asked him whether he liked me or not (in a perhaps more abrasive way than I should have) he said he wanted to be friends. I wrote more about this in my post on the dating thread here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/can-friends-him-87355.html I don't want to make him uncomfortable or seem like I'm chasing after him. It's just dissapointing that I feel like I can't even call him anymore to talk.

Now he's pretty much ignoring me and I feel like I don't know if he'll ever stop with the NC. I suppose its not a bad thing for me to be able to get over him easier now, but I find it just sad that you could be getting to know someone for a while and feel like you've bonded and then suddenly they just want to ignore you. This has happened to me before and its like once I crossed that line into liking them, they never were as affectionate with me again as they were before.

I've had a friend who had feelings for me, still does, and I had to tell him I would never go out with him (for one thing because he's too old for me) but we still hang out all the time. And he kind of made that possible by still including me and being my friend after I turned him down. So I know it can happen. But like I said, my friend is older than this guy and probably used to being friends in more complicated situations.

Your obviously not with the right people, or the right guys. That is a fact that your just not with the right ones. Especially if they make you feel bad about being a virgin which you should be very proud of.

I was a virgin until I was 28 and my wife is the same age as me. So there you go.. You just have not found the right person.

Joe

OK I managed to escape relatively unscathed from the marauding mobs of chauvinist pitchfork wielding immature boys, it was funny I walked out of my mudhut and they realised I'm a man and ran away :P~

Anyway enough of the e-theatrics, I'm curious how many years your senior is your interested friend if he's only out of your bracket by say a year then maybe give him a chance eh?

I mean what is age ultimately? Aside from a number that represents how long since you invaded earth (were born), it doesn't show someone's maturity or strength of conviction or character really or prove that they are in any way incompatible with you, its just a number, its like someone's skin or eye or hair colour or height or even weight, it simply shouldn't come into question when it comes right down to it.

How's that for a mindblowing concept?

No, he's like 40, so well too much my senior for my comfort. Besides, I simply don't like him that way :) I'm open to having my mind changed about age, but it'd be on a case by case basis. I'm still sticking to my guidelines unless someone really proves that they'd be a good match or I become friends and end up crazy in love with them or something. I haven't had good luck with older guys anyway. I mean not like I've had any with younger guys either, but at least I can be mad at them for treating me like I'm younger than them!

No, he's like 40, so well too much my senior for my comfort. Besides, I simply don't like him that way :) I'm open to having my mind changed about age, but it'd be on a case by case basis. I'm still sticking to my guidelines unless someone really proves that they'd be a good match or I become friends and end up crazy in love with them or something. I haven't had good luck with older guys anyway. I mean not like I've had any with younger guys either, but at least I can be mad at them for treating me like I'm younger than them!

Ahh yeah that is pretty much a big gap..
Lol you know if you lived here I'd take you iceskating and it would be fun assuming I'm not executed for giving away guy secrets by then eh...

Really good that you have guidelines it helps you find someone a bit easier
I'd just hate to think you'd miss out on the love of your life over a small number ha

Whare do you live by the way hun?

I'm from Northern California. And iceskating is fun, too bad ^_^. Btw, thanks for answering at the other thread, ceriphante. You're probably right.

You're welcome :)
Time usually clears the unresolved stuff up a bit I find anyway...
Though it's hard to tell sometimes unless your in the situation directly but
Ah anyway pm me if you would like to chat in msn sometime anyway

Let me get this straight.

You are a virgin.

You have no baggage.

You may or may not have virgin powers.

Can I have your number?

"Skell agrees: Must you steal every girl i go after??"

Oh sorry, I didn't realize you had already made a move.

It's just that... well... you know Wap doesn't come around anymore. I've been struggling, you know. Trying to make the best of it but Wap just left me high and dry. I thought she was different but it wasn't the case. She said something about the fact that I live the US and she lives in Scotland but I think that was just an excuse. I am man enough to admit it Skell, I miss Wap. WAP COME HOME!!

I agree with Smoothy. As far as telling the guy, why before you are at the "doorstep?" As far as feeling inexperienced, you are! Not a big deal. How experienced are most guys in their 20s really be, anyway? Nothing wrong or unusual if the right man or circumstance hasn't presented itself. It's just the path you are traveling. Let go of it. You don't need the pressure.

Gaining experience and understanding is available from a number of sources. There are always books, talking to your friends, and there is a video advertised for couples that is apparently quite good, but not porn which can be misleading :( Sorry I don't know the name of the program. Perhaps someone else does.

"Skell agrees: Must you steal every girl i go after??"

Oh sorry, I didn't realize you had already made a move.

