I know that there is A lot of controversy over this subject but I want to hear from you. Do you think that kids should be spanked? If not then what kind of punishment would you use on your child. If you have a child does it work for you? I, personally, do spank my daughter. But only after I have given her fair warning. She doesn't seem to listen to talking to or taking toys away, and that is the only way she actually listens. After you tell her 5-6 times... Also I wanted to know what you all thought about kids that "fall out" in stores. We've all seen them, and if you say you haven't, then you are the one with that kid... ;) :p

I do spank, but only under certain circumstances, those being that the child put themselves or another person in danger.

I don't give my child 5-6 chances. When I say to do something they do it, I will give 3 warnings at most.

Personally I don't use punishment, I use discipline, and there is a difference. It is really hard for me to explain because, due to my discipline I have not had any problem with all 4 of my children. I don't believe in terrible two's. When my children would act up, not listen and the like, I would take them by the hand and say "You need to go to your room and lay on your bed until you are in a better mood." I would do this continuously until they got my message. At the beginning it would take 45 minutes of going back and forth, saying this over and over, but after the first time or 2 they understood I was serious.

I give only one fair warningm after that it is off to their rooms. All of my children are honor students and I have never had one day's problem with them. Their ages are 21, 19, 13 and 5. I believe I have been blessed with such wonderful children.

Well the first time is to inform. The second a warning. The third is just a heads up and the fourth... well... that's usually my breaking point.

Well My little boy is 7 months old now. I was spanked as a child and do not like it. I personally do not think I would ever spank my child.

Joe

Well, if the fourth is your breaking point, and you know that, then don't let it go that far. I know easier said than done, and it does take patience and commitment, especially if this is your first.

It is best, at least for me, that I give the third warning, if nothing happens then I keep my mouth shut, grab my child gently by the hand and guide them to their room. I tell them while in the room that they are to stay there until they are in a better mood.

I actually started this time out thingy at about 6 months of age with each of my children, I know it sounds young, but children are sponges. I still do it to Johnny who just turned 5. He knows my look after the second warning and usually it does not go any further than that.

If you find you have an actual breaking point Mom, it is a good time out for you too when they go to their room.

The biggest issue when disciplining children is consistency. No matter what form of discipline you choose you must be consistent. My friends have always asked how I got my children to mind so well... choosing boundaries and being consistent. For a child around 2... such as yours... following through with time outs, taking toys, etc should be effective. They are eager to please once they see that you aren't going to allow certain behavior. No matter how tired you are... you have to follow through and be consistent. This is often the hardest thing but must be done.

Joe, if you found your child peeing in the electrical outlet and you know that it could hurt him, and you have disciplined him then you might give a pat on the behind. I spank with my hand and my hand only. I will NEVER do it in anger.

Your superbaby is just 7 months, wait until he runs in the street and is too quick for your to catch him, you might just give him a pat on the behind.

Many people take spanking too far, some people think of spanking with a belt or a wooden spoon. Once my children learn right from wrong, around age 6, the spanking stops in my house and other means of discipline take over.

I know I said that I did not like it. I do not think it was right. I did not do anything dangerous.

For my child, he is still really young so you are right. I am probably going to at one time or another give him a spanking, but hopefully not.

I remember my punishments for minor things, my wife experienced worse. So this might be a non spanking household just because of our experiances.

Like you said though, you just never know. Depending on what the situation is.

Right now he is a very patient. Very good superbaby boy right now.

I do agree with spanking. I spank if it is nesscary. I spank when he puts himself or someone else in danger. I hear you on reaching your breaking point.

I do spank but only when needed, of course my oldest is 32 now and it is harder now adays, but I do find after they got 20 they needed more, just can't do it any longer.

But seriously yes when needed, but it was not often.

My child will be 9 in July. I have never laid a hand or anything else on her. She has never needed it. Maybe I am blessed but it seems that I can talk to her and the action is never repeated.
She is in the 3rd grade and so far has missed only one day of school ( counting pre-school) and she makes straight A's. She is polite and very nice her teacher told me that my child was the kindest person she had ever met.
I don't spank, but I can not say what I would do in some of the situations that have been mentioned here. I have never encountered them.
I believe a child can be raised with no hitting involved. I believe violence begets violence.
I spend a lot of time with her and I keep her very close to home. A lot of kids play at my house, but I prefer that. I know where my child is and what she is doing.
BTY, I don't know what it means when a child "falls out in a store"?
I also believe that my child is more afraid of disappointing me than she would be of any spanking. That is called respect and kids need a lot more of it.
Mutual respect is the key.

My daughter is almost 2 and my son is only 3mths.

