Howdy folks,
I have been seeing this girl for 2 years now, and since about the year-and-a-half mark, I have been getting progressively disillusioned with her and her approach to life. When we first started dating, she was an awesome girl (aren't they all at first? Lol!), full of spunk, spit, and fire. So help me, I love a strong woman (likely because I come from a family of strong, dedicated women). Soon thereafter, she was hit by a major shock from her family, of which I will not go into discussion here for privacy issues. Naturally, she crumbled a good bit by this news, and it has taken her a while to recover.

She is still "recovering."

She refuses to take care of herself in any way, and it occurs that she is now excessively out of shape, and her living situation is not exactly pristine. She still hasn't called her landlord to create a new lease after her old roommate has moved out, nor has she paid her rent for several months or taken any real pains to find a new roommate. I am not a jerk in that I "only date thin women," and I do appreciate curves, but I especially appreciate people who respect and maintain their bodies. She used to be beautifully curvy, but now those curves have turned to rolls, and my sexual libido has all but disappeared with her. It has been several months (perhaps six?) since the last time we've had sex, but at that point it has gotten so bad for me that she is the ONLY one who orgasms. I get nothing every time. I can still "take care of myself" just fine; she just does nothing to bring me to orgasm. She has no opinion on anything anyone says; whenever I ask her for her thoughts, it is always "nothing." If I do anything wrong, she won't call me on it (instead she will sit and sulk), and she would never admit when something is bothering her. I am beginning to think that she has given up on life.

I love a good discourse (conversation), and I love the idea of being in a two-way relationship, wholly dedicated to the other person. When all is stripped away, and it is her and I watching a movie, or eating dinner, all is right with the world. She is the first person who has made me care for another, and she makes me want to be all that I can be for her: kind, understanding, caring, healthy, dedicated, faithful, determined, and a success in life. So far, I've seen NOTHING in her to suggest that she feels the same way. I want to be her friend at the very least to the end of ages, but I am not too sure anymore that being a BF is that great an idea.. I've noticed that over the past couple of months I have been slowly checking out of the relationship, and even mildly started looking elsewhere. I could never cheat, neither in mind nor body, but I cannot help but wonder...


I love her dearly, enough so that I am willing to let her go to "force" her to stand on her own two feet. The only thing we share financially is a phone plan, nothing else. I live in my own apartment for my own peace of mind, and I refuse to move in with another girl until marriage. Sex, yes. Cohabitation, no.

I love her, should I let her go and just be a friend? She has wretchedly low self-esteem, making this all the more tricky... Wow, what to do?

I guess my main question is do you still love her? I know she has totally changed from when you first met her. Have you confronted her about these changes and how you are dissatisfied with them. I know its hard especially if the person is unstable, but something has to be done, and I know in a relationship the other person is like your best friend. It sounds like you're a great guy who wants to help her, now its really up to her if she wants to help herself. You can't want it for her. Best of luck and keep us updated! :D

Have you told her how serioiusly this is affecting you?

You stated that she lacks an opinion on pretty much everything these days... Does she know that her mindset is driving you out of the relationship? Perhaps being honest with her about that will be a rude awakening and give her the opportunity.

I know you didn't disclose details upon the incident which caused this, but it seems that no matter the incident after six months she should show signs of improvement. Maybe she needs to consider counseling to help her work through the issues.

It appears that she has become an introverted person, and probably is depressed... If you, nor anyone else can get through to her, maybe it is time to consider counseling to help her with the issues.

The biggest problem I see is that it is not going to get better unless she wants it to. It doesn't matter how much you want it, she must also want it. As far as how to motivate her to want it to get better -- I don't have an answer. I do feel, however, that telling her how much it is affecting you should be the first step. Be openly honest with her.

She sounds very depressed to me and she needs to see a doctor ASAP. No matter what the incident was it obviously has had a very profound affect on her. And I think expecting her to be 'over it in six months' is pretty unrealistic. Sounds like she couldn't handle any more pressure but it is important for you to get her to see how important it is that she go see her doctor. You could offer to go with her.