It's just that ......................... well................ you know Wap doesn't come around anymore. I've been struggling, you know. Trying to make the best of it but Wap just left me high and dry. I thought she was different but it wasn't the case. She said something about the fact that I live the US and she lives in Scotland but I think that was just an excuse. I am man enough to admit it Skell, I miss Wap. WAP COME HOME!!!

Time to move on Chuff. You made her your life and now your paying the price. Remember you need to date others and keep your mind open early on.

You went way to fast too early and you scared poor Wap off.

Give it time and learn from your mistakes Chuff! ;)

I miss Wap too though!!

Unfortunately society is just a bad influence on people. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin but there are so many dirty things going on in the world that sadly its not as usual. Whatever you do don't let guys make you feel inferior or pressure you into doing things that your uncomfortable doing. Someday the right guy will come along and he won't care that you're a virgin, he'll just love you. He might even be a virgin himself.

Unfortunately society just has a bad impact. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin its just that there are many dirty things in the world and virginity is not as common as it used to be. Whatever you do don't let men make you feel inferior or pressure you into doing things. Someday the right guy will come along and won't care that you're a virgin, he'll just love you. He might even be a virgin himself.

Hey... u don't worry...
It happens.. that some guy may feel that you are a virgin & they predict that you may decide to be virgin till you get married... So, they all behave like thAT. BY THE WAY... I M 23/M... if I was I one... I would definitely.. agreed with u... & be your boy friend...

So.. don't worry U will get the right guy... If U think you can consider mee also.. becoz I'm also looking for a nice girl like you...

Keep in touch
Take careeeeeeeeeeeee

"Let me get this straight.

You are a virgin.

You have no baggage.

You may or may not have virgin powers.

Can I have your number?"

LOL you guys crack me up!! I've gotten more propositions on this thread than I have in real life!

Well, my latest news is that I met a guy and I won't be a virgin for much longer, I'm pretty sure. We came pretty close the other night and I told him and his reaction was "the only thing that this changes is that we'll go strictly on a when you're ready basis".

And yes, I DO have virgin powers. I may even be a little sad to let them go... nah, scatch that...

"Let me get this straight.

You are a virgin.

You have no baggage.

You may or may not have virgin powers.

Can I have your number?"

LOL you guys crack me up!!! I've gotten more propositions on this thread than I have in real life!

Well, my latest news is that I met a guy and I won't be a virgin for much longer, I'm pretty sure. We came pretty close the other night and I told him and his reaction was "the only thing that this changes is that we'll go strictly on a when you're ready basis".

And yes, I DO have virgin powers. I may even be a little sad to let them go... nah, scatch that...

That's great to hear. See we told you that you meet a nice guy who was worth it one day. Just take it slow and be 100% sure he is the right guy. Don't go doing anything because you feel that you have to or it is about time. Be true to yourself. Keep them virgin powers as long as you want.

Good to hear your happy though!

Thanks Skell! ^_^

And I mean if honestly the guy loved you he wouldn't let that stop him right?

YOu are complete right and responsible for yourself. I think that's a shame if they think you are...
I think you are the best!!

Look my dear, firstly, forget about the guys that that scares they are not with you for the right reasons. I waited as well to lose my virginity but it was different, most guys wanted to be my first because it was a thrill in their eyes due to how special that moment is. It honestly shouldn't make a difference to the guy that you are in a relationship with. Sex is an exprestion of ones love to another in my opinion and wheither you have done it once or 100 times before that particular person it is just as special because you belong to each other. Don't bother trying to have someone understand why you are still a virgin because that shouldn't be the issue, the reason why you are a virgin is because you have never been with anyong special enough to share that with. It's normal.

Heya, I'm 22 and well I was a virgin till a couple of months ago my boyfriend is older, he did kind of have a problem with it. It seems to be something to do with experience and commitment and some guys are scared of that. I agree that if a guy is mature enough he will respect that fact , usually an olderguy would probably find that more appealing because your special to them. I somedays have regrets but others none at all. Make sure you meet the right guy and don't be scared of being you. I know lots of people who haven't slept with anyone of our age both guys and girls and they are very attractive people too. The right person will come along soon :D unexpected good luck and don't feel pressured and rush into it! Seriously though it isn't nothing big!

Some men are horndogs, but I'm willing to bet some of the men you dated saw how important being a virgin was and knew they didn't want a very seriuos relationship and decided to walk and leave you intact down there. I don't see anything strange about a 22 year old virgin. I guess it is a big deal because of all there responses. If dated a girl that was a virgin and only wanted to give it up after marriage I would leave her as soon as I realized that I didn't want a serious relationship. Sometimes the mood is right and you end up sleeping with someone without planning it. That could be the reason they are treating you differently. They don't want to take your prized possession.