The problem with spanking (or punishment in general as some may argue) is that it is only effective at changing behavior in the presence of the punisher. For example. All of us speed when driving. I certainly catch myself speeding on occasion. We speed because the benefits outweigh the risks. We know there is a chance that we will get caught, but we speed until we see a cop; then we push on the brakes (I have even found myself stepping on the brakes when I see a cop even though I wasn't speeding). The cop (the punisher) is only effective at changing speeding behavior when he is present.
Now that most of the street lights in my neighborhood are equipted with cameras, I have consistently been driving slower (the potential punisher is every block). Back to the topic. Research in this area points toward the ineffectiveness of corporal punishment, but it is still in debate. Your child may only stop the bad behavior when you are in their presence for fear of being spanked. As for me (a father of a 20 month old) I won't spank my daughter if there is a better alternative. In my opinion, if I can't find a better alternative, then I need to work on my parenting skills, and this becomes the bigger issue than my child's punishable behavior. Good luck!

I am sorry, but I respectfully disagree. To lump all people into one category is wrong. I don't speed, never have, never will. Been driving for almost 40 years and never got a ticket.

You are the father of a 20 month old, I am a mother of four children ages 21, 19, 13 and 5. Now, having said that, I have only spanked only on rare occasions. But my point was taken seriously and my children never repeated that particular behavior in front of anyone else. Had nothing to do with me being there or not being their, they learned the lesson of the dangerous behavior.

Fair enough. Thanks for the comment. My intent was not to lump everyone together. I was merely making a broad generalization. What do you mean by "dangerous behavior?" Maybe we are not talking about the same thing. I am probably talking about the parents that spank their kids for jumping on the couch, for example. You maybe are talking about spanking a kid for running out into a busy street, for example. If this is the case, then you are not the kind of parent that we worry about when it comes to spanking (congratulations).

In my last post, I was just trying to provide objective reasoning when it comes to human behavior; possibly a hypothetical like moderate speeding, that most people can relate to. I did not intend to make it sound like everyone speeds (sorry if I offended you J_9). Obviously, the research doesn't apply to every case.
Despite my 20 month old, I have worked as a special education assistant, 5 years as a behavior specialist for a school district, and currently a forensic therapist for a correctional institution. It is not quite the same as 4 kids, but it is some experience nonetheless. Our primary focus is behavior modification. Our entire criminal justice system is based around punishment; whether it is incarceration or restitution and fees. Obviously, it is clear that punishment doesn't modify behavior in the long run (100 % of my clients are repeat offenders). This is why there is currently a big push for alternatives to incarceration such as community corrections.
Speaking generally, punishment is not effective in modifying long-term behavior. This is a general statement about all behaviors. It also generally applies to spanking. This being said, there are plenty of people who have been deterred from future criminal behavior because of incarceration, and plenty of kids deterred from bad (or dangerous) behavior because of spanking. Thank you for letting me clear this up. I am new to this forum and I'm sure that I will get better at it.
There are always exceptions, but the parents that we are really worried about, are the ones that RELY on spanking as a form of punishment. Some parents also have a difficult time drawing the line between corporal punishment and abuse as is the case with a few of my clients.
Thanks!

I do believe in spanking, when necessary and when done the correct way. I never spank out of anger.

sorry if I offended you J_9

Hey Dude, no offense taken at all. It just shows how making a general statement can be misread.

Running into the street is EXACTLY want I meant, it was like you were reading my mind!! :eek: Apparently you did not read the ENTIRE thread, as that was my initial statement.

No, I would NEVER spank for jumping on the couch or running in the house, but running into the street, or running away and going into a stranger's house, yes, I will spank!

You deal with adults, that is a whole 'nother ball game. If parents dealt with children at a young age, rather than brushing them off then we would heve fewer problems.

Now, understand I spent a few clinicals this semester as a nurse in a forensic unit at a state run psychiatric hospital, so I understand schizophrena (I actually ACED that test), and ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) as well as Conduct Disorder among others. So not all children's problems can be nipped in the bud. But many can be helped if started from right at home.

The OP has a 21 month old child, so no, I don't believe in spanking a 21 month old child unless of course she does something dangerous. I also stop spanking after the age of 6 when a child can be talked to and reasoned with regarding their actions. This is a broad and general statement because not all children are as good or mature as the four I have been blessed with.

There is always a time and a place for everything, including spanking.

I know that there is ALOT of controversy over this subject but I want to hear from you. Do you think that kids should be spanked? If not then what kind of punishment would you use on your child. If you have a child does it work for you? I, personally, do spank my daughter. But only after I have given her fair warning. She doesn't seem to listen to talking to or taking toys away, and that is the only way she actually listens. After you tell her 5-6 times.... Also I wanted to know what you all thought about kids that "fall out" in stores. We've all seen them, and if you say you haven't, then you are the one with that kid....;) :p
Spank your kids.. the controversy is ridiculous.