Howdy folks,
I have been seeing this girl for 2 years now, and since about the year-and-a-half mark, I have been getting progressively disillusioned with her and her approach to life. When we first started dating, she was an awesome girl (aren't they all at first? lol!), full of spunk, spit, and fire. So help me, I love a strong woman (likely due to the fact that I come from a family of strong, dedicated women). Soon thereafter, she was hit by a major shock from her family, of which I will not go into discussion here for privacy issues. Naturally, she crumbled a good bit by this news, and it has taken her a while to recover.

She is still "recovering."

She refuses to take care of herself in any way, and it occurs that she is now excessively out of shape, and her living situation is not exactly pristine. She still hasn't called her landlord to create a new lease after her old roommate has moved out, nor has she paid her rent for several months or taken any real pains to find a new roommate. I am not a jerk in that I "only date thin women," and I do appreciate curves, but I especially appreciate people who respect and maintain their bodies. She used to be beautifully curvy, but now those curves have turned to rolls, and my sexual libido has all but disappeared with her. It has been several months (perhaps six?) since the last time we've had sex, but at that point it has gotten so bad for me that she is the ONLY one who orgasms. I get nothing every time. I can still "take care of myself" just fine; she just does nothing to bring me to orgasm. She has no opinion on anything anyone says; whenever I ask her for her thoughts, it is always "nothing." If I do anything wrong, she won't call me on it (instead she will sit and sulk), and she would never admit when something is bothering her. I am beginning to think that she has given up on life.

I love a good discourse (conversation), and I love the idea of being in a two-way relationship, wholly dedicated to the other person. When all is stripped away, and it is her and I watching a movie, or eating dinner, all is right with the world. She is the first person who has made me care for another, and she makes me want to be all that I can be for her: kind, understanding, caring, healthy, dedicated, faithful, determined, and a success in life. So far, I've seen NOTHING in her to suggest that she feels the same way. I want to be her friend at the very least to the end of ages, but I am not too sure anymore that being a BF is that great an idea.. I've noticed that over the past couple of months I have been slowly checking out of the relationship, and even mildly started looking elsewhere. I could never cheat, neither in mind nor body, but I cannot help but wonder...


I love her dearly, enough so that I am willing to let her go to "force" her to stand on her own two feet. The only thing we share financially is a phone plan, nothing else. I live in my own apartment for my own peace of mind, and I refuse to move in with another girl until marriage. Sex, yes. Cohabitation, no.

I love her, should I let her go and just be a friend? She has wretchedly low self-esteem, making this all the more tricky... Wow, what to do??
You need to talk to her tell her this... I don't know if you have yet but do that first... then I think w.e happened I'm not sure she has fully confronted it at least in her mind she's stuck on it help her to just take a day to cry/be angry anything she needs to do... after she has done this she might want to slip back into her slump so talk her out and don't let her sulk and sit make her enjoy herself make her forget her pressures make the day is just about her and what she wants to do no pressure... give her a kiss on the forehead and hug her with her head on your chest let her feel safe and comfortable do the things she used to like and shower her with all you got... look her in the eyes and tell her that you'll never give up on her so she shouldn't give up on herself... do the things you would never do before but she may have wanted you to do... just make her life stress free just for one day... and slowly help her back to her old self because its not that she isn't herself it's that she has lost herself it happens to the best of us just make sure that you don't give up on her and make sure she knows that... because if anything she'll try her best to find herself again just for you because at least you believe in her if she doesn't just do it for herself.

What looks here is more of a " Chronic Depression" in her case... and she needs medical advice. As far as you're concerned, if I loved someone and cared for, I would have not so easily given up on the person unless I am pretty much sure that nothing can be done emotionally or medically. Such cases require lot of sympathy, understanding and emotional support. Unfortunately these days due to lot of stress in everyday life, we are wired to have selfish motives behind every relationship, yet I feel you must give coupla shots/trials before you give up on your g/f... BE with her for sometime... hopefully she'll be fine... Faith is just another name of cure. Good luck.