I have the contrapositive problem. I attract virgins like moths to a flame. Or maybe it is vice-versa. Something about me looking at a girl with desire and her getting flustered. Maybe, I don't know. Somehow my last 2 serious girlfriends were both Virgins. Incidentally they were both older than you when we started dating and it's not like I go after virgins. I went after them, and then found out.

In my case, I will be apprehensive about dating a virgin in the future. After 2 years one girl was still insisting she wasn't ready. Not to be heartless but in an adult relationship, it is not the only thing, but it is important. If I were to contemplate dating a virgin I would want to at least understand why it is important to her. If she told me "she was waiting for it to be right" and after a few months it didn't happen I would have to leave the relationship. I might want to spare myself the heartbreak of getting attached and then the accusations of "you were only interested in sex". We actually broke up over unrelated reasons, but whenever I brought up the sex issue she shut down and accused me of only being after one thing. After a while that argument goes out the window.(I'm a little bitter with her right now)

In the other case, we did have sex. We broke up because life took us in different directions and I was not ready to do a long distance relationship. I don't think she ever regretted her decision.

I admire you for keeping it for so long. I always wanted to save mine for marriage but lost it when I was 19. There are actually guys your age who are virgins, find one and it'll be so perfect to lose it together.

When I was 18 I only wanted to date a guy who was a virgin, so they wouldn't expect sex. But I found myself, liking a guy simply because he was a virgin, um so don't do it just for that reason :P

Anyway, I don't know if it would bother you if you lost your virginity to a guy who had already been with another woman, but it sort of bothered me. But I do know that most respectable guys will love the fact that they will be the only one you have been with. And you have no baggage- which is perfect for a long serious relationship.

I'm not sure if anyone cares, but I was just looking over this thread again and was surprised and somewhat amused to see this still accumulating posts about my "virginity" when its really irrelevant to me now since I've had a boyfriend for about three months now and we've slept together by now. My sincerest apologies to anyone on this thread that I've dissapointed (and that means you Chuff ;) LOL

He wasn't a virgin, and really is a much better guy than the dumbasses that I was complaining about on this post- y'all we're completely right. As for what you said, snotbubble (lol about the name), it didn't bother me that he wasn't a virgin because I'm his first girlfriend and I think the first girl he's been in love with so it still felt special. For him, it wasn't really an "honor" or anything I don't think, he just didn't mind one way or another. He wasn't phased at all when I told him, he was just like "oh, really?". Anyway, we're still together and things are going great.

I found it really interesting that I think I was totally ready to have sex by the time I finally got the chance. Some people lose it and feel like they made a mistake but I think in some ways it was a good thing for me to be as mature and ready for a real relationship as I was before I had sex. I didn't wait super long to take that step when I finally found someone because I knew I was ready. I kind of feel like I skipped all the dumb preliminary steps to having an adult relationship. I used to feel like I was cheated because of that, but I think I was just scared that I wouldn't be able to really make that step into romance because it was such a big one. I think I was already mature and acting my age when I wrote this post, but I have to admit, I feel like I've finally stepped completely into adulthood now that I'm in a real relationship.

I still think people make to big a deal about whether you're a virgin or not. After all, having sex doesn't make you automatically mature, and I think I was as or more mature than a lot of non virgins out there when I was a virgin.

I really appreciated all the wonderful comments I got on this thread. It was so nice to feel appreciated for something I kind of felt as a curse. It really had been getting me down for a long time, whether because of societal pressures or just my own self deprecating thoughts (probably both). But its so great to see so many people having such a supportive attitude. And I will too if I meet someone who felt like I did in the future. ^_^

Oh, no! How dare you!
Do you realize how much trouble you make to me! Now I am the only virgin left, Chuff is texting me! And I have to block him,LOL j/k.

I am 23, just like you, never had a boyfriend, I am still a virgin. I want to keep it to my Mr. Right in the future.I know it might drive guys away from me, but that also helps me to see clearly who are "one of those guys'!
I respect on your decision, wish you the best!

Btw, Did that hurt??

You're awesome, Nicespringgirl! I'm glad there's someone to comfort Chuff now that I'm taken ;)

I'm sure you'll find someone soon. I can see from your avator you're very pretty.

To answer your question, well we had a little trouble the first time, technical difficulties because I was well... such a virgin that he couldn't move very easily. Just a word of advice before you make the same mistake I did: use lube your first time. But it didn't hurt in particular more that time than any other time. See, for me it is still hurting occasionally depending on the day and how much foreplay there was. But its never like "ow take it out!" kind of pain, and it goes away after a few seconds.

Hopefully that wasn't TMI. ^_^

I think I was already mature and acting my age when I wrote this post, but I have to admit, I feel like I've finally stepped completely into adulthood now that I'm in a real relationship.