What is your goal in spanking?

Spanking is punishment. Punishment is control.
No matter how hard you try, you can NOT control another person.
Eventually children figure this out and you will have to punish more and harder.

I believe that most of the time your goal is behavior modification, not punishment.

Behavior modification comes from rewards and consequences.

A person with strong self-esteem an experience will be better equipped to make the right decisions--and children know right from wrong earlier than you think.

Let children make most mistakes (except when dangerous) and reward them with non-material things (hugs to start!) for the behaviors you want to see in them.

Being in your presence is a privilege, and a consequence can be as simple as a "time out" from you.

This is a complicated and involved issue, but you might try listening to the 3 audio clips at: Familyhood Education Foundation - 3 Nevers (http://www.familyhood.com/3nevers.html)

It is harder to do this then to hit them, but in the long run it will set them up for success in their lives and with their own children.

Hello:

Nahhh. Hitting isn't good.

excon

I think the method of discipine depends o the child as much as the parents views. Before I had kids I vowed I would never smack them, but you know what, it changed once I had the little darlings (now four and five) My daughter is a godsend, never needed any intervention in her behaviour, you tel her off and that is fine. My son is a horror, a walking monster. He consistently behaved in ways that were dangerous to him and others, and is very unpredictable. On the walk to pre school, after several weeks of no problems I allowed himto walk without holding hands, he ran off and ran straight across the road, depsite me yelling at him to stop. Needless to say he got a smack for that one and hasn't done it since. But he is a handful. I have always given my kids three chances, I ask them to do something, I tell them to do something, then I make them do it. If that fails I smack them. To be honest though for my daughter we never got past two. My son is in another league. I have never smacked through anger, it has been tempting trust me, but that would be lashing out and that is never good in my own opinion. He has finally now got to a point where the threat is enough to put him off misbehaving, though I am hoping soon I will not even have to go that far. He has never been a child to listen, and when a child doesn't listen you have to find alternative ways to make them behave. We have done the whole rewards chart, naughty step, time out thing, it makes no difference to him whatsoever. I have always been consistent in my expectations and my punishments of the kids, they know what is and isn't acceptable. Punishment is control, but I don't think that is such a bad thing, it is my job to control my kids, make sure they grow up to be able to have self control and know what is right and what is wrong. Kids who are not controlled end up with asbo's. My kids are happy and intelligent and do well at school already, they are not scared of me and we have a wonderful relationship.

I think spanking is OK if used correctly. People who lose their tempers easily shouldn't spank. But as a loving mom of two, I have resorted to it in times of need. For example, my oldest ran across the street without me while I was getting my youngest from the car, after being told to stay next to me on the sidewalk. I was scared to death. When I got over there, I spanked her. When she pushed a small child into the swimming pool, I spanked her. These are serious issues and I dealt with them in a serious manner. Now when she is mouthy or fights with her brother or friends I begin with time outs, demand apologies, and ground her from the TV or computer or playing outside.

Now that she is older I have started making her write what she did wrong, why she did it, and what she could have done instead that would have been a better solution. I just want her to really think about her actions and realize there is always more than one way to handle a situation. So spanking has become even more rare in my home.

It's sad if parents spank for every offense. Over use is abuse, and it only shows your child that the biggest bully gets his way. So in summation, I say spank, but only when truly warranted.

I am not opposed to spanking. I hate to do it - it breaks my heart. I now know what my mom meant when she told me that "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you." I can't stand to see that look in her eyes - like I just crushed her.
So, I try to avoid that if possible. We have a time out corner in our house and she has to stand with her nose in the corner. We take away privileges - like TV.
But, actually what has worked best for us is when she is doing something - we get right in her face - eye to eye and hold her face so she can't turn away and tell her to straighten up or whatever fits for the situation.
She has gotten out of control before and lost her temper and hit me - which was a huge NO NO! I stayed calm and calmed her down. She then got a spanking. We actually use a wooden spoon. And she will get 3 smacks - not hard. The actual THOUGHT of the spanking is enough for her. And like I said, it doesn't happen often.

I know that there is ALOT of controversy over this subject but I want to hear from you. Do you think that kids should be spanked? If not then what kind of punishment would you use on your child. If you have a child does it work for you? I, personally, do spank my daughter. But only after I have given her fair warning. She doesn't seem to listen to talking to or taking toys away, and that is the only way she actually listens. After you tell her 5-6 times.... Also I wanted to know what you all thought about kids that "fall out" in stores. We've all seen them, and if you say you haven't, then you are the one with that kid....;) :p
Personally, I believe in spanking children. But, with mine, I take something away from them that means a WHOLE lot to them. Trust me, that's a lot worse punishment than spanking. Cause if you think about it, spanking them is a "temporary" fix to the kids. Take for instance my 9 year old. She has a Buld-A-Bear baby that she just adores. When she does wrong, I take 'Kasey' away from her for however long I want. I would suggest trying that approach. Trust me, it works! Good luck!

Hello again:

Ever wonder why the world is so violent? I don't. We learn at an early age that hitting is the way to solve our problems. It isn't.

excon

Oh, I forgot to mention... my daughter responds much better to rewards than to punishment... so we began a reward chart. She chooses an item she wants from the store. We tell her how many points she needs to "buy" that item. She gets a point for everything she completes each day, including things like solving problems through talking instead of hitting. The chart ranges from behavior to chores. Each point is worth so much in cents, and when she has accumulated enough points we buy her whatever she was working toward. It's a great way to reward achievement, and it saves us from hearing "can I get this?" when we are out shopping. Her behavior improved because she wanted to get the toy. It actually cut down on the amount of yelling and punishing. Now she makes her bed and puts toys away for points without fussing.

I think positive re-enforcement works well also. We do that with our daughter when it comes to her school work. It definitely makes a difference.
I hate to spank - but I won't sit here and say I have never done it. She is 6 years old and I can count on one hand how many times she has been spanked.
But, when I grew up - we got spanked with a either a thick leather strap or we had to go in the back yard and get a "switch" (way worse than the leather).
We didn't get spanked all the time - but we knew enough to know we didn't want it to happen and we kept our noses clean (we = me and my 3 siblings)

I don't think spnking leads to a violent world, from my own experience that just isn't the case. I was smacked as a child, I can vivdly remember it (or at least the threat of it!) and I am not a violent person, far from it, I have never been in trouble with the law or ever gone out and beaten someone up for the sheer joy of it! However my brothers kids have never been smacked, their mother is a strong believer gainst it, and they are the most thuggish little sods I have ever met, they smack their parents and other kids around (one aged 9 punched me in the stomach when I was heavily pregnant so he could 'hurt the baby') That is a violent child, all three of them are. And why? Because they have never been in a situation where it is done to them! They don't know how it feels! Of course it may be different from some, but that is my experience of these things. My son, despite being smacked, has never hit another child or a grown up, he wouldn't dare! Maybe one day he will, who knows,but I honestly doubt it!

I know that there is ALOT of controversy over this subject but I want to hear from you. Do you think that kids should be spanked? If not then what kind of punishment would you use on your child. If you have a child does it work for you? I, personally, do spank my daughter. But only after I have given her fair warning. She doesn't seem to listen to talking to or taking toys away, and that is the only way she actually listens. After you tell her 5-6 times.... Also I wanted to know what you all thought about kids that "fall out" in stores. We've all seen them, and if you say you haven't, then you are the one with that kid....;) :p
My daughter is 2 and boy oh boy is she in her terrible 2's. I used to spank her after numerous warnings but that started not to phase her. Now I am trying time-outs. They seem to work better because she loves playing with her sister and when I separate them it freaks her out. She throws a tantrum after I put her in her room by herself but a few minutes later she calms down and then I go talk to her and tell her what she did wrong. I think this is better too because when you just hit them most of the time they don't even know why you hit them and will do the same thing again 2 minutes later. After a few time out all I have to do is ask her if she wants a time out and for the most part she'll stop whatever she's doing.
As far as those children that throw themselves on the floor at stores I believe they are spoiled. They think that if they have a tantrum that mommy or daddy will give them whatever it is they are crying for to shut them up and that is usually the case. My 6 year old tried that once and I dragged her out the store and when we got home I locked up all her toys for the day as her punishment. Believe me that never happened again.

Not all kids who have those sorts of tantrums are spoiled. I know it is maybe going a little off subject here, but just wanted to say this! My partners 7 year old son has Aspergers Autism, and he throws terrible tantrums, thrashing around on the floor kicking and screaming in the middle of shops (or wherever else he may be) When he is doing it people stare at you like you are terrible parents letting your child behave in such a way, but really you just don't have any control over it. He looks perfectly normal so people don't realise he has a problem, just thinks he is a brat!

Just wanted to throw that in!

My apologies, I didn't mean to offend anyone. I didn't think outside of the box on this one and now that you brought this to my attention I will be more understanding and sympathetic to parents. In cases like this it is out of your hands.