I still think people make to big a deal about whether you're a virgin or not. After all, having sex doesn't make you automatically mature, and I think I was as or more mature than a lot of non virgins out there when I was a virgin.
You are so right that "having sex doesn't make you automatically mature". And your sense of having "finally stepped completely into adulthood" will be challenged many times still, but it is a big step, and I'm so glad to know it was fulfilling and rewarding for you. Sex, like a lot of things in life, will wax and wane several times as a front-and-center concern as you go on about your business. It's an important thing, but certainly not the only thing that needs to be experienced and understood.

My sincerest apologies to anyone on this thread that I've dissapointed (and that means you Chuff ;) LOL



Well that's just great. I trusted you and now this.

Oh, no! How dare you!!
Do you realize how much trouble you make to me! Now I am the only virgin left, Chuff is texting me!! and I have to block him,LOL j/k.

Believe me if I did have you text number I wouldn't stop texting you.


I am 23, just like you, never had a bf, I am still a virgin. I want to keep it to my Mr. Right

Mr. Right = Mr. Chuff


I know it might drive guys away from me, but that also helps me to see clearly who are "one of those guys'!

Actually baby, I am the only one of those guys.


I respect on your decision, wish you the best!

Btw, Did that hurt???

A little bit. I really opened myself up to sveltskye and she stabbed me in the back. But now that I know we are going to be texting one another I'm really not so bothered by it.

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl
I respect on your decision, wish you the best!

Btw, Did that hurt??


Posted by Chuff

A little bit.

I thought you were a virgin... :p

"All the guys I meet are scared away once they find out that I'm a virgin."

Let's turn this into a question; If guys find out I'm a virgin will they be scared away?
ANSWER>>>>> NO but be aware of a very old and very powerful substance called testosterone.

I wasn't exactly sure whether to put this in the dating thread or this one. I'm 22 years old and I'm a virgin- never been in a relationship, barely dated. The problem is that every guy I meet who's my age (and I'm not interested in anyone more than say 5 years older than me) treats me like I'm the strangest person to ever walk the earth. I'm very attractive and nice, so guys have trouble believing I exist the way I do. I'm not religious, so they're always trying to figure out the mystery of why I haven't been in a relationship before- and the truth is, I don't know either!
All the guys I meet are scared away once they find out that I'm a virgin. I have learned not to tell anyone until I feel like I'm close enough to them, but at the same time, I'm not going to hide it when I'm interested in a guy. Then inevitably they make me feel like I'm inferior for not having much experience. They seem to be afraid that they're going to break me and see me as younger than my age. I feel like I scare away every boy that I like eventually. Sometimes it makes me feel pretty bad about myself, and I kind of dread telling a guy about my lack of experience. My sister and I joke that I have amazing virgin powers to drive boys away. I know its irrational but all this makes me feel like a big freak. Why do guys treat me like this? What is it about our society that everyone is supposed to lose their virginity in their teens?
I am also a virgin! Don't do anything that you will regret!

I wasn't exactly sure whether to put this in the dating thread or this one. I'm 22 years old and I'm a virgin- never been in a relationship, barely dated. The problem is that every guy I meet who's my age (and I'm not interested in anyone more than say 5 years older than me) treats me like I'm the strangest person to ever walk the earth. I'm very attractive and nice, so guys have trouble believing I exist the way I do. I'm not religious, so they're always trying to figure out the mystery of why I haven't been in a relationship before- and the truth is, I don't know either!
All the guys I meet are scared away once they find out that I'm a virgin. I have learned not to tell anyone until I feel like I'm close enough to them, but at the same time, I'm not going to hide it when I'm interested in a guy. Then inevitably they make me feel like I'm inferior for not having much experience. They seem to be afraid that they're going to break me and see me as younger than my age. I feel like I scare away every boy that I like eventually. Sometimes it makes me feel pretty bad about myself, and I kind of dread telling a guy about my lack of experience. My sister and I joke that I have amazing virgin powers to drive boys away. I know its irrational but all this makes me feel like a big freak. Why do guys treat me like this? What is it about our society that everyone is supposed to lose their virginity in their teens?
I am also a virgin! Don't rush it! Wait until the right person comes along!

I am also a virgin! Don't rush it! Wait until the right person comes along!

The real Matt Hardy would have read the thread.

Is Virginity Important Now A Days?

Yes it is very important but yet some just take it for granted in the reason that today is different, its true that our country was already influenced by the 1st world country which is liberated but its not the reason to give up your own self because of that stupid thought. I know some that they have already given up their virginity but their life becomes totally misserable and lossing hope for the chance that no man will accept them, well at least accept them but not totally.

Closed. This thread is a year and a half old.